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Original poster

having sex with my ex who has a fiance,should i stop???

312 replies

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 10:23

hi,i'm steph,split up with my sons father when i was 8weeks pregnant cos he was nasty to my daughter(from another relationship),but i still am having sex with him 2years down the line and he has a fiance,my family tell me to stop?but we only split up cos we didnt get on not cos we stopped fancying eachother so we have been carrying on but he is living with someone else yet doesnt seem to mind cheating on her,does anyone else think i should stop???

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Original poster
steph1974 · 20/05/2005 14:22

hadnt thought of that!!!

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Original poster
steph1974 · 20/05/2005 14:22

duh!!

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HappyMumof2 · 20/05/2005 14:22

Message withdrawn

Original poster
steph1974 · 20/05/2005 14:24

i am loving it actually,he said i was a tease on weds cos i was sitting next to him???and then he said it was cos of what i was wearing,i had a t-shirt,jeans and jogging top on,so obviously that must do it for him!!!

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Papillon · 20/05/2005 14:25

you obviously a hot tamale and he loves the ego/excitement thrill of a bit on the side. Its a fantasy and therefore more thrilling. If its good sex and as you said he is male and determined then its like taking away his favourite toy!

From what you have said about your past it seems like you have hung with a cycle of similar typed men. Set your sights higher cos they have caused nothing but trouble. Wonder how the horse riding man is??

Papillon · 20/05/2005 14:25

you obviously a hot tamale and he loves the ego/excitement thrill of a bit on the side. Its a fantasy and therefore more thrilling. If its good sex and as you said he is male and determined then its like taking away his favourite toy!

From what you have said about your past it seems like you have hung with a cycle of similar typed men. Set your sights higher cos they have caused nothing but trouble. Wonder how the horse riding man is??

Papillon · 20/05/2005 14:26

shite hate it when that happens.. !

Original poster
steph1974 · 20/05/2005 14:28

i am hoping he will show up on sunday,the horse riding man that is!been thinkin of ways to track him down case he doesnt go so i can find out where he lives and then accidently on purpose bump into him but then i think that sounds a bit stalkish-like!!!just really hoping he shows up on sunday,dont even know his name,oops...

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Original poster
steph1974 · 20/05/2005 14:31

gonna say that to my ex tomorrow,that he only wants it cos its wrong,but thing is we still shagged as soon as we split when he was still single,think hes just a dirty bugger,got a HUGE willy though...gotta stop thinkin like that.

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Papillon · 20/05/2005 14:34

let him be the fantasy of the type of male you would like to attract... if he turns up or not!

Perhaps he was a sign of better things to come... even if he is not the one to eventually arrive

Original poster
steph1974 · 20/05/2005 14:38

cant remember who said that i am not sending any vibes out to other men cos i am still seeing my ex but i reckon its kinda right cos he came along days after i decided to stop and he was definately interested,trust my other ex to interrupt..

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Papillon · 20/05/2005 14:48

and vibes are powerful things and so are signs imo

humdinger · 21/05/2005 19:03

Now you have the attitude girl - get out there get that new man and tell your ex to shove it a mile up his ar$e

Original poster
steph1974 · 22/05/2005 12:11

my ex came to pick my son up yesterday as usual and he brought his 10yr old daughter with him and he was even trying to grope me with her there,but behind her back,and when he brought my son back later on he didnt have his daughter with him(he has 7kids in total,think that would have told me someat but alas no!),anyway he grabbed me,got his d**k out(as u do)and tried to get my jeans down,bent my finger back trying to get him off me,course i know it sounds like hes being aggressive but he was doing it messing about saying'go on,u know u want to really'.Anyway,he got my jeans down but i got em back up again and shouted at him and so he let go of me,and said if you change your mind just text me,its becoming really difficult to get him to stay away,hes getting worse as the days go on cos its been 2 weeks since we last indulged,as for the horse riding guy,just come back from riding school and he wasnt there but then i didnt really expect him to be cos he only has his daughter every other week but if he isnt there next week then i'll be gutted...keep you all informed of latest news as it comes if anyone is interested....

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munz · 22/05/2005 12:29

i've briefly read this thread and steph - ur last post concerns me somewhat, I may be barking up the wrong tree here but I do have one question for u to think about (I don't expect an answer from u just have a bloody good think about it and decided from there)

u say u're ex grabbed u and pulled his bits out then tried to grab at ur jeans - that's a bit more than wanting casual sex to me, that's him wanting to dominate u - if u're into rough sex that's up to you, but what concerns me is that fact that when u said no he didn't listen and said u know u want it so my question is how far will u let him go/ how far will he go b4 he does something to really hurt u ie rape or something? I may be barking up the complete wrong tree here but if he's being as forceful as that and doing those sorts of things - girl u don't need him kick his butt to the curb and move on b4 it gets out of hand and he does think well last week she said no this week if she say's it again i'll ignore her. If he won't pick ur son up form ur mum's/ see ur son unless it's at ur house a) what sort of a dad is that and b) why not get ur mum around to ur house when he pickshim up/ drops him off? why don't u take him to the fathers house? there are ways around that, but the most important thing here is u keep ur own safety to the top of the list when he comes over. the fact ur DD isn't there yes is good as she doen't see him but on the other hand it would be damaging to her in the long run if anything did happen to you.

please hon think about it, u do deserve better than this man, weather he's ur DS's father or not what gives him the right to come to ur house and treat u like that?

i'm not havin a go and it's up to you at the end of the day but as I say be careful and watch him. personally I wouldn't trust him if I was u only on the agression front. I hope you find somone who will treat u with the respect u deserve. and sorry if i'm repeating what otehrs have said but think about it seriously.

happymerryberries · 22/05/2005 12:43

Agree with last post.

If he tries this again get hlp. Get good professional advice in how you can stop him harrassing you in this way. You didn't want him to do what he did, and that makes it assault. You have rights, please find out about how to make sure you can stop him.

Caligula · 22/05/2005 13:34

This is all about control and ownership for him Steph and he can't quite belive that he's lost control, so I suspect he'll keep on trying it on until he gets the message.

Original poster
steph1974 · 22/05/2005 13:47

am not worried about him taking it to far really,this has been going on for over 2 years and i have said its stopping in the past and he tries it on over and over,i have just given in before,but if i shout at him like i did yesterday he does stop what hes doing,hes just going to have to get use to not having it,he'll soon get bored i reckon and stop,hes just like a dog on heat,i wish his fiance accidently drove past my house as he was doing it but like thats gonna happen!

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Original poster
steph1974 · 24/05/2005 15:49

well it seems my ex is trying a different approach to get me to sleep with him,he showed up earlier saying that he is rowing with his fiance,and said they never have sex and i interrupted and said'let me guess, and she doesnt understand you?'and he said yes,she doesnt and he wants to leave but he has nowhere to go,blah blah blah,i didnt fall for it luckily but i am starting to wonder what he is gonna try next!He did try the groping approach first though when he first got there.

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Papillon · 24/05/2005 19:14

Just saw this thread and thought of you. I know you don´t feel threatened... but frequently men think that persistence is in many forms is OK. And then women start thinking well its normal and even if I don´t like they way they insist, its just the way men are. NO, its disrespectful, controlling and dangerous behaviour.

Glad you are still standing your ground and wiseing up to his ways and tatics. He sounds pretty promiscious and unable to say no, nor resist you and all the other female candied fish in the sea. Take care x

Original poster
steph1974 · 16/06/2005 16:17

well dont know if anyones interested but incase anyone is,heres the latest,so far so good in that my ex is slowly getting use to the idea,he still tries it on but not quite so much,he says his fiance is getting suspicious of us even though everything has stopped now,she wasnt suspicious before when stuff was going on,well he said not anyway,weird thing happened yesterday though and i still dont quite understand why,but maybe theres no meaning behind it,he gave me his vibrator that we used to use,said it just sits under his bed at his house never getting used so i may aswell have it,cant complain!

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Papillon · 16/06/2005 19:05

I am glad to hear from you Steph.. have wondered how it was going. The vibrator! weird.. perhaps he thinks you might think of him while using it? Wonder if the fiance will notice its absense depite him saying it gathers dust at his?

All the best and good for you for sticking to your guns

HappyHuggy · 16/06/2005 19:28

I'd just chuck the vibrator

Buy a nice new bigger one - for a fresh start

Original poster
steph1974 · 17/06/2005 07:09

yeh i was thinking whether i should use it or not cos i can imagine how many women its been used on,a bit gross isnt it!but then i dud use it before,still cant figure out why he gave it to me,and he said his fiance wont let him use it on her so thats why she wouldnt notice it was gone,he'd have to say he threw it away though if she asked,dont know whether she'd believe him though,as she is now suspicious of us i think its a bit of a daft thing to do,give me his vibrator cos if she does notice its missing she'll probably assume i've got it anyway so i dont think hes helping himself really!

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Original poster
steph1974 · 21/06/2005 13:24

update on ex situation-as his fiance is now suspicious even though its actually stopped now(cant quite figure out why she wasnt suspicious before but is now?)and as a result last saturday he had to cancel having my son cos she was sure he was up to something when he came for his son,so i am slightly worried that now she is suspicious that she is going to give him some kind of ultimatum and maybe stop him seeing his son,he said she'd be out the door if she tried to stop him but he said that about him coming to my sons birth,that she wouldnt stop him but she did so i gave birth alone so needless to say i am a bit concerned,just have to hope he has a backbone and stands up to her.

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