support thread. For current lone parents who live with their children

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

If your a current lone parent with resident children and fancy offloading or a rant or have a question you want to ask others who are currently in your situation and you want to do it in a safe place

And you don't want to ask an NRP or a step parent or none parent then why not ask in here.

I think it would jump into most people's head.

The sound delightful!

They mean well,there are a few things that make my eyebrows shoot up but it's usually things I can avoid being around.

I think I unnerve them a bit,the mother of the other gc is only 17/18 and her own mother died a while back,if they say jump the only thing she asks is how high poor girl takes every bit of self serving advice they give her as gospel. GM openly admits the gc's are her second chance at being a mother again,of course I'm not so easy to manipulate am quite content to do things my way and won't let her play mummies with my children.

But the baby p thing was something I was not prepared to listen to any more,I was polite and all that but they did not like being challenged.

Hi all, just found this thread. Lp to two dc. On my own now about 4 yrs bar a short relationship --moment of madness- and why I have a 1.5year old

The loneliness has been getting to me lately and as Bitchyhead said just upthread been missing a big hug. Recently had a biopsy and a bit of minor treatment done after a couple of abnormal smears and while I know it's quite common and probably nothing to worry about, I will until the results come through. Made me think a lot about what would happen to the dc if something were to happen to me. Both see their dads but it's a lot of 'fair weather fathering' from one and one who seems to be unable to cope without staying at his mums when he has the dc. Then would they see each other? Sorry a bit morbid but been playing on my mind.

BitchyHen I mean sorry. Would blame autocorrect but I'm on the laptop!

NeedsAsockamnesty

Second chance at being a Mother? Haha I wouldn't even like to imagine my response if ExMil said that to me. What a bizarre outlook. Shame for a young girl that doesn't know anything different though.

FWIW I wouldn't listen to that either. It would make my toes curl every time I heard it.

Morrigu Of course it's worrying and it's daft to tell you not to worry (almost everyone would) although in saying that, it is common. Do you have a time frame on the expected results?

I also don't think it's morbid to think about what would happen with your DC. I've already thought all about it and got a will in place along with stacks of evidence about my ExHs abusive behaviour to give my family the best chance of gaining residency of my DD over my ExH. It's something that is always worth thinking about, along with life insurance etc. If it is morbid then I'm morbid with you

Needsa Sounds to me as though GM was trying to admit she thinks her DS can be a 'mare by saying she gets a second chance - she sees she did some things wrong with him? Anyway, I couldn't have put up with the baby P thing, so don't worry if they are throwing all of the toys out, they should calm down soon I hope.

Re lawn - if the grass is anything over about 6 inches I'd not try to mow it, as said previously, you'd need to strim it first. Any lads you can call a favour in from just to get it under control? Or if not perhaps ask a neighbour if they have a strimmer you can borrow? Strimming can be very tiring!

I really need to sort out my will. It's just me and my dad in our family and sadly I don't think he'd be great as the main carer. Every time he comes down we have McD's and he'd feed her choc biscuits before every meal and think nothing of it! I've asked a few parent friends in the past if they would be guardian but it feels so huge, I'm scared to commit them to paper! I have my own house so I'd get that sold and possibly see about having her in boarding school with a guardian or two/grandpa for holidays I think. I'd hate to imagine her at a friend's house and being sidelined, much as I am sure it would be unintentional. Such a hard thing to think about, but I'd rather be realistic and practical and not leave it to chance.

That's it, leaving it to chance is so risky. You never know what is going to happen.

A friend of mine passed away in her sleep (sudden death syndrome). She had a young son and his father automatically had residency. The poor boy has not only lost his Mum (the only consistent in his life) he is now being pushed from pillar to post staying with friends, girlfriends, grandparents and even on occasion people who aren't even really friends just a willing babysitter so that Dad can continue his social life as it was before

I look after him whenever I'm asked, not because I condone what his Dad does but because at least when he's with me I know he's getting a couple of home cooked meals, a bath and a comfortable place to sleep and most of all he's getting to be a child getting stories read and playing with my daughter. I would keep him here in a heartbeat if I thought I could.

Seeing that made it priority for me to get something put in place for my own DD as that could quite easily be her if she ever went to her Dad.

Such a sad story. Does the father have a will in place if anything happens to him? You could always mention you would be happy to be named as guardian if he is ever taken sick or something? He may not have thought of it. I have been asked by a couple if I could as they both think their parents are too old. They have 2 boisterous boys which would be a handful, but I said I would think about it. As an LP I think 3 kids would be a bit much to handle!

Had a nice couple of days but tonight DD nearly made me cry asking about her grandma. She fed a lamb a bottle the other day and keeps on saying it was with her grandma (farmers wife helped her hold the bottle). I was gently trying to say no, that wasn't her grandma. She kept saying she wanted her grandma to pick her up in her car and play. "Maybe tomorrow?" and I tried to explain she lives in another country so she couldn't (DD only 2.8mo so not quite there yet). She then went on to say perhaps her daddy could come and play instead. I said he doesn't live here either and went away. She was going on about him coming back again to play and say hello. She was on a loop going round and round with the two of them seemingly wide awake, and I ended up saying maybe we can try to call grandma tomorrow, but only if you sleep! She got excited and said YES PLEASE! and shut her eyes and fell asleep almost instantly. Now really wishing I hadn't said it as she will probably remember. I get such a guilty feeling that she has such a small family and really wish I knew that if she skyped her grandma she would get a warm welcome, but in truth I just don't know. Ex is now engaged again and as I said last email from GM was to give his solicitors details so I would sign a contract to say he wouldn't have to pay CSA . Although I am sure it was him who put her up to it, the fact she never apologised for it or emailed since says a lot to me.
I hate that they are doing this to her and I hate that if I even consider initiating something like a skype for GM it will be misconstrued. Frustration here!

Paddling Aldi do some cheap flowers if you are too impatient to wait for seeds but well done on getting the strimmer! Busy is the best way IMO.

He's one of these people that "shit never sticks" I bet he'll be full of life and in perfect health at 80. It makes me bitter at time, it's a truly awful thing to think but I do wish it was him and not my friend. She lived for her son

I haven't really broached anything with him at all as we had a falling out once after I told him his son was really upset about never doing "daddy things" at the weekend like his friends. I've learnt that to keep my friends little boy in my life I need to keep quiet (which I find really hard).

I'm still very close to friends parents and they are seeking legal advice at the moment to gain residency but they are terrified it will be denied and he will cut them out of their GS's life.

What a shame for you and DD, it's horrible the way people can be to children who are so innocent and they don't even bloody realise what they are doing half the time. My house has always been open to ex's family and we see his Mum (although it hasn't always been easy), and his sister and her kids but his Dad has never set foot in my house because doesn't visit people apparently. Doesn't stop him walking a further distance to the pub every day

Could you plan something really fun that your DD will love tomorrow? Something that will distract her. They are so hard at that age, they are too little to be able to explain things too but old enough to ask. My DD is the same age and I find it really hard when she speaks about Daddy's and asks about her's. I just don't know what to say.

Paddling how did the strimming go? It was raining here today so I unfortunately had to leave it.

Yes, tomorrow we are going to see a friend of mine who has a small boat on a nearby river, so we go downstream to the pub to see the chickens Loads planned for the week including seeing Peppa Pig at the local theatre and farm animals coming to visit a nursery near us. We've had a busy few days already and I've not had any time away from her since the Wednesday before last, which is tiring me out if I am honest. Am considering booking in a lovely massage as I have terrible back ache from all of the lifting and carrying!

Even my eyes lit up like a 3 year old's at the boat to the pub chickens. I wanna come!

I've never in my life had a professional massage but dying to get one, definitely need to try it. Do it. Everyone deserves a break.

I know Cupid it's a lovely day out. I got a groupon for chiropractic consultation near me, which I think was impressive with the loud cracks, but I didn't agree with the physiology of it all having done GCSE biology plus the guy said the cracks sounded impressive but was just air and nothing to do with the 'work' he was doing, which rather spoilt the illusion!. Good thing was that they X-rayed my back and showed I have lower back arthritis which is where all of the pain comes from (plus my spine is Z shaped from being so tall and stooping!) so I know I need to keep looking after it. A thai massage is amazing and irons out all of the creases but you do feel it for days afterwards! I'd suggest a hot stone massage if you feel flush one month Night all!

Hi everyone, I just spotted this thread and thought I'd say hello. I'm a recent lone parent, having kicked out a heavy drinking H 2 months ago. We have 2 DDs, a 4 yo and a 3 mo. Since we split, H's drinking has spiralled out of control and I now can't let him have the kids unsupervised for fears of their safety. So he comes to my house and sees them here, usually for a grand total of 2-3 hours. Luckily he is ok with this arrangement because it means he gets to be a lazy arse and sit on his backside while I do most of the parenting so we haven't had to go through court but it does mean that I never get a break and I can't prove his lateness and unreliability. I am thinking of asking to go through a contact centre and think that if I do that he will probably disappear for good. While DD1 will be devastated in the short term, I am thinking that it is probably less damaging than a life spent waiting around for a dad who doesn't really give a shit about anything apart from when he can have his next drink. I am so angry with him on her behalf.

Welcome x

paddling glad you made some headway with the garden. I will confess I pay a chap to blitz mine once or twice a year so I only have to keep it ticking over. he charges 70 for 5hrs (which is probably a lot) but has all the heavy duty equipment and I trust him because he helps relatives. He even weeds the path and the flowerbeds. It looks like Chelsea once he's done it. Then the dc's trash it and I let it turn into a jungle when I'm busy .

attheendofmytether my XP gave up when I said we needed to go through a contact centre. He'd been a nightmare with contact for 6 months, not turning up, abusive and being drunk on a couple of occasions. When I told him the date of the contact centre he e-mailed to say he would never see the dc's there and would wait until they are 18. Nearly 5 years on, and no contact since, I still have electronic and paper copies of this e-mail .

I think it must be rotten for dc's whose dad's come and go and let them down (some of you guys on here ). In a funny way I count mine lucky that they have at least had total stability. We never had to move house, I continued working and XP just faded away when they were tiny.

Welcome Attheend my ex drank heavily too and I know what you mean about them not being safe. I made him leave the house because of it as well. I think contact centres are your best way forward here as it isn't fair for you not to have a break and for him to keep tabs. If he wants to stay involved he will.

Meglet your ex sounds the spit of mine! I don't know what they think a contact centre is - the Judge was confused when my ex said they were "dull dank, horrid places" and asked if he had ever been to one...the answer was "Well, no, but..." How do they think that the building they see their kids in is a good enough excuse not to see them at all?!

DD hasn't asked about them again today. She's more interested in how babies get in and out now (having met our pg friend today) and wants to know how she can get back into my tummy

Hope you are all enjoying the nice sunshine!

lion DS (a tall 7yo and growing) is highly amused whenever I remind him he was once small enough to fit in my tummy .

I was just looking into the planned csa charges and I'm not sure if I've read it wrong but they don't currently plan to charge for the csa (ie; the old system), it seems the charges will only apply to new applicants and the new service. I'm in panic mode about the charges because it might be the trigger to set XP off again, maybe they aren't going to bother for old cases . It's something I'm looking into, watch this space.

I was wondering about that Meglet and assumed it would just cancel out what ex pays (£5 per week) as I think it is something around that? Or is it based on what comes in? Updates greatly appreciated!

wants to know how she can get back into my tummy

Hi can I join? I have been an lp for 2 years to a ds 5 and dd 3. I left their dad after 5 years of cheating and emotional abuse. He has not paid a penny in 2 years despite csa being involved he stopped claiming jobseekers just so he didn't have to pay.
I have met someone else but as we're long distance I'm on my own 99% of the time.
I won't be a lp for much longer but the thought of sharing my space with someone else is absolutely petrifying after doing it my way for so long.
I'm nearly 6 months pregnant with dp and its really strange that this child already has more than my other 2 did from their dad.
The Twat (sorry but he is) sees his two when he feels like it under supervision at my mums and is still ea towards me. I applied for uni before I found out about the pregnancy for my dream degree in a city 120 miles away where my dp is based and I was accepted and since then I've had all the threats thrown at me as well as every dirty name and trick including social services accusations. They visited once and deemed it as a malicious report and the kids were happy and healthy with no sign of abuse.
Its been so much hard work and reading through the thread its helps knowing I'm not the only one that finds it a struggle sometimes.

My ex does see our children regularly so that allows me some time to have a social life. However, it's still a nightmare dealing with him. He's still a controlling, obnoxious twat and often I wish he'd just disappear out of lives!
I try to always be positive about him for the children but the more that he kicks off about stupid things, the more I hate him..
I've got my children for Easter now though and am very much looking forward to lots of fun and days out with them

Anyone got any nice Easter plans?