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Original poster

Father not willing to commit to a birth plan,but wants all options available to him

242 replies

Mummblebee · 31/01/2018 02:59

Hi mum's.

I will try to keep a long story short.

I'm pregnant, due in march 2018.

It was an unplanned pregnancy and I am not with the father anymore. He wanted an abortion, I refused. Over the last few months he has said in no uncertain terms that he hates me for going ahead with this and will not be supportive towards this pregnancy. He has stayed true to that and I've not seen him and barely heard a peep. We've had a handful of conversations throughout pregnancy.. some amicable, others not so much..

So that's the background story.

The father has now said that he wants the option of being at the birth, however he will not tell me if he will or not... He says he wants to see how he feels but wants the option available to him. He was quite adamant that it was his right as the father to have this option available to him.

I have asked him to meet up but he will not even see me and I have recently found out he is back with his ex girlfriend ( which I'm ok with, she can have him! )

My question is .. does any reasonable person think they should be entitled to be at the birth when they have not been supportive for the entire pregnancy.

He won't commit either way to being there or not being there so it's a frustrating situation to be in as I do not know what to do when things start rolling with the labour. Do I text him when waters break and leave the ball in his court?

If I drop him a text after baby arrives then he will also lay into me for taking the option away from him to be at the birth. So all in all I can't win and it will be a drama and all about him on the day.

What would you all advice?

Thanks mum's xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummblebee · 02/04/2018 15:57

Thank you everyone. I have read all of your advice.

My sister is here with me now.

There has been no change.. 11 hours now contractions every 10 minutes. No mucus plug or waters though so not sure what to expect..

X

OP posts:
PhuntSox · 02/04/2018 16:24

FlowersBrewCake

Jacksback · 02/04/2018 16:26

Good luck
You are going to be a great mum
Not posted but read the thread , and wishing you all the best x

Aprilmightmemynewname · 02/04/2018 16:32

Names chosen op???

windchimesabotage · 02/04/2018 16:36

good luck OP Flowers Hope everything goes smoothly for you

Dragongirl10 · 02/04/2018 16:44

Just read your entire thread op, wishing you an easy labour and wanted to say, you are pretty impressive and will be an amazing parent.

OldHag1 · 02/04/2018 16:55

How exciting. Good luck x

JoanOfNarc · 02/04/2018 17:05

Just say no. He has no more right to watch you give birth than any other random man. Good luck OP.

GnotherGnu · 02/04/2018 17:15

So glad he's not with you. Hope it's going OK.

Ohforfoxsakereturns · 02/04/2018 17:24

Oh good luck OP!

Agree with everyone who said he and his family can fuck the fuck off.

I was once in your position, it worked out ok.

Just be careful not to soften to him post birth. Mother Nature is canny and you might - just might - see him differently.

He is still a cock.

His family’s wants will make everything a million times harder. Steer clear. No naming on birth certificate, baby gets your name.

Now let’s hear all about your new baby Smile

SomeKnobend · 02/04/2018 17:32

Hi Mummblebee, this is the first I've seen of this thread. You've done amazing to get through the pregnancy without that complete arse. You definitely don't need him as a co-parent if he's not interested. Hope labour goes really well for you.

Aaliyahali · 02/04/2018 17:38

Did you give birth ? What happend in the end? Hopefully his out the picture

Wellonlyifihaveto · 02/04/2018 17:50

Good luck! 😊

Starlight2345 · 02/04/2018 18:27

Ohh good luck op. Glad you have your sister with you x

SarahSiddons · 02/04/2018 19:15

Good luck OP. I hope your sister is supportive. Wait until you’re ready to let your ex’s family know the baby has been born. They certainly don’t need to visit you in hospital unless you want them to. My husband’s family didn’t and we’re happily married!

mathanxiety · 02/04/2018 20:48

Gooduck! Hopefully you are too busy to read this!

When you are able to look at the thread again, my advice is to cut all contact with this man, and do not encourage a relationship between him and your DD. It will end in tears and grief beyond description.

I am divorced from a narcissist. My DCs suffered for years through court ordered visitation. I did too - he filed three motions against me for contempt of court over the course of seven years, for alleged breaches of the visitation agreement on my part, each one carrying with it the threat of a jail sentence for me.

You're trying to do the right thing and that is laudable. But you know that this man has an irrational hatred for you. The irrationality and the hatred will never change. Don't go out looking for trouble, and if he goes to court to get a visitation schedule, fight it with all the resources you can muster.

mathanxiety · 02/04/2018 20:49

Pah! Good luck!

HarryLovesDraco · 02/04/2018 20:56

Hope the baby is here safe and sound!
Don't give this man any concessions. He needs to step up and show how committed he can be, and that includes respecting you.

Original poster
Mummblebee · 04/04/2018 03:03

Hi all. My beautiful daughter arrived at 8.30am yesterday morning. I showed up to the hospital at 4cm dilated and within an hour was 9 cm and ready to push. The midwives said for a first pregnancy I progressed really quickly .
Not heard from the dad and he still has my number blocked, but i let his mum know a few hours after baby was born and she came to visit in the afternoon. She was friendly and bought flowers for me and a couple of outfits for the baby.

The sister was unable to visit but she does plan to this week, and messaged to say she has spoken to the father and when I'm up to it we can discuss it.. out of the blue.. will have to keep all posted on this..

My beautiful daughter was 7lbs3. She is precious. Alert. Beautiful. Breastfeeding like a pro. I'm so blessed. Flowers

OP posts:
Pinkbedsheets · 04/04/2018 03:28

Congratulations on your baby girlFlowers

Ivebeenaroundtheblock · 04/04/2018 03:48

wonderful, just the way it should be :)

fannyanddick · 04/04/2018 03:49

You need to be relaxed in labour and able to enjoy meeting your child. If it were me then I would tell him that he could not be in the labour room, as feeling uncomfortable or tense could slow labour or impact progress. However, that I would let him know when I was in labour and he could come straight in after the birth to meet his child. And work with the hospital on him being banned from the delivery room.

Original poster
Mummblebee · 04/04/2018 03:58

Thank you allSmile

OP posts:
Havingahorridtime · 04/04/2018 04:12

Congratulations. Enjoy your new baby Flowers

worstwitch18 · 04/04/2018 04:31

Congratulations on your baby Flowers Cake 🎉

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