support thread. For current lone parents who live with their children

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

If your a current lone parent with resident children and fancy offloading or a rant or have a question you want to ask others who are currently in your situation and you want to do it in a safe place

And you don't want to ask an NRP or a step parent or none parent then why not ask in here.

Redbushed

Don't have conversations with him in any way shape or form..The only reason to communicate is to pass information about DC ...So if it is not a conversation about that ..tell him you won't discuss it ..if he continues hang up.

I tried to keep it all in writing but then ex turned up on the doorstep uninvited and with a weekend bag!
I still think it was the safer way as I can at least show what he was saying and doing at the time, no matter what he now says.

He does it all via text message. He seems long rambling messages one after the other even when I don't respond. I keep them all in case I need to ever take action about him.
Just hate that it still make me feel crazy!

Hi all can I join in?

Newly lone parent . Didn't think I'd ever see myself back her again. My other dd is 18 and I did that all by myself and it was a long road. But she is a wonderful beautiful young woman .

I now have 12 month dd, that exdp and I had to go through IVF for and he recently walked. I know I can do this but I can see the next 18 years ahead of her and it breaks my heart.

Shared parenting wonder where he was when dd had severe DV through the night all this week?

I bring you all

Hi Percy and for you.
Bloody exes. Mine never deals with the d&v stuff either. In some ways though I'd rather do it myself as at least I know what the level of care and patience is from me! He isn't the most patient of men with regard to others being ill.
I'm sure you will do a fantastic job with your second child, just like your first

Hi red thank you!

It's just the magnitude of the situation is so over whelming.

Regards to your post about gas lighting what kind if things was it? Exdp makes me question myself, still am.

It's scary being on your own at first, but it does get easier (as you know )

He tells me I said things that I know I didn't. When I deny it, he is adamant. Makes me panic I'm going crazy and have forgotten what I even said!
He used to do it all the time when we were together.

I Do you know that in an ideal world both parents would be supportive and work together to raise the child but that fairy tale does not happen often.

I am sick and tired of hearing that Children are better off with a relationship with a child when the NRP has not given a rats arse about the child and decides periodically that they want more contact, that they will pop in and out of there lives when it suits and the RP has to pick up the pieces , suck it up.

I am not really talking about myself my ex simply doesn't bother. I am also not talking about the NRP who have fought and fought for contact and RP had been obstructive.

But I do think there seems to be an expectation that the NRP because they suddenly decided they want to be part of there life the RP has to just bend to them.

I keep hearing about research but we all now research can easily be manipulated to prove a point..Same as the media stories of fathers fighting to see their kids, I couldn't be bothered to see my child just isn't much of a tabloid story.

I feel a need to rant about this and it seemed the safest place to put it.

starlight you are so right. A NRP should do it properly, or not do it at all.

My inner tin foil hat side thinks the media is full of MRA's anyway. In my entire life I've never met a man who was fighting to see their kids. In every break up I've watched from afar the bloke has been a shit and flounced off / refuses maintenance or has sporadic 'when it suits him' contact. I've no doubt there is a tiny number of women who do block contact, but that's probably 1% of women. I m sure XP bad mouths me and conveniently leaves out the bits where he turned up drunk, told me to fuck off when I said DD might need the OOH GP one evening and shouted at the kids because their bedtime mucking about meant he was late for the pub.

Anyway, on a lighter and slightly shallow note. I have to give 7yo DS a crash course in the World Cup so he can hold his own in the playground. I'm ok with all of it, bar the pesky off side rule.

Starlight, I agree anecdotal evidence doesn't mean very much and research can be manipulated. However family judges are given some training in child welfare and gain a lot of experience in public cases where they rely on expert witnesses (child psychiatrists, psychologists etc) to interpret the research. Generally it is agreed that children who are insecure about their natural parents and identity tend to grow up with low self esteem leading to behavioural and emotional problems such as dysfunctional relationships in adulthood. Only in a very small number of cases is it found not to be in the interest of children to have some form of contact with a natural parent, even if that parent's behaviour leaves something to be desired by most people's standards.

In our case contact has fluctuated from every couple of days, to an afternoon once a week and at one point to only once every three or four months. Once I realised contact wasn't going to be regular and consistent and planned accordingly it was much easier to deal with. After all friends and extended family don't need to commit to regular appointments in order to maintain a meaningful relationship. In my experience it isn't long absences of a parent per se that effects the long term outcomes of children but distorted communication and conflict between parents, children harbouring resentment against a parent and being insecure about their identity.

I found our children tend to take a cue from me and if I'm laid back about arrangements so are they. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a pushover and if I have something planned it is a case of working round that and offering reasonable alternatives which can work for everyone.

STIDW. I am glad it is working for you and your children.

The infrequent contact never worked for my DS although he was 3 at the time. to the point he would simply sob so much they couldn't console him and I had to end up coming back for him.

Meglet would you like to deliver the same lesson to my DS. I got caught out when my DS's side played football today and he asked my why I didn't clap...I was struggling to find any enthusiasm for the game...lol..

I'm having a really crappy day today. a work has been stressful, my children are with their dad tonight, my evening plans didn't happen and I feel so alone I could sit and cry.
I know I'll feel better in the morning, but right now it just feels so shit!
Sorry, just needed a little grumble and this thread seemed the best place

Hope you are feeling better today.xx

Thanks Foxy. Today was slightly better. Think a lot of it is to do with having too much idle time to think. I usually avoid that!

I have so much to do and never get time if I ever time alone I have to hope and pray that I also have some energy to get things done

Can I join too please?
Recently lone parent. Have 2 DCs, 6 & 2
Because of the reasons for the split my 'd'h can only see the DCs with supervision for a few hours and soon he'll only be able to see 1 of them...
I'm just really sad it's all ended up like this.
I feel really selfish for wondering when I'll ever get a life that isn't the children - I guess in 14 years time
Thankfully work have been awesomely supportive and help where they can. I live miles from my family who I miss dreadfully.
I'm having a bad day as you can see.

Welcome to the thread bluedog.

My Ds couldn't be unsupervised from when he was weeks old. It was a great shock to me the man I assumed would raise my child with me was not able to keep him safe.

We left before he was 10 months old. and have to say every year gets easier. My DS has the odd sleep over and I can now afford a baby sitter every now and again.

Although it can be tough life is so much more relaxed and chilled out without my Ex.

To add to it my youngest DC was poorly last night and managed to projectile vomit in my face crusty hair is such an attractive look.
Feeling more positive today (even with crispy hair)

Glad you are feeling more positive..You will have up and down days...However these tough nights reinforce you can do it on your own..Hope you have managed to wash your hair by now