Number 2 Thread When You Are Fed Up With The Solitary Burden Of Single Parentdom

[Solo]

Happy New Year and Happy New Thread to all the single parents looking for a place to rant, rave, moan, share the highs and the lows and chat with people that know! It is the second thread and probably a slow one if the first is anything to go by, but it's here when we need it.

LINK TO THE FIRST THREAD

warm you're really not failing your dc. Sounds particularly UNMN and my dc have always slept through but if I had a 7 and 8 year old not sleeping I'd put a telly in their room and bribe them to get into bed at half 7 knowing they can watch a dvd or whatever.

Get them out your hair and quiet even if they aren't asleep or you will end up going bonkers.

Thanks brandnew. I think it's not so much the sleep - that's not normally a problem, it's just that they've got into terrible habits over the holidays - it's just the relentlessness of it all...the ironing, cooking, tidying after a day at a dreadful job. I feel like a drudge and I thought my life would amount to more than this.

Sorry, I wouldn't normally vent like this and normally try to accentuate the positive, look forward and express gratitude for all I have (for example, at least I'm no longer living with a lying, abusive sociopath - yay!) But sometimes, realistically, you just have to assess things and be honest about your situation - your stalled career, your horrible tiny flat, your lack of money - and hate yourself for it.

Sorry you are feeling like this Warm. I agree that the TV sounds like a plan, if you manage it well. Its such an MN bugbear the TV thing, but it doesn't have to have an aerial, so you could just use it for DVD's.

And I don't think that its too late in your 40's to turn things around. When I did my degree there were older people than that retraining. You would be working at least another 15 years, if not more, which is more than some people work in a lifetime.

Oh gosh, she sounds like hard work Eternal, well done for deflecting her attention and avoiding meeting up again.

You don't have to attend the viewing appointment - just call them up and cancel. If you don't want to give a reason you could suddenly develop D+V on the day of the appointment.

Just a quickie because I'm on lunch. I have a sort of feminist success to tell you, yesterday the stairs needed Dysoning and not only did 9yo ds offer to do the lower half for no reward I stopped myself saying 'thank you for helping me with the housework' and said "thank you for doing housework as part of a team". I am desperate not to raise a son who thinks he is helping with housework but sees it as a normal part of family household team work. He looked funny waving the Dyson pole around in his star wars boxers (was just before shower).

warm I hate the drudgery and relentlessness of having to do it all all of the time.

Heres another UNMN idea someone on here gave to me when I started a thread about it. Get 2 weeks of ready meals in and let dc be school dinners for a few weeks and then you don't have to think about food or really cleaning up afterwards.

My tip is paper plates and cups for those couple of weeks. Then you have no cooking and no washing up plus the dc will be in bed watching a film and you can start feeling more human again.

meg my ds (8) has to help out as much as dd (9) and to him it's completely normal to have to help but more importantly dd knows ds doesn't get out of doing his share because he's a boy. Completely different to how I grew up, it's great.

warm I second brands ideas. Stock up on ready meals or destroy the kitchen batch cooking one weekend and get as much as possible in your freezer. Paper plates, cups and cutlery helps too. The dc's have disposable stuff at breakfast and while I hate the landfill thoughts it does mean the start of the day isn't too messy.

Thanks Isabella, Meglet and Brand. I have taken your advice and put the kids in their rooms with iPads from 7.30pm. I have also separated them (they share a room and drive each other crazy, so I've put one in my bed for now). Things were a little better last night. I've also ordered a pre-made recipe box from Abel and Cole so I don't have to think about what to cook or what to buy. I don't mind cooking but I hate planning for it!

Congrats on your feminist success Meglet! We are having some luck at the moment with them needing to earn their pocket money via small jobs (emptying dishwasher, hanging laundry etc). They then have to buy their own computer games (the ones in the Apple Store that cost a couple of pounds) so that's a good incentive for them to help out.

I worked out why I was in such a grump as well - I'd spent the New Year reading a novel a friend has just had published (by a prominent publisher, and extracts will be read out on Radio 4 next week) while staying at the huge 3-bed country property of another friend, and was feeling utterly inadequate at my own lack of creative or financial success. Makes me sad that my choice to remain a single parent condemns me to poverty for the rest of my days. Unless I do a J.K. Rowling of course. Which I highly doubt.

warmleatherette that's a totally natural reaction, I get grumpy just going to a house where there are separate living room/dining room/kitchens and my whole downstairs could fit into one of their rooms. And where they have a dishwasher :( or furniture that is not second hand - let alone what your friends are up to. Bloody hell.

Haha exactly eternalsunshine - I was actually calculating while I was there whether my entire flat could fit in her dining room. They used to live on a houseboat so I mistakenly thought they were poor like me. Then they moved to this place and spent a fortune doing it up and I realised how wrong I was.

eternal I got mildly excited the other day because I've come across a local repair man who reconditions appliances. I'm going to see what he has so I could use him in the future. I'm hoping for a giant, cheap American fridge .

Urgh I hate going to other peoples houses when they're totally out of my league. My flat is pretty nice and I should be proud of all the DIY and decorating I've done over the years but as I don't have a high flying career it just doesn't have that polished look like a two income household can get.

I don't particularly want a lot which makes it even more depressing, just a nice 3 bed semi detached with a really nice kitchen and bathroom instead of the bog standard council kitchen & bathroom and a garden with decking. and a hot tub

Other people get this but I can't seem to get ahead money wise as every time I manage to save up an amount something happens like the car breaking down, washing machine, fridge and cooker breaking down within a month of each other (yes I'm still bitter about that) or another bloody school trip. screams

This year would have been different apart from the amount of stuff I have to pay for I won't have any spare money until the end of marches paycheck ffs and the holiday I booked new years day seemed such a good idea at the time haha

It is odd when you think that the best way to access help with childcare and finances is by sleeping with someone. I really don't want another relationship yet it does feel that, in society as it stands now, I will never be able to get the support I need to help my family thrive without entering into one again.

Yep warm.I often think the same. I will stay single because I want the stability for the dc's and there's no way I'm changing my mortgage and getting entangled financially. We aren't well odd but at least I know how bad it is .

Everything breaks in my house. I'm quite friendly with our local service centre counter staff.

Well off not well odd. I'm sure we're odd too though.

the best way to access help with childcare and finances is by sleeping with someone

The last time I slept with someone I got pregnant.. it put me off ;)

On the other hand, if I get access to a dishwasher next time... ;)

Can I join? XH walked out suddenly in 2012. OW of sorts crawled out of the woodwork. Took me a long time to get over it, but am ok now most of the time.

XH is now living with OW and their baby 3 hours away from here. He saw our 7yo DD on Christmas Eve after 6 months of no contact.

I'm self employed, work full time, only have the one DD. I have zero interest in finding another bloke at the moment. I get lonely occasionally but slap myself and soon get over it. .

The hardest thing is that I don't have any single parent friends, so nobody understands what it is like and also they have their own lives with their own families. Weekends are often the hardest and loneliest time.

Really annoyed tonight but dont know whether I am being unreasonable. Agreed that H would have the children Sunday all day and overnight, dropping them off to school Monday mornings. MIL comes over today to say that they have arranged to have the kids on Saturday afternoon next week. Er, you haven't arranged it with me. H then looks blank at me.

Can I also ask how much contact you have with your Ex Inlaws? Mine are continuing to pop over as they did before, but actually its quite awkward and I think if DH wants to arrange something it should be up to him to do so.

Also, I dont think its unusual to compare your lot with other peoples. Its not a helpful thing to do, but everyne does it over everything.

I am jealous of the hot tub though

IsabellaofFrance what does she mean, arranged with who? - Your H? - in which case it should have been arranged for one of his days? Can you quickly reply that unfortunately you have already got plans for next Saturday with DC and that won't be possible, and that it would be great if she could ask you about any future dates a bit farther in advance as you tend to have a full diary at this notice? (if you didn't say this originally can you quickly find a party/thing you 'just remembered' you are taking DC to, that won't seem too suspect? - hoping your DC won't then drop you in it by revealing that order of events?)

GPs don't have any custody rights so it's really up to you to decide whether/when they get to see them - unless as you say it's H's Sunday in which case he can do what he wants. I'd be instantly annoyed if someone just 'told' me that, and aware that if I let them do it once it might start a trend. Also I would be annoyed by anyone just 'popping over' unless they are coming to help, if I have stuff to do or they're intruding upon quality time with DD. Though I"m not very assertive so not sure exactly how I would stop that.

Yes Skye come on in! :) welcome! Get stuck in; we're a friendly bunch and we know exactly how you feel

'They' meaning H and MIL.

Anyone got any good weekend plans?

Hello can I join?

Drudge, drudge thats what I hate and the demands of a constantly argumentative 6 year old and the fact I can't just get away from him and so the arguments and tantrums carry on and on and on and then I end up shouting.

The daily battles with getting washed/dressed/undressed/into bed etc etc.
I'm fat in my 40's, unfit and miserable. I work full time shifts and plus some and mainly nights (have a great mum who does all my childcare) and I'm shattered.

I'm supposed to be finishing the ironing, changing the beds and cleaning the house but I'm sat on my fat arse having a cuppa. My son asked my why I had to do the ironing/cleaning this morning and my response was 'who else is going to do it?'

I'm bored of it all being down to me and not at all what I imagined what my life would be like. The ex has got back in touch after 3 years go ignoring DS and I'm having to deal with that and all the emotions (not good ones!) that that brings.

However, this year I am determined to get strong and fit. I've downloaded the LDMN bikini diet and have a gym induction in 45 mins. I need an outlet to destress and hopefully actually be a nice parent to my DS and happier because I'm fitter and my brain not so screwed.

I'm also off skiing next week on an all inclusive with friends. DS will be skiing all day ad then being entertained by the reps so should be a good break for me

Right that is my moan off my chest might go make another cuppa

xxx