Separateddads.co.uk - OMG!!!!

[NooNooMummy]

Incitement to hatred if ever I saw it!!!

Now I know where all the hatred, bile and illogical behaviour comes from! (Take a look at their chat forum...)

Or is it just me that thinks it's full of misogynistic hatred for single mothers?

The ONS states that in 2917 there were 1.3m lone mothers to 160K lone fathers.

So there will be a disparity

@User258 oh fuck offf

@user258 so you’d be happy for the child to live in a freezing house because the mother can’t afford to heat it then? Maintainance funds that kind of thing. But yeah...let the children freeze 50% of the time.

With a post like the one you made above I am guessing you are a man with zero understanding about the needs of children to a roof over their heads and warmth. Idiot!

Of course it shouldn't matter whether you are a man or a woman. Unfortunately it does matter.

And as for the maintenence issue, I think that probably boils down to the majority of woman referring to money (intended to improve a child's life) as 'my money'

As opposed to the Male "I pay you maintenance"??

" I recently read a post whereby people were claiming that once a week access for a 3 month old, at the mothers house was reasonable. I find the the behaviour of woman (obviously not all), concerning children to be quite outrageous these days."

I agree 100%. Once a week is completely unreasonable.

I also think that a mother should only be intitled to child maintenece if the father refuses to have 50/50 residency or is a danger to the child.

One of my kids is NC with his Dad and the other 2 moan about one overnight per fortnight. They are old enough for a court to accept their wishes and haven't been manipulated by me.

I recently read a post whereby people were claiming that once a week access for a 3 month old, at the mothers house was reasonable. I find the the behaviour of woman (obviously not all), concerning children to be quite outrageous these days.

Of course that's not enough but when you read MN, there seems to be an awful lot of abusive men who have contact at the mum's house.

Surely the self righteousness and sanctimony of being the important parent will keep the the kids warm.

My ex is a grown adult, as am I. She is responsible for running her household, as am I.
She made her choice, as did I.
End of.

My problem is this, we are both intelligent people and what we could achieve for our child by working together is astounding.
If only she would give up this ridiculous idea that she is the more important parent.

End of.

Think we will carry on discussing as we please.

Just visited this site and clicked on an article about what to do if your ex has stopped you seeing the children. This is an extract:

‘There are several reasons why your ex might deny you access to your children.
It could be a bargaining chip for Divorce or legal proceedings yet to come
It might be revenge for the break-up of the relationship
In some instances, it’s even been used as a way to conceal a new relationship’

They seriously think these are the only reasons why RP’s stop contact?! Absolutely no encouragement to think about whether the NRP’s actions have caused the RP to take such drastic action.

I do find this very interesting as it gives me an interesting view into the mindset of a certain type of man, which I find very relatable to my X, who does appear to behave in a very stereotypical whining bloke way.

In many respects it does make me feel sympathy and compassion for her, yet at the same time I know if I offered any sort of olive branch the that would end up being massively misinterpreted and we'd end up being back at square one, with an impasse with what can and cannot be done within the scope of the orders.

" They seriously think these are the only reasons why RP’s stop contact?! Absolutely no encouragement to think about whether the NRP’s actions have caused the RP to take such drastic action. "

Not the only reasons but some women deny access to children as revenge for break up or as a bargaining chip.

An old chestnut,

Alexxxxx has that actually happened to you irl?

@Alexxxxx no they don't.

Some RP (women on the whole) DO stop contact due to bitterness & revenge. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

Why do you think some fathers are forced to fight in court to see their own children?

My now OH has had to go through the courts due to his EW using the children as pawn and weapons. Because he dared leave her he apparently doesn’t deserve to see his own children.

There’s been ‘if you don’t give me £3k’ your not seeing the kids’. ‘If you don’t buy me a car you can kiss goodbye to seeing the kids’. Latest ‘if you don’t give me £100 extra per month’ You can kiss goodbye to taking the kids on holiday this year’. The best has to be a written / approved holiday cancelled at 11pm the night before ‘because i’m uncomfortable MY children going away with a women I don’t know’ (i’d known the kids 9 months at the time). Oh and ‘don’t ring or text daddy as it upsets mummy’. I could go on.....

There’s 2 sides to every story. I think some of these guys are so desperate they need a forum to turn to.

Only seen one post on this forum about putting bitterness aside and doing what’s in the best interests of the kids. Not the ‘rights’ of adults, but what’s best for the kids. Hear hear.....

I'm glad it's not just us that's had if you don't pay x (already pays far in advance of the minimum plus half of costs eg uniform and school trips) then you acnt ahve kids.
You can't ahve a say in where they go to school, despite us agreeing in writing that you could. You can't take kids on holiday as I need to apply for their passports, we offered to paya Nd apply ourselves but refused.
Tbf I also know some nrp who are crap and never bother with their kids but there are defo some rp who think the children are theirs alone to dictate the lives of.

I have to admit that the courts, Cafcass and SWs do a poor job of explaining "best interests of the children". My lawyer had to very carefully explain it to me, because I was deep in a difficult situation.

I suppose us parents are supposed to know what the best interests are. I wasn't very good for the first few months and I'm still waiting for SPIP to contact me.

It isn't easy for both sides and unfortunately the DC's are stuck right in the middle often with neither parent listening to their feelings.

It wasn't until a birthday rolled around and I could see how much one of them was hurting. Then my X behaved like twat and back to square one of difficulty.

I don't think many people get how challenging it really is.

I used to let my ex see our daughter at my house but he was a drug addict living with drug addicts and the house was ankle deep in rubbish and needles what was I supposed to do refuse contact or give him a chance? I let him take her out he took her to his dealers house at two years old she came home stinking of weed but of course men are angels women are manipulative money grabbers

If I'm honest and I usually am I have shite taste in men just as some people have shite taste in women doesn't mean all men are bad father's or all women are bad mothers it just means the loudest stories are not the most common ones they are just the ones told by loud people

Notthernspirit- Really?!** Or is that just what he tells you? No man is ever going to say 'I'm a really shit dad who avoids seeing my own kids. Are you alright with that, luv?' Just in my own experience, I've seen it twice - it's later been discovered that the dads were giving their ex wives the runaround and lying to their new partners about it. My own ex did this, I was clueless and I didn't learn the truth until 14 years later when I actually spoke to his previous partner... and he was doing the same to me and our child...

I have shite taste in men too

And the CSA/ CMA exists for a reason - generations of men avoided paying anything towards their own children. And some still would if they could - that mindset still exists and is accepted as the norm by many. Seems they hang out together on separateddads.co.uk

It has not happened to me but I know people who had to fight to see their kids. Why is it so hard to believe it?

You know what I've noticed? No one here is trying to deny that some men are deadbeat. They don't care about their kids. We ALL know that. No one is denying that! We also know some women are using kids as bargaining chips. Some women don't let their ex see the kids. But many of you refuse to believe this. It's really annoying.

We can talk about deadbeat fathers. I have no problem with that. That's all we ever talk about here at Mumsnet. But we should talk about parent alienators too.

But don't sites like separateddads.co.uk perpetuate the belief by some that a bit of deadbeat dad behaviour is acceptable? And that loads and loads of women are bitter and will alienate your kids from you?

@Alexxxxx that's a lot of whataboutery.

I've heard the pawn story many times but it's never been sustained. Not once.

Mostly the men are economical with the truth

'She won't let me see my kids!!' Is actually 'she won't let me see my kids at a moments notice/because I'm aggressive/because they are scared of me/because I don't turn up/because I turn up drunk/because I don't supervsise them properly/because I can't in any way put myself out/because they come home exhausted and filthy/because I send them to school looking so neglected their mother is embarrassed (me)/because I have a drug problem....and so on

@NooNooMummy and extort your money don't forget that

Separated dads. Brace and stunning!!!