Separateddads.co.uk - OMG!!!!

[NooNooMummy]

Incitement to hatred if ever I saw it!!!

Now I know where all the hatred, bile and illogical behaviour comes from! (Take a look at their chat forum...)

Or is it just me that thinks it's full of misogynistic hatred for single mothers?

nevernotstruggling

I believe parent999 ex

Well there it is, I have my answer.
Such a verdict of guilt without proof would be the difference between my child growing up with only one parent and I would be sentenced to contact centres and forced anger rehabilitation. The gravity of that is not lost on me. I’m never a false accusation away from losing my child.
It’s why I have to record everything and live in fear.

Don't put him on the BC is constantly being said on here.

I believe parent999. I've seen how the system can be stacked against a good man by someone who lies and manipulates the authorities.

As a single dad with full custody, would some of the posters in that site talk about me the same way? I wonder.

I also found the ad posts for hackers to be quite sad, is that what they feel they need, the ability to spy on their X's?

If seperation was amicable and reasonable and both parents could "parent" to an equal degree, then there wouldn't be a need for the courts to review and determine what is in the best interests of the children.

What I got from reading through seierateddada us that the vast majority of the focus was on the MeMeMe-ness if the posters. There was little in the way of looking at it from the perspective of the children, who is the stable parent,who is the safe parent, who will give the appropriate amount of nurture and support.

My final point even though my dcs are mine, in that I'm the bio father They are not mine at all. They are their own human beings in their own right. I don't own them, my role is to steward them to adulthood, to guide them with reasonable behaviour and to encourage them find their way. Either parent who thinks that their children are "mine" hasn't got on board with "best interests".

I may not like my X anymore and I don't like the way she behaves but following the advice and comments on seierateddads is a very good way to become a toxic parent

Fortunately for everyone, courts require a little more evidence, have a deeper knowledge of the law and take a little longer considering such accusations, before making a decision, than someone reading someone else's post on Mumsnet.

Was it a radical change of hairstyle that you have planned for your child? Why wouldn't you discuss that with your co-parent? If it's their usual trim, who cares?

I love you disneyspendingmoney

It’s the 51% rule that keeps me up at night. It’s not beyond reasonable doubt like criminal law. It can be based purely on verbal evidence and the judge decides if it is more likely to have happened than not.
I would be branded a domestic abuser for life because the court said I was and the ex would show EVERYONE.
The stakes have never been higher.

There’s no way on this planet I’m going to cut childs hair or try to talk to ex about it. I don’t need that kind of trouble. It was just an example.

I call bullshit.

Thankfully contact is the right of the child not the adult.

The court gathers a lot of evidence. From child protective services from children's advocacy, from Cafcass, from the police, from EBC, from the GP and local NHS trust, from victims support, from dcs schools especially if it's DA & EA and the dcs nay have been exposed to it.

For example, criminal damage charge that I plead guilty too from 25 years ago was included for the Judge to review.

If interim orders have been made prior to the final order the Judge will want to see that they have been carried out as stated by the court I broke an initial contact order
by letting unsupervised contact occur. I received an admonishment for that because I did not follow what the Judge had stipulated.

It's all those things that get reviewed and weighted up by a Judge. And they are rather well educated people and see thu6s stuff day in day out.

The questioning in court is not evidentiary, rather it us for the Judge to seek and gain clarity from information he has reviewed.

How would you like it to work then @Parent999
Throw kids in care if they can't prove beyond reasonable doubt or give them to psychopathic, drug taking, neglectful, abusive parents because the remaining parent didn't get enough evidence.

From my experience of Family Court and CAFCASS it is heavily weighted in the fathers favour from the start now. It is incredibly rare for the courts to cut a parent out of their childs life and I don't for a second believe any person who says this happened based on their exs lies.
I had text messages, voice mails and emails he sent me confirming his behaviour and the damage he caused. Recordings of the violence and his threats and none were taken into consideration as they could not be confirmed.

The whole process was eye opening, in contact centres I saw people who were genuinely terrified of their ex seeing their child but there was also some who saw their child as a possession and didn't want the ex to have them.

Honestly no one wins or loses at family court, my children are safe but don't have a father, thats not a win for qny of us. A child living in 2 separate houses each week is not a win either. Sites like this make me sick, a child should never ever be a prize.

Nearly 3 women a week are killed in DV in the UK. There may be some people who “embellish” DV, but there are also thousands of us who have suffered from it.

nevernotstruggling

That is a good point, the dcs are questioned over the amount of contact they wanted. Both of mine were under 13 and got asked several times Once over 13, it's completely their choice, even if a contact order states every Saturday, once over 13 if they don't want to go you can't force them. Under13 I had to tell mine thay had to have contact because it was stated in the order.

" From my experience of Family Court and CAFCASS it is heavily weighted in the fathers favour from the start now. "

That's a ridiculous statement.

@Mum56347 why? That was my experience. My CAFCASS officer stated she was fed up with mums alienating their children against fathers and that they were actively trying to even it up. I'm not disagreeing that fathers used to get a raw deal just that its harder now for women with genuine concerns.
What was your personal experience, clearly if its different to mine its ridiculous.

Courts aren't favoured towards men not women! Everyone gets fucked.
It's so over ran with liars courts can't tell who has been truly abused or is a victim.
Everyone has MOL and tales of fights, which causes everyone to be given the basic contact- and they child loses out even more.
Most parents are clouded when dealing with their ex, you have a nrp wanting EOW and 2 nights a week getting EOW and 1 night and supposedly the courts sides with the rp even though the rp only wanted EOW. It's stupid.
50/50 contact because nrp believes they have a right and rp doesn't want to agree because the ex's just wants to Payless support.
50/50 can't be good for a child unless the parents communicate and are flexible, no way does anyone really wants to move back and forth.

They're angry and depressed because they can only see their children a few days every other weekend. Wouldn't you be angry too? They're angry because they're not parents anymore they're visitors. They're just weekend dads. They're skype dads. They have a reason to be angry and bitter.

" 50/50 can't be good for a child unless the parents communicate and are flexible, no way does anyone really wants to move back and forth. "

So if one parent is an a**hole then you can't have 50-50? A mother can refuse 50-50 simply by saying "I'm not communicating with my ex"?

A child is going to move back and forth anyway. Every other week or every other weekend. Being seperated from dad for over two weeks is not good for a child either.

@User34526 hey if that's what you took from what I wrote then good for you.

There is a fundamental difference between a RP and an NRP. The NRP doesn't have to think about having to get the dcs up and make sure there dressed appropriately for school (and are getting dressed), make breakfast, make sure they've got all the necessary kit for school, make sure there got an appropriate packed lunch , one they'll eat and the school won't moan about. make sure one has bus money make sure that breakfast club for the other is paid for. Make sure they have coat and gloves on when they go out the door. Take one to school and drop off, make sure the other has got the bus. All before I can get to work

On top of that the NRP, doesnt have to deal with the aftermath of bullying, childcare,sickness, laundry makeing meals they will eat, picking up the pieces from emotional fallouts. Dealing with the school, like leaving early if ones ill.

Lots of that, plus keeping the household going by paying bills and shopping, not having a social life, keeping a job going.

All on top of having to listen to a NRP say it's not fair. No, our lives as RP is not fair. Never, have I heard heard an NRP colleague, or mate of mine complaining that he misses picking up the dirty laundry and putting on a wash. Making the DCs beds, tidying their room. Helping with homework, dealing with the TV squabbles.

I've often heard how much they miss taking their dcs to football or rugby club or swimming.

I've often heard complains about paying maintenance. Mine get £4.20 a day to cover what exactly?

And then there is the bit which really annoys me, complaining that they don't get to "control" their dcs lives, by making decisions about what they wear, where they go, who they see and getting to complain that the RP doesn't do things the way the NRP wants.

My NRP did a postal redirect of all the dcs letters, so one got to miss out on a school trip because I didn't get the letter and the other missed 3 months of hospital appointment letter. NPR didn't feel the need to pass on any of that information.

Every RP has similar stories to tell and that in a nutshell is why we don't give a flying fuck about NRP's not getting what they want. Because we've got better things think about.

Finally, I'm a bit of a unicorn a dad with full custody, and I've seen pleanty of seperated dad's shit their load when they realise the life I get to live, they give no consideration at all to what their X's are going through.

That's why I support equal parenting time, 50-50. Everyone wins. RP doesn't have to do everything and NRP gets to control their kids lives. There is no fundamental difference between RP and NRP if you have 50-50.

@User34526 so the kid has 2 addresses permanently and no one can decide anything alone? Fuck that shit. I had a week with each parent when I was a kid it was a bloody nightmare. Cafcass Officer stopped it thank god

@disneyspendingmoney my kids nrp told me he had had enough of drudgery and moved away. At the time he had about 40% contact. Having to wash their uniform and get them to school 2 days a week was too much for him

It's easy to say "fuck that shit" when you're rp.

disneyspendingmoney that's it precisely. My ex, among other things complains about travel time as I moved some distance away. I started to feel guilty until I remembered that his travel time is still only a tiny fraction of the time I spend doing all the things you described. He has no awareness /acknowledgement /appreciation of any of it. He also wouldn't last 5 minutes but doesn't hesitate to criticise if anything goes wrong for the kids.