Really stressful explaining to my three year old that we can't afford to put the TV on

[Shelovespawpatrol]

I've got a job interview next week but if I don't get the job, don't know what we are going to do over winter. I checked my daily usage and it costs £3 a day to have the TV on in the background for a couple of hours, have a quick shower each and cook a meal. I've only been paying £34 a month electric until my fixed tariff ended recently and won't be able to afford £90 a month on £550 a month Universal Credit.
I can't afford to take my DD out on the bus to keep her out of the house and she only goes to nursery 15 hours a week. It was okay in the holidays because they gave us a free bus pass so we made it to the beach and trips into town to different parks.
I know it is only a year and she will be at school all week and they have after school clubs, and my job options will open up, but I'm so frustrated and stressed at keeping having to tell her no. She likes watching YouTube which is a lot cheaper than the TV to run, but that stops her playing at the same time and I don't want her absorbed in that. We haven't really got any friends in our new area yet, for her to do play dates with (despite trying!). I know everyone is in the same boat, so I'm not looking for pity, just wanting to vent to those who get it. Really bugged me earlier seeing someone complaining about having no money left after paying for car and children's activities. I can't even give my daughter that right now, despite saving what I could and always looking for job opportunities which fit nursery hours.

Its not the scrimping which bugs me, because I can be quite happy on little and find my own inner happiness, but it's having to deal with the tantrums and my daughter not understanding why things are being taken from her all of a sudden. I don't know what to choose to keep and pay for.

Unfortunately ime MN are only sympathetic to poor people when they are totally helpless, on the bones of their butts, eating biscuits a MNetter placed in a food bank.

Someone who is just about ticking over and can sometimes afford a holiday and sometimes not - they don’t want to know.

to be fair there have been many chancers. But the way to avoid this is not giving money.

Nowadays, I have a decent income, go on holiday most years, eat out, drink nice booze, go to concerts etc.

When I was poor, my ex-bf and I lived on bags of doughnuts reduced to 10p at the end of the day, bags of rice from the Indian supermarket, and mayonnaise or sugar sandwiches made with reduced white bread. We were both significantly underweight and struggled to keep ourselves up to a basic standard of self-care (buying shampoo, shower gel etc). In all the time we were on the bones of our arses, we never went on holiday, or to an expensive concert. if we had received a windfall of cash, there is NO WAY we would have immediately spent it all on an expensive overseas holiday. No way.

If you're googling the kwh of your shower and telling your toddler she can't watch the TV because it costs 16 pence, you don't spend £1000+ on a holiday.

It depends on where you live.

Here, everyone of working age pays at least 20%, even if on benefits. The neighbouring city used to give 100% reduction to people on means-tested benefits, but they can no longer afford to do that. They have to pay 18% now.

This made me lol!

Your yearly income was not ever going to go up tax free. That money was to cover the extra costs occurred by hosting. The fact that the fuel bills would be higher for example. It was not income!

Do you have a library nearby OP? Or even a leisure centre or church? The ones round me have quite a few drop in toddler groups for free.

Tbf even then they'd probably interrogate the poster to find out their relationship history and say it was the person's fault for once dating a man with an alcohol problem, twenty years ago. If they'd been celibate their whole life then they would go down the line that it was the poster's fault for not trying hard enough with their education. They just want a rise out of OP's.

You're allowed to ask them to cover their own use of your utilities as long as you don't charge them rent. It's actually a thank you payment for sharing your personal space and helping them with their every day needs, such as liasing with schools and translating, emotional support, setting up benefits etc and then helping them transition into rented accommodation. We are/were essentially support workers on a small volunteer wage. It is tax free. You can go onto one of the hosts' Facebook groups and dispute it if you'd like...

Pull the fuse out of the socket and tell your little one the telly is broke.

I appreciate that this is a necessary but bloomin awful thing to have to do at the moment.

A thank you payment?? For this shite??

Even the baby is a bit of a beast and drops what she is doing to come charging up to you from the other side of the room when you've got anything in your hand and tries to pull it away- food, toys, remote control

İ am starting to lose my head a bit now with it all.
I'm hot and bothered and tired of being cramped up in my tiny bedroom whilst the family get the run of the living room. I'm tired of the kids fighting and the 6 year old being so harsh with my 3 year old.
I'm tired having to eat upstairs to stop the baby trying to grab food from your hands. (Don't have a dining table unfortunately).
I'm tired of never having access to my saucepans and the saucepans not being washed properly so they're all going to need replacing when this is over.
I'm tired of the council doing nothing to help.
I'm tired of the washing machine being on every day, despite me asking for it to be on just twice a week.
I'm tired of my daughter being wound up by them all day long.
İ'm tired of having to hide toys in my room to stop them being ruined and therefore living in a junk room.
I'm tired of my things being broken or made dirty.
I'm tired of people asking me how it's going and looking at me like I'm an angel, when inside I'm so resentful all the time.
I'm tired of cleaning the kitchen only for it to be covered in crumbs all the time.
I'm tired of having to pretend to be busy when they ask me three requests a day of help, when all I want to do is meditate or watch TV or something and feeling guilty for saying 'no I don't want to' so making up excuses instead.
I'm tired of there being no support for hosts and even being made to feel unwelcome at the local Ukrainian support hub.
İm tired of having to chase everything they and I need.
I'm tired of calling the city and county council who keep passing the buck from one to the other about who is supposed to be rehousing them.
I got so sick of it all I snapped at the HSBC lady who said I had to sit on their computer and open the bank account for the Ukrainians myself, after having done every single other bit of paperwork for them, and after they refused to use a translation app.
I'm tired of them needing so much more than the average Brit. Oh the child has a sore throat, oh need medicine and a doctor's appointment, help me please. Oh the husband (who doesn't live with me but stayed the night and broke my only good knife) wants a car, help him find one please. Oh I have an online zoom English lesson in an hour, watch my kids. No I already arranged you a lesson with childminders included, you just didn't want to travel to a different town.
I'm tired of there always being something else which needs sorting and my home is still a mess because I have no time to keep on top of it.
I'm tired of somebody else taking charge in my own home and not having the language to deal with it.
İ'm tired of hearing a six year old who has been showered with activities and new toys whinge and moan about absolutely everything.
I'm tired of taking all the emotional strain of somebody else's worries and needs

Well, you don’t. But of course people do.

Betting shops thrive in poverty stricken areas.

poor people are something like three times more likely to smoke.

Blackpool, Skegness and so on do a roaring trade and they don’t tend to be the go to for the middle classes, do they?

I am not saying the OP smokes or gambles. But it is patently nonsense to pretend poor people have no ‘pin’ money at all. In fact many will have more or a similar amount to you or I.

What poverty really is is lack of security. If you have two people each taking home £600 ‘pin’ money a month but one has a mortgage and a reliable job and the other is reliant on benefits and a landlord, we know who is ultimately in the most advantageous position.

no way can the tv be costing you £3 a day to run. We’re on smart meter and my electric last month on the standard variable Tarif was £63.74, my Ds had the tv on in the background most days as it was school holidays. We also have an electric oven although we would have had more salads that month. The one thing we don’t have that I think makes a big diff is a tumble dryer

I agree with all those saying money management is a problem here.

If you need a break and the news is full of gloom and doom about skyrocketing heating costs, the break could perhaps consist of getting a pedicure or buying a perfume you liked, not a holiday costing £1000.

I went without a holiday for about ten years, and learned to love shopping for clothing, footwear, and outerwear bargains in my local thrift store. Little treats made it bearable, as did being able to say yes to the DCs occasionally.

I read the other day that a microwave uses a l ot. Ivebeen using mine more as I thought it used less. All too confusing.

I sympathise Op. I've been on universal credit and its not living, it's surviving; day after day with nothing to look forward to or any money to treat yourself and worrying yourself sick about how the meagre amount you have to live on can be stretched to cover everything.

No amount of budgeting will help when a huge chunk of your allocated living allowance is going on energy bills, you're right to feel concerned. People on Universal credit will simply not be able to use their ovens, heating orr run a car if they're not able to work. Disabled people and carers in this country are fucked.

I understand why you might fantasize about a little holiday with your daughter or want to go to a concert and have one night off from the drudgery.

From my experience, no one can manage on universal credit without a side hustle. I think finding part time work to supplement your benefits is your only way to avoid a very cold miserable winter, worrying about topping up your electricity meter.

Take whatever you can get locally.

I’ve never had a tumble dryer, I still hang out on line in the winter and on a breezing day it will ber a lot of the moisture out, then hang up in home to get the last bit of dampness out. We have the heating on when we are here but I don’t put on any extra to try clothes

Tv will make no difference. Wise up and let her have it on.

I understand OP. My 6 and 4 year old DC use tabs for a mix of child friendly TV and good engaging educational games. My 2 year old is going through terrible twos and has busy mornings then likes to chill out with some TV on while we work/do house work and I was mapping earlier whether I could make time in the day to go out and charge their devices as I'm worried about costs so much

I work full time, we don't have a car, we don't go on holiday unless my mum pays, everything we have just goes on trying to create a nice home for us and the kids.

I recently revised my food shop to make it healthier and cheaper. But the flip side is it involves even more cooking from scratch and now I'm panicking about using the oven. It's very depressing. Earlier this year we were talking about how we hoped to take the kids to Disneyland in the next couple of years. Now I hope we can afford to have enough on the gas meter so that we can put the heating on whenever we like over Christmas...

Why on earth did you take in a family of 4 when there's already you and DD in a 2 bed?

Surely that was always going to be a recipe for disaster?

You still haven't said why you've not got the £350pcm.

Maybe go to the citizens advice bureau to chase up if you are owed it.

@shazzybazzy34 that's made my jaw drop.

Family fleeing war who've been crammed into a two bed with a woman who clearly just wants the money without doing any of the actual helping.

It got my goat aswell.

missing the point of the thread jack monroe asks people to give her money?

Really? Unless you took in refugees fleeing war then you’re not in a position to judge.

The “helping” is providing somewhere for them to live, giving up part of your home for months.

Perhaps op entered into it naively but it sounds like she earned every penny of the government “thank you”. I’d challenge anyone housing refugees not to feel stressed and at times resentful of their guests and to let off steam on an anonymous forum.

Calling a baby a beast?? Are you for real? A BABY?

They are more needy than the average Brit??

Who the fuck says that?