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Original poster

I don't want my baby

246 replies

probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 08:27

How can I give him away? Is there a way someone will take him today? He has everything to take with him. I don't want him. I am sick of him. He is 5 months, who do I get to take him. I can't do this anymore

OP posts:
Beefcurtains79 · 24/12/2020 09:13

Are you in London OP? X

Gardeniaofdelights · 24/12/2020 09:13

This is a crisis point OP - you need urgent support. You aren’t a bad person, you’re just struggling with incredibly difficult circumstances and you need a break. Newborns are incredibly hard even when you have a supportive partner on hand.

Try your GP again. I know they were unhelpful before, but really spell it out to them. And google your health visitor and speak to them too. You might qualify for some at home help to let you rest.

You deserve help with this, you just need to be explicit about seeking it Flowers

LadyB49 · 24/12/2020 09:13

Get emergency appointment with gp today and say you think your baby is ill. Say you've been coping alone and think that you are also I'll possibly with PND.

Failing that go to A & E.
I'd be careful not to say that you want to give baby away in case they took him into care which you probably don't really mean, it's just a temporary feeling because you are suffering so much yourself. But you do need immediate help. Sounds like reflux to me.

Original poster
probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 09:13

@THisbackwithavengeance

Ok. Have you fed him? Will he breastfeed or have a bottle? He's probably hungry or thirsty if hes been fretful all this time. Don't try to impose a schedule on him.

Then after a feed, does he want a cuddle or to be held in a sling. You can dance gently to music with him in a sling, sing to him. I disagree that you should leave him in his cot to cry.

Your baby is telling you that he is not happy. I don't believe that some babies just cry and there is nothing you can do. If you tried everything and he still screaming then ring your GP.

I've fed him. I still feed on demand. I was expressing all of his milk because I couldn't get him to latch and was fobbed off continuously about this. The midwife then came and gave him a bottle without offering any other option or support or even asked to see his latch which I've now been told shouldn't have been done. So it was downhill with that from there really. I persisted until very recently. He's on formula now which I'm ashamed of after trying so hard. It was just taking me hours each day and night to express it all
OP posts:
InvincibleInvisibility · 24/12/2020 09:14

Oh OP Ive been there. Ds1 had severe reflux. Never slept more than 45 minutes in a row for at least 2 years. Sometimes screaming crying sometimes just whining but it wore me down so much.

Are you BF or bottle? Of bottle, try a milk for reflux? Try keeping him as upright as possible. Mine hated the pram and the bouncy chair but was ok in a sling.

Ive 2 DC now and DH has been pushing for a 3rd but I refuse point blank in case we get another DC1 again. I love him to bits but the crying and non sleeping was pure torture and lasted months.

THATbasicSNOWFLAKE · 24/12/2020 09:14

Leaving him to cry briefly will do no harm. Op needs to look after herself too. Of course some babies do just cry.

rainbowstardrops · 24/12/2020 09:14

I'm sorry you're feeling like this OP but you've been given lots of really good suggestions on here.
You need to contact someone TODAY and you need to insist on more support from your baby's dad - regardless of what he thinks. He might not be so judgmental if he experiences what you're having to deal with.

DelphiniumBlue · 24/12/2020 09:14

You need help, and it's good that you posted here. We can give verbal support online, but you also need something in real life.
So GP would be first call, and in the meantime, ask friends for help- they might not understand but if you say " can you play with the baby while I was my hair/tidy up ?" or ask them to go for a walk, they probably would respond to that.
Is there a reason why the father isn't sharing the load? Are you with him? What about his family?
I'm asking because I can see that realistically there won't be much chance of you getting an appointment with GP or anyone else before Xmas, but individual people might be able to step in and give you a break. You might have to ask directly rather than hinting or waiting for offers.
It sounds as if you must be getting very little sleep, which is horrible and will exacerbate any other issues. This is not an easy time to be on your own with a baby, being solely responsible for a baby can be overwhelming at the best of times.
If anyone I knew asked for help in your circumstances, I would be happy to lend a hand, and I think that would be the same for most people- don't be scared to ask. What about the baby's grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins? I know it's Tier4 in most places, but there are childcare exceptions and your mental health is vitally important.

MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 24/12/2020 09:16

Hi probablylateagain,

We're so sorry you're going through such a difficult time.

We can see you're getting lots of good advice and support on this thread but we just wanted to add a few more links to organisations which may be able to give you some support in real life.

Your baby is still very young and you may well be experiencing postnatal depression, so we'd urge you to take a look at an organisation called PANDAS Foundation which was set up to support families through PND & AND. Their webpage is here and they have a free helpline, available Monday – Sunday 11am-10pm - 0808 1961 776. Please take a look at their website and consider giving them a call - we know they've helped many Mumsnetters in the past.

We'd also second the advice to take a look at the cry-sis website. If you click on the link you'll see they have specific advice for babies aged 3-12 months. Their helpline number is 08451 228 669 and their lines are open 7 days a week 9am-10pm.

It's also worth checking out the support available on the Gingerbread website - Gingerbread is a charity which was set up to support single parent families. There's loads of advice on their website and they can help you to meet with other single parents in your area.

Sending good wishes from all at MNHQ. We really hope things start to get a bit easier for you soon. Flowers

InvincibleInvisibility · 24/12/2020 09:16

Do NOT worry about bottle feeding him!!!! No wonder you're exhausted tryong to express as well and all without support.

Seriously, all my friends gave up BF at 3 months at the very latest. Several didnt even give colostrum. No difference to my DC who were BF at all (except the others slept better)

slipperywhensparticus · 24/12/2020 09:17

Has he been checked for reflux?

THATbasicSNOWFLAKE · 24/12/2020 09:19

There is nothing wrong with using formula op

I have 5 dc and all have been fed formula since birth, i never even attempted bf. Some would say that is wrong but i am not interested in the opinions of others!

Could your baby maybe have an intolerance? What are his nappies like? Is he sick much?

Original poster
probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 09:20

@slipperywhensparticus

Has he been checked for reflux?
Honestly I have tried with the health visitor hub. I have called about his sore eye, him not doing a poo until every 3 days and seeming unhappy because of this, him having thrush etc etc, get told 'BF babies don't always poo everyday there is less waste' yes I understand but he is wriggling and unhappy and then it's a crazy explosion when he does do it. Apparently that's normal.
OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 24/12/2020 09:21

Is there anyone who can take the baby for the day to give you a break?

I had a baby like your ds, she cried continuously, whined a lot, was a pain to feed and rarely slept, it was exhausting and I felt like I had no life, she wouldn’t settle in the pram or the car and if anyone so much as looked at her she would cry. There were times when I really didn’t like her and felt is someone took her I would be relieved. She’s now almost 17 and despite her being a awful baby she has grown into a amazing young woman, we now laugh about how awful she was as a baby and how we were scared to touch or look at her. Those awful baby days now seem like a tiny piece of her life and it was all worth it.

Maybe let us know what area you are in and someone maybe able to offer support or advice on who to contact for extra help.

Original poster
probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 09:26

@Lovemusic33

Is there anyone who can take the baby for the day to give you a break?

I had a baby like your ds, she cried continuously, whined a lot, was a pain to feed and rarely slept, it was exhausting and I felt like I had no life, she wouldn’t settle in the pram or the car and if anyone so much as looked at her she would cry. There were times when I really didn’t like her and felt is someone took her I would be relieved. She’s now almost 17 and despite her being a awful baby she has grown into a amazing young woman, we now laugh about how awful she was as a baby and how we were scared to touch or look at her. Those awful baby days now seem like a tiny piece of her life and it was all worth it.

Maybe let us know what area you are in and someone maybe able to offer support or advice on who to contact for extra help.

I wouldn't inflict this on anyone else. My friends don't get it at all. And also we work in a sector where the should definitely be minimising outside contact with people. Thought I haven't seen anyone in quite a while so I'm probably safe
OP posts:
Jenala · 24/12/2020 09:26

How frustrating for you that the midwife gave a bottle in that way. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Breastfeeding is hard, even when it's easy. If he was struggling to latch, that's not your fault, you needed good support and you didn't get it. We don't just know how to do it, in times past we would have been surrounded by other women who knew all the problems and how to manage them. We don't have that anymore, so if the services that are meant to support us, don't, then there is no chance. I know right now it's not how the world feels but you did such an amazing thing trying to continue and trying to express. Expressing is miserable. You may think I'm just trying to be nice or make you feel better but the above is all true. Support is often lacking and at the moment even more so. That's on the organisations, not you.

OP whereabouts are you, the organisations that mumsnet have shared are great and the first helpline definitely worth ringing. But there may be more local support available at local authority level, so in your county. There will be a central health visiting number, I'm happy to help you find it if you want to pm. Though health visitors themselves are sometimes great, sometimes crap, they can signpost and refer. You may have a children's centre nearby too who can do similar.

Feel for you Flowers

MrsBobDylan · 24/12/2020 09:26

In your position I would phone SS and tell them you are really unwell, that you don't feel able to ring the Drs but you think you have acute PND. Be honest and tell them that you have been considering asking them to take your baby into care.

Taking babies into foster care is an absolute last resort but they should help you coordinate some treatment/care.

I think you've hit a wall op and can't move forward without help.

Please call them, you can't care for your baby while you are so unwell and unsupported.

You haven't done anything wrong you are just very unwell, not your fault. You and your child can't get through this terrible time with help.

Jenala · 24/12/2020 09:27

Sorry just saw you have tried health visiting hub.

MrsBobDylan · 24/12/2020 09:28

You can get through this terrible time with help...

Jenala · 24/12/2020 09:28

Inthink what MrsBobDylan said could be the way forward. They won't just snatch him away from you, but they will want to support you asap to stop that happening.

Original poster
probablylateagain · 24/12/2020 09:31

@Jenala

How frustrating for you that the midwife gave a bottle in that way. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Breastfeeding is hard, even when it's easy. If he was struggling to latch, that's not your fault, you needed good support and you didn't get it. We don't just know how to do it, in times past we would have been surrounded by other women who knew all the problems and how to manage them. We don't have that anymore, so if the services that are meant to support us, don't, then there is no chance. I know right now it's not how the world feels but you did such an amazing thing trying to continue and trying to express. Expressing is miserable. You may think I'm just trying to be nice or make you feel better but the above is all true. Support is often lacking and at the moment even more so. That's on the organisations, not you.

OP whereabouts are you, the organisations that mumsnet have shared are great and the first helpline definitely worth ringing. But there may be more local support available at local authority level, so in your county. There will be a central health visiting number, I'm happy to help you find it if you want to pm. Though health visitors themselves are sometimes great, sometimes crap, they can signpost and refer. You may have a children's centre nearby too who can do similar.

Feel for you Flowers

I didn't go to my appointments for his heal prick tests etc, they came to my house, have them and left, no question as to why. I am in Lancashire
OP posts:
kazza446 · 24/12/2020 09:35

Whereabouts in Lancashire op?

fuzzymoon · 24/12/2020 09:36

My grandson sounds like your little one and he turned out to be allergic to dairy.

Would it be worth trying him with a dairy alternative formula ?

It's ok to feel like you do. You sound like a wonderful mum but a mum who is exhausted and whose emotional jug is empty.

Your emotional jug starts full and you fill others cups. Most goes in your babies cup, quite a lot in her dads cup etc.

Someone needs to refill yours. It's empty. This is done by an ear , giving you some time , sharing the load.

Please ring your GP get an appointment. Do what a previous poster said - threaten to leave the baby in reception.

You also need to talk firmly to the babies father. Other people are not like this because there is someone in their lives who helps , who supports both emotionally and physically

MsF1t · 24/12/2020 09:38

@probablylateagain it seems to me that you have been badly let down by a lot of people, on top of the current situation which is hard enough for any new parent.

I know it seems like everyone else is naturally able to parent, but it's not true. I looked at adoption for both of mine. Neither would sleep and I had terrible PND. Luckily for me there was a charity in my area who offered counselling and a crèche.

Where are you? If you are in Scotland, please feel free to pm me a rough location as if I am local to you i would be more than happy to come and help. I also have a close relative down South who works with new mums professionally. Pretty sure there are a lot of people on here who will feel the same.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 24/12/2020 09:38

This link will take you to your local mental health crisis team. They will act straight away. Find support or something for you.

www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

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