I don't want my baby

[probablylateagain]

How can I give him away? Is there a way someone will take him today? He has everything to take with him. I don't want him. I am sick of him. He is 5 months, who do I get to take him. I can't do this anymore

My friend's daughter was very similar- she turned out to have a milk protein allergy and needed to be prescribed a special baby formula.

OP you are doing so well considering everything you are dealing with.
Please dont avoid looking for help from family and friends by worrying you are ruining there Christmas. If my friend or family member avoiding seeking help from me that would ruin my Christmas. You may be worried about them helping with a fussy crying baby but they haven't been sleep deprived for 5months, they aren't completely drained so they will be able to cope with a couple of hours while you sleep. My mum sometimes takes baby out for a walk while I rest. He may cry and fuss but she hasnt been listening to him cry for hours during the night so she isnt exhausted by it. It's also a good comprise if you are worried about covid as they will be outside and not in your home.
You are a good mother, looking at your posts you have tried so many things to help your baby but you have been let down by professionals around you. Dont let that put you off seeking help. I've had very mixed experiences with health care professionals but when they are good, the difference to your life is amazing.

It sounds like the baby has cow's milk allergy, mine was similar. Please speak to gp about baby and you. Reach out to friends, neighbours, family. If you were my neighbour I'd welcome you in no question

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say that you sound like a fantastic mum. You're under so much pressure and my god it sounds bloody miserable for you but you're still battling.

@namechange5575

What you are experiencing, and your personality as you have described it, sounds pretty typical of women that are seen in perinatal mental health services. I'd try 111, and / or an emergency appointment with your GP. I'd say:

• I need to tell you some things. Please listen while I tell you these things first.
• my baby won't sleep
• my baby won't stop crying
• I am angry all the time
• I have regular thoughts that I want someone else to have the baby, and have rewatched how to give him away
• I am utterly miserable
• I've had traumatic experiences around the birth, and traumatic interactions with healthcare professionals around the birth
• I am desperate and not coping
• I have no support
• I am not going to harm my baby
• I've been advised on a parenting websites by a mental health professional that I should access the perinatal mental health team.

Sometimes you really need to spell these things out to access the correct support. It shouldn't have to be that way, I'm sorry.

This is very good advice. You need support and help.

Also, as others have said, if you have a friend or relative you trust, ask if they can take your baby for a few hours a day for the next few days. That will give you time to sleep and catch up.

Ds1 sounds very much like your baby. I was very lucky in that I had a very supportive husband and an amazing health visitor. If it wasn't for that, I'd have felt like you do. If I had a friend or relative going through what you are going through, I would be very happy to help out.

Please ask for help.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Is it possible your son has silent reflux?

Oh OP is sounds like you are having a really rough time but please please please get some help. Insist that a doctor sees you or at least calls you today. Don't let them fob you off until the new year. If they won't listen, call your midwife or even triage or even go to a&e for help. Tell them how much you are struggling.
Look into reflux and cows milk allergy. Both can cause relentless screaming.
Your baby loves you and needs you. He doesn't hate you. Chances are he is just in horrendous pain and doesn't know how else to tell you.
Good luck Op.

I'm so sorry @probablylateagain, it sounds as though you are going in crisis and are completely unsupported.
I agree with others, don't phone SS, call your doctor and insist on being seen as a matter or urgency. Please reach out to a family member, dont worry about ruining anyone's Christmas, it's just a day, and people will want you to reach out rather than suffer in silence. Women with young babies have had it particularly tough this year.

Sending love op ❤️

If you're in Preston PM me

I’m not a professional, OP, but wanted to add my voice to your support. When DS was 6 months - 14ish months he had an undiagnosed gluten intolerance and he went from sleeping straight through the night and being a happy placid baby to waking every two hours screaming. After a few months I was fantasising about self harm, and I once left a screaming DS in his pram in the middle of a field and walked away from him for about ten minutes. Always in sight but for at least half of the that I had the full intention of just leaving him.

I really agree with what another PP said. Carve out as much time for you as you can. Feed him, change him, make sure he’s safe and then shower for at least five minutes. Music on or door closed, proper shampoo and soap, not just a rushed thirty second must get to the baby skin wetting. Deep breaths, take your time to get properly dry and dressed.

After his next feed and nappy change, make sure he’s safe again and then have a proper lunch,make sure you have a drink from a cup and not swigging from a bottle in a hurry. Lunch on a plate, sitting down, chew each mouthful, have a drink. Read two pages of a book or a newspaper or a magazine. Ten minutes maybe, but it’s for you.

Speak to the baby’s dad. I’m not sure if you are together or not? It’s irrelevant really though, he can take baby out for a walk for an hour every day. It’s his child, even if it’s in the evening in the dark after he’s been to work or whatever, you need a break. If he starts up with comparing you to other mothers, tell him —fuck off— that all he’s seeing is what they’re showing him. At my deepest darkest moments, I was fantasising about drivingmay car off the road and dying but I presented as a full on earth mother.

And yes, call your GP. Push and push and push. Decide what help you want and ask for it explicitly. I saw my GP and said very plainly, I feel like I want to die. I do not want to harm DS but I have been self harming. I want talking therapy. I didn’t want antidepressants at the time but if you feel they will help then ask for them and take them.

Can you afford private therapy? Are you on mat leave and can you access it through work? Could you talk discretely to your manager?

All the love inthe world OP, you’re doing an amazing job and it’s really brave of you to admit how you’re feeling and take the first steps in seeking help.

I can't ruin someones Christmas

You won't be! Your friends and family would want to support you and your baby.

You are bloody marvellous op for still standing after all that.

Babies are hard, unsettled babies are harder, unsettled babies with only one active parent during an unprecendented lockdown are beyond hard.

I hope you find help, it sounds like you have been let down by health professionals many times, I'm sorry.

Some babies are really unsettled. It's nothing you've done and will get so much better soon. You just need to get through the next few weeks the best you can. I found a dummy and sling absolutely invaluable. And with a sling just pottering around the house can jig them to sleep. Will baby nap on your lap? Make sure you have snacks and the remote and have a rest.
This is not forever, I really didn't enjoy the baby stage, I am miserable on no sleep.
Don't worry about the house, you'll get there. Just need to go easy on yourself xx

I'm loving all the posts from supportive Lancashire mums.

And whilst, yes, I agree, she is not going to hand her baby over to a stranger on the Internet, I wonder if meeting up in a local park with one of the local MN'ers might be possible? It's a lovely day, some fresh air and sunshine and somebody to chat to might do some good in the short term.

Long term OP, it sounds like maybe something is bothering your little one, maybe some type of allergies, and I agree you possibly do have PND.

I understand how you feel when you say you don't want to go out because you don't want to come home to your tip of a house. I get that. I totally do. I've been there. But just cut yourself some slack. One thing at a time. Your house won't always be a tip. It can be tidied. For right now, go out and get some fresh air, a takeaway coffee, and just sit in a park or something.

One step at a time. Look after yourself xx

Hi OP, you're not a terrible parent, you're a NEW parent and you're learning on the job. You've already been given lots of good advice and ideas for resources. Just one more, this website might offer some help too:

iconcope.org/parentsadvice/

I’m another saying don’t ring ss, that should be your last resort not first, (I’m sorry but I’ve had an horrendous experience with them and if you get a bad one it can be hanging over for you for a very Long time and it won’t be optional for them to go away) so please contact your friends and family FIRST, honestly they will want to help, you say it would ruin their Christmas but I promise you it wouldn’t, They will want to support you, even the father should be an option before ss, I think if you explain like you have on here people will be more willing to help as it sounds like you haven’t been entirely honest about how much you are struggling. Also HV and Gp and explain and be honest like you have here rather than saying you want to speak about mental health etc. I was also alone with my daughter and she was so hard the first year of her life all she did was cry, she was never happy, then one day it got better, it was almost instant like a light switch, it does pass even though it doesn’t feel like it now.

And I agree with another poster I don’t think anyone is offering to take her baby but it would really help if the op knew some other mums local who could be a support network, it can be hard if none of your friends have babies or don’t understand. Mums usually get support through baby groups which I’m thinking isn’t happening at the moment, there was a post on my local Facebook from a new mum who just had a baby and was asking to meet other mums in the area which I thought was a good idea (obviously when restrictions allow it)

Hi everyone didn't want to run off and leave anyone worrying about the baby. Currently with friend and dog driving baby to sleep.

I have cleared my head a little (major complete meltdown has drained me to be honest but it felt good in a way to feel something other and numbness and anger) and don't want want to have my baby taken away, I would never harm him either, he is safe for anyone who is worried, I completely understand that, he is priority and he is safe.

I have previously looked in to CMPA, silent reflux, etc.I will come back later to ask for more advice with this for those who her experience if that's ok.

I'm going to xBILs house for the night or 2, both single adult households, just pets and the baby.

I am going to just get through the next couple of days and then my friend is going to make the calls for me for some support.

Thank you to everyone, it's not often there is a thread without a single person being unhelpful. I've read everything and it's honestly helped me make it through the morning.

Merry Christmas to everyone and to anyone who is spending Christmas alone, feels lonely or is having a difficult time for whatever reason and has still managed to offer me advice and support I am so thankful.

@probablylateagain bloody well done op. Proud of you as the whole thread will be. Tomorrow is a new day x

I'm glad you have a bit of support op. This will pass, it won't be forever even though it feels that way now. You can do this

You are an amazing mum OP, you should be really proud of yourself for being able to do all that for yourself and your baby, despite how terrible you have been feeling.

So glad to read your update. It will get better

Well done op!

Very happy to give advice about cmpa. Lived through that hell twice and know what a difference the right treatment can make.

Just RTFT and it's brilliant to see you've reached out and got support OP. Well done for seeking help, it's not easy. I completely sympathise with how you're feeling (wanting to give baby away, always feeling super angry) as I struggled with PND for 15 months before finally admitting something was wrong. DS also had CMPA and an unsettled baby is difficult for anyone to deal with, let alone for someone without support so it sounds like you've had a really rough time. I hope you get the help you deserve and are able to enjoy your Christmas