Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Original poster

having sex with my ex who has a fiance,should i stop???

312 replies

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 10:23

hi,i'm steph,split up with my sons father when i was 8weeks pregnant cos he was nasty to my daughter(from another relationship),but i still am having sex with him 2years down the line and he has a fiance,my family tell me to stop?but we only split up cos we didnt get on not cos we stopped fancying eachother so we have been carrying on but he is living with someone else yet doesnt seem to mind cheating on her,does anyone else think i should stop???

OP posts:

Original poster

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 10:55

well thanks for the advice guys,all its done 4 me is make me cry not that anyone would care as you all have me down as some kinda heartless mistress...i put my kids first,i get rid of him for my daughters happiness and i dont tell his fiance what hes up to yet i am getting nothing but abuse...thansk for everyones opinions anyway,did not expect some of em to be so nasty but thanks anyway,guess they will be useful...

OP posts:

handlemecarefully · 11/05/2005 10:58

Steph - sorry you feel put upon

snafu · 11/05/2005 10:58

Oh, please. You asked a question, you got honest answers. No-one's abused you. You need to get rid of this man, but you knew that anyway.

AngelCakeUmm · 11/05/2005 10:59

I am sorry steph but i don't think you are being trus to yourself....

"you get rid of him for your daughters happiness"

Erm but he still comes round for a "shag" so does your daughter not still see him?

"you don't tell his fiance you are shagging"

Erm if it was me i would want to know what a rat i was with, Also it is not right to cheat with another womens man?

happymerryberries · 11/05/2005 10:59

I think that is it great that you got rid of him for the sake of your daughter. That is why I can't for the life of me understand how you think it could be a good idea to take him back into your life.

And how can it be ok to have an affair just so long as the other women doesn't find out? They so often do find out for one. For anoteher thing, aren't you worth better than a man who thinks so little of the women in his life?

You deserve better than this man.

handlemecarefully · 11/05/2005 11:00

I think you deserve credit for getting rid of him for the sake of your daughter too.

But if he couldn't be nice to your daughter then he isn't a good bloke....so why waste your time on him?

juicychops · 11/05/2005 11:00

my fiance had an affair for 2 months whilst i was 7 months pregnant. Im telling you, being the injured party is the worst feeling in the world and my life fell apart. im still with my fiance and ds is now 4 months but i will never trust him and i will never get over it. I despise the woman he had an affair with. i see her occassionally and i know it sounds horrible but i wish she would die for ruining my life. But there was a lot of other crap after to do with her pretending he had got her pregnant and wanting him to kick me out of my house so she could move in.
Neither of you are being fair on his fiancee. imagine how she would feel when she finds out. she is bound to find out sooner or later!

Original poster

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 11:00

my kids do come first,i dumped him when i was 8weeks pregnant,could have stayed,have her put up with it so i wasnt alone with a 5year old and a newborn but i chose to be alone,my daughter is with her dad when my ex comes over,she knows nothing and sees nothing....i am single,i am free to see whoever i want,i will say it again,i dont want to stop but i wanted peoples opinions,nasty or not,thanks,i know i am a good mother,thats all that matters...

OP posts:

Caligula · 11/05/2005 11:01

I don't even think it's a question of putting your daughter first - you need to put yourself first.

Really honestly, do you really want to be used for sex?

I'm not trying to be nasty to you (why would I be? I don't know you, I have no reason to be nasty to you), just trying to give you some direct answers to some direct questions. You are obviously not entirely happy with your situation, otherwise you wouldn't ask for advice about it.

happymerryberries · 11/05/2005 11:03

I'm with HMC on this one, how can he be a good bloke if he was nasty to your dd?

How can he been a good bloke if he was prepared to leave you when you were pregnant with his child?

He shounds like a shmuck to me, and you are just plain daft to give him what he wants, ie an easy bit of sex. What sort of relationship can you possibly build with him.

If you need the sex, get a rabbit, at least that will still respect you in the morning and isn't going to carry a STD

snafu · 11/05/2005 11:04

Steph, what is the point in asking if you should stop if you don't want to anyway? Seriously? I'm not trying to be unpleasant and I'm sure you're a lovely person, great mother etc etc etc but I just don't get threads like this. What reaction were you expecting to get, exactly? Loads of us saying, 'Oooh, yes sounds like fun, has he got a brother for me?'

Original poster

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 11:05

if i told his fiance,i would be accused of doing it for revenge etc...cant win either way...i am considering moving away so i do know that its not right,and as 4 me being the other woman,yeh i guess i am now but she was the other woman to begin with,he met her when we were still together on the verge of breaking up,i told her i was trying to work things out over my daughter etc...2weeks later he agrees that it aint gonna work,2days after that he is seen out with her so i class her to be the other woman....

OP posts:

juicychops · 11/05/2005 11:07

Do you still love him?

101StressPuppy · 11/05/2005 11:08

where is your self respect?!? He cheated on you and now he's using you.

He's having his cake and eating it, surely you think you deserve better, no(?)

DillyDally · 11/05/2005 11:13

If you just want no strings attached sex then perhaps yes (assuming you can block out the fact he is a lying cheatin' toad) else no

happymerryberries · 11/05/2005 11:14

Just ask yurself how good you felt when he cheated on you?

Do you want to do that to someone else?

What sort of relationship do you have? do you go anywhere, do anything together or is it just sex?

How will you feel when he dumps you the next time. Because he will!

You have already said that you don't get on, that he cheated on you, that he was nasty to your dd. What size dick must this guy have? Because that is the only attraction that I can possibly see in for you.

Get some self respect and find someone that you can lover and respect, not just shag.

And I honestly meant what I said about the safe sex, you could be putting yourslef at real risk. But you haven't commented on that.

humdinger · 11/05/2005 11:16

Steph
Again i think people were just trying to get a better insite to the situation and not necessarly haveing a go. IMHO i think you should cut your ties because you will always be stuck in the midle and can never be truely happy. Make alternative arangements for his sons visits but do you seriusly think he will cut ties with his son if he can't hav you. HTH - don't want to sound harsh but i think you need to look at where you go from here - not for his sake but for your own and your childerens

Original poster

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 11:17

like dillydally says all i want is no strings sex,i am the one that tells him to leave when i want him 2, and he didnt cheat on me,yeh he was with her 2 weeks after but not at the same time and as for protection yes i have a healthy supply of condoms thanks, he has had a vasectomy and says he doesnt need to cos of this but i say he does cos he is sleeping with 2 people...

OP posts:

snafu · 11/05/2005 11:18

Steph, how can you possibly regard this situation as 'no-strings sex'?

Original poster

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 11:19

humdinger,yes i do think he will cut ties if i dont let him come to mine,its important to me that my kids see their dads,my father killed himself when i was 10 and so i know it aint nice not having one...

OP posts:

Original poster

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 11:20

cos he comes over,we have sex,then he takes my son,fetchs him back and then the same happens the following sat,we dont communicate with eachother at all other than on a saturday...

OP posts:

sallystrawberry · 11/05/2005 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MINNIE1 · 11/05/2005 11:22

steph,

My advise would be to tell him to take a jump! I understand your getting your bit and thats all it is to you. But you are letting him walk all over you. In a way he is having his cake and eating it. You say you don't mind being on your own, i would dump him and find a real man that would call and treat you and your kids with the up most respect, that my dear is what you deserve and i hope you get it.

sallystrawberry · 11/05/2005 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snafu · 11/05/2005 11:25

And they say romance is dead.

Look, I'm sorry, I know I'm not being terribly helpful but I just think this sounds deeply depressing and unfulfilling and you would be far better off out of it. I can't understand what on earth you get from this state of affairs. Surely you have more respect for yourself than this?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Swipe left for the next trending thread