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Menopause

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Original poster

I kind of feel like I'm dead

254 replies

MentholLoad · 22/08/2023 15:25

I really really hope you can tell me that this passes

I have no energy, everything hurts yadda yadda. but I don't enjoy ANYTHING. I don't want to do anything at all. I don't want to work, I don't want to clean the house. I don't even want to spend time with friends. I don't feel like I have anything to say about anything. I just want it to be quiet. I long for retirement but I don't know what I want to do. I don't know if I want to move house or if I am happy were I am. I have no interest in travelling or going on holidays or anything. I think I could become reclusive. but it frightens me

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 22/08/2023 15:28

I've had several friends who experienced exactly the same. A handful of them went onto a low dose anti-depressant and it's had a huge effect.

Paperbagsaremine · 22/08/2023 15:29

Felt a bit like that in my late 40s, went within an hour of starting HRT (I was both surprised and impressed!!).

GoodVibesHere · 22/08/2023 15:30

I feel very similar OP. In my mind I would find some contentment living in a remote pretty cottage with lots of cats. I often don't want to speak. I don't know what the answer is.

Original poster
MentholLoad · 22/08/2023 15:32

Paperbagsaremine · 22/08/2023 15:29

Felt a bit like that in my late 40s, went within an hour of starting HRT (I was both surprised and impressed!!).

this is reassuring. GP won't give me HRT because I have high blood pressure. maybe due to weight and/or stress. it's hard to loose weight feeling not even human though. I kind of feel not real. is that how you felt?

OP posts:
Original poster
MentholLoad · 22/08/2023 15:33

GoodVibesHere · 22/08/2023 15:30

I feel very similar OP. In my mind I would find some contentment living in a remote pretty cottage with lots of cats. I often don't want to speak. I don't know what the answer is.

it's hard to know, whether to follow these desires isn't it. or are we going to 'wake up' in a few years and have made a terrible mistake?

OP posts:
PortiaWithNoBreaks · 22/08/2023 15:35

I felt the same, between ovulation and period) before HRT except I didn’t really realise that that was how I’d felt until after. I’d been feeling crap with pmt to the power 1000 for ages.

It was sudden onset hot flushes that lead me to hrt and like the PP, everything changed really quickly after my first application of oestrogen gel and then I realise that my mood lifted and I was enthusiastic about life again.

Original poster
MentholLoad · 22/08/2023 15:35

ShowOfHands · 22/08/2023 15:28

I've had several friends who experienced exactly the same. A handful of them went onto a low dose anti-depressant and it's had a huge effect.

already on ADs and this feeling has started since then. hmm, maybe I should try a different one

OP posts:
pancakes222 · 22/08/2023 15:43

Do you mind me asking how old you are? To be honest I kind of feel like this too however only 38 so thought it was a bit earlier to be associating it with but it does sound very similar. I hope it gets easier soon for you

olderbutwiser · 22/08/2023 15:46

I felt a bit like this - very much "what's the point, why am I alive, why is everyone alive, meh meh meh"

HRT fixed it for me, sorry!

GoodVibesHere · 22/08/2023 15:46

MentholLoad · 22/08/2023 15:33

it's hard to know, whether to follow these desires isn't it. or are we going to 'wake up' in a few years and have made a terrible mistake?

Show quote history

Yes exactly. I have opted to stick with the staus quo, and hope things improve over time (I tried HRT but it wasn't for me). I haven't told anyone how I feel.

In the meantime I am 'faking it' by going along with life as normal, and hoping that some level of enjoyment or enthusiasm returns.

Cozytoesandtoast00 · 22/08/2023 15:49

Could you work on getting your blood pressure down so you could be prescribed HRT?
I managed to with diet and running (couch to 5k) Also start meditation to reduce stress.

Abra1t · 22/08/2023 15:49

MentholLoad · 22/08/2023 15:32

this is reassuring. GP won't give me HRT because I have high blood pressure. maybe due to weight and/or stress. it's hard to loose weight feeling not even human though. I kind of feel not real. is that how you felt?

Show quote history

That’s not necessarily a good enough reason. Are you able to control the BP through medication? Modern transdermal HRT isn’t such a stroke risk anyway. Here’s some information.

https://www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/high-blood-pressure-factsheet/

High blood pressure and menopause | Menopause Library | balance

Blood pressure tends to rise with age, and high blood pressure and menopause raises the risk of heart attacks and stroke.

https://www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/high-blood-pressure-factsheet/

cheezncrackers · 22/08/2023 15:50

HRT and exercise are the key. I've gone through phases of feeling like this, but starting/upping HRT and also getting into running and finding a nice group of women to run with have made an absolutely HUGE difference to my life, health, fitness and general well-being. If the doc says you need to lower your BP ask how you can do that safely. Can you get a referral to a dietician? Do you live somewhere with groups/activities that you could join? Some people can do it on their own and maybe you're the type of person that can? If not, are there group options? I need a group, because I'm a lazy/unmotivated git otherwise Grin

Original poster
MentholLoad · 22/08/2023 15:52

pancakes222 · 22/08/2023 15:43

Do you mind me asking how old you are? To be honest I kind of feel like this too however only 38 so thought it was a bit earlier to be associating it with but it does sound very similar. I hope it gets easier soon for you

I'm 51

OP posts:
Movinghouseatlast · 22/08/2023 15:53

Join the Facebook group The Menopause Support Network. Many women have high blood pressure and take HRT. It sounds like your doctor isn't well informed.

I felt the same and HRT has mostly fixed me.

Original poster
MentholLoad · 22/08/2023 15:55

cheezncrackers · 22/08/2023 15:50

HRT and exercise are the key. I've gone through phases of feeling like this, but starting/upping HRT and also getting into running and finding a nice group of women to run with have made an absolutely HUGE difference to my life, health, fitness and general well-being. If the doc says you need to lower your BP ask how you can do that safely. Can you get a referral to a dietician? Do you live somewhere with groups/activities that you could join? Some people can do it on their own and maybe you're the type of person that can? If not, are there group options? I need a group, because I'm a lazy/unmotivated git otherwise Grin

YY, I do need to concentrate on this. I can do it for limited times. but often, I think death would be welcome and revert to sitting and eating chocolate biscuits because it's pretty much the only thing that gives me only pleasure at all. I know it's sad and pathetic, but it's as it is

OP posts:
Original poster
MentholLoad · 22/08/2023 15:56

Movinghouseatlast · 22/08/2023 15:53

Join the Facebook group The Menopause Support Network. Many women have high blood pressure and take HRT. It sounds like your doctor isn't well informed.

I felt the same and HRT has mostly fixed me.

I'm going to make an appointment with my GP I think

OP posts:
Paperbagsaremine · 22/08/2023 16:14

MentholLoad · 22/08/2023 15:32

this is reassuring. GP won't give me HRT because I have high blood pressure. maybe due to weight and/or stress. it's hard to loose weight feeling not even human though. I kind of feel not real. is that how you felt?

Show quote history

Yep. Big thick glass between me and real life.
I guess you could go back to the GP and ask what your BP etc needs to be before they feel happy with prescribing you HRT. An older friend with a dicky heart got sent to Slimming World for free by his GP and became his group star, so maybe they have support groups?

I was "lucky" in that my Mum got Type II when I was late 30s and overweight myself, and it frightened me into a healthier lifestyle. It's not easy to conjure motivation for that out of thin air - when there's a lot on your plate metaphorically, it's natural to pile a lot onto your plate literally.

My top tip is ask around in all of your social groups for people to do things with. You probably do know someone who goes to a keepfit class, another one who belongs to a slimming group, another who swims, another who cycles, a dog walker... Arrange as much as possible with other people, it really makes it 100 times easier. There is always someone who answers when you say, "I'm trying to improve my health, does anyone want to exercise with me?".

whatisforteamum · 23/08/2023 22:05

The same happened to me at 51.
No joy or energy and doing 12 hr days dragging myself along.
GP said I was peri.
The get made me feel worse for a bit like being in a dark tunnel.
Days off in my room quite depressed.
Then it improved. 56 now and I have bags of energy anxiety gone and a lot better.
There is hope you just have to find an exercise you enjoy and time will improve things.

whatisforteamum · 23/08/2023 22:06
  • hrt not get
Blueberry40 · 23/08/2023 22:10

If this feeling started since beginning to take AD’s it might be that you are on too high a dose- speak to the GP about whether it could need adjusting. The way you feel sounds exactly like my DH did when he was given too high a dose of sertraline.

Naturerhymes · 23/08/2023 22:26

I feel like this op. GP has switched me from gel to a patch as I wasn't absorbing HRT. Hoping upon hoping it is going to make a difference. My get up and go has got up and gone. I just want to sit by the sea and watch the waves roll in, everything else feels overwhelming (I don't live near the coast so can't easily do this).

I guess some aspects of me feeling low are real in that my relationships in life haven't been what I hoped they would be and there is some disappointment around that. It is difficult for me to seperate what I actually feel from the hormonal stuff. Added to that underlying anxiety issues (which I'm awaiting treatment for - not going to be easy as I'm already in this rubbish state). I am questioning a lot of things. Not particularly happy where I live but doubting a move would make a huge difference (they say you take stuff with you, which is true). I have thought that life is short but I also have been thinking what's the point? Trying to work out what I really want and going around in circles. Trying to be grateful (because on the surface, I have a lot to be grateful for including dcs), yet still this ongoing low mood and the realisation that I am indeed getting older and dreading the one day empty nest. Want to be alone but fear being alone and reclusive at the same time. In general, thinking negative thoughts and looking forward feel things are going to become increasingly bleak. None of this contributes toward developing a social circle etc. and on the viscious circle goes. I've been told I am a good friend, yet no-one particularly goes out of their way as such.

My lack of motivation and drive is dire. The lack of energy is dire (had various blood tests, need to watch iron levels and take ferrous tablets for this). I've been eating a lot of sugar recently in a bid for comfort which hasn't helped. Don't have the inclination to suddenly take up running/change career or whatever else. I am more of a creative person but I realise exercise would help a lot.

Not sure what the answer is, just hoping things will turn around a bit.

Sortmylifeout52 · 23/08/2023 22:31

@Naturerhymes you and me both.
I feel the same as you.
It's tough and I can honestly say, I've no clue how to sort my things out any longer.

Let's hope things take a turn for the better.

I've got to say, it doesn't help when I read on MN that so many are earning six figure salaries, living in posh ends of London, living the high life!

Onwards and upwards 🤞

Naturerhymes · 23/08/2023 22:45

I've got to say, it doesn't help when I read on MN that so many are earning six figure salaries, living in posh ends of London, living the high life!

I'm not quite in this bracket but no big financial worries. Whilst I appreciate money can make things easier/relieve the pressure, it still doesn't make all the above feelings/situational stuff better because a lot of it for me, is not feeling a sense of belonging and having decent relationships - family, friends etc. in life which you can't change simply or easily.

Original poster
MentholLoad · 24/08/2023 09:50

Paperbagsaremine · 22/08/2023 16:14

Yep. Big thick glass between me and real life.
I guess you could go back to the GP and ask what your BP etc needs to be before they feel happy with prescribing you HRT. An older friend with a dicky heart got sent to Slimming World for free by his GP and became his group star, so maybe they have support groups?

I was "lucky" in that my Mum got Type II when I was late 30s and overweight myself, and it frightened me into a healthier lifestyle. It's not easy to conjure motivation for that out of thin air - when there's a lot on your plate metaphorically, it's natural to pile a lot onto your plate literally.

My top tip is ask around in all of your social groups for people to do things with. You probably do know someone who goes to a keepfit class, another one who belongs to a slimming group, another who swims, another who cycles, a dog walker... Arrange as much as possible with other people, it really makes it 100 times easier. There is always someone who answers when you say, "I'm trying to improve my health, does anyone want to exercise with me?".

Show quote history

big thick glass wall, is exactly what it feels like

OP posts: