Really stressful explaining to my three year old that we can't afford to put the TV on

[Shelovespawpatrol]

I've got a job interview next week but if I don't get the job, don't know what we are going to do over winter. I checked my daily usage and it costs £3 a day to have the TV on in the background for a couple of hours, have a quick shower each and cook a meal. I've only been paying £34 a month electric until my fixed tariff ended recently and won't be able to afford £90 a month on £550 a month Universal Credit.
I can't afford to take my DD out on the bus to keep her out of the house and she only goes to nursery 15 hours a week. It was okay in the holidays because they gave us a free bus pass so we made it to the beach and trips into town to different parks.
I know it is only a year and she will be at school all week and they have after school clubs, and my job options will open up, but I'm so frustrated and stressed at keeping having to tell her no. She likes watching YouTube which is a lot cheaper than the TV to run, but that stops her playing at the same time and I don't want her absorbed in that. We haven't really got any friends in our new area yet, for her to do play dates with (despite trying!). I know everyone is in the same boat, so I'm not looking for pity, just wanting to vent to those who get it. Really bugged me earlier seeing someone complaining about having no money left after paying for car and children's activities. I can't even give my daughter that right now, despite saving what I could and always looking for job opportunities which fit nursery hours.

Its not the scrimping which bugs me, because I can be quite happy on little and find my own inner happiness, but it's having to deal with the tantrums and my daughter not understanding why things are being taken from her all of a sudden. I don't know what to choose to keep and pay for.

My mum was a single mum in the 60's and we didn't have anything. No tv nothing. We went to the library loads and I grew up loving books and could read from when I was 4. As long as you can go out during the day for a walk or something it really doesn't matter.
Just tell her the tv broke and unplug it. They don't need to be entertained 24 hours a day, encourage imaginative games. She will remember those things more than the tv.

@jennakong

oh FGS dry it outside when it’s not raining. Somehow, as a species, we managed to survive before tumbledriers. Get a clothes horse… put it in front of the fire (or radiators if you can afford to run them).

You're assuming I chose to breed with him, and you're also assuming that the advice in regards to child support in the city he is in is correct. You're also missing the point where child support can't force a man to get a job.

Regardless of your ignorance to a situation outside of your own though, you're words are very hateful to anyone else who, with their best intentions chose their child's father and life choices.

HRTWT, and my comment isn’t about how you should spend your money. I’m really curious as to why saying ‘no’ is stressful? Surely you say no to your toddler about lots of other things? For financial reasons, safety reasons, health reasons. whats the issue with the TV? You don’t need to give 3 year olds a reason, you just say no.

Nurseries open 7am- 6pm

I suggested part time options because Op said there are no nurseries in her area offering full time slots and she can only do odd mornings.

Part time work would be possible in addition to benefits and is far preferable than switching off the tv and not cooking.

@Shelovespawpatrol I just wanted to add some useful suggestions to make extra cash for you;

influence surveys pay a decent amount and you draw the cash into your PayPal account. I can easily make an extra £20-30 a month doing these.

Check you are getting every benefit and grant you are entitled to.

Sell anything you don’t use including old clothes and toys. Toys and household items on marketplace, clothes - yours and your daughter on Vinted.

Use the Olio and Good to go apps for free food then freeze it.

You can cook all sorts in a slow cooker, it doesn’t have to just be stews etc google her favourite meals and slow cooker and you’ll find how to do it, also only slow cooked meat needs 8 hours. Most meals cook in 2-4 hours.

Speak to sky and your internet provider, advise them you are struggling and they should reduce your bills.

Check for drafts on windows and doors so you can regulate your heating more, this will save you a lot.

There are plenty of free things to do at museums, town halls etc on a weekend. I know you don’t get a free bus pass but if you make some changes you could stretch to an outing or two a month.

Start to look for free toys on marketplace and groups now so you can put them away for Christmas.

Happy to chat if you need 😊 xx

OK, so after rent is paid you get approx £620 a month.

You need to do a spreadsheet of exactly what everything costs at the moment per month.

So, eg

Electricity £90
Water: £40
Food: £200
Internet: £20
Council tax: £80
Household items (eg, sanitary products, kitchen roll, fairy liquid!): £30

£620 after rent is doable.. you just need to work out where your money goes

by putting clothes on hangers and using the doors. I use the kitchen cupboards and drawers to for the kids clothes and I leave a window open slightly so don’t get condensation. I had a neighbor who used to use his curtains poles for hanging his clothes on

If you read properly you'll see that I wrote that the monitor for checking individual appliance usage was broken, therefore I didn't know what appliance was eating up the most energy.

The smart meter is a seperate appliance to the monitor. The meter shows me how many kilowatts have been used per day, but not by which applicance.

It is so typical Mumsnet and funny that an argument has ensued on my post about the cost of using a tumble drier and whether I should be allowed to use one or not. I don't even have a tumble drier!

I disagree it’s a very valid point

You say you don't want your DD to watch YouTube as it would take her full attention, but like the TV as background - what about putting the radio on as background instead? Radios are very cheap to run.

This. It’s so sad 😞

I feel for your situation, and really despair that it’s 2022, we live in the UK supposedly one of the most wealthy and ‘privileged’ countries in the world, and there are people who are worrying about putting on their bloody tv for a couple of hours a day because they cannot afford the electricity.

This is net zero madness, this is the crazy globalist agenda. This is the result of reluctance to use cheap sources of energy (nuclear, fracking etc) and the willingness to instead have human beings freezing to death and frightened to put on their television, their lights. I’m so fucking angry with this reality and I’m sorry to read that you are worried about something that you should never have to be dealing with.

Sorry you may have said this but how much UC do you get? I think you mentioned £550 which seems low? Do you rent your home and do you have a job at all? Not saying it in a rude way I just wonder if you’re getting everything you’re entitled to 😊

Please look at the £10 a day thread. I used the ideas on there when we were watching the pennies. Usually made £200 a month from my sitting room. Good use of your Internet.

@Confuddledandmuddled
I get 550 but that doesn't include the rent element. I'm lucky enough to live in social housing so UC covers my rent. I'm very aware that a lot of people aren't lucky enough to have this so I don't take it for granted, hence being hesitant to complain on here. I don't have a job but I'm supposed to be having an interview for a good part time job that suits my nursery hours- gold dust, so I'm very anxious about it all at the moment and weighing up all the different scenarios in my head.

TV doesn't use much at all, especially if it's just for a couple of hours.

You have a smart meter yes, just no monitor screen attached to it?

I had a similar issue, have you tried the ivie app to see if you can use it with your meter? It's free :)

Thanks everyone for all the positive support and comments.
Sorry if my name change offended anyone when they saw I was previously looking at holidays, when I believed my current situation was meant to turn out better than it has.
I've done a tally of my potential new bills and if I allow myself to cook a proper meal each day, take an electric shower and let DD have a couple of hours of TV each day and have the heating on on the winter, then I estimate i will have £300 left each month for food, bus fares, toddler groups (we like to go once a week) and clothes and anything else we need like toiletries, and night time nappies. I think I can do it but I'm also going to start putting things on eBay. I find it hard as I'm trying to make sure two people's needs are met. I need to find work, so sometimes have to stick that TV on to be able to concentrate if I need to do something outside of nursery hours to better my future. If I knew my future was secure I would probably spend all my time and energy entertaining DD 24/7, at no cost but I need to conserve some mental energy to create a career, even a part time one! Its exhausting wondering if I should save energy by giving her a small pizza for lunch or saving that oven money and using my time to cook something that requires more effort but is cheaper. I don't like this way of living and mostly I find it unfair to my DD as I'm constantly strategising and she notices I am distracted weighing things up in my head and it bothers her. Venting is the only way I can take away some of that mental load, to improve the situation for both of us, so I'm sorry if that offends anyone, hearing me being frustrated about it.

I recently purchased a kettle that only boils enough water to make one cup but I’m starting to think it will be cheaper for to boil a whole kettle and pour the water in a Thermos flask and use that to make my cups of tea throughout the day. We bought a Ninja air fryer earlier this year and although it’s massive it’s been a godsend. I don’t make roast dinners in the oven anymore. It’s disgusting that these changes are being normalised so that mega rich people get to make even more profit.

I’ve heard that Liz is Truss is going to freeze energy bills at the current level for 2 years but all that means is that we will end up having to pay it back over the long term. I don’t think the war in Ukraine will be over in 2 years time so all she’s doing is storing up an even bigger problem for us when the period of the freeze finishes. The cynical side of me thinks she’s doing it to get the Tories re-elected at the next election in 2024. I hope the public won’t be short sighted enough to fall for it. They should be funding it via a windfall tax like Labour are suggesting but the Tories always seem to put business before the interests of the public.

Yes exactly. Oh I haven't. I'll check it out, thank you!

"I recently purchased a kettle that only boils enough water to make one cup but I’m starting to think it will be cheaper for to boil a whole kettle and pour the water in a Thermos flask and use that to make my cups of tea throughout the day."
If you're only boiling what you need there shouldn't be any difference. You'll need to use extra to warm the thermos first as well..

Take your phone and charge it in mcdonalds for free. Whilst there download shows on the BBC iplayet app.

With some European countries facing potential blackouts and even in the UK they are looking at contingency plans, everyone should be much more hyper aware of what they are using. We shouldn't be wasting resources like leaving lights on unnecessarily or having things turned on in the background like a TV (music or radio is different). Even if prices hadn't gone up if the resources are limited we would still have to be careful how much is used. And yes of course someone running a TV in the background is a drop in ocean compared to buildings leaving lights on etc. but we all have to do our bit too.