support thread. For current lone parents who live with their children

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

If your a current lone parent with resident children and fancy offloading or a rant or have a question you want to ask others who are currently in your situation and you want to do it in a safe place

And you don't want to ask an NRP or a step parent or none parent then why not ask in here.

I've just spent over an hour trying to put together a bastard arse cunting tomy bed guard.

Is the fucking thing together? NO IT'S BASTARDING NOT.

*I've just spent over an hour trying to put together a bastard arse cunting tomy bed guard.

Is the fucking thing together? NO IT'S BASTARDING NOT*

I am sorry but this made me LOL..
I remember when Ex left so he could smoke drugs I decided I would mend the baby Gym.. 6 hours later at 1 am it was fixed...I then resolved next time I made a point to find a simpler way of doing so... Incidentally it did really piss him off I sorted it out

Those bloody bed guards! Works of evil genius I swear. As soon as you get it right it all seems to simple, but I spent an hour on ours and it was the most frustrating hour of my life due to that same fact. We only used it for 2 months as well!

I was thinking that now mobiles are doing that new flashy banking thing (so I hear) those of you with contact could potentially get ex to put money for trips etc they are promising into your account when they collect for their contact? The fact it is meant to be instant means you could say - all very well you promising, would live it in my acc now etc. Worth a shot? Maybe a few months off yet though as don't know anyone who uses the technology yet.

We all have days when we hate feeling like the buck stops with us. I'm just starting to feel better here but over a week with no one to help other than her morning nursery was hard. It has made me realise how glad I am not to have something more serious. I find on my lowest days doing something a bit different works - getting out of the house. I usually rock up to the bus station and let DD pick a number bus and we go on a mystery tour. Even if we are just gone for a couple of hours getting out and feeling you have done something really helps me. Not sure how helpful it is but low points can be turned around by imagining me watching the situ from the ceiling (or pretending someone else is watching it!). Sounds weird but it can stop me feeling DD is just running riot when I take a step back and can calm me down fast. Weekends are hardest as most other people are in couples.

Your mystery tour sounds fab, lion weekends can be tough, i feel bad for encroaching on people's family time so don't tend to invite anyone out or see what people are up to.

I find the fact that there is no let up means that I'm never refreshed, I wake up exhausted and become gradually more exhausted throughout the day. If I do give myself a break and think eff it, I'm going to sit and drink this cuppa while dd plays by herself, then Im just behind on all the things that need doing afterwards!

STIDW, moving so he didn't know where we lived would help as he couldn't take her if he didn't know where she was. Everything you've said is terrifying.

Liz Lemon, I don't know how old your children are but I've been gradually increasing the amount of little jobs I ask the children to do. My two are 6 & 8 and they can strip and re-make their own bed, tidy their rooms (after a fashion!), use the dustbuster and dust pan and brush etc. The 8 year old will help wash up and prepare food. It helps if we all do stuff together for say half an hour or so at the weekend. Then we all have a hot chocolate and a biscuit

I phoned a teenager from down the road, she was in my house for 10 minutes now the bastard thing is done!

liz if he's dangerous abusive and a abduction risk then PR is not the slam dunk everybody makes it out to be

dd is 2.5 so not quite up to it yet. I do get her to "help" hinder when I do many household tasks and cooking and so on so that hopefully she learns how to do things and will be able to help properly when she's older but it's a long term view that makes things harder and more annoying now

needsasock glad your bedguard is up!
I havent got any proof of anything he's done, so far its mainly been controlling, menacing/threatening behaviour, emotional abuse etc, he did shove me once when pregnant but nothing really big so I feel like I wouldn't be taken seriously if I spoke to anyone. He does a good "I'm a reasonable guy" act too which would worry me.
sorry I'm monopolising the thread now!

Hi everyone. I have been a lone parent for over three years. My dc are 16, 13 & 11 and much more independent these days. Xh doesn't pull his weight financially or in contact time, not really surprising as he didn't when we were together.
My friends tell me I should get out more, but I find it difficult in terms of time and money. Most people don't understand unless they have been single parents too.
A new colleague of mine who was a single parent for a long time was talking to me about "living in your parents pockets" which struck a chord with me. I know I'm lucky to have their support, but at nearly 40 I didn't expect to be relying on them so much.

"STIDW, moving so he didn't know where we lived would help as he couldn't take her if he didn't know where she was. Everything you've said is terrifying."

If you move your ex can apply for an order for the disclosure of the whereabouts of the child to serve the papers for contact. That means government agencies such as the DWP or HMRC can be ordered to disclose your address to the court so you won't necessarily be any better off by moving. You could be worse off if the court perceives your motivation for moving was to frustrate contact and/or you have to share travel arrangements for contact.

On the other hand if there is a risk of a child being taken you can argue for measures to ensure safe contact (e.g. contact at a contact centre or supervised, a Prohibited Steps Order) even if you stay where you are. As long as your view is realistic and measured and there is evidence you have been reasonable there is a greater probability the courts will put safe contact measures in place. CAB may be able to point you in the direction of local free legal help if you are on a low income.

That's not to say in the long term you shouldn't move if it helps your financial circumstances because of cheaper housing, better employment prospects and to access support from the extended family.

Oh God, I am totally trapped then

Don't panic, most do not apply for those orders.

And I have never not once (in several decades of DV work) known a lone parent whose ex chose not to bother with contact be viewed as obstructive for moving when he changed his mind.

Nights out are so not worth it when your a single parent are they?

Hangovers and children do not mix.

Night out? What's that?

It's that thing that happens once in a blue moon

I've caved and stuck a DVD on and ordered a take away.

Think I'll be heading to bed right after the little lady tonight.

I've moved! I have spoken to CSA once (I hadn't even realised his direct debit had failed for 2 months because he pays the minimum despite earning around £60k - his company pay him off the system whilst flying him around the planet and bragging about him on the internet, none of which is enough 'proof' for the CSA ) and they did ask at the very start, but to be honest I was calling on my mobile, thinking something important had happened as was returning their call to me. I wasn't going to pay another £3 to inform them of my move, why etc etc for a man who told the judge he wasn't going to meet DD until she is 18 "'cos then she'll realise how cool I am" - the Judge actually rolled her eyes at this point.
So I haven't had any repercussions. So far, of course!

Do you liked your new house?

Yes, new house is fab. Much more space for her to play in and more open-plan downstairs so I can be in the kitchen without her traipsing in and out of 2 rooms and stopping her play to see what I am doing!

Thinking of what other little jobs I can get DD to do (2.8yr) so if anyone has suggestions, please do mention them! She does wiping with wet-wipes (skirting and tables or floor if she spills something) and she cleans the shower glass with a sponge in the mornings. She also gets her cutlery out and chooses her cup and plate at meal times. I'm all in favour of a bit of child labour

Moan moan moan

Spent my Saturday not doing the carboot sale I really needed the money from so that I could take dd to contact with her dad.

Drove over and parked up near the centre and guess what, another no show. Not even a phone call. DICK!

If it is any consolation, the last boot sale I did, I ended up with about £6 net. Like you those bits of extra cash are very useful. I have now gone to NCT nearly new sales and facebook selling. Any specialist items I use Ebay.

I always miss the nct sales around here think we only have 2 a year

If you guys look on the MN Local sites you might find there are NCT links or similar ideas on selling items? I meant to put a load into NCT but left it too late, so MUST ebay them - I find shoes hold their money quite well.

Hello HH - I recognise your name! Sorry to hear about the latest no show. Is there no way you can put the onus on him to come to meet DC? It isn't your job to pay to get his child to him.

Think she's using a contact centre lion

Ah I see. Sorry, missed that! Initially I wanted DD to see ex in one, judge even backed me up and told him it was a good idea. Needless to say he hasn't contacted me since and I've not pushed it. I think he would have ended up doing the same and not turned up. Does it go on record that he didn't turn up for the session so that you can give it up if he doesn't show a certain amount of times in a row? Not sure how it works, never having got to use it!