Number 2 Thread When You Are Fed Up With The Solitary Burden Of Single Parentdom

[Solo]

Happy New Year and Happy New Thread to all the single parents looking for a place to rant, rave, moan, share the highs and the lows and chat with people that know! It is the second thread and probably a slow one if the first is anything to go by, but it's here when we need it.

LINK TO THE FIRST THREAD

I suffer from severe joint pain, it varies from day to day so some days are worse them others but I'm never without pain. My four year old started school in September and having to drop her off and pick her up everyday means that I endnote spending my days laying on the seatee while keeping an eye on the three year old.

Throw in overweight because I can't do any form of exercise, lingering depression from my breakdown a few years ago and I'm not too much of a catch.

I'm normally fine with my own company and have no issue not being around people but it's been a year since the kids mum left us and just dealing with all my issues, combined with general stresses of being a single patent of two added to specific health and developmentally issues of my youngest mean it would just be nice to have someone to talk to and cuddle with at the end of a day.

Sorry, didn't mean to post self pitying posts, just don't have anyone to talk to so once I start it can sometimes be hard to stop

No apologies needed - that's precisely why Solo started this thread - and it's been a Godsend! It sounds as though you have it pretty tough, but you are doing a great job. Rant away whenever - there's usually someone about for you

I don't think not having slept properly for over hasn't helped, and by properly I mean less then my normal average of 4-5 hours snatched throughout the night. The kids are going to their mums this weekend so I should be able to rest hopefully but it's never certain that they'll stay there the whole weekend. They were there the bank holiday weekend and the eldest ended up needing to go to the outer hours doctor at half two in the morning. As she doesn't drive I had to drive the half hour to her house to do it instead with the plan being that I'd drop her back off their to sleep. However when I dropped her off their mum proceed to tell me that three year old DS hadn't slept all night and she was exhausted with being pregnant and so she sent them home with me at four in the morning. So yeah I can't rely on her

Ah, the days - and nights of bugger all sleep, I remember them well.....we're st the other end now, dd didn't wake up until ten to 12 on Sunday......

The kids actually sleep well, which is surprising considering the youngest has to sleep with a mask on blowing air into his nose all night. It's not often they wake up a lot in the night so I know I'm luckily in that way. I'm just unlucky in that my joints stop me from sleeping well even when they do

Oh CPD I'm sorry that you suffer so much, but you really are welcome to just 'talk' to us on here. And by the way, we can all feel like we are the king/queen of self pity; I know I can.

I have been wearing one of these for around 6 months and have found it very good for relieving pain. In my case, it was £40 well spent.

I don't normally have a way to vent by taking to people as the only people I see and talk to regularly are my parents and my friend who lives an hour away. However I don't like worrying my parents with everything that goes on and my friend has his own health issues after being knocked off his bike in a hit and run a few years ago so I dislike moaning about my problems to him.

I guess it's just frustrating at times as I'm letting struggling to look after the kids and feel guilty that I can't go things like take the kids to the park when they want to. I just feel like they're missing out on a lot all due to my health problems. All the while their mum is off swanning around with the man she left us for, pregnant with his child who's due about 4 days before my DDs fifth birthday, and is engaged to him despite us still being married

Sounds pants CPD. My sympathies.

Mine too. But I will say this to you CPD. I rarely tell anyone how I am whether it's my ME or kid problems and because of that (I believe), they forget that I am ill or that I struggle with things on my own. I say don't let your parents or friend/s forget; don't harp on daily, but they should remember that you struggle imho.

My parents are able to see right through me to be honest, I try to downplay how things are but they always know when I'm struggling. It always makes me feel bad though as when they twig I am struggling they come up and do things around the house like any gardening or cleaning and such but they're both in their late 60s and live 40 minutes to an hour away. I think to be honest it all just stems from my desire not to be a burden to anyone. I was in the RAF for 8 years from when I was 17 until I was medically discharged because of my joint pains so it's always been a bit of a hard come down from physically fit military technician to overweight unable to work single dad

It's pride and I get it; I'm the same. But if they can help you even once a month, then let them - especially if they are fairly fit themselves. It probably makes them feel good.

I've resigned myself to the fact that I can't stop then helping as my dad is just as stubborn as I am and while in the past I could easily match him in stubbornness it would usually lead to us not talking for a while and I can't bare that now to be honest

At least you have family that care CPD.

Well there has been an interesting turn of events this week for me! My friend from our Buddhist group that I go to says he wishes to move to live nearby to me. We have always been on and off and we may still be like that as I like to keep everything fluid but at least it would be a companion nearby only 10 mins away. He is looking into leaving the neighbouring city as he says he has more friends this way. So I may have him on hand for fun and frolics soon. We are off to the cinema tomorrow. Cool! He has also revealed he is really into decorating so is quite happy to slowly redecorate my home. Too good to be true if you ask me lol! Time will tell innit. :)

Well that sounds great! :) And who knows where it may lead!

Oh - sounds like it could be promising Polly, even if it's just for the decorating offer!!!!

Lol ladies I had always wanted him to move to my neighbourhood there wasn't much keeping him where he was apart from a few female friends not that there was anything in it but it did get me a bit suspicious.

Perhaps he has mellowed and I think I have too. I don't want him crowding me in or moving in or anything drastic we aren't that way. We like our space.

He has never been generous in the 'bedroom department' he is too into the spiritual for the earthly desires it used to drive me nuts but luckily my menopausal symptoms have taken over on such a level I am past caring since my libido has upped and left lol. Breakthrough! These days I just prefer a decent hug than a screw ....

Odds on we will still fall out now and again but I can live with that. If he is nearer it makes things a lot easier and ds is used to him too so that resolves that hurdle. He has known him for years popping in and out of our lives.

Of course we may still fall out again and perhaps he doesn't move at all but we shall see!! He rents so it is easy to up sticks and leave....

The thing that really pisses me off about being a SP is the fact that I do all the parenting you know the bad cop stuff, do homework, come off Xbox, go to bed etc etc... when he goes to his dad's he gets to stay up late, never checks up if he has to do homework or deals with any school issues like ingredients for cooking..... then DS comes home knackered, grumpy due to 2 nights of going to bed at gone midnight (he watched 50 shades I kid you not ffs) having eaten pizza and not seen a fruit and he's really foul towards me.....and I spend days trying to undo what his "amazeballs" dad has done, I just about get DS on track with sleep, food and routine then he's back to dad's and then repeat!!! I feel like I do all the hard important stuff and DS resents me for it....... this for me is the hardest part of being a single parent. Rant over (take my hat off to the good dad's out there this isn't intended to label all dad's it's just my perception of my circumstances and all my other female single mum friends )

Teq please rant away. I have always been a SP, Ds (now 18) resented me regardless and he didn't see his father from the age of 3 until 18. I think it's a thing. They have to get under your skin. How old is your Ds?

Oh and I have a urine infection which I've probably hadfor 2 months. No wonder I was feeling so ill. Was getting worse and worse. I totally neglect my needs!

Poor you Solo sounds pants. I think I have finally turned the corner after weeks of various health ailments I am nearly normal again!

My ds's dad always used to keep our boy up late too Tequila it is a lot easier to now not have any 'help'. I only see him twice a year it is brill!

He's 13 and getting woke up by the hoover at 9am due to the fact he's a s**te and kicked off at midnight after my polite requests for him to come off iPad were met with foul total disrespect which ended with removal of all devices including ps4. So he ain't staying in bed till lunch that's for sure! Also he will be more tired tonight and in bed early for school tomorrow. Every single thing is a battle with teenagers 😩

It's really hard as I want him to have a good relationship with his dad but he just seems to undo all my hard work and makes me resent my ex even more

I'm not surprised you are fed up Teq and they get worse. There's evidence to support what I've said for years too...teenagers clocks change and they need to go to sleep later and get up later. Shame it doesn't fit in with 'normal' life. My Ds finds that later working or nights work better for him.

Posted too soon. Did he get up at the hoovering noise or just cover his head with the duvet?

I dread when my kids become teenagers, though luckily it's a very long time away. My DD is only 4 but when she comes home from her mum's she's always pushing boundaries and talking back to me in ways she wouldn't have the day before she went. I suppose though it doesn't help when, like yet again today, their mum sends them home early. They were meant to be there til 6 but she called me at 10 to go and get them as she's having another 'emergency issue' with her pregnancy. It's just always amazing how these issue always come up on her weekends with the kids