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Lone parents

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Original poster

Finding this seperation business so hard.

190 replies

messyoldmess · 11/09/2006 21:37

My H & I are in the process of seperation & will be going straight for divorce. I know it is the right thing to do, but I am finding it all so hard to cope with it all atm.
Things seem to be moving on very fast, but we are still living under the same roof & it is completely doing my head in. I am so so scared, I have never felt so low & frightened. I am frightened of being alone & I feel so sad for my children, thinking of all they have to come.
I know we have to do this, but everytime I really focus on the months ahead I end up in tears.
I wasn't going to post on here, but I am feeling so alone & need to talk. I would love to hear some positive stories from those who have come out the other side of this.

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mamamaaargh · 14/10/2006 15:03

Glitter, what a lovely day. I'm up for joining a commune!

Hope the viewings went well Messy. It seems that ds has got a new tooth (a molar which is odd as he only has 6 front teeth) so maybe that's why he'ss been up so much at night.

Off to enjoy the peace & quiet now - ds is out with his dad for the first time without me. Haven't been alone in the house for months

Original poster
messyoldmess · 14/10/2006 15:31

Enjoy your time to yourself, mamama!
Poor little DS, back teeth are horrible. Hopefully your nights will start to improve now that tooth is through.
I am still home alone too! I am just about to pop into town & oick up some wine, as I have a friend coming round later, while H is out with his letchy mate!

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Original poster
messyoldmess · 14/10/2006 15:31

pick up!

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Judy1234 · 14/10/2006 20:44

I'm jealous of these men who help, who take children out. I suppose had mine been adequate I wouldn't have divorced him.

glitterfairy · 15/10/2006 09:10

Dont be jealous Xenia it all comes at a price!

Hope the viewings went well messy. I loathe showing people round.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 15/10/2006 10:56

I loathe showing people around too, glitterfairy, & we have more coming in around half an hour.
H has taken boys to a castle with my Dad. He is only taking them out so that he doesn't have to show people around the house!
He is in a really horrible mood this morning too.

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Judy1234 · 15/10/2006 12:03

Will try not to be. I contrast my 365 evenings, nights and early mornings, with children against his zero.
The period of living together and divorcing (7 months in our case to decree absolute, finances sorted, money/house transfers) and only then did he leave on legal advice, were not fun. At least I don't have your having to deal with his moods any more. It's much better even with chiildren virtually 365/24/7 and working and supporting us.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 16/10/2006 20:04

It sounds exhausting, Xenia! Why does your ex not see the children?

H announced last night that he has cancelled yet another solicitor appt because he doesn't think he needs to see one!

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glitterfairy · 16/10/2006 20:37

God he is such a bore messy! He is still not facing up to things is he.

Xenia,we all need a break from child care it is exhausting as messy says. Do you ever get any help?

Original poster
messyoldmess · 16/10/2006 20:50

I am not sure what his thinking is half the time, GF.
He says he doesn't need to see a solicitor atm, because he knows someone at work who is going through the same thing & can get any solicitor info from him!
I have another appt with mine on the 30th of this month.

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glitterfairy · 16/10/2006 20:53

What is happening with mediation? IS that finished or what?

glitterfairy · 16/10/2006 20:56

Have to say it will be so much better when it is all sorted and over I really do promise. It is all so messy and sordid and with men like this there is never any esacpe form that as what started life as a great relationship becomes soiled and dreadful. Living with it is so hard honestly I know but when you are free, (ish) there is really no comparison and it is worth it.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 16/10/2006 20:59

I can imagine that it will feel better one day, GF. It is hard having him here because he can still get to me so easily.

We are meant to go back to mediation in a few weeks, but it is up to us to make the appt.
Don't know if it will work out tbh, as H has already decided he doesn't like the mediator!

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mamamaaargh · 17/10/2006 02:21

Oh girls, isn't it all such a pain? I'm so tired of all this .

Messy, my H also said he didn't need to see a lawyer then panicked and has decided that maybe he should get one to check over the divorce agreement. I think he believes that I'm going to take everything he has (which is absolutely nothing, so I have no idea why he's so concerned). I only want what I'm entitled to - support for DS & half our joint assets so I can buy ds a high chair & some shoes!

Xenia - do you have any help with the children? You must be exhausted. I know I am - H took ds out for the first time all year and those 3 hours by myself were wonderful - it felt like so much longer. And I was so pleased to see ds when he came home - I think it worked out well for all of us. It's just a shame it'll only happen for a few more weeks and then I'll be entirely on my own

winnie · 17/10/2006 09:45

messyoldmess, sorry I've missed this thread in recent days. My own life seems to be in meltdown but I do think of you (and you GF). Take care and keep strong

Original poster
messyoldmess · 17/10/2006 21:27

Sorry to hear you are still struggling with your ex H, mamama.

Nice to hear from you, winnie. Sorry things are tough for you atm. Hope you are ok.x

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glitterfairy · 19/10/2006 22:11

Hi guys how are you all? Hope you are ok messy and you marmaaaagh. Winnie will email you.

winnie · 19/10/2006 23:15

Hi GF. I look forward to hearing from you

Messy, how is it going?

mamamaaargh · 20/10/2006 05:00

All bit messy here - solicitors etc but at least things are moving. How are you all? Winnie - are things better? Messy, any news on the house? GF - how are things with you?

Original poster
messyoldmess · 20/10/2006 17:59

Sorry things are a bit messy, mamama. Good that things are moving on though I guess.

Winnie, hope you are ok, & you GF.

H has been round my parents house doing jobs again today. He seems to be doing even more for them than he did before our decision to seperate.
Had my HV round this afternoon & she thinks he is trying hard to make my parents think he is totally wonderful. She thinks it is his latest plan!
My parents already think of him as golden boy, so he won't have to work too hard!

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Original poster
messyoldmess · 20/10/2006 21:49

My H is an arse!!

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Original poster
messyoldmess · 20/10/2006 21:53

He is now trying to blame me for the fact our children were unplanned!

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mamamaaargh · 21/10/2006 01:50

Messy, sorry that H is being such an arse Shame your parents don't see that. Anyway, hope you all have a peaceful weekend.

Caribbeanqueen · 21/10/2006 20:05

Hi messy, sorry I haven't been around much and just caught up.

What do you mean he is trying to blame you? WTF is he up to now?

Hope you are OK.

Mamaaargh and winnie - hope things are going ok for you both.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 22/10/2006 00:29

He was trying to blame me because both our children were unplanned, & he didn't wan't any children.
He was saying that his friends were saying that I must have planned it all, despite my complete denial & depression over the pregnancy etc!
He said other stuff to try & get to me too. I think he is just off on one of his missions atm.

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