Page 2 | I don't want my baby

probablylateagain · 2020-12-24T08:27:07+00:00

How can I give him away? Is there a way someone will take him today? He has everything to take with him. I don't want him. I am sick of him. He is 5 months, who do I get to take him. I can't do this anymore

Original poster

probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 08:55

Hi everyone.
I don't have any friends with children. They all think I am 'off work' and think I have lots of time on my hands.
Babies dad isn't an option. He compares me to others mothers he has seen.
I can't bear to go out and come back in to the state of my house.
I told the GP at the babies 6 week check that I was struggling and she said 'it's a hard adjustment for everyone'

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BertieBotts · 24/12/2020 08:55

It's a big decision and I think you need some urgent support.

You should be able to find a health visitor team number by googling your area plus health visiting team. However they may be closed for Christmas. It's possible that they have an emergency or out of hours number you could try.

Cry-sis are good for the situation you're experiencing.
08451 228 669

You could also try Family Lives, they are open until 1pm today.
08088002222

Try to hold on until the other side of Christmas so that you can get support from your GP and health visitor. If there is a way to contact them sooner, even better.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 24/12/2020 08:56

I agree with calling Cry-sis. But as he's 5 months old and past the new born colicky stage I should think there's probably something physically wrong with him if he is screaming constantly. There is a problem some babies have called acid reflux which requires medication, for example. I'm not saying he has this of course but just because he may look healthy there could be a physical condition making him so miserable. Phone your GP again - they will have an out of hours service even though it is Christmas Eve.

Original poster

probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 08:57

@Chicchicchicchiclana

I agree with calling Cry-sis. But as he's 5 months old and past the new born colicky stage I should think there's probably something physically wrong with him if he is screaming constantly. There is a problem some babies have called acid reflux which requires medication, for example. I'm not saying he has this of course but just because he may look healthy there could be a physical condition making him so miserable. Phone your GP again - they will have an out of hours service even though it is Christmas Eve.

It's not screaming it's like a fussy wining

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BertieBotts · 24/12/2020 08:57

Sorry I see I've cross posted with loads of others.

Could we help you get some of the house sorted so it doesn't feel as overwhelming? Just put the baby in the cot. If he cries for a bit that's OK.

BertieBotts · 24/12/2020 08:59

Cry-sis don't mind what type of crying it is. They understand it's incredibly draining and distressing no matter what kind.

Original poster

probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 08:59

I'm so ashamed that I am so terrible at this. Everyone else makes it seem natural to them. I wanted him so badly before

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Flyingin · 24/12/2020 08:59

Go to your nearest a and e department and show them this thread.

THATbasicSNOWFLAKE · 24/12/2020 09:00

Bless you op, are you sure there isnt a friend or neighbour who could help you

Flyingin · 24/12/2020 09:00

You are not terrible. Babies are hard and I can’t imagine what it must be like in lockdown.

Original poster

probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 09:01

@Flyingin

Go to your nearest a and e department and show them this thread.

When he was a week old I called 999, I was in extreme pain. They came and were sarcastic and said 'you've called us for back pain' I couldn't move. They left me with 2 ibuprofen. I laid on the bathroom floor screaming after they left having gallstone attacks. I don't trust the emergency services to listen to me at all

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Chocolate4me · 24/12/2020 09:02

If you tell the Dad that you are thinking of adoption or contacting social services, will that make him see sense?
If you call the Dr's again and tell the receptionist you are thinking of adoption and a Dr needs to call you about anti depressants and support, I'm sure a Dr will call you back, might not be your Dr but a Dr.
You have to be frankly honest with them though, spell it out clearly that you need some support ASAP

Original poster

probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 09:04

@Chocolate4me

If you tell the Dad that you are thinking of adoption or contacting social services, will that make him see sense? If you call the Dr's again and tell the receptionist you are thinking of adoption and a Dr needs to call you about anti depressants and support, I'm sure a Dr will call you back, might not be your Dr but a Dr. You have to be frankly honest with them though, spell it out clearly that you need some support ASAP

I called and said I needed to talk to someone about my mental health a while ago. They offered me an appointment over the phone.. in 6 weeks. I said it's ok I doubt it will be a problem by then, she said ok and the conversation ended

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AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings · 24/12/2020 09:04

@probablylateagain

I'm so ashamed that I am so terrible at this. Everyone else makes it seem natural to them. I wanted him so badly before

Most of us are terrible at this - unless we got a placid baby.

Mine refused to go on ANYTHING but me until at least six months. Think cot, carrier, pram, bouncer, floor, blanket etc. So I had to physically hold her, and sleep shifts with my DH, for months.

The newborn stage can be so hard and physically demanding. You're unlucky that Covid took away all the things I used as lifelines - baby groups, children's centres etc.

You're doing more than I did and with less support. No wonder you're at the end of your tether

Chocolate4me · 24/12/2020 09:04

It's OK to find it hard, I've had 5 children and one of them was really fussy and I just didn't enjoy the baby stage at all. Thankfully my other babies have shown me it's not actually me, it's just luck of the draw. Sounds like you may have pnd and there is nothing to be ashamed about, having a baby is a massive life change and doing it alone must be such a challenge

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 24/12/2020 09:05

You aren't terrible at this. Babies are so hard. Especially when you are on your own. How is baby feeding? Is his crying worse after a feed? It could be an allergy or intolerance of some kind.

Original poster

probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 09:05

I haven't taken my baby for his 3rd set of immunisations, no one has noticed

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110APiccadilly · 24/12/2020 09:06

@probablylateagain

I'm so ashamed that I am so terrible at this. Everyone else makes it seem natural to them. I wanted him so badly before

You're not terrible. My baby is a month old and I have a DH who can take her for a bit in the day so I get naps. I've still spent plenty of time feeling exhausted, begging her to sleep, and wondering why I'm so bad at this! If I was by myself I don't think I'd have coped for one month, let alone five!

PreRaphaeliteMotherhood · 24/12/2020 09:06

If he’s just whining, as long as he is fed and clean, plonk him in front of CBeebies (tbh any tv will do, it’s just colours and lights), and have a lie down on the sofa. Give yourself a couple of hours to recharge. You sound completely at the end of your tether and need some support. Google the name of your county/town and ‘health visiting hub’ and find the number for the health visitors. It’s probably in your red book too. There should be someone in the office this morning (my HV friends are definitely working today). I also second contacting Home-Start.

If you feel like you are a danger to your baby or yourself, please present to a&e.

Chocolate4me · 24/12/2020 09:06

Op don't tell them you need to talk about mental health, tell them you are at risk of pnd, need to talk about medication and you are at risk of wanting to give your child away. Be frankly honest

Chocolate4me · 24/12/2020 09:07

And book the jabs in whilst on the phone, tell them you haven't had them done yet due to you struggling

scrivette · 24/12/2020 09:09

Babies are hard work and some are harder than others and some situations (such as not having families around) can make it even harder.

Crysis is a good option, another option is searching for the name of your Council and then 'support for Mums' and that should bring up services that are available in your local area.

The Children's Centre may be open today and could provide some numbers of who you could call or offer some advice as to sessions and support they could offer.

Please be kind to yourself. Would the baby be entertained by something (even tv) whilst you sit down and have a cup of tea or rest for a few minutes.

Original poster

probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 09:09

Thank you.
I won't hurt him I promise.

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THisbackwithavengeance · 24/12/2020 09:10

Ok. Have you fed him? Will he breastfeed or have a bottle? He's probably hungry or thirsty if hes been fretful all this time. Don't try to impose a schedule on him.

Then after a feed, does he want a cuddle or to be held in a sling. You can dance gently to music with him in a sling, sing to him. I disagree that you should leave him in his cot to cry.

Your baby is telling you that he is not happy. I don't believe that some babies just cry and there is nothing you can do. If you tried everything and he still screaming then ring your GP.

hopscotchz · 24/12/2020 09:13

OP where are you? Someone here might be able to help. I am in East London. Me and my husband both looked for adoption options, believe me, it will get better, BUT, you need help ASAP.