I kind of feel like I'm dead

[MentholLoad]

I really really hope you can tell me that this passes

I have no energy, everything hurts yadda yadda. but I don't enjoy ANYTHING. I don't want to do anything at all. I don't want to work, I don't want to clean the house. I don't even want to spend time with friends. I don't feel like I have anything to say about anything. I just want it to be quiet. I long for retirement but I don't know what I want to do. I don't know if I want to move house or if I am happy were I am. I have no interest in travelling or going on holidays or anything. I think I could become reclusive. but it frightens me

I see other people around my age on social media, living their best lives. I just don't understand how to get to that

Don’t believe what you see on social media!

Always wonder when I read about women of midlife who feel like this - is testosterone the culprit? I have noticed a massive change in the last year (am 51). Have been on HRT but not one that includes testosterone. In the past 12 months noticed zero libido, don't really care about that, but also very low motivation/confidence/energy. I was walking in the hills three days a week last year! Now I can barely be bothered walking up the damn road to the shops.

You sound like me @AInightingale I’m the same age and am also on HRT (Estradot 75) confidence, libido, energy all gone

Do you still have menopause symptoms@AchillesHeel23? I mean like vasomotor disturbances, sore joints and and insomnia etc. The physical stuff isn't TOOO bad, but I just feel permanently flatlined.

@AInightingale yes the insomnia is back (it was one of my main symptoms) so I’m trying magnesium glycinate for that. Night sweats seem to have gone though thank god - it was at least 5 years of those!

Honesty it's not you, it's your hormones. My partner exhausts me and I like being alone to do what I want and process the day.
You've prob done a lot too and need a bit of a break.
At least you know it's your hormones so can move forward and get them increased/sorted xxx

I don’t know what I can do to get them sorted. I’m long past menopause so too late for HRT.

That's not necessarily true, it depends how long past menopause you are. I would try to get an appointment with a menopause specialist yo see if you can take HRT.

https://www.edbookfest.co.uk/the-festival/whats-on/katherine-may-a-natural-harbour/player-18804

This is very interesting and might be helpful so some on this thread. I'm going to get the books. You can watch for a donation or free if you can't afford to donate.

Any possibility that you could live separately from your partner @Writingonthewalls , by downsizing or buying/renting two smaller places? Sorry I don't know your circs and maybe that is completely impractical/impossible, but if you hate where you are and you find domestic closeness suffocating, that's a major trigger of discontent, I think.

I don’t think I’d want that. I think we need to do things more separately and not be joined at the hip so much.

For those suffering with the dreaded feelings of doom and gloom does the mood suddenly descend and then just as suddenly lift? Like mine?

@Bookist in my case yes. I do wonder if it is something like gut health or something else entirely at work.

There is a link to gluten and effects on the nervous system and mood too. I wonder if I cut it out whether I would feel better.

In a weird way I'm glad it's not just me. I sometime stress that I might have developed bi-polar somehow? But my neighbour and friend is an experienced CPN and assures me I haven't. I do know that gut health is closely linked to mental health. Have also read that low estrogen in your brain can stop anti depressants working too.

Re the BP issue - I am on three different BP meds as I have malignant hypertension ( mine will go higher and higher until I go pop if not on the three meds) but I am on HRT. I have a bp machine at home and monitor it myself - I inform gp if it goes high.
I am only allowed three months of HRT at a time. Every three months I have a phone call appointment with my up to date BP numbers and the GP signs me off another three months.
Speak to another gp, don't let them fob you off.

There are other conditions that can make you feel like shit - hypothyroidism, autoimmune diseases - ask for a full blood screen

Hope you feel more like yourself soon

Interesting article in the Spectator on the shortcomings of current HRT. Though taking someone else's testosterone is hardly sensible, but it's hard to get here.

https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/why-do-women-have-to-fight-so-hard-to-get-testosterone/

@BeretRaspberry i have fibromyalgia and I’m peri-menopausal I totally cannot function. I’ve just had to reduce my working days from 5 to 3 effectively ending my career but I know im grateful to still be able to work 3 days. I’m sick of hurting, of bleeding all the time, of forgetting everything, especially words mid-sentence and looking like an idiot, fed up of constantly sleeping, never going out, being teetotal as one glass of wine give me a migraine, putting on weight from medication. I want to crawl into bed and never get out im sick of it all.

I’m so sorry you’re struggling so much. I feel the same. I’m like a shell. I’m so lucky that I don’t work now - well lucky that I don’t have to but I bloody miss it at times. I miss having something to do that my brain had to work for - and the general office camaraderie/grown up conversation of course.

I’ve been relatively lucky in that I’ve been able to go out for meals etc, just not out out for a while. But lately, even that’s getting worse and I’m unable to even go out for a bite to eat without it overwhelming me or me being in pain etc. It’s like my world is shrinking all the time.

I can’t remember if I said up thread but I’m going to try HRT. I’ve got an appointment for Monday. I’ve put it off because I’m scared in case it doesn’t help and then I’ll have to resign myself to this indefinitely.

I’m so sorry you’re struggling so much. I feel the same. I’m like a shell. I’m so lucky that I don’t work now - well lucky that I don’t have to but I bloody miss it at times. I miss having something to do that my brain had to work for - and the general office camaraderie/grown up conversation of course.

I feel like this too. I should feel fortunate that I'm not working/don't need to work but part of me misses seeing people on more a frequent basis. I'm thinking of applying for something part-time. I'm likely to get an interview but unlikely to get the job. I've been out of work so long, I think I'd panic if I actually got offered something and wonder whether I would cope. Part of me doesn't want the hassle and the demands the other part of me longs for a bit more structure. I wanted to secure this by having some interesting volunteer work and interest groups where I connect with others. I do some very infrequent voluntary work which I sort of enjoy (but could easily fit around work). I've joined some interest groups but haven't really connected at either sessions with anyone. I've feel I've failed on both accounts - failed to find and hold down a job (I have enduring mental health issues which does affect things on top of the perimenopause) and then failed to form connections and sort out myself in the voluntary sector (which should be easier in some ways). Feeling lost, it all feels a bit hopeless. I was thinking about my school days when everything was arranged for me and I knew what I had to do/was expected of me. Trying to rearrange my life with these issues feels a struggle. I am due some treatment for the mental health issues but who knows if this will actually change anything. I think I was feeling hopeful for a while that things would fall into place but having tried a few things, I feel like I'm running out of steam.

Give it a lash Naturerhymes. You never know - you light land it and if it's not for you then you can move on ❤️

Might land it! Sorry no edit function on the app!

I still feel like this tbh post menopause. Antidepressants tended to make me feel flat but at least straighten out my thinking and put me on automatic pilot. I had awful existential preoccupations when menopausal - death and dying, will my partner miss me if I die - I descended into a bit of a pit. I still get it sometimes but not as badly. Just be how you want at the moment and don't fight it. Be reclusive sometimes if you want. There's plenty of time to be out when you feel more energised.

Gosh - reading this thread is so reassuring. I think I'm the only one feels like a miserable failure every day who can't face people - and others are sharing the same fears. What a relief.