support thread. For current lone parents who live with their children

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

If your a current lone parent with resident children and fancy offloading or a rant or have a question you want to ask others who are currently in your situation and you want to do it in a safe place

And you don't want to ask an NRP or a step parent or none parent then why not ask in here.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

But can your dad tie a knot and run?

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

My main thing though is that I think I'm a bit weird now that I've been doing it all on my own for so long. I mean, I can't imagine having an actual man in my life. I'm happy enough as I am but I do sometimes worry if I'm being a bit unnatural by not wanting even a boyfriend. Will I get older and regret it especially once ds grows up and does his own thing and it's too late for me to start dating again? Tbh I just can't be arsed with the whole thing right now but sometimes I kind of feel like I should. But it seems silly to go out looking for someone just on that basis. I haven't so much as fancied anyone in years. Also I have an mh diagnosis so I kind of don't want to rock the boat by bringing another person into our lives given that I'm on an even (medicated) keel now. But mainly I just can't be arsed. Is that really rubbish?


Why on earth would it be unnatural or rubbish to feel like that? It's seriously not. It's ok and actually far more rational than the other option.

I'm alone by choice and I intend to stay that way for the rest of my life. My two youngest were conceived outside of a relationship by mutual agreement with the arrangement for me to remain a lone parent and not be involved with dad. I have much older kids some none resident adults some teenagers(and currently my estranged husbands dd haven't set eyes on him for years but dsd & mum rocked up asking if she could stop with me for a couple of months) I knew I wanted more children but also knew I would no longer tolerate someone else's crap or waiting to see if they needed tolerating hence the arrangement.

I never have to worry about factoring in anybody else's view points
Nobody I didn't give birth to thinks its ok to enter my house and touch my stuff
Everything is where I left it
My older children don't have to deal with a step dad
I always have cheese in my fridge
I have nobody to resent and nobody to annoy me
Everything is my responsibility so nobody to flake out on me and let me down.
I have a Hitachi magic wand
I can work when every want with only childcare to consider
I don't have to deal with an adults dirty pants

I love it,it's brilliant my life is chilled relaxed I would have to be insane to change it.

[LadyMaryLikesCake]

You're unwell, Lion. You can't do everything and your daughter would rather you were feeling better so that you can play. It's OK to have a couple of duvet days and ignore the house. Just take it easy. DD's bonet will have been the best one as she mad it herself. Life is unfair, sadly, but you can spoil her when you feel better. It's best never to volunteer to cover a stall though, you can't do that and supervise a child (it's a good excuse too as it's a pretty dull job).

My mother doesn't get why I'm not with a bloke I get so pissed off with the attitude that a woman needs a man to look after her, I'm quite able and I'm happy with who I am. I think she'd rather I was stuck with some cocklodger!

Good for you, sock.

[Lioninthesun]

Bit more on top of it today and feel a bit about my post yesterday! Finally made it to the Dr and have sinusitis. I think I need to talk to my friend as she volunteered me for the stall without asking - she had 2 other family members there looking after her kid but they didn't look after mine!
I also don't think men are worth it. I've recently tried a relationship and he acted worse than my toddler. Have had to realise I just don't have time or patience for someone else in our lives. I'd rather focus on DD and not some manchild!

[Lioninthesun]

I also love the way other women seem to think I must be desperately unhappy! Yes, sometimes sex wouldn't go amiss, but I can go without and it's no biggy (no pun intended, but quite true now I think of it as they rarely are, are they!?) and I'd like someone to do the garden free. However I know with most men, nothing is 'free' - if an ex of mine had done weekends on the garden I would have been expected to cook all meals/let him watch whatever on tv/do his share housework/generally act like a slave everywhere else, while he did 'hard work' rather than it being his hobby and a garden for the both of us. I just hate the fact no man I know is capable without a woman in his life. Why don't they have to become adults like the rest of us?!

[RedBushedT]

Glad you are feeling better today Lion. Definitely don't let yourself be "volunteered". I've had to be quite firm with PTA etc. I have two children and cannot run a stall even for one hour and look after them too.

Being firm does not come naturally to me though! Took me a while to do it without having to psych myself up first
I'm having a dreadful time at the moment. Cannot seem to find a way to deal with my ex husband. He has had a right hissy fit this week (long story), he has them on a regular basis, but I have GOT to find a way to deal with him without letting him get to me. The stress is making me ill.

[Lioninthesun]

Oh no Red that sounds stressful. Have you tried communicating via email only for a bit or getting someone else to be there for pick-up/drop off? It is one of the few things I don't have to deal with, and for that I am very grateful. It is much easier in some ways having no contact at all with her father!

[BlackeyedSusan]

Plunger. Stern telling off of culprit. Then rationing toilet roll when said child goes to the loo, I leave out plenty for them to wipe with, but not quite enough for them to block the toilet with.

does this work with ex h's as well?

I find that unblocking the toilet... if poo and loo roll related helps if you flush several times... think of water erosion carving the grand canyon. I also use loo cleaner down the toilet and pump with the loo brush.

I have an ex who does not drink enough water and eat enough fruit/veg and is profligate with the loo roll. there has been plenty of practice of loo unblocking. (ps I am aware of it being a day or two too late but i also need to rant about ex's who block the loo. )

[BlackeyedSusan]

It's the equal parent thing that gets me. How can you be equal if you do no parenting?

can you tell where I am reading through this thread...

drives me insane. equal say in decisions but it is not them that are. say getting the child to school, or whatever it is.

[BlackeyedSusan]

yay got to the end.

(yawn)

dd was up last night witha cough. ds was off school all day. I am supposed to be going to bed but having me time. makes me tired though. wouldn't be without the children for the world though.

[DontCareAboutYourShoes]

Can I sidle on in?

I'm doing the should be in bed but having me time trick as well tonight! Dd wasn't sleepy until about half an hour ago so just settling down with celebrity juice, chocolate eclair sweets (pressie from mum) and some milk. Yum yum!

[MargotThreadbetter]

Agree about the equal parenting thing. DNA does not a father make.
Drives me mad. Ex always says 'you have no idea how hard it is for me not seeing DS'
...Well you shouldn't have fucked off and left him then should you?
He really expects me to be sympathetic whilst he's taking OW's kid to school, taking them out for meals, to the cinema etc.
Twat.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

I can't help myself when I have friends who moan about that.i can't stop myself asking why they are not involving themselves more in active parenting and why their down time/work time is more important than the RP's

[MeepMeepVroooom]

It is much easier in some ways having no contact at all with her father!

I agree with this. Reading some of the stories on the LP boards and what it was like for us when I was trying to push for contact makes me thankful of this too. I know my ex would have continued to let DD down time and time again. At least she was too young to remember of it.

Just having a quick coffee break before getting back to cleaning the house and ironing. DD is with my parents tonight so I'm off on a rare night out and I do not want any housework to do tomorrow when I'm undoubtedly hungover

[sezamcgregor]

What do you do when your DC is tired, you're tired and you really would like to just walk out and go back to pre-children life?

I seem to be okay all of the rest of the time, but find that when we're both tired and he's being "challenging", I really could just walk away.

It's not a good feeling coz I know how much I adore him.

[sezamcgregor]

Sorry, I've not been using boards for ages.

hello! I've been a single parent since day one and rather enjoy it. Nightmare stories about idiot exes messing other single mums about makes me glad that we see nothing of my ex though as DS is getting older, he is asking more questions and longs to have someone to call Daddy. We've recently had issues with challenging behaviour and I've had all sorts of professionals helping which has pros and cons.

Looking forward to spending more time on here and have already begun recognising some names which is nice :)

[LizLemonOut]

Could I join you please? Ex left me when I was 9 weeks pregnant, horrible abusive twat. He had intermittent contact with dd (now 2.5) but its all broken down again recently. He swans around in new cars and new clothes while we're on the breadline. He's threatened to move back to the city we live in and I'm scared I will have to uproot us and move elsewhere as I'm terrified he will try to take dd. Really in a bad place ATM

[LizLemonOut]

seza, I have those days too, plenty of them! I try to be really easy on myself and just try to get through that day, stick TV on, make something super easy for tea and just make allowances for either of us losing our temper. Very hard though

[sezamcgregor]

LizLemon is he on the BC?
Really feel for you. Every time I see my ex, I wonder if today's the day he's going to ask if he's really his. He wasn't abusive, but sure doesn't deserve to reap the rewards of my 7 years of hard work!

[LizLemonOut]

Yes, sadly, I thought I was doing the right thing by putting him on the BC. Unfortunately I knew nothing about PR and the potential rights that would give him . I wish more than anything I'd run away as soon as I got that bfp and never breathes a word about it to him. If he did take her would the police say he has as much right to have her as I do and not try and get her back?

[RedBushedT]

Seza, I also have those days! If I'm exhausted and the kids are stroppy I do a lazy dinner like pizza and we all put our PJs on early and snuggle under blankets watching a DVD. I also explain that I'm tired. I think it's good for them to know that I'm not super woman. At least not always!

[RedBushedT]

Liz, I don't know for sure but I think it's unlikely he could take your DD. I imagine he could request access but that would be it. Can you go and see a solicitor on a free half hour session and ask about what might happen if he did want contact? Might help you if you know the facts in advance. I know I worry more about the unknown as I can't plan for it.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

You don't even need to leave the house to call these people

www.childrenslegalcentre.com/

[STIDW]

Liz, It's likely your ex would have got PR sooner or later if he wasn't on the birth certificate. Moving won't resolve the problem of your ex taking your daughter and the police can't necessarily help because they only have the powers to talk to a parent to try to persuade them to return a child, unless a police officer has reasonable cause to believe a child is at immediate risk of significant harm. See s46 Children Act 1989;

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1989/41/section/46

However, just so you know, if your ex didn't return your daughter it is possible to apply to court as an emergency 24/7 to have a child returned on the basis that she is very young and her sense of security and established bonds have been disrupted - it is in her interests for the status quo and her routines to be reinstated. The courts can then make an interim residence order and if necessary an order for the court tipstaff to oversee the recovery of a child. If a return can't be negotiated as a last resort the tipstaff may call on police for assistance. Rarely does it go that far and children are usually returned very quickly once the courts are involved.

[sandiy]

I hate the loss of control.Says will have kids,changes his mind says he will pay for clothes trips etc then does nt cough up so I have to find the money.
Promises topay maintence does nt.Its so tiring trying to plan your life around someone who thinks that good parenting is at their convenience,Children's best interests are trotted out Well it's in my best interests not to have extra stress.47 pence a day that's how much money I've had in the last ten months.Csa are useless He will happily let the kids do without to make his point.At this point no contact would be in my best interests.Rant over