I can't remember the last time something went right for me

[IllegallyBrunette]

Don't get me wrong, I know that there are people worse off than me, but it just struck me today that I now can't remember the last time something that I/we really needed or wanted went right.

It's got so that I don't even expect anything good to happen anymore and never expect things to work out be it job applications or whatever.

It is making me have a really negative view on absolutly everything I do tbh.

Good for you Nutty!

We spent 5 hours in the woods today! not blackberrying just mooching and making dens. Weather was dry so we made the most of it.

the boys have now collapsed in front of Alvin and the chipmunks!!

hurray, nutty! glad you are feeling better.

this weather is supposed to go to hell but fortunately i flogged off some stuff to get a replacement bulb for my SAD lamp - going to have to break that out soon.

hiya, collision .

Just had some dissapointing news, my brother and his gf are splitting up. It is such a shame as she is lovely, but he said he just isn't happy .

Managed to make myself think of something good to come out of it though. My brother lives about an 90 min drive away at the mo so I don't see him that often, but he is going to try and move back to here and even aply for a flat on this estate

Sorry to hear you're on a downer atm. Shame about your dbro but good you are being positive again.

Focus on your course , you got yourself accepted , so get motivated to see it through and remember the college want you to succeed and will support you but you have to open up and let them if things get difficult. Is there any reading or preparation you can do ahead of it starting, to ease you in and take some of the initial pressure off?

Also don't set your sights too high. It's fine to have ambition but not so good if is unattainable, a long way off or too vague, and makes you feel you are failing if it doesn't come easily. Think of specific short term goals, make lists perhaps, you can tick off as you go and feel good about.

Feeling slightly shite again today.

Spent most of yesterday job hunting on the net and found nothing. Emailed a couple of nurseries to see if they had any vacancies for a trainee. Only one replied, and she was very apologetic but said it was a bad time of year for them with all of their pre-schoolers leaving.

I know college will give me the qualifications I need to get a job, but I want to be working now.

I just hate feeling so damn useless and worthless.

oh, IB, at least there are only about 3wks left of the summer hols!
i have been feeling a bit low the last couple of days, dont know why, i think i just miss my ex a lot and am still so pissed off at myself for letting him go.

When i am low it justs seems like things will never change, and they will always be this way.

Off on hols this afternoon for a fortnight, so am looking forward to that! Though when i am away i seem to miss him even more! how pathetic.

Hope you are ok

Where are you off to on holiday ??

I don't miss my xp at all, I just miss having someone there. The loneliness is so suffocating sometimes.

The kids are driving me nuts again, ds just keeps moaning and moaning over and over and teling me he hates me.

I have a driving lesson too which id really love to cancel but i'll have to pay for the lesson anyway so can't afford to do that.

We're going to Portugal.
Dont worry, both my kids tell me they hate me about 100 times a day. Its draining isnt it?

At least you know you did the right thing finishing with your ex, and dont waste your life pining for him (like me).

i guess its the loneliness in the evenings and weekends thats hard for all us LPs

I feel lonely all the time tbh.

I dunno, I just majorly fed up of trying to get stuff sorted in my life and failing. Tried to get a job - fail, try to move house - fail.

Can't say try to meet a bloke, cos I haven't really tried LOL.

Being lonely was always going to be one of the hardest things for me, because I have always hated it even as a child, and although i'd never get back with xp now, I also know that i'd not of split with him if someone had told me i'd still be alone 2 yrs down the line.

If you had stayed with XP do you think that your life would be any better than now? Apart from the obvious loneliness part- he never wanted you to progress in life and told you would get nowhere without him.

Surely that must give you the drive to prove him wrong?

But my life is no different is it. I haven't progresed at all.

I thought i'd have a social life, bloke perhaps, definatly have a job by now and I have non of that so it kind of seems like I did it for nothing.

It's been 2 years and I am no further forward in my life than when we split.

I would love to prove him wrong, but i can't if nothing works.

Two years ago, I was full of hope that my life would be so good. I never expected it to be a bed of roses, or have everything turn out right, but to be two years down the line and not have anything that has worked out just makes me feel so gutted.

I wouldn't mind so much if i'd sat on my arse and not tried, but I have tried so so hard, especially on the job front, and yet I got no where.

When i first split with xp and people used to say 'oh just you see, in a year or so things will be so different' etc etc, but they aren't and who's to say that things won't always be like this.

Thats a sickening thought.

The job thing is pretty simple- You need qualifications for any job nowadays ( was it you who posted about even a cleaner needing a qualificiation??). Therefore you need to work on getting a qual that will make you appealing to the job market.

That is something that you already plan to do with your new course. On this new course you will meet other likeminded people ( other single mothers perhaps) who will no doubt enhance your social life.

If you stick at the course, in a year you will see significant, positive changes in your life. Fact.

But loads of people I know who haven't got any qualifications have still managed to get a job.

I have applied for stuff that says 'no qualifications or experience needed' and then I still haven't got an interview.

I just don't get what I am doing so wrong.

Have you tried volunteering at a nursery? That how I got my foot in the door. And they trained me.
I volunteered as I didnt want to leave my PFB And after a couple of months I was being called in to cover people, then offered a job, then put on courses etc.
And if you didnt get a job its an EXCELLENT thing to put on your CVIt also means you are CRB checked and can so school things too, if thats your thing, but its not mine.

I can't CC because if I am not working then I have to be at college. I can't volunteer on the off chance I might get a job eventually iyswim.

I just feel like giving up tbh. just cannot see a point to any of it.

Can you see the point in the course that you have been accepted on?

Yes I can see the point of it, I just don't want to do it.

Why dont you want to do it? I thought that you were keen to do this- not just for the qual but because you were interested in it.

you really dont want to do it?

I am interested in it, but I would much rather have a job.

Im at a loss what to suggest. If you do this course it will give you the opportunity to apply for those jobs that you cant apply for, opening up other avenues for you.

Im concerned that you wont complete this course because you dont want to do it. thats worrying nutty, because the reality of it is, its your only option to get any decent, paid work.

You don't sound very committed to the course atm , whether you actually want to do it or not I do understand you'd rather be out earning but if you want to break into any sort of career path unfortunately, as you have discovered, you have to have the basic qualifications to jump through the selection hoops to get to interview stage. Can you ask to meet the course tutor to discuss the programme in more detail , it might just help you get motivated and give you some leads as to what reading you could do ahead. Also, outside term time would you be able to use the placement opportunities to get paid work ?

I don't sound commited because I'm not. I feel like I am being forced into it.

I'd not be able to do paid work out of term time no, not unless i wanted another caution for benefit fraud.

I am going to do the course, I don't have a choice. My kids already think I am no good at anything.