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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Support for essbee 2

423 replies

anorak · 26/09/2004 10:51

Here it is...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MTS · 28/09/2004 09:44

best of luck with the school meeting.

essbee · 28/09/2004 09:47

Message withdrawn

essbee · 28/09/2004 09:49

Message withdrawn

Twinkie · 28/09/2004 10:05

HOney

What you are forgetting is that there is a thread on here and me of course - I saw what he did to you and am more than happy - actually will relish facuing the shit in court and will sit and write a statement if you need me to. You also have the visits to your doctors too that will back up what happened and Social Services!! You have evidence - you may have been a bit of a nasrky bitch but FFS whatever you did to him does not necessitate what he did to you and DS!!

AT the end of the day he is trying to piss you off wasting time and money - whether you are the petitioner or the other one (can't remember what it is called) it doesn't mean much and as for him coming back with you were unreasonable to live with what do you think a judge will think of that - if it were me or any sane person they would think he was the agressor and a complete tosser to boot.

As for DS I really think you need to take him tot he doctors - maybe go without him first and see if you can perhaps get some sort of counselling for him - he has been through a lot what with AH did to him and what he saw AH do to you and I think stepping in now and getting someone to talk through those feelings with him would be a great idea - they can also teach him to manage his anger and how he feels.

As for you and the ADs go for it - at the moment you need something and it may just be them. My Dr gave me sleeping tablets because thats my problem when it all gets too much I just can't shut off - they weren't a permanent help but did help me get some rest and some perspective on things - ADs might be your crutch if even for a very short time and do you know that if it were to come out in court that you were on ADs it would actually look good for you that you got help for the feelings you are having and would look bad that he drove you to that - I thought the other way around but the solicitor advised me otherwise!!

What does your solicitor say about him counterpetitioning??

Oh and did you get my CAT - about the 10th October??

Original poster

anorak · 28/09/2004 10:09

Twinkie if that's about what I think it is it's the 9th of October!

OP posts:

Twinkie · 28/09/2004 10:20

Oh right thats good - DP is at footie and so he may not be as bad!!

essbee · 28/09/2004 10:41

Message withdrawn

Twinkie · 28/09/2004 10:50

Chase it up then - ring doctors now and explain what is going o and that you need the help urgently.

I am serious about coming to court or writing a statement if necessary!!

And email me about the 9th please so I can tell DP that I won't be having babay on hard shoulder of M25 alone!!

aloha · 28/09/2004 11:27

Essbee, honestly it will make no difference whether he cross-petitions or denies things. It really won't. Divorce isn't about fault or blame anymore - some people think this is a shame, but it's true. He can't stop you divorcing him and it won't affect the settlement. YOu will get the lion's share because you have two children to house and support and he will have to cough up. It makes no difference what he denies or admits to. The only behaviour that the court will penalise financially is if he is caught out lying about financial matters. Try - and I know this is a near impossible thing to do - to shrug it off. Ignore it. It's game playing but it won't save him a penny. In fact, it's costing him for no advantage. I promise you this is true. as for your poor little boy I am really shocked. I wouldn't sell the house yet, even though I agree that moving will probably be a good thing for you in the long term. Right now I'd go for as big a settlement as possible after the divorce, and only then move. atm if you sell the house you will need your ex's cooperation and you won't be in as strong a position. But I would urge you to stop communicating with him at all. Go through your lawyers and tell him when he can see the kids and stick to that. Refuse to engage in his petty mind games. You are bigger and better than him and horrible and overwhelming as this time is, it won't last forever.

soapbox · 28/09/2004 12:24

Saw this and thought of you

soapbox · 28/09/2004 12:24

Whoops - click on the grin - it is a link!

Twinkie · 28/09/2004 12:30

Essbee Aloha is right once you ignore them and they can't piss you off on the phone they start to realise that its pointless and a waste of their time and money - I tell X2b that I will speak to him when I want and when I don't I say I am putting the phone down now you know the address of my solicitor don;t you!! - It makes you feel so good!!

You realise he is doing this as he can;t punch you anymore don;t you.

I would try to get your solicitor to write him a letter too saying that you realise that cross petitioning will do nothing but cost more and as you both have the responsibility of the kids and are a bit strapped at the moment you find this behaviour silly and useless - try and get an injunction too as he is obviously still phoning you and causing you distress - this would hold up in your favour in court too!! Judges don't like mad men!!

essbee · 28/09/2004 21:13

Message withdrawn

JJ · 28/09/2004 21:24

essbee, don't do it! Don't give in. He's f$cked and he knows it, so he's just trying to get you to believe he's being reasonable and easier. Things won't be easier if you agree. You will get more shit from him in the long run as he will think he can control as he's trying to do yet again.

He's a horrible man. Make him go through the solicitor -- block his calls and emails.

wobblyknicks · 28/09/2004 21:37

Essbee - PLEASE don't do it. He's trying to screw you over again. This is exactly what i was meaning by him 'taking lots of rope' - his realised he's about to hang himself and he's trying to use you to get out of it. Don't go for it, it won't help you in the long run, trust me!

essbee · 28/09/2004 21:37

Message withdrawn

JJ · 28/09/2004 21:39

Yes. It would. Your fights will be over sooner if you don't give in. You have got to stop contact with him. Talk to your attorney about it and, in the meantime, stop taking his calls, even if it means stop taking all calls.

lou33 · 28/09/2004 21:41

Don't give in. Buy an answerphone and screen your calls. He is still trying to control you.

essbee · 28/09/2004 21:56

Message withdrawn

MTS · 28/09/2004 21:57

also if in future you had to get a restraining order against him, surely it would help to have as much of the violence as possible confirmed by the Court, and also in terms of restricting access

MTS · 28/09/2004 21:59

1571 is free - a bit crappy coz messages block the line till you listen to them, and people who call when the phone is engaged get charged a small amount for connecting to your 1571 but better than nowt

MTS · 28/09/2004 22:00

dh the comp geek says that 1571 only causes modems not to dial up if there are any messages you haven't listened to, that it should be fine phoning out on it with any messages

essbee · 28/09/2004 22:03

Message withdrawn

JJ · 28/09/2004 22:05

essbee, those should be a part of the divorce proceedings, not a threat. They are a reason for the divorce. They should be included.

JJ · 28/09/2004 22:07

Oops, you were saying they already were included and he wants to see them excluded? Hence the "threat"?

What a wankoff.

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