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Lone parents

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Original poster

having sex with my ex who has a fiance,should i stop???

312 replies

steph1974 · 11/05/2005 10:23

hi,i'm steph,split up with my sons father when i was 8weeks pregnant cos he was nasty to my daughter(from another relationship),but i still am having sex with him 2years down the line and he has a fiance,my family tell me to stop?but we only split up cos we didnt get on not cos we stopped fancying eachother so we have been carrying on but he is living with someone else yet doesnt seem to mind cheating on her,does anyone else think i should stop???

OP posts:
happymerryberries · 14/05/2005 18:28

Blimey, how is saying 'good on you' being a bitch? It was being supportive

ponygirl · 14/05/2005 18:52
Papillon · 14/05/2005 18:53

happymerryberries - it seems like happypot meant the earlier posts, rather than the later posts when the tongue swords were being waved about.

Have thought of you Steph and wondered how it would go today for you. Glad that all is so far so good

jollymum · 14/05/2005 20:24

Steph, you sound quite young to me. My exh left me for my best friend and TBH, I tried everything I could to get him back. Just hapened to be fixing the car when he cam round, with gorgeous "hired" man friend to help.Had totally shameless baby photos done of his 8 week old son, (which is when he left) just in time for Father's Day. Made the bugger cry, 'cos I had them inscribed on the back, with "To my Daddy, on his 1st Father's Day". Was a carefully, plotting bitch as had left gorgeous photo of me and baby in the envelope with his name on front. I know she looked!!
THEN met someone, who I'd known for a year, had Sunday lunch together and had the only one night stand in my sheltered little life. Great sex, dreadful hangover BUT still together after 15 years.
Let him go, you're proving a point. If she wants him, let her have him, because you will find someone. It's my guess that you're a young mum and he was a first boyfriend. You sound like a young mum, a GREAT mum, but very mixed up. Maybe we're a bit older on here, I am!! and have seen too much heartache.

Give yourself and those kids a chance. Be polite, firm and deny yourself because he won't believe you when you turn round and ask him to take the baby and go because you're busy. Have a friend call you on a pre-arranged signal. Have stuff lying around, maybe collge stuff? and let him know you are in charge. Sex is hard to resist, but my guess is there's lots of stuff that goes deeper for you. We Mns aren't bad people, just poeople. I think you're wrong too and would have jumped on you from a great height as well but have come on this thread later on. I think that your question was genuine, but any trolls beware, I will never be so lenient. Get youself a life and keep those kids you obviously love and care for so well safe. Men are sometimes users, keep yourself straight for those kids.

ponygirl · 14/05/2005 20:54

Like you're style, jollymum! And I agree with everything else you said. Wise words.

ponygirl · 14/05/2005 20:55

Aaaaaargh! "your" not "you're"!

HappyMumof2 · 14/05/2005 21:12

Message withdrawn

Original poster
steph1974 · 15/05/2005 15:40

to jollymum,thanks for the advice and thanks to everyone else for being a bit nicer, but to jollymum only,i may sound young but i am not that young,i am 31 hence the steph1974,my year of birth,and he was far from my first boyfriend,was with my daughters father before that for 13years,and i certainly dont have college stuff lying around,was the manager of a betting shop b4 i got pregnant with my daughter so just thought i would clear that up....

OP posts:
Original poster
steph1974 · 15/05/2005 18:34

sorry was meant to say,was with my daughters dad for 13years but my sons dad didnt come straight after,started seeing him 2 years after i split with my daughters dad so had several relationships in between albeit shorter ones,relationships all the same!!!Just taken my daughter horse riding and there was a lovely guy taking his daughter horse riding and he started to tell me he was single blah blah and right before we got to the swapping numbers part we got interrupted and it was time to go,i think it was fate,am just hoping he goes next time,bet he wont though,didnt think about my ex once today!!!was thinking about the 'horse riding guy' instead,dont know his name so thats what i am gonna call him!!

OP posts:
HappyMumof2 · 15/05/2005 19:46

Message withdrawn

Original poster
steph1974 · 16/05/2005 06:59

I have been on my own actually,my daughters father went to prison when my daughter was 3 months old for nearly 3 years,and now after splitting with my sons dad in nov 2003 i have been on my own since then so i have been on my own quite a bit,well practically the whole time i have been a mum,so i was not letting people use me and me not doing any using in between,if i was letting myself be totally used i would have stayed with him,i ended both my relationships that i had kids from cos neither we right for me and my kids so i do know what its like to be alone and i am managing on my own,with no help from anyone,very well,i refuse to take any money off my kids dads cos i dont want it thrown in my face if we row which is what would happen yet my kids get eveything they need,its me that gets nothing,i do without so they can have,i dont drink,smoke,go out,have anything very often for myself so my children dont go without so at 31 i know i am an excellent mum to my kids(i know no one has said otherwise directly),i just want to make it clear that at 31 i am not a naive cow that has never been without a man cos nothing could be further from the truth...

OP posts:
Original poster
steph1974 · 16/05/2005 07:37

And i am not knocking anyone else,who smokes,drinks,takes money from ex's etc,thats just what i choose to do,am just trying to get across that people have got this picture of me that is so wrong,thats all...

OP posts:
elsmommy · 16/05/2005 07:46

Go for it!! Its your life

batters · 16/05/2005 08:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
steph1974 · 18/05/2005 16:43

well on sat my ex left one of my sons bottles at his house(on purpose i think)so he would have an excuse to come round and thats what he just did,didnt ring first cos he knew i would tell him to just fetch it with him when he comes for my son on sat so he just showed up and boy did he try it on,over and over,had to prise his hands away from my waist,he wouldnt let go(in a messing about kind of way),was trying to shove my head down there and all sorts,but i kept remembering what everyone said on this site,as tempted as i was i managed to resist,he kept saying'u r just so irresistable,i cant help it'.I kept saying if u want someone to shag then u'll have to wait for your fiance to get home from work,he wasnt impressed!Anyway managed to get him out of the house with my jeans kinda done up after alot of (messing about)wrestling from him,so just like to say thanks for drumming some sense into me,feel much better about myself now that i have told him to f**k off!!

OP posts:
bossykate · 18/05/2005 16:44

wow! good for you!

Original poster
steph1974 · 20/05/2005 13:57

gosh,my ex wont give up!!!he keeps calling asking if i have changed my mind????anyone would think i had taken away the only sex he was getting,hes got a bloody fiance at home that he can shag everyday!!!which is what i keep telling him,just got off the phone to him,i said 'i know u think i am gonna change my mind cos i have before but its not happening this time'dont think he believes me,but he'll see,says hes gonna try again tomorrow but he doesnt realise my sister will be there when he comes to pick my son up,hes gonna be gutted....

OP posts:
HappyMumof2 · 20/05/2005 14:04

Message withdrawn

Original poster
steph1974 · 20/05/2005 14:07

he is,realised it now,told him i dont believe a word he says and that i pity his fiance for having to put up with it,but then she obviously doesnt mind or she wouldnt be with him but yes he is a lowlife,very goodlooking which is why i kept going back but still a lowlife....

OP posts:
HappyMumof2 · 20/05/2005 14:09

Message withdrawn

Original poster
steph1974 · 20/05/2005 14:13

no worries,i deserved it in a way,although i was not as much of a bi**h as people were saying.I dont intend to give in either,weds he just kept grabbing me,i had to run into bathroom so he couldnt grab me,thats how bad he is,he just gets it out and tries his best,but afterall hes just a man,cant expect too much from some of em.

OP posts:
Papillon · 20/05/2005 14:18

lol iron knickers

Guess he thinks he can wear you down. Wonder how long it will take to sink in? Maybe he will never stop lurking in the background for any opportunity. Perhaps he will he resort to gifts!

MINNIE1 · 20/05/2005 14:20

steph1974
You go girl thats what he needed keep it up... Think of him as the past and you have a bright future that you have to look forward to, Go with the flow and will be waiting to hear what becomes of this new man.
Best wishes

Original poster
steph1974 · 20/05/2005 14:20

but he can get sex from her,so why does he seem desperate to get it from me?like he hasnt had sex in a year????dont understand,sex is sex isnt it????

OP posts:
Flum · 20/05/2005 14:21

obviously sex is far more exciting with an ex. its because you shouldn't really be doing it.