Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I don't want my baby

246 replies

probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 08:27

How can I give him away? Is there a way someone will take him today? He has everything to take with him. I don't want him. I am sick of him. He is 5 months, who do I get to take him. I can't do this anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 09:41

[quote MsF1t]@probablylateagain it seems to me that you have been badly let down by a lot of people, on top of the current situation which is hard enough for any new parent.

I know it seems like everyone else is naturally able to parent, but it's not true. I looked at adoption for both of mine. Neither would sleep and I had terrible PND. Luckily for me there was a charity in my area who offered counselling and a crèche.

Where are you? If you are in Scotland, please feel free to pm me a rough location as if I am local to you i would be more than happy to come and help. I also have a close relative down South who works with new mums professionally. Pretty sure there are a lot of people on here who will feel the same.[/quote]
Thank you but I'm not in Scotland.
I was sent home from the hospital being told I wasn't in labour and refused an 'unnecessary exam' an hour before I gave birth unable to get back to the hospital so that's been how health professionals have been during this time to be honest.

OP posts:
Bicnod · 24/12/2020 09:44

OP I really feel for you. Lots of good advice on this thread, please please reach out to Cry-sis or similar, they WILL take you seriously.

You have probably already tried this but a dummy worked absolute wonders in helping DC3 settle for naps/at night and to stay asleep for longer. I didn't use them with the first two but in hindsight I wish I had - path of least resistance is the one to tread when you're sleep deprived with a fussy baby. Shops are open today, if you haven't tried one then maybe get hold of a couple?

Original poster
probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 09:45

@Bicnod

OP I really feel for you. Lots of good advice on this thread, please please reach out to Cry-sis or similar, they WILL take you seriously.

You have probably already tried this but a dummy worked absolute wonders in helping DC3 settle for naps/at night and to stay asleep for longer. I didn't use them with the first two but in hindsight I wish I had - path of least resistance is the one to tread when you're sleep deprived with a fussy baby. Shops are open today, if you haven't tried one then maybe get hold of a couple?

He won't take a dummy but thank you for trying to help
OP posts:
Original poster
probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 09:46

[quote ArseInTheCoOpWindow]This link will take you to your local mental health crisis team. They will act straight away. Find support or something for you.

www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline[/quote]
They really won't, I also work closely with these people and don't want them to know

OP posts:
BrokenLink · 24/12/2020 09:46

I think you need some help for your mental health today. The service you are looking for is a perinatal mental health service. Call 111 and tell them you cannot cope with your baby. If no one is taking this seriously, go to A&E. You can and will feel better, but you need professional help to get there.

AndddddHerewegoagain · 24/12/2020 09:47

Not pooing and screaming in pain sounds like colic.

Theres formula by aptimil and cow and gate called comfort milk. It honestly saved our sanity. Its so hard, hope you can get some real life support soon xx

110APiccadilly · 24/12/2020 09:51

Can't speak from personal experience but there's also an OTC medication called Infacol you can give for colic. My health visitor recommended it (sadly, DD dislikes the taste and spits it out!) It might not help but it certainly won't do any harm to try.

Original poster
probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 09:51

@110APiccadilly

Can't speak from personal experience but there's also an OTC medication called Infacol you can give for colic. My health visitor recommended it (sadly, DD dislikes the taste and spits it out!) It might not help but it certainly won't do any harm to try.
Used this for months. He liked the taste. No difference
OP posts:
FestiveStuffing · 24/12/2020 09:54

If he's just gone on to formula, he might have cow's milk protein allergy? Has there been a change since you switched him or has he been the same the entire time?

ISeeTheLight · 24/12/2020 09:55

OP go to A&E. Both for yourself and your baby. My DD was the same - never slept more than 30min, constant screaming. She was after 6 months diagnosed with cows milk protein allergy and became a different baby. Go to A&E to get a doctor to listen to you. Its incredible hard and I don't blame you one but for feeling like this, especially with no support Flowers

AliasGrape · 24/12/2020 09:56

Well done for posting OP.

Please please reach out to the services that have been mentioned - try cry-sis or maybe pandas foundation. pandasfoundation.org.uk/

In my area there is a drop in face to face mental health centre, maybe google your area + drop in mental health to see if there’s similar. Or as a pp said look up the perinatal mental health team and tell them what you’ve said here.

Please don’t be put off by not wanting people to know. This isn’t your fault.

Your baby loves and needs you very much.

You have been let down badly but if you can just find the strength to reach out again I really hope you get some real life support.

Littleyell · 24/12/2020 09:56

My DS had a cows milk allergy too. The hospital prescribed milk you can’t just buy. I have forgotten the name. I think you need to go to A&E OP.

ISeeTheLight · 24/12/2020 09:57

Also join the Facebook group CMPA support - lots of people with babies with similar symptoms there and it's incredibly difficult to get diagnosed. Good luck.

FestiveStuffing · 24/12/2020 09:57

He may also be lactose intolerant. Though fairly rare in babies, it would cause fussiness on either breast or cow's milk because they both contain lactose.

Original poster
probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 09:59

@FestiveStuffing

If he's just gone on to formula, he might have cow's milk protein allergy? Has there been a change since you switched him or has he been the same the entire time?
He's always been like this
OP posts:
ISeeTheLight · 24/12/2020 09:59

The milk you need is either Neocate, Alfamino or Nutramigen. Refuse to leave A&E without a prescription for one of these. They're all amino acid based - they smell foul but will help baby. You may also need anti reflux medication and/or a thickener.

ISeeTheLight · 24/12/2020 10:01

And my daughter was like this breast fed - some babies react through your breast milk (I went dairy free and we topped up with alternative formula). So it's absolutely possibly baby has always been like this both on breast and on formula. Please go to A&E and kick up a fuss.

Buntyjones · 24/12/2020 10:01

Definitely worth looking at whether he has a cow's milk allergy. Sounds so much like my DD (also 5 months now) - she was so miserable, screaming constantly, not sleeping, didn't poo for days and then had a 'poo-nami'. She was eventually diagnosed with a cow's milk protein allergy, we got given special formula (I don't BF, never have, don't feel guilty about making your own decisions about your own body), and she was a different baby overnight!

LimpLettice · 24/12/2020 10:01

Op, you sound so defeated and so unhappy.

This has been a tough time for maternity services. I also have a 5m DS, had a horrific birth, a high risk pregnancy and a fight to get proper care, I have so much empathy. My boy is an easy baby compared to my elder two, but it's so hard, and I'm lucky with a brilliant partner.

It is normal for them to go days. DD once went ten days and was clearly uncomfortable. But it's normal, all three of mine have been this way. HV should have talked it through properly with you, not made you feel unsupported. I know they are under it too but for a first time mum it must be horrendous.

I'm trying to articulate and probably badly but it comes across as though your misery is making it really hard to access help, which is normal. Your (ex?) partner sounds horrible, you're badly isolated and sleep deprivation is used as torture for a reason, it is literally a killer. Please try Cry-sis, be totally honest with them about all the things you've tried. They will have ideas and you have nothing to lose now you're at this point.

allhappeningatonce · 24/12/2020 10:03

You might open an unwelcome box if you get social services involved.
You must be exhausted. Please reach out to either the dad or someone in your own family. Even if they took the baby for a couple of days and you slept and sorted the house out and missed the baby a bit. I'm so sorry this has happened you. Deep breath, take each hour at a time, there will be someone you know that will help you. Don't be ashamed of it, by the sound of it, you've been left on the scrapheap by gp and health care services, family, friends and the dad. Forget about Christmas. Just each hour, try a little. I would offer to mind your baba but not sure where you are in the country!

exLtEveDallas · 24/12/2020 10:04

I found Infacol did nothing for my DD, but Dentinox worked wonders. Tastes of nothing so easily added to formula.

Also, crying won’t kill him. I used to feed and change DD, then put her safe in her cot and have a long shower with music blasting. It meant I couldn’t hear her and my anger and anxiety went down. I also felt better in myself. It was only maybe 15 minutes, but it made a hell of a difference.

I found constant low sounds worked to calm her as well - sitting her in front of the washing machine, the dryer or the Hoover helped. I also did the reflux recommendations - propping her up at a 45 degree angle when asked, cycling her legs, sleeping with the cot head raised.

It really does sound like Colic, and 4-5 months is a premium time for it.

Honesty, there were times I could have handed her to the next person that walked past the house - and that was with a (useless) husband on the scene! The fact you are doing this alone shows how bloody strong you are, never doubt yourself

Kittykat93 · 24/12/2020 10:05

Get help today op, I'd ring social services for some support and also possibly a&e

Original poster
probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 10:06

@exLtEveDallas

I found Infacol did nothing for my DD, but Dentinox worked wonders. Tastes of nothing so easily added to formula.

Also, crying won’t kill him. I used to feed and change DD, then put her safe in her cot and have a long shower with music blasting. It meant I couldn’t hear her and my anger and anxiety went down. I also felt better in myself. It was only maybe 15 minutes, but it made a hell of a difference.

I found constant low sounds worked to calm her as well - sitting her in front of the washing machine, the dryer or the Hoover helped. I also did the reflux recommendations - propping her up at a 45 degree angle when asked, cycling her legs, sleeping with the cot head raised.

It really does sound like Colic, and 4-5 months is a premium time for it.

Honesty, there were times I could have handed her to the next person that walked past the house - and that was with a (useless) husband on the scene! The fact you are doing this alone shows how bloody strong you are, never doubt yourself

Thank you. I feel so angry all the time
OP posts:
movingonup20 · 24/12/2020 10:06

If you can't get through to your dr call 111, they will help

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 24/12/2020 10:06

Oh op , nothing more to add as everyone has said it
I was exactly the same , crying miserable baby , isolated , unsupportive partner . I look back and see I had Pnd. It does get easier , reach out to whomever you can , most people will be only to glad to help.

I'd take him off you for the day if I could ! Please know that you will get through this x