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Original poster

Cancel cms?

184 replies

HoneyBlossoms · 29/08/2025 20:35

Has anyone ever cancelled child maintenance or doesn't claim it? The payments are ridiculously low so it's not even worth me claiming I am tempted to cancel, has anyone done the same?

OP posts:
Original poster
HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 12:23

You know what mumsnet is very interesting! If someone posts saying they get £400 a month the comments are "that's disgusting!" "How does he get away paying so little!!" "How can you raise kids on that/ he should be ashamed" post that you get £7 a week and get told that a penny is a penny, better than nothing, at least you can buy the kids a treat, that's £364 a year! Unbelievable any wonder why men get off with it when we should be grateful to receive a penny!

OP posts:
SomeOfTheTrouble · 30/08/2025 12:48

HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 12:23

You know what mumsnet is very interesting! If someone posts saying they get £400 a month the comments are "that's disgusting!" "How does he get away paying so little!!" "How can you raise kids on that/ he should be ashamed" post that you get £7 a week and get told that a penny is a penny, better than nothing, at least you can buy the kids a treat, that's £364 a year! Unbelievable any wonder why men get off with it when we should be grateful to receive a penny!

No one is saying you should be grateful, unless I’ve missed it? Just that surely that £7 is better in your pocket than his.

Original poster
HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 12:52

They are implying it, don't see those comments on £400 a month threads...

OP posts:
SomeOfTheTrouble · 30/08/2025 12:56

HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 12:52

They are implying it, don't see those comments on £400 a month threads...

But that’s because the premise of the threads in entirely different. You thread was about whether you should cancel the claim, not whether £7 is enough. If you’d said ‘my ex pays £7 a week, is that sufficient’, people would have said ‘no, of course it’s not’. Equally if someone said ‘my partner only pays £400 a month, should I cancel the claim’ people would say ‘no, it’s better in your pocket than his’. Surely you can see the difference?
I don't think anyone thinks £7 a week is sufficient, and no one on here has said (or even implied) that.

Original poster
HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 13:01

No they don't, the threads I have seen is the op asking for more maintenance as they "only" get £400 a month and it's all comments saying how disgusting that is yet mine shut up and be grateful, save it for when they are adults, well it's not meant to be saved for them as a lump sum as adults it's meant to contribute to their daily living costs.

OP posts:
Daisy12Maisie · 30/08/2025 13:01

The dad of my 32 year old half sister has just told her he wanted to pay maintenance but my mum wouldn’t let him. This is absolute rubbish as we had no food in the house a lot of the time and my cost got stolen at school so I then had to be without a coat for the next 2 winters. There is no way my mum would have said no to any amount of money. My sister didn’t believe him as he is such a loser but don’t let that allegation be made. Put the money in a driving lessons fund for your child. Or give it to charity if you genuinely don’t need it.
My son’s maintenance goes into his uni savings. It won’t help much but my son wants to do a 5 year degree so we need every penny.

Original poster
HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 13:04

Daisy12Maisie · 30/08/2025 13:01

The dad of my 32 year old half sister has just told her he wanted to pay maintenance but my mum wouldn’t let him. This is absolute rubbish as we had no food in the house a lot of the time and my cost got stolen at school so I then had to be without a coat for the next 2 winters. There is no way my mum would have said no to any amount of money. My sister didn’t believe him as he is such a loser but don’t let that allegation be made. Put the money in a driving lessons fund for your child. Or give it to charity if you genuinely don’t need it.
My son’s maintenance goes into his uni savings. It won’t help much but my son wants to do a 5 year degree so we need every penny.

I've got all the letters saying he is due to pay £7 or that they haven't received a payment from him so are chasing up the £28 so don't worry I have lots of proof.

OP posts:
SomeOfTheTrouble · 30/08/2025 13:05

HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 13:01

No they don't, the threads I have seen is the op asking for more maintenance as they "only" get £400 a month and it's all comments saying how disgusting that is yet mine shut up and be grateful, save it for when they are adults, well it's not meant to be saved for them as a lump sum as adults it's meant to contribute to their daily living costs.

We’re obviously reading different threads. No one has told you to shut up and be grateful. They have said that there’s no point cancelling as you are better off having the money than him having it. If you post again saying ‘I only get £7 a week, is that sufficient’, I guarantee that no one will tell you to shut up and be grateful.
If you can’t see that the responses are different because the entire premise of the thread is different (yours was about cancelling the claim, not whether it was enough) then there’s nothing else I can say.

Typicalwave · 30/08/2025 13:07

You’re being petty.

put it in a savings account for your children.

Original poster
HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 13:09

Typicalwave · 30/08/2025 13:07

You’re being petty.

put it in a savings account for your children.

£7 is petty maybe I feel like being petty? I should be bitter at receiving such a pitiful amount.

OP posts:
Typicalwave · 30/08/2025 13:10

Daisy12Maisie · 30/08/2025 13:01

The dad of my 32 year old half sister has just told her he wanted to pay maintenance but my mum wouldn’t let him. This is absolute rubbish as we had no food in the house a lot of the time and my cost got stolen at school so I then had to be without a coat for the next 2 winters. There is no way my mum would have said no to any amount of money. My sister didn’t believe him as he is such a loser but don’t let that allegation be made. Put the money in a driving lessons fund for your child. Or give it to charity if you genuinely don’t need it.
My son’s maintenance goes into his uni savings. It won’t help much but my son wants to do a 5 year degree so we need every penny.

Yeah - my ex somd that lie all over the shop.

Fortunately I was able to show my adult child all the emails asking for money, and the receipts for the 10 months he did pay (via trans western Union making me pay the fees for his pitiful contribution whilst he jetted around the world on expensive holidays)

Men often sell that line - it’s almost never the truth.

SomeOfTheTrouble · 30/08/2025 13:10

HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 13:09

£7 is petty maybe I feel like being petty? I should be bitter at receiving such a pitiful amount.

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Yes, you absolutely should feel bitter at receiving such a pitiful amount. If cancelling helps to stop you feeling bitter then do it.

Thissickbeat · 30/08/2025 13:11

No. Why would I?
Squirrel it away for them in their name so UC can't touch it and pray they're sensible when they hit 18.

EverybodyLTB · 30/08/2025 13:18

I’m certainly not saying £7 is acceptable, he’s disgusting and should be flogged in the street, branded, and sent to Siberia! But! If you keep the claim live, there’s a teeny tiny chance his circumstances change, that’s certainly the only point I was making. Also if £7 is nothing to you, which you’re right it’s fuck all, set up a direct debit to Greenpeace or something and let him pay for it.

When my EHX was paying peanuts, £7 a week for 3 kids he didn’t see, I used to ‘specifically’ spend it on things like getting my hair done (even though it was in my normal current account). He’s a piece of shit, yes, but it’s still £370 odd quid to treat yourself with. I agree with you he’s scum.

FairyBatman · 30/08/2025 13:25

I agree that £7 a month is a complete piss take, but these men have a way of spinning this shit.

If you have it paid into a savings account and never touch it, then he can never claim that you wouldn’t let him support his kids etc and the kids will be able to see exactly what he thought they were worth. It’s there in black and white and he can never weasel his way out of his actions.

Original poster
HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 13:28

FairyBatman · 30/08/2025 13:25

I agree that £7 a month is a complete piss take, but these men have a way of spinning this shit.

If you have it paid into a savings account and never touch it, then he can never claim that you wouldn’t let him support his kids etc and the kids will be able to see exactly what he thought they were worth. It’s there in black and white and he can never weasel his way out of his actions.

I wouldn't want him taking credit for "supporting" them on £7 tbh I think that would be worse actually. My cats cost more than £7 a week.

OP posts:
batt3nb3rg · 30/08/2025 13:39

HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 01:13

Sadly it's not for one child so it's nowhere near that amount.

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Okay then it will pay for one of the children's driving lessons and you can pay for the others. At the end of the day it's better to have any amount of money than no money, even if it isn't enough to do anything substantial. Your children are entitled to that money of you don't want/need it to meet their daily needs. It is less effort to keep the claim open and forget about it than it is to cancel it.

And no, you don't need to be grateful for recieving the utterly pitiful amount of £7 a week for the support of multiple children. But "cancel the claim" and "be grateful for your £7 a week" are not the only two options available to you. You can keep recieving the money, put it away and let it grow into something you can actually do something with. Use it for a sunny holiday when your youngest is 18 if you want! You would deserve it after supporting your children by yourself!

Stressfordays · 30/08/2025 13:59

My ex is exactly the same. I kept it running even though it was a pathetic £7 a week for 3 kids. 7 years I've had the claim and the job centre must have finally given him a kick up the arse as in April, it went up to £178 a month which although is still low, is better then a kick in the teeth. Just keep it running, don't rely on it and don't pay attention to it. One day they may force his hand to get a job.

Original poster
HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 14:25

Stressfordays · 30/08/2025 13:59

My ex is exactly the same. I kept it running even though it was a pathetic £7 a week for 3 kids. 7 years I've had the claim and the job centre must have finally given him a kick up the arse as in April, it went up to £178 a month which although is still low, is better then a kick in the teeth. Just keep it running, don't rely on it and don't pay attention to it. One day they may force his hand to get a job.

It's been 10 years, he plays the mental health care so doesn't have any work commitments (whilst earning cash in hand)

OP posts:
AntiBullshit · 30/08/2025 14:40

When my eldest was a baby CMS tried to get the father to pay took 4 years, by which time I’d managed on income support and child benefit so I asked them to close the claim. He’s never seen his child or had any interest.

Stressfordays · 30/08/2025 15:04

HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 14:25

It's been 10 years, he plays the mental health care so doesn't have any work commitments (whilst earning cash in hand)

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They're cracking down remember. It won't be so easy soon! It's totally up to you if you cancel it or not. I used to want to as well but I literally just left it running and completely ignored it all. Didn't open emails or letters. It was only when I saw the payment in my bank I looked and thought ooh! I get your frustration though. These pathetic men. You can also have someone else deal with it for you too, you can nominate someone and they'll receive all communication. I used to find it quite triggering to deal with.

Original poster
HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 15:37

Cracking down on people playing the mental health card? Seems they are the ones they are protecting the most

OP posts:
ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 30/08/2025 21:06

HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 13:01

No they don't, the threads I have seen is the op asking for more maintenance as they "only" get £400 a month and it's all comments saying how disgusting that is yet mine shut up and be grateful, save it for when they are adults, well it's not meant to be saved for them as a lump sum as adults it's meant to contribute to their daily living costs.

Literally nobody has said shut up or be grateful. This is a really weird thing to have such a chip on your shoulder about.

BrightLightTonight · 30/08/2025 21:08

Pay it into an account for your DC - it all adds up

Original poster
HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 21:18

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 30/08/2025 21:06

Literally nobody has said shut up or be grateful. This is a really weird thing to have such a chip on your shoulder about.

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Really? I’d imagine most people would be annoyed receiving £7
It’s insulting

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