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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

having sex with my ex who has a fiance,should i stop???

312 replies

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 10:23

hi,i'm steph,split up with my sons father when i was 8weeks pregnant cos he was nasty to my daughter(from another relationship),but i still am having sex with him 2years down the line and he has a fiance,my family tell me to stop?but we only split up cos we didnt get on not cos we stopped fancying eachother so we have been carrying on but he is living with someone else yet doesnt seem to mind cheating on her,does anyone else think i should stop???

OP posts:

Caligula · 11/05/2005 11:26

Steph, he's responsible for maintaining his relationship with his kids, you are responsible for your relationship with your kids.

If he would cut ties with his child if you split with him, then he's a father who is not worth having anyway. It's probably very difficult for you to believe, having lost your father at 10, but a father who damages his children's sense of self-worth by putting them last on his list of priorities in life, is worse than no father at all.

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

happymerryberries · 11/05/2005 11:27

If you need the release of sex I have one word for you . Masturbation. At least that way no-one gets hurt and it is sex with someone who (hopefuly) respects you.

Jeez, he come over, gives you one and then goes! Wow! Nice. As I said he must be hung like a donkey to make up for everything else. He is treating you like and object

Fio2 · 11/05/2005 11:28

well to be perfectly honest if you just want to have sex with him and nothing else and you are happy with that, being careful and have no guilt, carry on bonking is what I say

Original poster

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 11:29

yeh well i kinda understand about a father putting you last on your list of priorites because my dad didnt take me into consideration much when he killed himself did he so i do understand but i still think any father is better than no father anyday...

OP posts:

snafu · 11/05/2005 11:29

Are you sure this isn't a revenge thing?

Caligula · 11/05/2005 11:30

Steph, the fiance is an irrelevance as far as I'm concerned. She sounds ghastly - shagging the partner of someone who is pregnant is a pretty low-life thing to do. But this isn't about her, it's about you. Don't make her an excuse to pursue an unhealthy and unhappy arrangement yourself.

The best revenge is to live well. And you're not doing that.

MINNIE1 · 11/05/2005 11:33

steph,
I just hope you find happiness in which ever route you take. I know he is good for one thing, but get a vibreator and that will solve that and at least you can use it when you feel the urge.

Original poster

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 11:35

ok then so if i decide to stop which is what i was considering hence asking for advice,how do i stop him grabbing me?i have hit him before in order to get him away from me but he seems to think i want it when i say i dont,cos i say its not right cos u r engaged and because thats the reason i give he still has a go...if i told him i didnt fancy him anymore he wouldnt believe me....

OP posts:

Original poster

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 11:36

and i have got a vibrator anyway,does a much better job 2 but like i said telling him to stop and making him stop are 2 different things...

OP posts:

compo · 11/05/2005 11:36

tell him it's sexual harassment and you'll call the police? Perphaps you need assertiveness training if you really can't say no?

snafu · 11/05/2005 11:37

Are you saying he makes you have sex even when you say 'no'?

WigWamBam · 11/05/2005 11:37

If you tell him to stop and he doesn't, not only is he not respecting your wishes, he is raping you. Is this what you're saying is happening?

Original poster

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 11:38

its not that i am not assertive, its that hes very persistant,probably believes no one can resist him...

OP posts:

bossykate · 11/05/2005 11:38

are you saying he rapes you? if so, please get specialist help.

happymerryberries · 11/05/2005 11:38

Oh for goodness sake. Make your mind up. Either you want him to have sex with you or you don't. Your are an adult woman. Take resposnibility. have someone in the house when he comes to pick up his son. Arange to meet him in the park. get a flaming grip!

If you are talking about rape that is a different issue. Take responsibility! That is what being a grown upo is all about.

Caligula · 11/05/2005 11:38

Tell him you'll tell his fiance?

WigWamBam · 11/05/2005 11:39

Is he forcing you to have sex with him?

humdinger · 11/05/2005 11:39

Steph
This is not about him or his fiance it is about you. You and your son deserve more. Get out there girl, doll yourself up and find a nice man who will love you and your childeren adn forget the wham bam thank you mam because he has where he wants you and you are not where you want to be. next time he comes over have baby ready and waiting, don't even let him in or get someone to come over and be there to do the hand over. Then he won't have the oportunty of grabing you or getting his way. It all sounds very cold between you two as there is no communication during the week so surely the sex can't be that good either HTH

Caligula · 11/05/2005 11:40

How about making sure that there is always another person there when he comes round (like a friend), so that the opportunity doesn't arise.

Fio2 · 11/05/2005 11:40

phone the other woman and tell her he pesters you for sex

Original poster

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 11:41

i have told him over and over that its not happening anymore and he calls constantly,comes round etc...then grabs me so yeh in a way he does do it when i dont want him to but i only dont want him to cos i think its wrong and not because i dont actually wanna have sex with him and he knows that, not that that makes a difference....

OP posts:

Original poster

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 11:42

have tried having other people there but they let me down and he comes when they r not there,when he sees me outside house etc...

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 11/05/2005 11:42

Have a bit more respect for yourself and your son. Tell him to bugger off and leave you alone.

Fio2 · 11/05/2005 11:43

you say no, he grabs you and you give in as you want sex too? I am confused

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