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Original poster

Support for essbee 2

423 replies

anorak · 26/09/2004 10:51

Here it is...

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essbee · 26/09/2004 22:10

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essbee · 27/09/2004 00:24

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tigermoth · 27/09/2004 07:58

Don't know how to answer your questions about moving, essbee, but I am astounded your ex could petition with the line that you are impossible to live with - you have so, so much you can say about him! where to begin! he's bonkers! does it help you to think of him as bonkers? mentally distancing yourself from someone who is so evidently not in the real world? oh hang in there, the bigger the lies he tells, the more easy for others to see through them.

Original poster
anorak · 27/09/2004 08:39

When I look back on my struggles when I split with my ex, I often think that if I had had the courage to grab my children and whatever else I could get together and start a new life a long long way away, we may all have been a lot happier.

Hindsight is a great thing. And it's hard to really know what is the right thing to do. But I am sure that being away from your ex would be a big big help.

Move somewhere where there are mumsnetters you know. Like near me

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MTS · 27/09/2004 09:12

Re: Other ADs. My gut feeling is that AH's behaviour/your terror of him is really holding you back atm - that he is plunging you into downers. Other ADs or increasing your dose again may help too. I think I would go for increasing the dose again probably - probably a bit easier than changing over and withdrawing from one med onto the other. How far have your sleep and eating improved before your setbacks with AH - I think that is another indicator of how well the ADs have been working. See how the next few days go and if you still feel this bad, go back to the docs. I think moving would be really beneficial; AH is still terrorizing you, and some distance between you would help. Also if you moved somewhere cheaper that would help you financially. Like Anorak says - don't move somewhere completely new - move somewhere where you know some MNetters.

essbee · 27/09/2004 16:33

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iota · 27/09/2004 16:36

big hug essbee - gotta run to get ds2 from nursery. maybe catch you later?

wobblyknicks · 27/09/2004 16:43

Essbee - AH is just trying to take as much as he can right now but think of it this way - if he grabs enough rope one day he'll hang himself.

Am shocked about ds - did the teachers see it happen, they must have to know ds was teasing with a leaf (ffs!!) so why didn't they intervene? And if they didn't have time, why hadn't they taken him in and you too to talk about it, check ds was ok etc?? Sounds like you need to talk to the teacher.

essbee · 27/09/2004 16:45

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Original poster
anorak · 27/09/2004 16:46

A leaf versus sticks! Not acceptable! Who told you this was justified, not a teacher I hope. I would certainly report this to the head who I'm sure will find this totally unacceptable and do something about it.

If not, tell them you are going to give ds a bigger stick! What are you supposed to do. Poor little ds.

When you next come over, remember to take the property pages home with you.

OP posts:
wobblyknicks · 27/09/2004 16:46

Oh I see!! Take him in tomorrow then and demand to get it sorted.

Original poster
anorak · 27/09/2004 16:47

Exactly, wobblyknicks. Don't let it go, essbee.

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essbee · 27/09/2004 16:50

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lou33 · 27/09/2004 16:53

Go back in, kick up a fuss and take it to the governers if they don't do something about it.

JJ · 27/09/2004 16:53

It doesn't matter if he was antagonizing them, essbee, they shouldn't have hit him with sticks! No matter what he did to them (ooh, scary leaf?? wtf??) they were completely wrong in hitting him. Am furious on your behalf.

wobblyknicks · 27/09/2004 16:54

The basic facts are ds didn't physically assault anyone - ds was physically assaulted - end of story. If they don't accept that, go straight to the governors who should be able to light a fire under their @rses.

Original poster
anorak · 27/09/2004 16:59

Has a label, has he? Don't like the sound of that much. He's an innocent little child who's been hurt enough already and does not deserve a label. Are you sure you're not just thinking teachers perceive him differently because you are so sensitive to everything? It would be very unprofessional of them and I'd like to think they wouldn't think in that way. I hope, anyway.

Have you ever talked to his teachers about what has happened at home? I found it a big help at various stages of my kids' schooling to tell the teachers if there was anything they were struggling with at home. I found the teachers highly understanding and very willing to give extra support.

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essbee · 27/09/2004 20:22

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kimi · 27/09/2004 21:02

Oh essbee, i just found this and i am so sorry that you are having a bad time of it all.
I hope ds is ok now, you must tell the school that this is unacceptable and that it must NOT happen again, can you speak/write to the boys mothers? If my son hit another child with a stick (whatever the provocation) i would ground him for a week.
Please dont let it all get to you too much, ( i know thats easy for me to say)
you are going to come through this.
Looking forward to seeing you at anoraks in a couple of weeks, DS1 has sorted out some games.

essbee · 27/09/2004 21:30

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tigermoth · 28/09/2004 07:41

essbee, IME a change of school can do wonders - as you know (I assume, since I've posted on other threads about) my son got a bit of label about his behaviour at one school. And the school also had a playground playfighting problem. This was a bad combinaton. The little boys organised themselves into gangs and the gangs fought each other. My son kept nagging me to buy him football shin protectors that he could wear under long socks so when boys kicked him it wouldn't hurt! Anyway if he came home hurt, I knew the teachers would say my son was no angel either. Not much action would be taken - the problem was such a general one.

He changed schools when he was 7 and he really benefitted from having a fresh start. No one had preconceptions about his behaviour. Playfighting hardly happened at the new school either. My son suddently stopped talking about getting back at so and so, being hit by so and so, the gang he was in etc. etc.

Your son being hit by sticks is awful - can you show the teachers the marks today? I am surprised they did not fill out an accident form if he got hurt like this while in their care.

tigermoth · 28/09/2004 07:48

As for moving away - it's a big decision but it might be the right one for you. I don't know. There's no harm in investigating the options. Just doing that could make you feel better and in control of your destiny. And you never know, while you are looking around, your present situation might improve.

JJ · 28/09/2004 08:01

essbee, hope today goes better for you guys and the talk to the teacher and head goes well.

sobernow · 28/09/2004 08:11

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Cam · 28/09/2004 09:44

essbee, re your x it might help you to remember that when lawyers are involved it is very much like a game (although a rather sick one). Your x will be counter petitioning because he is trying to make excuses for what he has done. His lawyer will be looking to defend him against your allegations remember. Listen, if your x was going to do the right thing now, he wouldn't have done the wrong thing before (which has caused the break up). I hope this makes sense to you, and doesn't depress you further - I want you to know I have read your threads and support you all the way. All you have to do is tell the truth, he has to make up the lies. The courts are used to hearng these things and will know what makes sense and what doesn't.