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Lone parents

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Original poster

Finding this seperation business so hard.

190 replies

messyoldmess · 11/09/2006 21:37

My H & I are in the process of seperation & will be going straight for divorce. I know it is the right thing to do, but I am finding it all so hard to cope with it all atm.
Things seem to be moving on very fast, but we are still living under the same roof & it is completely doing my head in. I am so so scared, I have never felt so low & frightened. I am frightened of being alone & I feel so sad for my children, thinking of all they have to come.
I know we have to do this, but everytime I really focus on the months ahead I end up in tears.
I wasn't going to post on here, but I am feeling so alone & need to talk. I would love to hear some positive stories from those who have come out the other side of this.

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mamamaaargh · 06/10/2006 17:56

50p would have been even better! Wish I could spend lots on going out . Feel I have to be very careful atm so when we spilt our finances, Ds & I get as much as poss. Doesn't work when (d)H spends it all on CDs, rock concerts &, bizarrely, groceries!

Original poster
messyoldmess · 06/10/2006 18:33

Sorry to hear you are struggling, mamama.
It is amazing how much they suddenly seem to fritter away once they become single men, isn't it?
It is a shame you live so far away & we cannot have a night out together!

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mamamaaargh · 06/10/2006 19:08

I know - I need a night out! I do go out with friends here but they are ALL married and most are pregnant too, so although I love them & enjoy their company, its kind of depreessing & no matter how sympathetic they are, they just don't really understand . Sorry, feeling the need for a little rant. Finished now!

Hope you have a fun weekend planned

Tyedye · 06/10/2006 21:02

Message withdrawn

Original poster
messyoldmess · 06/10/2006 21:05

I know, it's hard isn't it?
Most of my friends are in relationships & then there is my mum & dad and my sister & BIL. I am surrounded by together couples!
My mum has asked if there is any chance of us going out for her birthday at the end of the month. I have said a big NO to H & myself going along, but the thought of this meal consisting of mum with dad, sister with BIL, & then me, is not too appealling atm!
I will probably go, but it will be hard.

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Original poster
messyoldmess · 06/10/2006 21:07

Hi, Tyedye.

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Tyedye · 06/10/2006 21:14

Message withdrawn

Original poster
messyoldmess · 06/10/2006 22:03

How are you doing? Okay?

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mamamaaargh · 07/10/2006 00:34

My lawyer told me that "possesion is 9/10 of the law and usually whoever has something, gets to keep it". He suggested if there were things I want, then to take them! He did say to be reasonable and not to completely empty the house or the bank account!

I have been keeping an eye on the bank account and making notes on visits to see DS. Messy, hope you are too - especially the bank bit. I don't know how things work in the UK, but I was told that over here, if money is spent on vices (women, drink, drugs, gambling or substantial amounts on other things), it has to be paid back into the joint funds or taken into account when the money is split so that the innocent party is compensated.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 07/10/2006 08:50

We have seperate bank accounts, mamama.
He has reduced his overtime after being told by the mediator that they take overtime into account with regards to the 20% he has to pay me for the boys.
He is also spending a lot on going out etc.

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Tyedye · 07/10/2006 09:30

Message withdrawn

mummyscaryhouseonthehill · 07/10/2006 10:27

mamamaaargh - Just seen this no wonder you have been feeling stressed out hun feel free to let of steam on the post natal thread as well when you need to the girls there are very supportive.

If you come back to the uk anywhere near the Midlands Wabbitt and I will help you settle back in!!!

mamamaaargh · 07/10/2006 19:39

Oh, separate bank accounts is good, messy. Wasn't able to do that in the US but we do have them in the UK, thankfully. Shame about less overtime - sorry about that

Thanks, Mummyhill. Will probably return to Yorkshire to begin with but who know's where we'll end up!

Caribbeanqueen · 12/10/2006 21:44

Hi messy, just wondering how you are

Original poster
messyoldmess · 12/10/2006 21:49

Hi CQ! Thanks for thinking of me & big thanks for the birthday card!
I am plodding along & am feeling a touch calmer than last week.
I have bought myself some Kalms from the health food shop & started taking them to try & chill myself out a bit!

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Caribbeanqueen · 12/10/2006 21:55

Glad you are a bit calmer.

I have something else to send you, but my organisational skills are a bit crap!

I used to take the Kalms night-time tablets a few years ago. They were really helpful to start with, but as with most things, they stopped working after a while! Hope they work for you though

mamamaaargh · 13/10/2006 04:29

Was wondering how you were doing, Messy. Glad you have found something to help you feel calmer. Hope they work.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 13/10/2006 07:32

Hi, mamama, how are you doing?

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Original poster
messyoldmess · 13/10/2006 13:58

It seems I may get to escape for 2 weeks at the end of the month!
My parents are going on holiday & offered for H to stay at their house while they were away, but he doesn't want to because they don't have sky!
I told him that if he didn't stay there then I would!
Just spoke to my mum & she has agreed to allow the boys & myself to stay there while they are away, so at last I can have a whole 2 weeks away from this horrible environment I am living in!

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mamamaaargh · 13/10/2006 15:42

Yay, messy - a house all to yourselves. ENJOY! I'm sure it'll be a wonderful break.

I'm ok btw - thnx for asking. Exhausted as ds is waking up at least 3x each night, but ok! Hope you have a great weekend with your boys.

glitterfairy · 13/10/2006 16:53

Sounds great messy. Am glad you ahve something positive to look forward to and good your parents agreed!

Original poster
messyoldmess · 13/10/2006 17:04

You must be exhausted, mamama! I remember those sleepless nights, they are not good!!

Hi, GFI hope all is well with you.

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Tyedye · 14/10/2006 09:48

Message withdrawn

glitterfairy · 14/10/2006 13:10

hi everyone am fine and dandy and spending a day swimming and lounging whilst recognising that I have loads of stuff to do! Tyedye am thinking of setting up a commune!

Original poster
messyoldmess · 14/10/2006 13:17

Hi, glitter, glad you are feeling dandy! A day of swimming & relaxing sounds bliss!
I am showing more viewers round the house in a bit. H has taken both boys round to his friends house.

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