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Original poster

having sex with my ex who has a fiance,should i stop???

312 replies

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 10:23

hi,i'm steph,split up with my sons father when i was 8weeks pregnant cos he was nasty to my daughter(from another relationship),but i still am having sex with him 2years down the line and he has a fiance,my family tell me to stop?but we only split up cos we didnt get on not cos we stopped fancying eachother so we have been carrying on but he is living with someone else yet doesnt seem to mind cheating on her,does anyone else think i should stop???

OP posts:
Original poster
steph1974 · 11/05/2005 10:38

told him when he gets married it stops but he keeps saying he is not getting married,like i believe that,have tried to stop him before when people have gone on bout it not being right but when he sees his son he just grabs me,sounds mad but it happens,have even tried to get him to pick my son up from my mums house instead but he says he wont bother if he cant get him from mine....

OP posts:
compo · 11/05/2005 10:39

so he only sees his son so he can have sex with you?

WideWebWitch · 11/05/2005 10:40

er yes

Original poster
steph1974 · 11/05/2005 10:40

he picks my son up from my house on saturdays,my son is only 9 months old and obviously we dont do it in front of him...he then takes my son to his house,and fetches him back later...

OP posts:
humdinger · 11/05/2005 10:40

But you said you were using him for sex but he is the one doing the grabing

koalabear · 11/05/2005 10:40

oh, so it's all his fault? steph, i don't think you are being realistic about this

you're having sex with him - you know you shouldn't be or you wouldn't have bothered to post

so, take some responsibility - either be honest about what you are doing, or stop it

WideWebWitch · 11/05/2005 10:40

that was an er yes to your original post btw!

snafu · 11/05/2005 10:40

Ye gods. What a delightful man he sounds. Great father, too.

Fio2 · 11/05/2005 10:41

is the sex that good that you would compromise your self respect to copulate

humdinger · 11/05/2005 10:41

so who is minding the baby when you are in the full throws of whatever

Original poster
steph1974 · 11/05/2005 10:41

he doesnt see him in bed with his fiance,he has him for 3hours on a sat as my son is only 9 months old...

OP posts:
snafu · 11/05/2005 10:42

No, who is minding the baby while you are conducting your romantic little fling?

Caligula · 11/05/2005 10:42

Yes. I think it's unhealthy to use someone just for sex.

Maybe I'm Mary Whitehouse, but I don't care. There's something very tawdry about sex-only relationships. It doesn't do anything for your sense of independence and self-respect and it does nothing for your role-modelling job for your DS. It just sounds like it doesn't really have anything worthwhile about it.

happymerryberries · 11/05/2005 10:43

And to be totaly pratical for a moment, I hope that you ae practicing safer sex. He obviously has no probelms sleeping around and god knows what you might pick up.

This isn't being moralistic, we are talking your health here.

AngelCakeUmm · 11/05/2005 10:46

Lets just go back to the thread title .....

"Having sex with my ex who has a fiance, should i stop???"

You started a thread to ask us a question but by your posts you have already made your mind up, every answer you give is in defense so obviously you have made your mind up and you don't even want to stop so why ask?

Let me ask you do you really want to stop?

Original poster
steph1974 · 11/05/2005 10:47

i am not sleeping with someone to get revenge,i love him thats why i still do it,i dumped him cos he was nasty to my daughter and she comes first,i didnt start having sex with him after he got a girlfriend,never stopped having sex we just decided we didnt get on enough to be in a relationship,i asked for advice, i am not the evil one here,if i was i would have told her if it was for revenge,i just still love him,dont plan to continue doing it if i find someone else and its a mutual decision,we both want it,we both use eachother for sex,if it wasnt what i wanted i would stop....if i felt used....

OP posts:
Original poster
steph1974 · 11/05/2005 10:48

its not a question of what i want to do,i am asking what you think i should do...

OP posts:
AngelCakeUmm · 11/05/2005 10:49

so why ask should i stop? if you have already made your mind up? no one is gonna change it are they?

All i can say is goodluck and i hope you find proper happiness with someone who loves and respects yourself and your 2 children

Fio2 · 11/05/2005 10:50

no one has said you are evil steph

handlemecarefully · 11/05/2005 10:50

Steph,

I'm not criticising you as a person in any way, but I do think you should stop sleeping with him. This is partly because I feel sorry for his fiance, but partly because whilst you are sleeping with him you probably won't find a more fulfilling relationship with someone else (because you haven't let go of this 'relationship')

snafu · 11/05/2005 10:51

I really don't understand this thread.

humdinger · 11/05/2005 10:51

Steph this sounds all a bit odd from where i am sitting. You both want sex, you admit to using each other but you love him. You wanted him to pick son up from your mothers but he refuses if he can't grab you at the same time as picking up son. Take my advice get rid as he obviously has no respect for you or your son.

happymerryberries · 11/05/2005 10:51

How can you love someone who is nasty to your dd?

Shit I couldn't even like people who could be nasty to my child!

How can you say she comes first if you are having a relationship with this person? When you are having sex with him, she doesn't. Get real!

What you are saying is that you want to have sex with him, and you don't realy care about the consequences to the other woman, or your child.

Why ask a question if you refuse to consider the points made?

Were you expecting everyone to agree? Read all the threads where mn's have been devistated when their dh/p have had affairs. that is what you are taking part it, howvere you like to dress it up.

AngelCakeUmm · 11/05/2005 10:51

Steph i don't think you are evil either and also do not think you are to fully blame obviously it takes 2 to tango....

Caligula · 11/05/2005 10:53

I have a theory that you send out "availability vibes" if you are physically and emotionally available to be in a relationship.

By shagging this worthless man, you're blocking your availability vibes to other men. You won't find another relationship (at least, one worth having) while you're still so involved with this one.