Separateddads.co.uk - OMG!!!!

[NooNooMummy]

Incitement to hatred if ever I saw it!!!

Now I know where all the hatred, bile and illogical behaviour comes from! (Take a look at their chat forum...)

Or is it just me that thinks it's full of misogynistic hatred for single mothers?

Bananasinpyjamas11 It's not the first time it's occured after we seperated a postal redirect was done by my X and and included the "to the parent or guardian of" for 3 months I got none of dd1 hospital appointment letters, that was difficult, one if the items in the cpp was that the kids (dd1 is disabled) do the hospital appointments. That was just petty punishment because I would get the grief for it.

The thing is once you know the playbook you can work around it. I only found out because I made the appointments and myself, got mine and not the dds, rang to check why the number that it was being sent to only to discover the change that had been made.

The thing is though they are angry way before the seperation. But if you ask them that are always a saint before shit/seperation happens. It's the lack of self honesty.

There’s just so much crap with separation often isn’t there. Often, as you said, this started before and contributed to the break up. Your Ex @disney sounds underhand and manipulative. That is very hard to fathom. He clearly wants to get at you and control things, but not support DD. It’s admirable that you are able to see the pattern and keep going.

My Ex told my son that he wanted to stay with me, but that I wanted to end the relationship but that we were both living happily ever after. He continually tells my son that I won’t let him parent him and that I make things difficult for no reason. He says that his son is his world. The reality of that he couldn’t cope with parenthood at all. I’d beg him for some time off, he’d grudgingly did it but spent most of the time on his phone. He became angry at me all the time, and told me he didn’t love me a month after our son was born. I asked for counseling but he said he couldn’t spare the cash. My son was noticeably calmer after we separated, the awful tension was gone. Then he was chaotic over visits, he would get very emotional at handover, cross or upset and not leaving. But not available to mind him on weekends as his (20 years younger) girlfriend was around. They would go on holiday for 3 months at a time. All his post still came to my address and I had to change the locks as he’d let himself in. He has never had a bedroom for our son, would neglect his basic needs like toothbrushing or a proper car seat.

Yet he has complained about how awful it is and was for him as a father for years. That he doesn’t see his son because of me. He is very bitter.

Umm bananas I'm a single dad with custody and yes she wants to blame me for everything before and everything after we split. I made mistakes and handled things incredibly badly, and for the children I recognised those mistakes and set to rectifying them.

But she's an addict and is in denial. So she can't move on.

The crux of my arguing here is, is that as a man, I don't have to buy into the dystopian behaviour that anger or sekfishbess brings about, also that the toxic parenting of NRPs (which are predominantly men - given the numbers from the ONS) isn't necessary if both parties can realise that it should be totally child-centric and stop being fucking dicks. I'm trying to be amenable and each time the twat goes and does something twatish which makes it fucking hard being amicable. It shouldn't be what I want playbook it should be what they (the children) want playbook. And finally, given how absolutely fucking hard it is looking after kids on y tod 24/7. I sure as shit do not want to be full on 100% until they are adults, but each time the fucking pisshead fucks it up.

Finally I do understand that RP can be equally toxic, I did that until I was bollocked by both the SW, my children and my own Lawyer, can you believe that I paid £450 for my very own bollocking from my own Lawyer. Who explained to me that toxic parenting behaviour is frowned by a judge.

Sorry I get genders confused when posting too late!

Woman are THREE times worse at withholding children from father's (with court order in place), then all men are at not paying maintenence.

I somehow do not find it shocking that men 'hate' toxic mothers.

Stats please Lottie.

metro.co.uk/2019/03/11/men-just-likely-victims-controlling-coercive-relationships-legal-experts-say-8881988/

today's metro will generate some chatter.

the report was generated from 2000 respondeds who have been through the courts. The survey population was equally gender divided half men half women.

It doesn't say the criteria for choosing the sample population.

If anything, I would say that this report was commissioned for a particular law firm to acquire new clients. And has the potential to be taken very out of context.

I know very well how hypothesis can be constructed from skewed results. So I'm on the fence over it (even though it proves my own case).

" Why would you be depressed and angry EOW? If your children were more secure and happy this way? It’s about the child, not adult entitlement. "

Bananasinpyjamas11,

People get angry and depressed because they can't raise their own kids. Are you really so stupid you can't understand that? If you love your children you don't want to lose them. You don't want someone else to raise them. You would be angry and depressed too if you could only see your kids EOW. If you don't miss your own kids you are a terrible mother.

How do you know what's the best for the child?? If a father says 50-50 is the best for the kids how do you know if he's right or wrong?

I’m not convinced 50-50 is best for my kids. We spilt in January but before the split he worked long hours Monday to Friday and the kids saw him for half and hour in the morning max 3 days a week. The rest of the time it was on a weekend. To go from seeing me all of the time and that being the norm for them I fail to see how 50-50 is in their best interests. Right now we are doing in after school pick up (they are 4 and 6) and then he picks them up Saturday evening and drops them Sunday evening. Maybe eventually that’ll change to EOW but it’s early days and they are young and EOW is a long time to go without seeing their dad. I’m not being unreasonable, I’m trying to do the best thing for my kids.

I have to say, i have seen some utterly vile posts on here from women about their ex partners and it's almost a hate mob response at times.

There are always 3 sides to a story.

I do believe that our laws and court system is hugely biased in favour of women, and i think that angers a lot of men who actually want to step up and parent in a separated environment.

You are absolutely right Frankola.

People regally blame the man, in my case my ex wife cheated on me multiple times, was controlling, threatening by the end of our relationship and committed DV, so what did she do when i broke up with her, she reported me to the police and social services, she reported me For vial things I dare not tell people about out of fear of what they may thing, all untrue to get custody.

As a woman she was automatically believed, I had to defend myself against vial allegation and search for proof myself of my innocence without help, it’s horrible being put through this and not being believed.

I also reported her for the things she did, but was essentially told “but your a man, DV is committed by men, not woman, act more like a man”, and not believed.

Eventually I managed to gather enough evidence, and am now looking to go via the courts for sole custody of our daughter with the support of social services, but I do have to say the system is entirely biased in favour of woman, and the process was apporling.

My wife sabotaged my daughters benefits and my job, this is still ongoing, but at least I now have support from social services who now beleave me

They're not always on the side of the woman.
I took my XH to court for a CAO. He told them I was buying drugs for him and was a drink driver amongst other things ( all completely untrue )
He also used to have me followed and then try and make out I'd been meeting men and sleeping around ( when we'd been split up a year but also completely untrue )
He used to tell our DD that 'it's mummy's fault the family isn't together' and warn her not to speak to, be in the same room with, or accept food from any man who was with me ( there was no man ) because he would be a paedophile.
Cafcass were involved and despite him telling them he was a boxing expert and would be able to punch any man I was with they still advised the court to give him 50/50 access which the court then did.
That was not in my DD's best interests. We are now 5 yrs on and he is still constantly upsetting her

Hair cuts? Ffs