Why are men so bitter about paying maintenance?

[bidoofisgod]

Just that really. Why do they get so resentful about paying for their kids and then expect us to be so grateful for getting their measly money whilst they complain about it?
I get £25 a month. And it's thrown in my face every time we speak, and then when I offer to help with childcare over half term as he has to work on days he has the kids (im a TA so will be off anyway) he says no because he doesn't want me using it to demand more money from him, and would rather pay someone else for childcare. How does that make any sense? All the while he's out living his life whilst I'm left with the kids and the dog which he wanted but now "can't have" and I have to shoulder the financial burden off.
All the same time whilst saying he doesn't want to divorce and wants us to work it out. Really selling yourself here and making yourself so attractive. Ffs

Sorry, rant over

I think you're mistaking my historical experience as McKenzie friend with my clinical experience of working with people with narcissistic traits, the clue is in my username.

Enroll him at a local childminder to your home on an every other week basis

So you suggest to just turn up at a nursery and demand a child waving a birth certificate. in practice, it doesn’t work like that.

It works exactly like that.

And you as a nursery teacher will let a child walk out? My goodness.

You think you are very good at the "gotcha' don't you? I said nothing about turning up at nursery. I made the point that you have done f-all to understand your legal rights and responsibilities. You don't even know what parental responsibility is, nor that you don't need your ex's permission to collect your son. Because you can't be bothered you just like to blame your ex, the government, other women etc for things.

A teacher should release their children to the parents (on BC) of the children in their care, plus any additional nominated adults.

It's not about what an individual nursery teacher will let happen. It's about the law.

That’s good - well done on what you have achieved.

You can not apply your clinical experience to scenarios where fathers (who are paying) are feeling abused by the system.

If anything, your comments are controlling/cohesive in an attempt to keep fathers quiet from speaking about…

I don't understand why British women don't revolt against the piss poor child maintenance (enforcement).

In the States they take your driving licence if you don't pay!

My father had to pay a lot of maintenance to my mother (lot of kids), despite being self employed. In the Netherlands it's very hard to cheat out of providing maintenance. Also if there is an income disparity going 50/50 will not necessarily reduce maintenance to 0.

I heard my father complaining about it for years. Heard all of the things already mentioned on this thread. When I was a teenager I thought it was a lot of money, but now I am an adult with my own DC I know that 120 per child a month is nothing near what my DC actually cost.

Not at all.

Would be easier for mum to notify the nursery of the child’s father?

instead men are required to jump through hoops to want to be fathers?

Right, so it's the mum's job but if you have to do it then you're jumping through hoops?🤦‍♀️

Nurseries require the child's birth certificate on enrolment @Daddycool2024 so they will have that anyway.

@Daddycool2024

What hoops have you jumped through?

For starters I now drive 120 miles per week to collect and drop my son home.

I had access to his old nursery ‘app’ and ‘WhatsApp’ groups which shows his days activities, what he eats, how long he sleeps and when he has upcoming trips etc.

Since mum changed his nursery, I have received nothing.

We are getting into the fine detail of my CMS case which I have no issue in sharing.

At least you all have an insight as to why men may feel ‘bitter’. I do not condone not paying at all. I feel the system incorrectly assumes fathers are absent when in fact most want to be part of their children’s life.

Clearly nothing as difficult as Googling "Parental Responsibilty and rights UK".

But he has put a lot of effort into the mental gymnastics he performs to justify his bitter resentment at paying maintenance for his child.

I had access to his old nursery ‘app’ and ‘WhatsApp’ groups which shows his days activities, what he eats, how long he sleeps and when he has upcoming trips etc. Since mum changed his nursery, I have received nothing.

Why haven't you asked for this yourself @Daddycool2024?

So no hoops?

Im in the <20% group of fathers who pay on time, every month which is my parental responsibility no? What’s your point?

If anything, your comments are controlling/cohesive in an attempt to keep fathers quiet from speaking about…

That's DARVO @Daddycool2024

I'm not interested in DARVO

Are you seeking approval for doing what is expected of you?

Sorry but that is totally irrelevant. Please take your allegations on serious crime elsewhere.

An ex of my friend once told her he hated that he had to pay for them (her and kids) to be a family while he lived in a shitty flat and worked 40 hours while she got to have them all during the week and every second weekend. The thing was the reason they broke up was that he was all about working and never made an effort with the kids, she worked ft but had to organise childcare or take time off when kids were sick, and then he had an affair. So I can see the point in a way, the mum is more likely to get custody and the house but don’t really think he had the right to be bitter because he caused the break up

That's only one part of parental responsibility. And you're using it to feed your sense of victimhood and blame your Ex.

Your bitterness and resentment is not healthy. Not healthy for you. Not healthy for your son. And over time it will corrode your relationship until you lose him completely.

I get that your Ex pulled the rug from under you. It's shit when that happens. I know. There comes a time when you have to get over it and not allow your feelings about your Ex interfere with your investment in your son, his education and wellbeing, and your future relationship.

Time to stop dwelling on the things you think you can't do so you can blame your Ex. Make 2025 the year you do what you need to. As a parent. Starting with asking the nursery for updates.

Put more energy into loving your son than resenting your Ex.

I do love my son, hence why I stood here trying to defend MY situation against so many ‘single’ parents.

Never have I condoned child neglect or said I’m not prepared to care for him. It’s not his fault his parents have separated.