Why are men so bitter about paying maintenance?

[bidoofisgod]

Just that really. Why do they get so resentful about paying for their kids and then expect us to be so grateful for getting their measly money whilst they complain about it?
I get £25 a month. And it's thrown in my face every time we speak, and then when I offer to help with childcare over half term as he has to work on days he has the kids (im a TA so will be off anyway) he says no because he doesn't want me using it to demand more money from him, and would rather pay someone else for childcare. How does that make any sense? All the while he's out living his life whilst I'm left with the kids and the dog which he wanted but now "can't have" and I have to shoulder the financial burden off.
All the same time whilst saying he doesn't want to divorce and wants us to work it out. Really selling yourself here and making yourself so attractive. Ffs

Sorry, rant over

Daddycool2024

What was the general pick up/drop off / overnights arrangement when your son was at their previous nursery?

So why haven't you taken 5 minutes to put your name on the paperwork and ask for all communication to be sent to you as well? I think you keep skipping over the question.

If my ex and I had 50/50 custody I would have been sensible enough to have it formalised so that wouldn't have happened.

I guess having a 5 minute conversation with a nursery and having a solicitor draw up an agreement is just another unfair expectation placed on the poor menz though 😭

Who cares how any parent takes this? Stop being so precious. If you feel she's obstructive, fine, that's your right. But then refusing to ask the nursery to add you to contact details, whatsapp, information evenings etc is just stupid and a completely separate issue. Feel aggreived if you must with your ex - whatever. But that doesn't prevent you from then stepping in and having that five minute conversation with the nursery.

There wasn’t any evidence of missed/no payments as I provided what I needed to, when required to CMS. Bank statements, text messages confirming I’m picking him up etc.

They still investigated and for whatever reason, mum withdrew the collect pay - perhaps she was advised it wouldn’t stand?

I can’t help but feel scrutinised for trying to be a dad and when he shows up in small clothes, i’m the green eyed monster for calling b*shjt?

@Daddycool2024 is dancing around questions as he's been called out on so many things on this thread-

-claiming his ex would get legal aid for family court without domestic abuse, not true

-saying his ex went for collect and pay as she's bitter, not true or possible unless there is history on non or late payments or domestic abuse

-saying his ex hasn't provided the child's nursery with his details, when she will have had to provide the birth certificate when the child was enrolled which will have the fathers name on

-generally having no clue about parental responsibility and the fact that if named on the birth certificate he can collect the child anyway (doesn't need permission of ex)

Sorry Jo.

I forgot there’s a bible on how to be a father. Remember, this has been in the space of 12 months.

we have 14 years to go…

Anyways.

i hope today brought the readers an insight as to what happens on a fathers end.

I do not condone what most men do! It’s not on.

There are men who want the best for their child and for you to be generalising men is not cool.

BOTH parents have important roles to play in a child’s life.

Lovely words. And yet still you are complaining about it?

The system is broken.

Happy reading :)

So why haven't you taken 5 minutes to put your name on the paperwork and ask for all communication to be sent to you as well?

He's not bothered about his son's education. He'd much rather find things that feed his feelings of victimhood. Because as @Daddycool2024 has gone to considerable lengths to explain: it's all about his feelings.

Not legal reality. Not material reality. Not Parental Responsibility. Not his son.

His feelings!

Oh I will, too old for having more now.

Thankfully I actually raise and parent mine. Could give you some parenting tips if you like, or you could just start a thread on here, the advice would be invaluable for you.

Tip 1 - take 5 minutes out if your day to be actively involved in your kids nursery communications.

HTH.

You didn't bring any insight.

You simply confirmed the insightful posts from single mothers and the adult children who grew up with bitter, resentful fathers. Thank you for that.

The mum of the year award goes to you! Well done 🥳

everyone - @StopTheBusINeedAWeeWeeAWeeWeeBagOChips has the answers!

Why are there so many kids without support/two parents as from what you’ve stated, you’ve got figured it out and men are ‘generally’ wrong?

It’s important for both parents to ‘bridge the gap’ not just the male figure…

Because, as you've proved, men, generally can't be arsed to parent and like to blame the mum rather than accept any responsibility themselves.

I've seen it a million times, and I'll see it a million more yet.

Maybe go onto a F4J forum, they will big you up for you're mediocre contributions and soothe you and tell you how horrible your ex is. Might be better for your ego.

I’m doing everything ‘legally’ required of me.

The same ‘legal’ meaning you referred to when discussing the birth certificate.

but now, ‘I can’t be arsed to parent’ because I’m upholding the legal process set up by my ex?

I’m doing everything ‘legally’ required of me.

What. A. Man.

Be still my beating heart 😳

I’m quoting your words about ‘legal’ and googling responsibilities of a parent.

now you’re disgruntled when it’s used against you!

I'm not disgruntled at all. If anything I'm mildly amused that you've been on this thread for hours thinking you're amazing, when in fact, you barely scrape into the mediocre category, and thats with you over inflating your involvement.

I feel very sorry for your poor ex who has to deal with you, and I feel really sorry for your kid who isn't even worth a five minute chat at nursery though.

You can't even be arsed to spend 5 minutes to do the absolute minimum in order to be part of your son's day to day life. You can however spend hours on denigrating your Ex, revelling in victimhood and justifying what will ultimately destroy your relationship with your son.

You're not building bridges. You're creating the chasm.

Haha - the chat wouldn’t have been necessary if mum didn’t want to deliberately dismiss adding me but happy to collect CMS payments.

First nursery, I was involved in the application and guess what? I Was kept updated.

Guess what, if you had a quick chat with the nursery you could be just as involved again, as has been stated many times.

Your lack of involvement is 100% on you.

AKA, if my Ex won't behave like she did when we were together, then I'm not interested in my child's education.