Really stressful explaining to my three year old that we can't afford to put the TV on

[Shelovespawpatrol]

I've got a job interview next week but if I don't get the job, don't know what we are going to do over winter. I checked my daily usage and it costs £3 a day to have the TV on in the background for a couple of hours, have a quick shower each and cook a meal. I've only been paying £34 a month electric until my fixed tariff ended recently and won't be able to afford £90 a month on £550 a month Universal Credit.
I can't afford to take my DD out on the bus to keep her out of the house and she only goes to nursery 15 hours a week. It was okay in the holidays because they gave us a free bus pass so we made it to the beach and trips into town to different parks.
I know it is only a year and she will be at school all week and they have after school clubs, and my job options will open up, but I'm so frustrated and stressed at keeping having to tell her no. She likes watching YouTube which is a lot cheaper than the TV to run, but that stops her playing at the same time and I don't want her absorbed in that. We haven't really got any friends in our new area yet, for her to do play dates with (despite trying!). I know everyone is in the same boat, so I'm not looking for pity, just wanting to vent to those who get it. Really bugged me earlier seeing someone complaining about having no money left after paying for car and children's activities. I can't even give my daughter that right now, despite saving what I could and always looking for job opportunities which fit nursery hours.

Its not the scrimping which bugs me, because I can be quite happy on little and find my own inner happiness, but it's having to deal with the tantrums and my daughter not understanding why things are being taken from her all of a sudden. I don't know what to choose to keep and pay for.

@Shelovespawpatrol
I am in the US and you are wrong that tracking down your child's father and making him pay is impossible. American states go after deadbeat dads and there is a range of ways to make them pay. Wages can be garnished, professional accreditation can be refused or withdrawn, and property can be seized. Evasion of financial duty toward a child is taken seriously because Americans don't agree with taxpayers paying for other people's children.

Find out what state he is in. Use the broadband you are paying for and get tracking. Look at photos on his FB account, search through anything he has posted referring to places - biking, fishing, going to a baseball game, football, any support expressed for candidates for mayor of a city or state governor etc. Look in LinkdIn, and track down his relatives and friends too. Their posts may give clues.

Then contact the States Attorney in the county he lives in. States Attorney is the county prosecutor - each SA office has sections dealing with different aspects of the SA remit. You can also contact the Attorney General for the state he lives in. This official operates on a state level. Contact the FBI office in his state too. You should absolutely get in touch with the American embassy. You will need to provide your child's official birth cert proving she was born in the US and stating her father's name.

It's the oven that's costing so much, OP. I have a smart meter and when I put the kettle or the oven on, the smart meter goes red. It goes yellow with an air fryer on. If the TV is on it hardly changes. I'm away from home at the moment but when I'm back I can put it on for an hour without anything else on (except fridge) and see what the exact amount is.

Thank you. I just looked at my slow cooker and it is 210 watts so would cost me around 8p an hour to use and they usually take around 8 hours to cook. Yes still cheaper at 64p a day, but such a shock. Think I will stick to cold food for a while. Need to keep my usage under 1.50/2 a day in order to survive.

You could cancel internet and hot spot from phone. Charge a tablet as much as possible out the house but again that's quite cheap to charge. Download kids programmes using free wifi when out.

Lights/TV etc really don't cost more than pennies per day. So stop worrying about the TV.

Oven/shower/heating/iron/hairdryer/kettle are the ones that suck up the electric. Anything that generates heats, basically.

Oh and do not use a tumble drier! Money vacuum.

Her birth certificate doesn't have his name.on it and I already told you he doesn't work so he has nothing they can take from him. He was in jail for a long time and could have easily ended up back there. I know where his sister lives and gave them her address, his last work place that he told me about, his last jail record number etc, but I can't force the state to do anything about it. I'm in a group with plenty of other single mums in America who have been waiting years and heard nothing back from child support agencies. He's probably on someone's sofa somewhere, sponging off other women. Feel free to track his sofa down if you like.

He does not have to attend court to have a judgement entered against him. I have sat in courtrooms and seen this done umpteen times.

They can impound his vehicle, put a lien on any property he owns, garnish his wages and also any unemployment or disability benefit he receives. They can also take money out of any workers comp he gets.

A bailiff or process server can and will track him down to serve his summons. Process servers are professional services employed by the courts to track down people who don't want to be found.

There is an FBI outpost at the US Embassy in London.

You need to go after this man.

I think you have a name change fail OP

Is it possible to use an hour or so at the weekend to batch cook, freeze and reheat meals in the microwave as you need them, OP? Leaving them to defrost overnight means they only need a minute to heat up. I do realise this can be asking the impossible with small children, they don't always want the 'sensible' food. Or sometimes supermarkets have ready meals marked down quite a bit at 'discount hour'. I know it's rarely the healthiest option but cooking from scratch is more expensive energy-wise and we shouldn't beat people up for not doing it.

I've heard the price increases won't affect people on benefits this time anyway.

Look on the back of the TV. Take a note of the make and model and Google it's rating. You'll be able to work out how much it's costing an hour.

Our huge one was 300w an hour! Our smaller one was 150w per hour.

At todays energy prices the small one was about 50p to run for 6 hours.

Could you start to have organised TV time to look forward to? Maybe an hour in the afternoon and an hour after tea?

How else do you get clothes dry in a small house in the dead of winter? Even with more space, drying indoors requires the heat on more! Plus condensation, damp air etc.

Don't be ridiculous

Lack of a name on a birth cert is going to be an impediment but you could get a paternity test ordered through the court too.

He could always opt to add contempt of court to his rap of course.

You were looking for a holiday not costing more than a grand abroad the other day.

Yes because I was hosting ukrainians for months and was going to use the thank you payments to have a break, before I saw how much my electricity had gone up! I have been told I won't receive thank you payments after all because of an admin discrepancy.

I was literally just about to post this. The name change fail caught my eye. @Shelovespawpatrol / @Redflagorno I'm afraid if you are looking for ideas for a £1000 all inclusive holiday overseas, it's a bit disingenuous to be saying you can't afford the few pence for your TV. It's not very fair on the people who genuinely can't!

It’s awful that the country has come to this!!

@Crumpleton

Do you know what wattage & cost that table is based on?

I’m sorry OP, your situation sounds really tough.

To avoid using the oven every day, could you batch cook some meals that are nice cold? I always think pasta bakes are even nicer the next day straight from the fridge. Or try to cook multiple meals at the same time so that you’re only using the oven once. You can then freeze them and warm them in the microwave as needed.

You sound like a lovely caring mum and it’s awful that you are having to worry about these things .

You could consider renting a room of your home for extra money?

If council, see below

I don't know how many times I have to say this but he doesn't have anything for anyone to take...he wasn't even successful recieving his disability benefits and I know because I was with him when he was fighting it and gave up. Believe me I spent a year chasing and researching this. They aren't going to take money from the people he sponges from. They could possibly put him in jail but in his eyes that's a positive because he gets fed and taken care of. I think my energy would be better off looking for work or telling my daughter one hundred times in a row that she can't have an ice cream at the park. Please respect my boundaries and don't mention this again.

@jennakong we have a dehumidifier, we've never owned a tumble dryer. Sucks the moisture out of clothes & prevents condensation. Low energy one too so cheap to run

I've just said I was hosting ukrainians and failed to receive my payment for doing so. I was looking for a holiday with the money I was owed which would have seen me through the winter bills and been enough for a holiday. I've tried to fight their decision to not pay me and been unsuccessful.