Can casual ever become "serious"?

[tetti]

For anyone who's read my recent post(have I lost my marbles!lol),you'll know that I recently started seeing a younger guy on a casual basis.
Now,casual is easier said than done,isn't it,at least for women.

I am a bit confused,a few days ago,before we first went further together,he told me he didn't want to mess me around,but that he didn't want a relationship or anything serious,but if I wanted to talk and more(ehum),that was cool,but up to me.
I thought,that's completely fine by me,I have 3 months ago come out of a 12 year long realtionship,and don't want to get heavy as in moving in with someone for eg.

So ,we met up,talked and had our fun.I sent him a txt saying I was totally cool with it being casual, and then told him to ring me next week if he felt like it,he called the next day!
We met up yesterday and same thing,talking loads,sex,(and loads of cuddles from him!:-)
He was more attentive than before,but that was what got me.
I know soo much about him already,and I don't have to ask any questions about him,he just talks and tells me!
I know all about his childhood,family and life.

This is what I find confusing,if it's so casual,why really bother to get to know everything about the other person?(if you're going to have sex and dissappear a few weeks or months down the line).
Because,surely,the better you get to know eachother,the harder it'll be to let go?

I dk how mens brains work,but I am soo confused.
I am not going to ask-Where is this going?,as we agreed on casual just some days ago,but it's like we got closer after getting into bed!,we actually started to talk more then..
It's doing my head in.I knew I took a great emotional risk by sleeping with him in the first place,but we had been flirting badly for months and months,and the physical attraction was so great I couldn't not take the risk! My head just didn't rule over my body at all,I wanted him and that was it,and had for months.

I do not have any preconcieved ideas here,I do not believe that I can make him fall for me,but have anyone else gone from casual to more "commited"?(not as far as in living together,but in having a relationship)

i put my new bf straight last night about what i expected from him if he was in a relationship with me

i dont beat about the bush

Was he ok about what you wanted?

Am in knots here,he should be round in a bit,dk why I'm getting nervous!lol
Trying not to go out and have a fag as I know he's anti smoking,but calming my nerves ain't easy! Guess it's because I haen't seen him for just over a week,ouch!

This is kind of freaking me out now.
I told him yesterday(as he had a big family wedding to go to today) to txt me and let me know when or if he was going to make it this eve(we all know these things can go on all day and night!)

Ok,so he didn't txt,instead he came round just now knocking on my door with his younger siblings sitting in the car,saying that he couldn't stay (has got work v early in the morning when most of us r asleep!),apologised he hadn't seen me much lately,and then couldn't stop kissing me!Does that really sound like someone just wanting to get their leg over?I dk,he could've just rang and said-Running v late,can't make it,but he came round,boy,am I getting confused here or what?Maybe I shouldn't read much into it,but one can't help to do just that.
(Jesus,don't ask me how I'm going to sleep now,he looked F I N E!!!,phew)

sounds like he likes you

tbh whether or not my bf was fine with what i said isn't really the point, i felt i had to get some things clear, and then it was up to him what he chose to do

he chose to listen and agree with me tho, so it worked out fine

if he didnt agree tho then it would have been time to say bye, so either way would have been the right conclusion

Good for you,we all need to do what's right for us,and if the men don't like it? Well,then there are other fish in the sea:-)
I am glad things worked out for you.

In the cold light of day I am still a little bit perplexed about last eve,hmmm.
It kind of stirred up some feelings in me that freaked me out a little bit,lol.
Ok,so,now this dreaded "monthly enemy" of mine HAS to stay away until I've seen him again,why is there a thing called periods?For once I am really wishing mine to stay away!!!lol (couldn't handle doing it if I was on,that would put me off big time!!!lol.Some may like it,but not when you've just met someone,nooo)

you could always ask him for bum sex?

Oh noooo,lol,I hate that anyway(make's me think a man is secretly swinging towards the other side,there's something really rank about that,ugh!:-)

Hi Tetti. I think he likes you... alot! I had a chat with my bf (who had been staying at my house for about 2 months) and things have calmed down nicely. I couldn't see him move away and his house is by no means finished but he can live there. I did tell him last week I thought things were going too quickly and he agreed to take things easy. He is now in his house and when we met at the week end, he stayed over and it was really nice.
Hate those blardy monthly visitors too...

I'm soo glad things are working out for you and your bf,you deserve it:-)

Yes,I hope he does like me more than you'd like just a "casual" mate.I'm soo wary after what I went through with the ex,but I hope that we can both have an open mind,and kind of "let nature take over" so to speak.
It is easy to go into something and agree"This will only be casual",but one just never knows,feelings can develop,no matter how hard you don't want them to,especially the more time you get to actually spend together.I am very,very cautious though.I just have to wait and see what (if anything) happens.

there is nothing wrong with being cautious

casual relationships can be very hard to "do", unless you really can keep your feelings out of it, which most women find quite hard i think

I think men can find it v hard too! We're all human being with feelings,whether we're male or female,so I don't really think we are as different to men as it's made out at the end of the day.

yes and no, i think women defintitely , on the whole, find it harder to do sex without feelings attached

of course there are exceptions to every rule

looooou33, please could you email me? I need to ask you a question (ooh mysterious! ) [email protected]

omg am i in trouble?

Yes. Yes, you are

( no, it's nothing like that!)

oh what a let down

emailed you even tho i wasnt going to be punished

Oh, you WANT to be punished?!

Hmm, I haven't had your mail yet... will go and see if you are in Spam!

Sorry for hijacking tetti

Noooooooo! That dreaded monthly pain in the butt paid a visit to me yesterday,just great!
So,when the guy calls I'll be like-Would be great to see you hun,but I'm out of action for a week!,argh!! Periods isn't something you want to bring up when you've first started seeing someone,but can't see any other way around it(I know it's nothing to be at all embarrassed about,but still).I'm sooo peeved off you won't believe it!

I'm sure he knows all about periods, just tell him

If its just casual sex then periods can be a problem but if you like him and want to spend time with him then do that whether you have your period or not. If he knows you cant do anything so dont want to see you then you know its nothing more than casual between you, if he says its not a problem and that he would still like to see you then you will know he see's you as something more than a shag, I would be inclined not to tell him as I dont think the monthly should depend on seeing someone or not

I'd probably tell him,after all,we do kind of get just a tad worked up when we see eachother,doesn't take more than seeing eachother for that to happen(!),so,I think to be fair.I'd personally want to jump on him,but don't really fancy doing it when I'm on,it kind of feels a bit well,iffy.But it's pretty true,if he still wants to come round,then maybe I could use that as an indicator that he sees me as more than a casual shag(or maybe he's just into that kind of thing!lol)

you should definitely tell him

Yes,I totally agree with you on that one!

Did tell him,and tbh,I said that I'd meet with him once I'm not on (not my exact words!lol).I basically don't want to see him when I'm on my period as I'd desperately want to jump on him,and tbh,I'd rather not see him than have sex when I'm on!:-),it's just not my kind of thing,just doen't do it for me at all.If he'd come over anyway I'd just end up very frustrated,so I'd much rather wait a few days:-)