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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Support for essbee 2

423 replies

anorak · 26/09/2004 10:51

Here it is...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

essbee · 30/10/2004 02:29

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PuffTheMagicDragon · 30/10/2004 02:29

Sorry sweetheart, but only you can answer that. Part of the anguish you are feeling could be grief that the relationship is over, because YOU need it to be over.

nikkim · 30/10/2004 02:31

When my ex used to tug at my heartsrings, as he knew that I loved him I used to imagine myself in the perfect life with the perfect man in a happy fanily unit. I am certain that is out there for me but if I were to go back to my ex I would never have it. However if I were to stay on my own although it may take a while and I may ahve to kiss a few frogs I stand more chance of loving and being loved completely by my soulmate .

essbee · 30/10/2004 02:31

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turquoise · 30/10/2004 02:32

What does he want? Was he putting pressure on you to get back together?

PuffTheMagicDragon · 30/10/2004 02:32

It's a very tough decision. Getting back together would seemingly bring relief for the pain you are feeling because you still care for him and relief from feeling lonely. It's whether you truly feel in the long term its right for you.

essbee · 30/10/2004 02:33

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essbee · 30/10/2004 02:35

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nikkim · 30/10/2004 02:35

essbee I can't tell you that it will work with your ex but I can tell you one thing from experience you can and will get over him and move on if you just ride the storm. I swear that despite all he did to me a woman has never loved the way I loved my ex - he was my life and I really did think I would die without him. I was hospitalised I was so distraught when we broke up. But I am now happier than I ever was and can never see myslef going back.

turquoise · 30/10/2004 02:36

Doesn't sound lame. You sound so alone and unsupported, course it's going to blow you to peices to get a little bit of strength and affection from him. That's why you were so amazingly strong to make him go - it would be so easy to give in. It sounds like you've come so far - he's got to do a lot more than turn up and be nice before you could consider for a second the possibility that you could try again.

nikkim · 30/10/2004 02:38

we all want to be wanted

essbee · 30/10/2004 02:39

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PuffTheMagicDragon · 30/10/2004 02:40

Essbee, my instinct on this is give yourself more time, don't rush into anything. You've been doing really well. I haven't posted on your thread for a long time as I had nothing useful to add to all the wise and supportive stuff others were saying.

See hoe you feel in a month or so.

nikkim · 30/10/2004 02:41

Perhaps a perfet relationship is setting your sights to high but one that involves mutual respect and security rather than abuse and neglect isn't.

I am with a new partner now and things rae not perfect but he loves me in a way my ex never did and for the first time in years I feel completely adored and know that he would run to the end of the earth for me. It was worth being single, alone and at times damn miserable for a while to have the love and security that I do now.

essbee · 30/10/2004 02:43

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turquoise · 30/10/2004 02:45

You sound like you're pretty much at rock bottom, and you're so tired that anything would be better than what you're going through.
Bur would it be really?
Have you talked about him getting therapy or into a domestic violence programme?

nikkim · 30/10/2004 02:45

you are making me cry, tears dripping on my keyboard!!! I can so remember feeling just like you and feeling as if it would never get better. I can remember someone saying to me after we had split and I was in hospital - you just have to accept it is over, imagine your life without him you can do it. But I couldn't I was physically sick at the thought of him not being in my life every day.

But I did get over him, although it took a lot of time and a fair amount of pain and a few bottles of pills - but I did get there.

PuffTheMagicDragon · 30/10/2004 02:47

Got to go bed now.

Essbee, you were really strong and brave tonight to send him on his way.

Like I said, give yourself time - you don't have to rush into any decisions about what you want to do about the relationship.

night night xxx

Will look in on this thread tomorrow to see how you are.

nikkim · 30/10/2004 02:48

Do you know what the best thing is about getting over someone who has treated you so badly - you fall in love with yourslef again. I stopped with ex and put up with the abuse because I had no self esteem. I felt crap because I was living and loving a man who treated me crap. But when he was gone and I stopped wanting him back my self esteem went through the roof.

turquoise · 30/10/2004 02:48

I agree with Puff, just take it one day at a time. Do you feel better in any way for having had this shift in your relationship tonight, or has it actually made things worse, bringing back all the longing?

essbee · 30/10/2004 02:49

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essbee · 30/10/2004 02:50

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nikkim · 30/10/2004 02:52

Don't worry I cry easily.

Therapy sounds a good idea, have you been to any couple therapy. I found it useful if only because it gave me the confidence to know that we were just not suited and therefore being apart was the best option for everyone including our dd. Even if you do not get back together if you have to be parents together therapy might help.

essbee · 30/10/2004 02:53

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essbee · 30/10/2004 02:54

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