Is 50/50 really the go to in family courts

[Dunkindoughnutty]

I read a lot of threads where relationships have broken down and parents go to court for 50/50 access. Whilst a lot of replies consist of '50/50 should be given.' I'm interested to know if this is actually the norm in family courts?

I'd love to hear from those who work in family law or family courts about what contact agreements are most likely given. (Obviously very circumstantial).

@BettyGreen92 the message boys need to hear is that the children and running a family home isn’t women’s work. It’s a team effort.
Look at the threads on here what are common themes for relationship breakdown/divorce. Aside from abuse and cheating many women leave because they become unhappy at doing absolutely everything for the family and their partner doesn’t respect them or care (many of these women also work full time so are also ‘providers’.).
I have three sons myself and thankfully the father of my youngest two is the type of man that is an actual parent and doesn’t palm it all off to me. He is a great role model for the boys.

I’m so sorry you felt like this, I have heard this so much from adults now that they have grown up that they felt like they didn’t have a solid home after living 50/50 between both.

In our society now we are all so much more aware of how childhood trauma affects adult life and every decision you make in your adult life. I wish cafcass officers took more attention to what is really best for a child to feel they have a secure base and a good relationship with both parents. You can be a very active parent by having EOW and week day visit, weekends are not interrupted by school days so those constant hours together are a chance to very involved and to make memories with your child.

I am anxiously awaiting my section 7 report. From reading this I am so worried about the 50/50 request being granted.

Seems like so many of us mums live through the same nightmare with a narcissistic emotional/physical abuser who continues to abuse post separation and drags you through the injustice court system that seems to be so into “dads rights” now. Abuse is ignored even in front of the children, however is it is PROVEN children who witness DV either turn into abusers themselves or have serious childhood trauma from it. How can we not be able to show this in court!?

I too, like many mums got to a fact finding hearing then my ex accepted a non molestation order for another 6 months on top of his one that is due to expire in a few months. Then my solicitor advised me it wouldn’t make much difference even if they found the allegations to be fact. This put me off as I just went through a horrific cross examination in a criminal trial for an assault on a handover 5 months after we had split. Despite my recordings and photos, case was dismissed and it went down as not guilty. His story is that i set him up to assault me in front of our 20 month old DS as I was recording, I was advised by DV support groups I should record just incase something like this happened… and it did.
This has given more power and control to an abuser and enabled him even more in the family courts to push for 50/50 - like most, he was a huge drinker and drug user but magically was squeaky clean on his test as he knew that was one of my main concerns, cleaned up his act for a few months and the court fell for it.

Ex pays no CM, self employed, cooks the books.. you know the drill!

DS is 2.5 years old. I have been his primary carer from birth and my part time work works perfect around him not being in child care for long stretches of time.
Again, when in the relationship ex called on monster-in-law when DS was in his care, every time. So I have never seen him solely responsible for him whilst I’m not there. I know cafcass or courts don’t care about this either.

Im preparing for the worst. But i am at the point I do not care what happened to me in the relationship I am just happy to be away from that hell, but I just know as a mothers intuition and instinct (which gets taken away in court and by cafcass) that 50/50 just isn’t right for DS. I am hoping for EOW and tea time in the week. He has had the same routine for so long I am frightened of what the changes will do to him.

ex has contact every Saturday as of now for 5 hours, handover via contact centre, and when he went last time he was upset and didn’t want to go. I know it will increase as I have come to terms with Court and Cafcass do not care about what happened in the relationship but it’s just heart breaking reading all of this and hearing so many mums in the same position and nothing is being done about it. What happened to mothers rights!?
They don’t lie when they say “this is a man’s world”.

Hiya, how far distance were you and your ex partner. Similar situation, did anyone ever put in a prohibited steps to stop the other moving so far?

Ex partner has moved 175 miles away with my two children 9 and 5. None are in school and she would like them to be home schooled which we are not in agreement with.

I would like 50/50 to support them with everything I possible can. I have changed my job therefore have the availability to do 50/50. Is 50/50 likely, I currently see them every weekend with sleepovers and have done for 4 months now. Am I likely to get 50/50? Will they be told to go to school? Can I get them moved back?

Hi @limoncelloo I have pracitcall got same situation as you, and I’m really stressed and worried. I have messages saying 50/50 so no maintenance and everytime it’s come back up it’s as a result of CMS developments and contact with him. Did they consider this at all? Were you able to present any evidence you had on the motivation? We had an arrangement in place which has been working well for last 5.5 years and our child is happy, not sure why they would just be able to change a routine that’s been working for such a long time when money is the only driver for it. A response from a very worried mummy would be much appreciated

Does he realise that 50-50 isn’t just a case of having 50% of the days and not paying maintenance he will also have to pick up 50% of all costs going forward and that he’ll have to fund child care on his days, including in the holidays. Unless he has a really high paid job and his maintenance is really high I can’t see how it would work out cheaper if done properly.

I don’t work in family court however I have a 50/50 split with my ex and it’s something that we agreed on when we split up.
the kids have thrived with it, they love that they get to see us both equally and they have done amazing over 4 years.
i honestly think where this is a possibility and where dads want it then it should happen. Both parents bring a child into the world, unfortunately things happen and family’s split but I don’t agree children need a mother more truth is they need a parent more if that be mother or father. There is too much father bashing in this world why add to it. This is btw not inclusive of any abusive parent, or anything else that could bring harm or dysfunction to a child’s life but again that goes for mothers too.
if a father is willing to be a dad, if a dad has no history of abuse, and he’s willing to be there for the child or children he helped to create then 50/50 is a fair deal. My children want for nothing, we work together a team. And yes it’s difficult at times and yes we may not agree all the time but truth is we both have the children’s best interests forefront and isn’t that what matters. Just because it’s hard as a mother to let go doesn’t mean that a dad should suffer.

50/50 is looking more and more like,the way forward. I will get flamed but many women don't like as they "lose their children" which in reality is what men have had for years. However, what is difficult having seen it recently is once the kids are reaching adulthood but still live at home. In reality they have two homes and I know of one young person who is now working and says she feels like she lives out of a car having to divide time between parents and feels torn saying if she would rather base herself at one house, especially when parents have new partners and the partner may not want them there more than 50% of the time

The thing is though 50/50 is often not based on the children's best interests and more about fairness for the parents. None of it is fair. No one wants a broken family for their children. As a general rule children need to have both parents in their lives, but the exact arrangement should be tailored on the best interests of child in each case and also the he needs and wants of the child can change as they get older. You have teenagers who are unhappy with 50/50 but don’t want to upset their parent.

50/50 can work for children. In general you need amicable parents who communicate well, live close together, similar financial means and things like children’s routine is kept to no matter what house they are in. So many kids can only do their sports or hobbies when at one parents house because the other parent won’t bring them that kind of shitty behaviour makes it so much harder on the children.

The only fathers that I see getting put down are the ones who deserve it based on their actions. As a society we have a low bar when it comes to how we expect fathers to behave.
There are fantastic dads out there and there are also terrible mothers out there.
I do worry about the long term outcome for all those children who are in 50/50 arrangements where it’s not in their best interest at all.

If it wasn't for distance my abusive ex would have got 50/50 with a breastfeeding baby. Because abusing mum isn't a risk to the kids (he did abuse the kids but I could only prove the abuse to me). I was told to express like it's easy. When I said I'm not comfortable giving such a personal bodily fluid to my rapist was told well it's formula then.

Judge kept saying stuff "wasn't best for dad". I pissed judge off my pointing out the law says child's best interests and decisions should be made on that not what dad wants.

It's a misogynistic broken system that serves men not the children and is damaging to most women put through it.

Ex then asked judge to reduce the amount of contact being ordered to EOW because "that's the amount I need to reduce my maintenance".

Really stressed out. Father spent 20% time with child previously aa married (barely participated unless I pushed him) now divorcing says wants 50 50 when move and child (age 10) doesn't want it but said she's scared will upset him (shes bit scared of him although hes not been violent hes really tough on her). I thought we could keep things as are to make least disruption to her but he days he wants 5050. I'm not sure how to navigate this. I want him to have a relationship with him but not for her to feel obligated for things to dramatically change with us splitting up. She is really attached to me. Any advice please

I didn’t go to court but reluctantly agreed a 50/50 split and shared care arrangement. I would recommend this as the child get’s flexibility say if they are ill and need to stay in bed where ever they are. Court orders are very rigid and if relations are bad it means child’s best interests not at heart of the decision. Ex h and I have set says during term time but then we are more flexible when it’s holidays ect. Try agree something through mediation. My kids are happier than my friends where they had a court order and those early years when kids were little were like a game of tug of war!

Well... me and my husband have been in separation since november, we share a daughter - she's in nursery, i moved from his house a few months ago and he doesn't want the daughter to move to another house even for sleep or play, he allows her only to stay one day a week. I am worried because I will speak with the lawyer soon and I don't know whether I will get 50/50 with my daughter. After I moved he promised me I would have her more but he keeps ignoring me and my requests, he decides on everything. How the situation plays out for me? Our homes and nursery are 5 minutes away from each other. She loves being here in my house but I am living with someone and have one bedroom to myself. Any advice?