Really stressful explaining to my three year old that we can't afford to put the TV on

[Shelovespawpatrol]

I've got a job interview next week but if I don't get the job, don't know what we are going to do over winter. I checked my daily usage and it costs £3 a day to have the TV on in the background for a couple of hours, have a quick shower each and cook a meal. I've only been paying £34 a month electric until my fixed tariff ended recently and won't be able to afford £90 a month on £550 a month Universal Credit.
I can't afford to take my DD out on the bus to keep her out of the house and she only goes to nursery 15 hours a week. It was okay in the holidays because they gave us a free bus pass so we made it to the beach and trips into town to different parks.
I know it is only a year and she will be at school all week and they have after school clubs, and my job options will open up, but I'm so frustrated and stressed at keeping having to tell her no. She likes watching YouTube which is a lot cheaper than the TV to run, but that stops her playing at the same time and I don't want her absorbed in that. We haven't really got any friends in our new area yet, for her to do play dates with (despite trying!). I know everyone is in the same boat, so I'm not looking for pity, just wanting to vent to those who get it. Really bugged me earlier seeing someone complaining about having no money left after paying for car and children's activities. I can't even give my daughter that right now, despite saving what I could and always looking for job opportunities which fit nursery hours.

Its not the scrimping which bugs me, because I can be quite happy on little and find my own inner happiness, but it's having to deal with the tantrums and my daughter not understanding why things are being taken from her all of a sudden. I don't know what to choose to keep and pay for.

@shazzybazzy34 this has always been my username. If you look through the dates of both usernames, you'll see that this username dates back further and I name changed briefly to ask about going on a date, that I wanted to keep private. Sometimes the name I changed to briefly pops up as my current username, hence some posts being by that name, and it has nothing to do with wanting to hide anything I've said in the past. How would I even remember something I commented on the internet three months ago, on someone else's thread, when coming to ask about the cost of living today? Hardly on my mind, the amount I have written and interacted with on this site over the summer, and not something I am worried about having vented about! I've said far worse in stressful moments, to people's faces and I'm not worried about hiding how I deal with stress.
Anyway, I wish you peace.

Complete nonsense.

They track them down here very easily. All they need is his SSN. That’s linked to everything. You even have to provide it to get a cell phone, a drivers license, or rent a property. Since you lived here with him you would have filed tax returns with him. So your SSN and your daughter’s SSN will be linked to his as she was claimed as a dependent on the return. Every financial transaction involves the SSN so unless he’s living under a bridge in a cardboard box they can find him. If he’s not working and has a child I’m guessing he’s claiming SNAP or TANF. They will be able to find him.

He doesn’t have to have receive the court papers to be considered served.

Not having the TV on all day does not make her deprived.

TV is not good for childrens development. Turn it off.

Exactly they get so much more from being read to or listening to appropriate music.

Fully agree with this.
I‘ve seen some nasty comments directed at people struggling during lockdowns (not only on MN to be fair), now people get attacked if they’re concerned about the cost of living and yet dare to allow themselves (or would like to be able to allow themselves) small luxuries (that’s anything beyond the absolutely essential).

I'd love to live in a world where a £1000+ all-inclusive foreign holiday was considered 'a small luxury' just barely 'beyond the absolutely essential'.

I see why you might look at that report and assume people on benefits won't have to pay higher energy prices, but that's wrong.

That's terrible journalism, really misleading. All it means is that energy companies can't apply directly to DWP (rather than their customer ) to obtain payment for historical debt.

In real terms it means companies claw back the debt by installing prepayment meters when a customer has unpaid arrears on their account. A meter means no electricity is provided unless it's paid for first thus ensuring a debt is never run up again.

The downside is that anyone unable to afford to top up their meter is without power; they're cut off.

People in receipt of benefits are not going to be charged less for their electricity, they are victims of the price hikes like everyone else.

I don't have his SSN. I never lived with him. He has never had anything financial linked with my daughter. Stop assuming you know the circumstances when you don't.

I wasn’t just referring to this thread, but to all the other similar threads on MN.

People have been criticized for wanting occasional takeaways, clubs for their kids and things like that.

Sure, we could all cut all these “luxuries” out, but what about the subsequent effect on the (small) businesses providing these services? It quickly becomes a downward spiral.

I agree with Mascia
I've yet to see a cost of living thread where the Op isn't attacked for spending on non essentials or even accused of lying about their finances,

They're told they don't need the internet or heating ; go and sit in your local library,, baths aren't needed, and when they were a child they made do with two old tattered copies of Enid Blyton, no tv and their mum slow cooked a stew which lasted a week and hung washing in the garden in December.

If you're not doing all these things then you have no right to say you're struggling.

I'm exaggerating a bit but come on.

Op's thread on a holiday was little more than a pipe dream, she didnt go anywhere!

I don't blame her for entertaining the idea of a get away with her daughter after years trying to cope on benefits and very little to look forward to. This was planned when she was expecting a pay out and on the basis of securing the job she was applying for. And of course before the hideous news that energy bills would increase by 80% in October.

As for accusing someone of trying to cash in by housing a Ukrainian family, you're bloody joking. The thank you payment equates to about £10 a day for the huge strain of sharing your home with a family of traumatised refugees needing daily practical and emotional support, using all your amenities and with vast cultural and religious differences. It's a massive undertaking and most hosts were buckling under the strain with no support.

There’s surely middle ground on both sides though.

The thread where the OP was criticised for using deliveroo was batshit. But the OP in that thread wasn’t saying how her children couldn’t even afford to watch television.

Whereas the OP is claiming to be so poor that she can’t even switch on the TV, and yet was looking at spending £1k on a holiday. If she really is that poor then she would surely already have been living in strict poverty and a holiday would have been the last of her considerations.

A deliveroo is a treat. A £1000 holiday is an extravagance.

Hamming up the lack of money you have by saying that you can’t afford to even let your kids watch tv isn’t going to earn you much sympathy or believeability if it’s then found that you were wanting to spend thousands on a holiday, and presumably would have done had the payment come through.

Meh, who are we to be judge and jury on whether someone deserves sympathy or support during the energy crisis.

Regardless of your lifestyle, the debts you’ve run up, the enormous mortgage, the holiday, everyone is now facing a massive drop in disposable income and the horrible realisation that their usual spending habits can’t be sustained.

No one saw it coming, hell- even Martin Lewis was giving the wrong advice on energy tariffs last year.

You have never had his phone number? Do you know where he served his long prison sentence? Do you know where his family live?

So OP went to a concert months ago and asked about a £1,000 holiday. Even though I think that's a crazy amount of money to spend on a holiday when you have very little money, OP probably never would have booked it regardless. I've looked at extravagant items or clothing or household appliances thinking that I would buy them at some point, and when it comes down to it, I never actually do. Sometimes the planning is the exciting bit, maybe it was a bit of escapism. Doesn't mean she should be shot down now when she's asking for advice.

And regarding the Ukranian guests, she was sharing her home with people from a different culture arriving from a traumatic experience. If course it was difficult, and I think it's completely understandable that she ranted anonymously on an internet forum. Much better than letting it stew and taking it out on her guests, or damaging her mental health further. Hell, I love my mum but she doesn't half wind me up. After a good old moan to my sister I feel much better about it though and put on a smiling face when I see my mum. I don't think it's terrible at all, just a coping mechanism.

Do you happen to know the name of his other child or the name of the mother of that child?