I don't want my baby

[probablylateagain]

How can I give him away? Is there a way someone will take him today? He has everything to take with him. I don't want him. I am sick of him. He is 5 months, who do I get to take him. I can't do this anymore

I'm in Manchester. Drop me a message if there's anything I can do x

I wish people wouldn't scare monger about SS - they are so stretched with so few foster carers that removing a child is the very very last option.

Also, op has said she won't ask her family, baby's dad and has tried GPS, HV and doesn't want to try MH services.

Please op, get help from SS, tell them how you feel.

Also, it's lovey people offering to mind op's baby but I don't think it's appropriate to encourage op to hand her baby over to an internet random is it?

What was your life and mental health like pre baby?

And yes agree with PP. SS are not scary. They were notified because I admitted I'd had thoughts if harming my baby. They visited me and couldn't have been more understanding and supportive. They were there to enable me to care for my baby. They checked I had support in place. They offered to arrange for a HV to visit me weekly if I needed it. They gave me their number to call if I needed anything and couldn't get help elsewhere. They gave me advice on how to deal with the problems I was having. I was signed off after 1 visit because they were satisfied I could keep my baby safe. SS don't want to take your baby. They want to help you x

@Qcumber

And yes agree with PP. SS are not scary. They were notified because I admitted I'd had thoughts if harming my baby. They visited me and couldn't have been more understanding and supportive. They were there to enable me to care for my baby. They checked I had support in place. They offered to arrange for a HV to visit me weekly if I needed it. They gave me their number to call if I needed anything and couldn't get help elsewhere. They gave me advice on how to deal with the problems I was having. I was signed off after 1 visit because they were satisfied I could keep my baby safe. SS don't want to take your baby. They want to help you x

That’s great your experience was so positive But I find it concerning that you were signed off after 1 visit

I can't ruin someones Christmas

It really won't ruin anyone's christmas. People would feel terrible if they found out you were struggling so much and couldn't help because they didn't realise. If your friend or relative was suffering so much you wouldn't resent giving support that was so desperately needed. You've had lots of good advice and offers of help, the best thing for you and your baby is to take it.

@Melonlover80

What was your life and mental health like pre baby?

Demanding professional role, very organised, independent, good network, the go to supportive friend, the person who is leaned on in my family

I'm reluctant to advise you to get ss involved or go to a and e and tell them you cannot cope as they will inform ss. That just opens Pandora's box for you that can last for years.

I've PMd you, OP

Just wanted to send you a virtual hug and some
It’s so so hard and you’re doing this all by yourself.
It’s ok to feel overwhelmed, unable to cope, sad, frustrated and a whole host of other feelings.
Be kind to yourself. Youve done the right thing by posting on here and hopefully some wise mumsnetters can offer more practical or supportive advice than I can.
It will be ok

Oh gosh OP you sound at the end of your tether and I can totally see why. My DD2 sounds a lot like this- has a wheat and dairy intolerance it turns out but no-one took me seriously and she was miserable for months-(as was I)- I turned up to the doctors on several occasions at the end of my tether (I was fobbed off too). She could go weeks without a dirty nappy, screamed and screamed, hated the pram and car seat was a monumentally dreadful sleeper. I went back to work when she was 6m do got a break from her, which I needed. Can anyone take her for a few hours-if you were my neighbour or friend I would in a heartbeat (it's not like there's much going on is there)? Would it be an option to get some childcare (babysitter, childminder, nursery) if you don't have family or friends who can? Homestart used to offer a volunteer to come round and help with baby (I'm not sure if this happens now with Covid) -it might not help today but I always feel better with a plan in place. Does your baby like the sling? It was my lifesaver and used to pop DD2 In and go about my business. If she screamed I put headphones in but know she was close to me and safe. Our dogs got a lot of walks when she was a baby! You can use a scarf/bedsheet to make one (YouTube has lots of ideas). I also coslept with her and gave up trying to get her in a routine so I could snatch some sleep at night when she did and not have to get out of bed when she woke up. Sorry if none of this is helpful - I know with DD2 I had tried every trick in the book and nothing seemed to help. It's tough but it does get better and you don't need to do this alone (even if the only support you can get today is virtual)

What you are experiencing, and your personality as you have described it, sounds pretty typical of women that are seen in perinatal mental health services. I'd try 111, and / or an emergency appointment with your GP. I'd say:

• I need to tell you some things. Please listen while I tell you these things first.
• my baby won't sleep
• my baby won't stop crying
• I am angry all the time
• I have regular thoughts that I want someone else to have the baby, and have rewatched how to give him away
• I am utterly miserable
• I've had traumatic experiences around the birth, and traumatic interactions with healthcare professionals around the birth
• I am desperate and not coping
• I have no support
• I am not going to harm my baby
• I've been advised on a parenting websites by a mental health professional that I should access the perinatal mental health team.

Sometimes you really need to spell these things out to access the correct support. It shouldn't have to be that way, I'm sorry.

I’m sorry you are having a tough time op, for what it is worth you are doing amazing to get this far without much support. When my eldest three were babies DH was deployed overseas and there were times when I would literally sit and cry along with the baby.
It is a huge adjustment going from independent adult to full time baby care (and I say that as someone who has chosen to work in early years for years.

It sounds as if you may be depressed, or at least your self esteem has taken a knock. You say you don’t want to ruin anyone’s Christmas. I want to reassure you that most people will be touched that you reached out to them for help. If before your appointment you struggle again, and you don’t feel
The helplines enough, try reaching out to friends/colleagues, neighbours, it can’t make you feel any worse than you do right now, in fact it might just give you the short time you need just to rest yourself.

This too shall pass. Baby will start to be able to entertain themselves more and more as they become more mobile and then more vocal.

Do you have a baby carrier you can use to strap baby in so they feel held but free you up a little to do other things?

I'm reluctant to advise you to get ss involved or go to a and e and tell them you cannot cope as they will inform ss. That just opens Pandora's box for you that can last for years. rubbish. Ss will only get involved if the child needs cannot be met by a single agency. This situation is wholly for the HV right now and it's a shame they haven't stepped up.

@melonlover I understand that would sound bad! But by the point of the visit, I'd been on anti depressants for a week and was feeling a lot better. I also had a lot of support around me. I hadn't told anyone I was struggling until after I went to the Dr's and my family really rallied around. My mum visited everyday to help me and let me get some sleep. By the time the social worker visited it had really calmed down and I was feeling a lot better. Even though my case was closed, they still checked up on me with phone calls, the HV visited to check on us and I was in regular contact with my gp and therapist once a week. So they put a lot of support in place. I assume if I hadn't gone to therapy or contacted my gp, they would have flagged this up and the case would have been reopened. They are very overstretched so I wouldn't expect anymore really!
OP sounds like I was, and I'm sure many other women can relate, not severely mentally unwell but just completely overwhelmed with nothing left to give. All it takes is a bit of support and honest conversation for the situation to improve drastically.

Don't be scared of social services
This talk of Pandora's box is really unhelpful. They are the ones you need to speak to. You're struggling to the point that you are thinking of relinquishing your baby into foster care so you need help. They need to get a plan in place around him and get you additional midwife support and mental health services. They can do that. Please contact them.

Please call the CRY-SIS HELPLINE on 08451 228 669

I’m not sure if they are open today with it being Christmas Eve, but there maybe some information on their website that may help you

www.cry-sis.org.uk/

Op sending you so much love. You aren't alone.
Honestly, as pp has said we've all been there. It's horrific and no one can quote prepare you for it.
Do you have a HV central number you can ring?

Where are you?

Demanding professional role, very organised, independent, good network, the go to supportive friend, the person who is leaned on in my family

@probablylateagain

Right: bows your turn to recall the favours.

Also try contacting a PND charity, and honestly don’t worry about reaching out to someone. People generally want to help and support you

PANDAS provides telephone support, online information and local support groups for pregnancy depression and postnatal depression.

pandasfoundation.org.uk/

APNI (Association for Postnatal Illness) provides telephone support and online information on postnatal depression.
apni.org/

Sorry I’ve just seen that MN posted the helpline links.

If you don’t want to contact your local mental health services, I’d try one of the helplines that has been posted, or is there a helpline you can contact through your works occupational health services?

From what you’ve said it sounds like your baby has colic, so I’d book him a GP appointment or take him to a&e if he just won’t settle.

It also sound as though you may have PND, which is not unsurprising in your circumstances. I’m sure that your employer would want you to seek help and become well, so please reach out to the support services in your area or contact one of the helplines.

Please speak to someone in real life that you can turn to for support.

Op please reach out to your friends. They will want to help. They really will. You can choose who you feel most comfortable with. You HAVE to reach out so someone can help you. Please do it today. Babies are hard, those who appear to have it easy is just that. Appearance.