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Original poster

Support for essbee 2

423 replies

anorak · 26/09/2004 10:51

Here it is...

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essbee · 03/10/2004 13:44

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tigermoth · 03/10/2004 13:48

good luck and IME brokers can get mortgages more easily if a more direct method fails (and the mortgages aren't necessarily expensive ones either)

Forestfly · 03/10/2004 13:50

Look on the internet aswell, places like this

essbee · 03/10/2004 13:51

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essbee · 03/10/2004 13:52

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sis · 03/10/2004 15:34

Essbee, the number for FirstDirect offset mortgage is 08456 100 103. Sorry that you are having such an awful time of it and hope you keep the strength to get you and your children through this - because like everything else, you haveto remember, 'this too shall pass'.

essbee · 03/10/2004 15:39

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essbee · 03/10/2004 15:44

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tigermoth · 03/10/2004 19:51

I hope your bravery in trying to keep your dad involved in your life is paying off, essbee. Crossing my fingers here.

iota · 03/10/2004 20:06

Fingers crossed here too essbee

essbee · 04/10/2004 01:56

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Original poster
anorak · 04/10/2004 09:05

Well you broke the ice. These things take time. I wouldn't get your hopes up about his being loving - not every family relationship is however much we long for it.

Please make sure you don't allow him to treat you like a child again, bullying and manipulating. If he criticises you I would certainly make sure you say something and nip it in the bud. He has to understand that you are an adult now and entitled to make you own choices, entitled not to live in fear.

I've been reading 'Toxic Parents' and I think it would really help you. DH is waiting to read it when I have finished with it but do get yourself a copy. It helps you see that you can escape from the patterns set in your childhood by changing your responses.

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essbee · 05/10/2004 02:11

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tigermoth · 05/10/2004 07:56

good luck with the mediation and well done about the mortgage quotes essbee.

At least you have the influence of mumsnet people to counteract the influence of your father - and in balancing the two, you can hopefully follow your own feelings. I wouldn't normally recommmend a group of virtual people is an alternative to a parent, but in this case perhaps it's not such a bad idea, especially as you know some of them.

sobernow · 05/10/2004 08:01

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aloha · 05/10/2004 10:20

Anorak is 100% correct. You don't need to prove anything in a divorce petition so don't worry about proof. I would also leave the violence in there just in case he starts threatening to take the kids or any such nonsense (he'd never get them, of course, but he's a nasty bit of work and who knows what he'd threaten). Also she's right when she says that whatever is in the petition won't affect the settlement.

Twinkie · 05/10/2004 11:23

Ooohhh Honey of course whatever help you need I will be more than willing to come and be there for you (with DD and a new little one but hey at least I will look like a lovely mummy!!)

Leave everything in - you must be honest about what has happened and above all I think it will be a great way to show him that his bahaviour doesnl;t work when it comes to manipulating you.

Leave what he did to you and what he did to DS in most certainly - as people have said if he ever tries to get the kids this will go against him big time and it is the 2 things you have proof of!!

Will see you on Saturday though DP is going to play golf so will be there about 2ish as long as I don't get lost!! (That ok with u Anorak - I have mailed you!!)

Have DS's pressie (from his B'day ages ago!!) and one for you and DD too just to cheer you up!!

essbee · 05/10/2004 17:09

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iota · 05/10/2004 17:36

good news essbee - have a lovely evening and a good night's sleep

Original poster
anorak · 05/10/2004 17:37

Well done essbee! Didn't it feel good to stand up to him! I'll never forget the look on my ex's face time after time in court where I did things he thought I never would.

It helps you to realise that he is just a t**t and not the powerful bully you think of.

You really are grabbing your life with both hands, aren't you!

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essbee · 05/10/2004 21:31

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tigermoth · 06/10/2004 08:11

So pleased your home looks more secure, essbee. Fingers crossed this is so. Well done for showing your ex you mean business!

essbee · 06/10/2004 13:15

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iota · 06/10/2004 13:26

hmmmmm essbee 4 hours sleep - not quite the good night's sleep recommended by Dr iota, but not a bad effort.

I expect to hear that you do at least 6 hours tonight

essbee · 06/10/2004 20:56

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