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Original poster

Is 50/50 really the go to in family courts

116 replies

Dunkindoughnutty · 17/01/2023 22:20

I read a lot of threads where relationships have broken down and parents go to court for 50/50 access. Whilst a lot of replies consist of '50/50 should be given.' I'm interested to know if this is actually the norm in family courts?

I'd love to hear from those who work in family law or family courts about what contact agreements are most likely given. (Obviously very circumstantial).

OP posts:
scooterbee32 · 18/01/2023 15:12

@limoncelloo that is a so bloody depressing to read. The family courts need a huge reform. I'm sorry motivation for getting 50/50 should be taken into account. And who are the judges making these decisions? I'm going to get lambasted for this, but unless parents get on and live close by I can't see how 50/50 ever works well for the children.

scooterbee32 · 18/01/2023 15:13

@limoncelloo also, I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

peekabooer20 · 18/01/2023 15:31

Not in my experience, but my child was only 5 months when he applied and 26 months at the end. He also had no experience as their primary carer as we left when baby was just a few weeks old due to abuse. He wanted shared care and 50/50, I was advised he wouldn't get it, thankfully he didn't. I didn't persue the abuse in court to a fact finding hearing and there were no safeguarding issues found, but Section 7 did not recommend 50/50 and the judge didn't grant it.

limoncelloo · 18/01/2023 15:32

We live close by. I was happy for more contact but I just didn't think such a dramatic change to 50/50 was for the best.

We also do not communicate well due to the DV (on his end not mine, I'm happy to be civil) and have to use an app which was recommended by CAFCASS and put into the order. I agree 50/50 needs a decent relationship between parents. I often get emails from school about things going on in "his time" and I've no idea if he's made arrangements for the children, signed permission forms etc. clubs that they used to do weekly are now regularly missed on "Dads time". He leaves dinner money accounts in arrears and I feel like I never know what is going on.

My ex prevents me from contacting the children when it is "his time", even if it falls on their birthdays etc. luckily my eldest has a phone now so I can speak to them that way if I need to.

In my case the final hearing was a male judge and I got very misogynistic vibes from him from the get-go, and he even at one point threatened that he would make an order for the children to live with their Dad as I wasn't agreeing :S

So a man basically threatened me because I wouldn't agree to what a man wants, for perfectly legitimate reasons which concerned what I feel is best for my own children.

Luckily that didn't happen. The whole system is a mess IMO. I know a lot of people who have been through similar.

limoncelloo · 18/01/2023 15:33

As @peekabooer20 says, if the children are younger then I don't think they are so keen on 50/50, but school age yes...

Mama1980 · 18/01/2023 15:35

No direct experience but judging from the experiences of friends, yes they do if the children are school age. Despite section 7 orders being in place.

Mrswalliams1 · 18/01/2023 15:48

Someone i know got 50/50 (weekon/week off) for a 5 year old. Father a narcissist, alcoholic and verbally inappropriate to the child. The child suffers

Justmeandme19 · 18/01/2023 17:36

4 years old. But he doesn't see them at all now. There is a "no contact order" in place due to domestic abuse. Massively sad story for the kids, but unfortunately it's the right outcome.
I remember my solicitor saying there had been studies in other countries about it. Maybe have a look on line and see.
I agree the family courts do let some families down (my own children have been let down previously) . But on our 3rd court case the courts awarded a no contact order. This was the right out come.

Olivia224 · 25/01/2023 16:32

I think 50-50 should be the go to in family courts. When I was a child I could only see my dad every other weekend and that wasn't enough for me.

If a man just wants to avoid paying maintenance then he's assuming it's cheaper to have a 50-50 custody. Is he right or wrong? Is it cheaper? Is he paying too much maintenance then?

Januarysickandtired · 25/01/2023 16:54

I got full custody. He did try to fight it in court but got nowhere. Ex was an abusive alcoholic so was only ever allowed supervised access. To be honest, after a few visits he gave up seeing the DC.

MelchiorsMistress · 25/01/2023 17:04

From what I’ve seen from friends and colleagues, if one parent wants 50/50, they will get it. I can understand why but it doesn’t always seem to be the best thing for the children. Although only seeing one parent for 2 days out of 14 isn’t good for them either, so there are no easy answers.

ArcticSkewer · 25/01/2023 17:47

Olivia224 · 25/01/2023 16:32

I think 50-50 should be the go to in family courts. When I was a child I could only see my dad every other weekend and that wasn't enough for me.

If a man just wants to avoid paying maintenance then he's assuming it's cheaper to have a 50-50 custody. Is he right or wrong? Is it cheaper? Is he paying too much maintenance then?

It's cheaper if they don't actually pay for 50% of everything and just pay for their evening meal and a bit of breakfast

Who buys clothes, school uniform, pays for school lunches and bus fares, pocket money, presents for parties, after school activities etc

Andypandy799 · 25/01/2023 18:00

Probably going to get burned down in flames but if a father doesn’t want to pay maintenance there may be valid reasons sometimes.

Natsku · 25/01/2023 18:24

Andypandy799 · 25/01/2023 18:00

Probably going to get burned down in flames but if a father doesn’t want to pay maintenance there may be valid reasons sometimes.

What possible valid reason is there for not providing for your child? The parent the child lives with can't just decide to stop feeding and clothing their child because they don't want to pay for it.

itsmytimenow · 25/01/2023 18:24

@Andypandy799 What could a child have done to not deserve parental support/feeding/clothing? I really can't imagine that. I admit my teens have tested me but I didn't resort to starving them or withholding bus/lunch money!

foxlover47 · 25/01/2023 18:34

@AaBbC wow all his convictions and you have to worry about 50/50 too
I'm so sorry this family court system needs such a huge shake up

Andypandy799 · 25/01/2023 19:05

Natsku · 25/01/2023 18:24

What possible valid reason is there for not providing for your child? The parent the child lives with can't just decide to stop feeding and clothing their child because they don't want to pay for it.

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They are providing for the 50% they are with them

Andypandy799 · 25/01/2023 19:07

itsmytimenow · 25/01/2023 18:24

@Andypandy799 What could a child have done to not deserve parental support/feeding/clothing? I really can't imagine that. I admit my teens have tested me but I didn't resort to starving them or withholding bus/lunch money!

Sorry that’s not what I meant 😬

I was saying that they may prefer to have 50/50 then pay maintenance for a number of reasons. Some women can be work shy as can some men

Natsku · 25/01/2023 19:14

Andypandy799 · 25/01/2023 19:05

They are providing for the 50% they are with them

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Are they really though? Are they paying for half of everything, clubs and activities, school uniforms, clothes, school tripsIf they are then yeah, they shouldn't have to pay maintenance (well, if there's a big standard of living difference between the two homes then it might be argued that they should) but I doubt most truly pay 50% of all costs of raising a child.

Andypandy799 · 25/01/2023 19:17

@Natsku yeah I agree there are pitfalls and loopholes and some men are arseholes and so are some women and use kids to get money unfortunately

Olivia224 · 25/01/2023 23:16

Natsku · 25/01/2023 18:24

What possible valid reason is there for not providing for your child? The parent the child lives with can't just decide to stop feeding and clothing their child because they don't want to pay for it.

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In a 50-50 custody the child is living with both parents. If he's already paying for half of everything why should he pay maintenance? Paying maintenance is not the only way to provide for your child.

SpaceRaiders · 25/01/2023 23:23

Andypandy799 · 25/01/2023 18:00

Probably going to get burned down in flames but if a father doesn’t want to pay maintenance there may be valid reasons sometimes.

You’d be neglecting and abusing your child but by all means stick to your principles.

I cannot for the life of me think of a single plausible reason why I’d every deny my child financial and emotional support. But that’s just me.

Andypandy799 · 26/01/2023 05:23

SpaceRaiders · 25/01/2023 23:23

You’d be neglecting and abusing your child but by all means stick to your principles.

I cannot for the life of me think of a single plausible reason why I’d every deny my child financial and emotional support. But that’s just me.

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i didn’t say me I said some fathers. Some mothers don’t spend the money on the kids.

SpaceRaiders · 26/01/2023 06:44

Andypandy799 · 26/01/2023 05:23

i didn’t say me I said some fathers. Some mothers don’t spend the money on the kids.

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You’d only need to look at the current rates of child poverty from single parent homes to know that in reality this “mothers who don’t spend money on the kids“ is the biggest load of bull going, an excuse used by (usually) men to justify their neglect. Far more likely that the NRP is using it as a means to maintain control on the former partner.

If my child was being neglected, the most logical thing to do would be to apply for a change in residency, pretty damn fast! Not leave my child in that environment whilst restricting funds.

Stop justifying shitty parenting.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 26/01/2023 06:56

Sometimes there’s no logic to the court decisions.

My ex was recently awarded 50/50of his younger children. Despite the fact he’s in the military and away a lot.

Despite the fact he has convictions for harassing me, our daughters and the mother of his younger children.

Also despite the fact his ex was able to show (because my girls and I have her evidence) he used family court and an access order that he never stuck to as a tool to try and control us when my two were younger.

Basucally she now has to dance to his tune until such times as he breaks the order enough for her to have it removed/changed. That took me three years many moons ago when courts weren’t generally as supportive to fathers so fuck knows how long it’ll take her.