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Lone parents

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Original poster

Finding this seperation business so hard.

190 replies

messyoldmess · 11/09/2006 21:37

My H & I are in the process of seperation & will be going straight for divorce. I know it is the right thing to do, but I am finding it all so hard to cope with it all atm.
Things seem to be moving on very fast, but we are still living under the same roof & it is completely doing my head in. I am so so scared, I have never felt so low & frightened. I am frightened of being alone & I feel so sad for my children, thinking of all they have to come.
I know we have to do this, but everytime I really focus on the months ahead I end up in tears.
I wasn't going to post on here, but I am feeling so alone & need to talk. I would love to hear some positive stories from those who have come out the other side of this.

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 05/10/2006 19:41

But you will emerge stronger and having learned a lot I promise. The boys will be ok and will have a happier mummy in the end.

Tessiebear · 05/10/2006 19:52

Hi Messy - i hope you dont think i was acting like your mum on the phone earlier. I know you are doing the right thing and have never doubted you. I just get so worried about you and want you to be happy. I know you will be in the long run. XXX You always sound positive on the phone. Reading this thread has made me realise the daily sh*t you have to tolerate

Original poster
messyoldmess · 05/10/2006 19:54

Yes I guess they will. I am just eaten up with worry & fear atm.
If he had moved out at the beginning of all this, then I would have moved on a bit by now, but as it is, I feel worse than I did 4 months back!
I appear to be coping on the outside, but inside my head is chaos right now!

I guess I will get through this & maybe be stronger for it, just as you are, GF.

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 05/10/2006 19:56

Hiya, Tess!
Of course I didn't think you were acting like my mum!! You were acting nothing like my mum at all, you silly moo!!

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 05/10/2006 20:00

I have these little moments of panic from time to time. Ignore me, it is probably just a blip!

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 05/10/2006 20:06

We all go through them honest and if you could see the mess I have been at times you would know that being strong takes time and effort!

Original poster
messyoldmess · 05/10/2006 20:16

You have really been through it, GF, & if you can get through it, so can I!
Have been feeling so down with it all recently, that I thought about going to my gp, but I really don't want ADs unless absolutely essential.

OP posts:
winnie · 05/10/2006 23:55

messyyoungmess , please stop worrying about everyone else (especially parents; yours and his). As GF says they don't ahve to live yourlife. Your boys will cope and will be happier having a happier mum. (I know you don't think you will eer be happy again but you will ~ promise )

take care, thinking of you xx

mamamaaargh · 06/10/2006 00:26

Messyoldmess, what lovely, sensitive boys you have. You must be such a great mummy Not all boys are like that. They will be ok, as long as you do what is best for you and them - if you are happy, they will be too. I'm a firm believer in Happy Mummy, Happy Baby... But please, worry about yourself - you're the one who has to get through each day & deal with everything atm . Put yourself first. I know that's so hard to do.

And GF is right - we all have those panics and awful days. I know that doesn't make you feel any better, but know you are not alone. And yes, I'm sure things will seem better when he moves out. Glad you have a little progress on the house situation...

Alibaldi · 06/10/2006 03:41

mamamaaargh I'm so sorry, I've only just seen this having been giving you advice on moving back to the UK. I'm having a similar issue with h too. Whereabouts in the USA are you? I'm in Colorado. So remember I'm always around at this time of day if you ever need to talk to someone. Take care of yourself and I'm sorry that I haven't been more supportive.

mamamaaargh · 06/10/2006 03:47

Alibaldi - thanks for your support. It's good to know I'm not alone. I'm in Chicago. Never been to Colorado but flew over it once on the way to Wyoming! It's nice to know other people are around at this time of day too.

Alibaldi · 06/10/2006 03:59

Did you used to have another name by any chance??? Wish I were nearer then at least we could have a disillusioned girly night out . I have two ds's aged 4 and 3. H is still here and we're taking each day as it comes but my god it's bloody hard.

mamamaaargh · 06/10/2006 04:11

I know, it is soooo hard. I feel all lost as dh has gone and I know I'll never get him back. It's horrible because I miss him so much. That said, things are much more bearable since he moved out, but still really miserable!

I sooooo need a girly night out! Shame about the distance

No other name. Well, mamama (this is my halloween name. I;m not very imaginative!)

Alibaldi · 06/10/2006 04:15

Is you dh an American? Could you not stay on in the States of you wanted seems a shame if you've been here so long already. Have you got a definite date for returning to the UK. Let me know if you need any contacts back there to help you get on your feet. Are you on MSN? Too many questions I know, but at least that way we could talk away from Mumsnet. My email is alison dot smits at btinternet dot com.

mamamaaargh · 06/10/2006 04:27

Just e-mailed you, Alibaldi

Alibaldi · 06/10/2006 04:36

One on it's way back to you too

glitterfairy · 06/10/2006 11:01

messy hope you are ok today. Thinking of you. Am having a busy day myself, sorting things at home and weekend flying down to Stansted for £1 each with the kids to see my sister who has just had a little girl! AM staying with a friend of mine who lives about an hour away and is lending me the vetinary practice car so am hoping I can motor around the M25 with a blue light and a vet on call sign!

winnie · 06/10/2006 11:08

glitter, have a great weekend
messyyoungmess, how are you today?

Original poster
messyoldmess · 06/10/2006 12:45

Congratulations on your new niece, Aunty glitterfairy!
Sounds like you have a busy w/e, but it will be nice for you to see your sister & the new baby!

I am a little better today thanks. I think it was all getting on top of me yesterday. It was a combination of lots of things that made me feel so down, but I am a little calmer today.

Hope you are all ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 06/10/2006 12:46

Have just found out that there is a little more in our ISA than I originally thought, so that has cheered me up a tad!

OP posts:
mamamaaargh · 06/10/2006 14:59

Glitterfairy - 1 pound each? WHat a bargain. Hope you have a great time.

Glad you have found a bit more money than you expected , Messy. I have the opposite problem - it seems to be disappearing without explanation.

Tyedye · 06/10/2006 15:42

Message withdrawn

Original poster
messyoldmess · 06/10/2006 16:38

It is double what I thought it was, mamama!! Just as well, as H is making sure he spends as much as possible atm to bring his P60 down.

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 06/10/2006 16:41

I mean H is working as little as poss! Sorry, doing this inbetween doing the boys tea! He is spending lots on cars & going out too!

OP posts:
mamamaaargh · 06/10/2006 17:54

50p would have been even better! Wish I could spend lots on going out . Feel I have to be very careful atm so when we spilt our finances, Ds & I get as much as poss. Doesn't work when (d)H spends it all on CDs, rock concerts &, bizarrely, groceries!

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