What would you do? Pls help

[Beesok]

Hi everyone, it is really painful for me to join this thread but I am really confused and need some help/advice.

I just found out yesterday that I have a blighted ovum (it's my first pregnancy and I am 6+2 weeks). The doctor said she can see a sac but no yolk sac or fetus and expects me to miscarry within next few weeks. She told me all my options but I felt like she suggested to wait it out to happen naturally.

Obviously I am extremely upset and yesterday after talking to my hubby we decided to let things happen naturally. Today I woke up with minor period like cramps but still no bleeding (I haven't had a single drop of blood since my last period in September).
After reading on the Internet I saw that it took some women weeks to miscarry naturally...I am scared of my emotional state if I wait for weeks and weeks (won't be able to move on until it happens) am just seeking advice from people who went through this? Did you wait or is it better to get a D&C?

BTW The doctore is def off in timing my pregnancy - the report said I am 8 weeks but there is no way that can be true (otherwise I would have been on my period and pregnant!) I am not more than 6 weeks +/- few days....not sure if that means I'll have to wait longer for it to happen...

Thanks in advance for your help

sorry to hear that emptyshell, I want to move on asap but I also want to be sure :(

It's an awful thing to go thru and I hear about the planning etc. I have never been good at the"waiting game" :(

Mmmmmm, i'm not very patient either!!

I think ive decided i'll go down the ERPC route as i had no idea until a couple of hours ago that the sac will continue growing and i could end up with a substantial amount of blood to have to manage. I'll see what happens on Saturday and get the ball rolling.

Star I have no idea what to do :( I emailed my MW (had to cancel an appt) and asked her opinion and she agrees that it's best to wait it out if possible but waiting b*y siz weeks is OUT OF THE QUESTION :( I cannot be in limbo for that long. Otherwise I will end up with no baby or husband! (sorry black humor - I hope I am not offending anyone just really going crazy with the decision making :(

Just booked myself for a private scan next Thursday! Sort of by accident :)

I called a scan centre recommended a while ago by a friend and briefly told her my history and asked her flat out whether I should even bother or just get the D&C and the lady said not to do anything but to come for a scan.

Did some more research (again) and found a few medical papers where there were 2 crucial findings for me: apparently the presence or lack of a yolk sack is not always enough to determine the viability of a pregnancy and they also said that in gest sacs MSD less than 20mm lack of fetus/yolk sac was not enough to assess viability. In a sac equal to or more than 20mm it was accurate.

Not sure how this compares to some other guidelines where they say that a sac of 13mm should have a visible yolk sac but it certainly makes me want to investigate my case further - at the least my results are inconclusive and that is not good enough (for me) to get a D&C YET.

Haven't told anyone about the scan (even hubby) I plan to maybe sneak there by myself ;)

Oh no Beesok, that's just not on. I do think that if we walked in saying we had spotting and had been cramping, they may do something. I just don't get it. :(
Are you able to have a private scan next week to compare the result from Monday? Apparently, if i go into the GP armed with evidence that there has been no growth, they could possibly refer me to the EPU. Is this an option for you?

Frankly star I am still torn on what to do and I think I need more info which is why I will probably go for that private scan next week to see if anything changed.
What time is your scan tomorrow? I'll be thinking of you!

Hi Beesok and Star.

As you know I've just gone through the same thing, although it sounds like you haven't had confirmation yet.

I went for my scan on monday, as I had light bleeding the previous week which was showing no signs of stopping, although no pain. They found a MMC as the embryo was only about 1cm with no heartbeat, and I should have been 10 weeks.

I opted to miscarry naturally as I was already bleeding and was told it would be like a heavy period, which it is for most people. I won't go into details on this thread cos I don't want to scare you, but I ended up in hospital for 2 nights and had an ERPC yesterday, which was fine and now I'm home and recovering. If I'm unlucky enough to MC again, I'd go straight for the ERPC op, which is a minor procedure and only takes about 15 minutes under gen anaesthetic. My EPU have been fantastic, I feel very lucky after hearing stories about how inaccessable they are in other parts of the country.

At the moment I'm finding the physical side much more difficult to cope with than the emotional side. Emotionally I'm feeling fine and quite philosophical about it. A bit disappointed that things didn't work out, but not devastated. DS is helping with that, and my friends and family have been fantastic.

I really hope you both get some answers soon. The limbo is far harder than knowing, whether you get good or bad news. I felt such a sense of relief, even though the sonographer wasn't giving me the news I wanted, if that makes sense.

Hi Beesok and cuppatea.

My scan is at 12 tomorrow. DH is still hoping for a little miracle but i'm trying to prepare for the worst. He has to go to work straight after and i'm going to be around lots of people after so i'm prepared to put on a brave face, :)

Cuppatea, what would a 1cm embryo equate to in terms of weeks and days? I'm wondering at what stage it would have stopped developing.
That's helped a lot as i've never been under a GA so whittling about the possibilty of that as i don't know how i may react. On the other hand, i'm worried about the bleed naturally. When i'm not on the pill, i have pretty heavy periods and after both the children i seemed to bleed for quite a few weeks after, so i'm wondering if this could indicate i would bleed heavily if i opt for the natural route.

Still to cramps or blood of any colour. The only thing i have noticed, is when i wipe, i can have the slightest bit of yellowy, what i assume is discharge. It is a little bit snot consistency (sorry!!) and is so small. Wasn't sure what it was but now wondering if it could be the plug coming away, which you lose before normal labour. Only been ever so often over the last week. Maybe i've taken symptom spotting to a new level!!

Just had a letter from the nursery saying a baby has come down with german measles so that's played on my mind. A friend has also had shingles (although i think it's the chicken pox virus that's dangerous to be around)so feel like i'm trying to work out what happened :( I know there's no answer to that though.
Ironically, Our eldest brought home a reading book from school yesterday called 'newborn' with a picture of a newborn baby on it!! The timing hey?.....:)

Hi Star, 1cm is about 6 or 7 weeks I think. I saw the scan picture and it just looked like a black oval with a white blob inside, and that has helped me a lot because it didn't resemble a baby at all.

I hadn't had a GA since I was 2 months old, and it took me ages to come round. Also I'm quite sensitive to local anaesthetics - several times I've had to sit down in the dentists waiting room feeling dizzy after a filling. So I was more scared of the GA than the procedure itself. It is a very light anaesthetic they use though, just enough to keep you asleep while they do the op. Complications with the procedure are very rare, and even then are mild problems.

I'm not sure about whether the amount of bleeding has any correlation with periods. Mine are usually normal/light, although I did bleed heavily and pass out after giving birth to DS, so I know my body doesn't cope well with blood loss.

I hope you get good news at your scan tomorrow. I'm normally an optimist but I found that it's best to at least run through the possibility in your head that it might be bad news. DP didn't and so was devestated. But please, if it is bad news, don't try and search for reasons or blame yourself. When a pregnancy ends this early, it's almost always because the chromosomes and genetics weren't quite right.

I know exactly what you mean about the timing - as I was being wheeled back from the operating theatre I passed one of my best friends in the corridor. She gave birth later that day!! I'm delighted for her, but the timing is quite ironic!

Hey guys! Cuppa nice to "see" you again although I am deeply sorry it's on this thread :(
Thank you for sharing your experience - I really appreciate it and it has helped me get around the fear of the D&C - I don't know why I'm so scared of it but staying in limbo for weeks as option number 2 is not a great perspective either.

I went to work today, well dragged myself actually and I'm glad I did - some people know and were very kind and supportive, I cried when I first got there but then sort of got over it and it was a welcome distraction. I work in children's centre and my boss suggested I have a chat with one of the midwives there and she actually agrees with me in wanting to have that one last scan for reassurance - she said that as long as I feel OK and have no fever etc then I should have the scan in a week, get a final answer and then decide what to do and she said you'll know when it happens. It calmed me down a bit because I felt like I was a crazy person analyzing my dates and clinging on to hope but she said although it is a very small probability it is worth following my gut feeling since from her experience a lot of women know their dates better than the drs and usually deliver when they thought they would.

Star I will be thinking of you and I am glad you arranged for people to be with you after - that is really important and I regret that I had told my hubby not to come with me to that awful scan session on Monday.

I agree with you both - I can deal with the bad news I just want the limbo to end either way :( My deadline is on the 15th and I am sticking to that!

Crashing in ladies, wanted to see how you are all doing.

cuppa - I was emotionally fine about mine, very philosophical (but then I do have 2 others so that made it a bit easier). However I had a complete melt down a week after my erpc when I found out my dd was being split from her best friend when they moved into yr 1. I literally cried all night and then some more the next day . I knew it was a ridiculous thing to be upset about and didn't warrant the complete overreaction. As I was sobbing not very quietly in bed, Dh rubbed my back and said ' think this might be the hormones' - probably right!

Star - hope you get the support and answers you need tomorrow. I'm with cuppa in that seeing how much it didn't look like a baby helped me. I have never considered I lost a baby, more that I lost the opportunity to have one (if that makes sense ). Not sure how bleeding relates but my period after my erpc was quite light, not sure it was a real one. However the one after that was the heaviest I had ever experience and lasted longer then usual for me. At one point I said to dh 'please phone during the day and check I haven't bleed to death!' - always been a bit over dramatic me!

Beesok - sorry your limbo is still going :( I'm glad you had a calming chat with the midwife.

Thinking of you all.

Thanks knackered. I know it's not a baby and even though i know that, it's more the sense that i'm not sure if i could go through the physical side of a miscarriage again. I feel like i can't focus properly on anything and it's just so all consuming.
DH see's that as soon as conception occurs, it has a little soul so i think this is why it's particularly hard for him.
I think i'll likely go down the ERPC route if the worst is confirmed. I have two other children so it's impratical thinking i can sit around the house for several days potentially while the process happens. We've just moved away from where family are and they all work full time. DH can maybe get a day off from work but the nature of his job means he realistically can't take any time off throughout most of the year. He didn't even have paternity leave so an ERPC would be most pratical for us.
I've been googling and googling how soon after conception it is possible to get a positive and i've come up with 3 days for a blood test and 5 for a urine. Therefore, me testing positive 2 days after where the scan dates would put conception, seems more and more unlikely. I feel i know what we're going to see today. Just hope DH handles it ok.

Star Not that I want to get your hopes up, but scan dates, even in the first trimester, can be +/- 3 days which just about makes their dates probable, unlikely but not completely impossible.

I hope whatever the outcome of today's scan, it is at least conclusive one way or the other.

Morning all!

For those of you who aren't keeping track of the June thread, I had a second scan yesterday which showed some growth of the gestational sac but not the week's growth they would expect.

So it is still measuring about 5.5w which is now 2 weeks behind where it should be (although I do sometimes have long cycles, so a week behind wouldn't be unexpected).

Yolk sac is still visible but still no fetal pole to be seen.

However I have a tilted uterus and they want to be uber-cautious because of my mc history (this is the sixth attempt to get a sibling for the garklet), they want me in for another scan next week when I should be 7.5w according to their dates and 8.5w according to my LMP. But they are saying that it is a probable missed miscariage :(

Hello,
you have 3 options:

1. wait till it all happens naturally.

I did this because i knew that it was supposed to happen iyswim.
Told at 7 weeks about blighted ovum, didnt mc till i was 13 weeks. Wait was hideous. As someone mentioned, all the symptoms of a healthy pregnancy continue throughout the weeks.

2. have a tablet, then a medicinal gel put into your cervix, this will induce you to mc.
   I did this twice due to blighted ovums. Over in 24 hours, but i was in hospital for pain control as it was very painful.

3. D&C surgical intervention, over very quickly. Ive never done this myself.

It is utter utter shite, unfair and gut wrenchingly sad.
Love to you at this time x

Hi Beesok I'm glad but sad that I found you and Star82, Cuppatea - we were all on Jue in June together.

Beesok sorry to crash your thread too, I just wanted to let you know I'm going through pretty much the same as you in terms of the wait.

I'd had a scan at 7 weeks and saw a heartbeat but last week I had some brown spotting. I wasn't too concerned as I'd heard over and over again that brown was old blood and less of a concern. I went to see my OB and was worried that he'd think I was being neurotic! So when this scan didn't show a heartbeat I was in shock. That was on Thursday. So he told me the options but I too am going to wait. Having said that, I do just want it over with. I saw on the scan that the fetus was 7 weeks 3 days and I should have been 10 weeks on Thursday so it all finished for me 2 weeks ago without me having any idea. Nothing is happening for me yet though and I'm starting to feel a bit freaked out that it's still inside me. Especially too as I'm still feeling a bit pregnant at times as I guess there is still some hcg floating around. I too have a tilted uterus so I was having some problems with scans showing stuff clearly but I know this is over for sure because of the stopped heartbeat.

I just wanted to say hi to you all and hope that by us 'meeting up' again on here we can at least go through it together. It's a real journey into the unknown for me as this was my first pregnancy.

You're all in my thoughts. Beesok would you prefer me to start my own thread? I don't want you to think I'm trying to take yours over.

Oh i see reading back on your thread that it is all very early yet, so there may be hope.

I kinda knew in my heart i have to say and i went back for weekly scans after the first, and did on line searches much like you. I wanted to learn all that i could.

Im now expert unfortunately after 5 mcs, 3 of which were blighted ovums.
They tell me that this is very very unusual and that most people only ever suffer one of these..so lucky me eh!
Never been able to find out the reason for blighted ovum though. Have any of you guys ever got to the bottom of it?

Star82 - just read through my post and realised it could seem really insensitive, sorry . I felt the same as you about trying again, I really didn't feel as though I could go through it again. Give yourself time to make any decisions. A couple of weeks after my erpc I thought I wanted to give it one more go and if it didn't work then we weren't meant to have 3. That was the complete opposite to how I felt from when I found out I had miscarried and the couple of weeks after. Thinking of you and your dh at the scan today.

Hi Issy and meltobe, I'm so sorry that things haven't worked out for you either. It must be especially hard for a first pregnancy. The sonographer told me I have a tilted (retroverted?) uterus too. Is this common? I've not heard much about it before, and it never came up in my first pregnancy.

star I hope your scan goes well, but if not, please get someone to help you after the op. You will need to rest, and if you're trying to look after 2 DCs you won't get the chance to rest and heal. Could someone come and stay for a couple of days, or could the kids stay with family?

knackered thankyou - I'm expecting some kind of emotional reaction sometime. I still haven't cried since I found out. I don't feel like I'm trying artificially to be strong though, so hopefully it will be ok in the long run. I really don't know how people cope with several mcs though, it must get more and more heartbreaking each time.

brokeoven I'm not entirely sure what a blighted ovum is - I'm new to this and I've decided not to scare myself by googling stuff. Would it possibly be a genetic thing? Have you and your DP been tested to see if you are both carriers of a gene causing the ovums to fail? Sorry it's not something I know much about.

Mel, Issy sorry to see u are going thru the same and I am glad you found this thread, it has definitely helped me cope. Mel absolutely not - you're not crashing at all - please use this thread as long as you want, as much as I wish none of us was on this thread I am glad that there are people out there I can talk to about it.

Star you must be having your scan right about now, I hope it goes as best as it could.

knackerd and broke thanks for your support!

OK so here's my update: went to see my endocrinologist and told him that it's bad news. So he just said do you want me to scan you? I agreed and sadly, it's still an empty sac and seems like it's actually detaching from the womb. I wasn't raising my hopes but I'll admit got sad at first then hubby took me for a nice breakfast afterwards and we just talked and I feel like I have some closure now and am ready to move on. Will wait another week to give it a chance to happen naturally (I'm no expert but have had cramping and since it's detaching I'm hoping that in a few days maybe it will all be over). If not I have my appointment on the 15th at the hospitalso will discuss the D&C then.

I am really beginning to get over it now, I'm glad I took the time off to let my emotions settle and now that it's confirmed I just want it to be over so that we can try again. I am 32 and got pregnant on our second month of actually "trying" so hoping that I will conceive quickly after this. Obviously, I am scared I will have another MMC but I am trying not to worry too much about something I can't control (yeah, MUCH easier said than done).

cuppa a blighted ovum, as far as I know, is one an egg is fertilized but it doesn't progress into the fetal stage usually because of chromosome abnormalities within the egg/sperm. I don't think a specific cause or reason has been identified but the endo told me it happens in 1 in 6 pregnancies apparently.

Really sorry for anyone who goes through an mmc - especially with a first pg.

I had an mmc in with my third pregnancy. I was scanned at 5 weeks because I'd had a small amount of brown bleeding. I was told to come back in a week's time for another scan. This scan showed a blighted ovum and I was given an ERPC two days later. At the time I was heartbroken, but the procedure was actually very simple, done under general aneasthetic at my local hospital, and I was home that day (albeit slightly woozy from the aneasthetic). There was very little bleeding.

I went on to have a third DC a few years later with no problems.

Six yrs later, I became pregnant with a 4th baby. I bled at 6.5 wks and was sent for a scan. The scan revealed a sac that was "small for dates", and I was told to return for another scan a week later. I continued to bleed on and off, but the next scan revealed an embryo with a heartbeat (though still small for dates). I then began bleeding heavily and stopped feeling pregnant. I knew that I was miscarrying and asked for an ERPC (a scan revealed that the embryo no longer had a heartbeat). I was told that it was the hospital's policy to let women miscarry naturally (and obviously cheaper too!)

My 'natural' miscarriage was awful. It took over a week. I bled heavily, and the experience of passing the embryo and sac was not pleasant.

I went on to have a healthy 4th baby, who was conceived 6 mths after my mmc.

4 yrs later, I became accidentally pregnant again. After much agonising, I chose to have a medical abortion (using the abortion pill) at 7 weeks. Although technically a miscarriage, it was nothing like a natural miscarriage. The abortion pill stimulates strong cramps (much like early labour pains), and it was all over in about an hour - although I bled for a few weeks afterwards, but much like a normal period. I passed the embryo, all in one go, and straight down the loo (and no, I didn't look) - rather than in bits over a few days like my previous miscarriage.

So there are my three experiences of 'losing' a pregnancy. All of them very different, but all of them upsetting. On balance the ERPC was the least traumatic and the natural miscarriage was the most traumatic. Obviously the termination was the most psychologically difficult.

Thanks cuppatea for your kind words. I think a tilted uterus is fairly common and I don't think is meant to have any problems besides it being hard to see anything on a tummy (vs internal) ultrasound during early pregnancy. One good thing about it is that those with wonky ones are less likely to need to pee all the time in early pregancy as it doesn't press on the bladder apparently.

Beesok thanks too for your kindness. I do hope for you that the physical side of things are moving on. Emotions aside that's the bit I'm most scared of right now. It's horrible to know that something painful and possibly lengthy is on its way.

Thanks breathedeeply for sharing your experiences. I'm really worried about the 'natural miscarriage'. My next appointment is in a week to decide what the next course of action is if it hasn't happened naturally by then. I think it will be drugs before and EPRC but from what I hear that's not a nice option as can be quite aggressive and cause side effects.

supersunny I'm being really well looked after thanks. It's still pretty raw as it's only been 2 days so I'm on the rollercoaster of emotions. Why? Why me? etc etc but I think we'll have the courage to try again as soon as we can. I guess you have to make a leap of faith in trying again as now I know how painful it can be emotionally when things don't work out.

Does anyone know if painkillers are at all effective when the actual miscarriage happens? I want to be able to prepare as much as I can but I'm worrying that painkillers won't even touch the pain.

star I'm wondering how you got on and have been thinking of you.

super you are such a positive influence :) I really hope things work out for you too!

Breathe I second mel it is really helpful for me to read similar experiences just helps to get over the uncertainty and helps me to sort of be prepared and what to expect..

mel I am sorry you are still feeling awful.. from my own experience it takes time, although I had no physical pain or bleeding etc I took 4 days off and just let my emotions run freely I felt it helped and on Friday I risked going to work, that first time you confront people is difficult (at least for me it was) but then when I saw how supportive everyone was I found it became easier and easier and time really helps. I think we still have quite a bit of hormones in our bodies so it's normal to have emotional swings, my midwife said it best - your body went through huge changes and now it's undoing all of them, it will be an "adjustment" and I think you just need to give yourself some space. It's good that you are being looked after well and try to accept any offers of distraction even of you're not entirely up to it ;)

Also, I hope this is not offensive but I was wondering if anyone who has had a D&C could give me some more details about the actual procedure? I mean, is there anything I should be aware of that the doctors don't tell you? Can you go home straight afterwards?
I am beginning to get my head around having one and would feel so much more anxious if someone talked me through it who actually knows what it's like.

Star hope you're OK...

I meant so much LESS anxious of course ;)