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Original poster

Ok, I am going to need your help with this one....... any advice or experience would be welcomed.

310 replies

NamedAfterCbeebies · 29/06/2006 18:12

I have had to change my name incase this does go the way that I think it might well do and I dont want anything that I say on here to be dragged up at a later date.

I am hoping that you will all know who I am but please do not use my other name (which I will keep for other threads) and do not refer to anything that could give me away to anyone that could be reading this and shouldnt be iykwim.

It has been 3 weeks since H moved out, and we have tried to keep it very nice and friendly. But I think I have been very guliable and to trusting. We agreed that H would have the children on his days off (he works 4 days on and 4 days off) I thought that this arrangement was more than fair and that it was also the least painful solution.

H has been telling me over and over that he wants to work things out and that he will continue to provide for us all etc, which is why, although I went to the CAB I havent put the whells in motion with regards to CSA and IS.

Anyhow, H booked some time off work. He has had the boys since Thursday, which is coming up to a week. Obviously more than his 4 days.... But, on questioning him about it he replied "Well you said when Im not working they will be with me..." which I did, but I didnt specify about holidays etc. I thought that it was fine, he could have them for longer, they are his children too.

Anyhow, My mil has decorated a bedroom for them, I havent seen them for more than half an hour every other day for a few days now. H has stopped bringing them round, Mil keeps putting the phone down on me..... H ame round today alone to talk and has admitted that they want to keep the boys with them. His mom is mainly pushing for it. H has said that he wants whats best for the children - ie, living with me as his work shifts mean it would be impossible to care for them full time... but that his mother would be able to help with childcare.

I dont think he is able to stand up to his mother on this, and deep down I dont think he wants too. He enjoys having his children with him.

As they are in his care atm, I cant just go round and demand them back, he has as many rights as me. I keep suggesting that he brings them over here but he finds ways around it - suggests trips out etc. He wants to keep them 'staying with him' as if they were in my house then I could just say that they wernt leaving again.

I have been so stupid trying to keep things nice. He has changed the last week, stopped trying to win me back, stopped calling etc, basically backed off. I think his mother and him have decided between them that they want residency of the children.

What can I do? They are with him atm and what if he decides to keep it that way? This is not something I ever considered he would think of doing, and I know its mainly down to mil.

Any advice greatfully recieved. Thank you.

OP posts:
tortoise · 01/07/2006 21:14

Grrrr.Im hoping everything is fine.

flutterbee · 01/07/2006 21:22

I presume that her brother would have turned up by now for babysitting unless she had canceled him after the argument.

Hope your OK nac.

Nathanmum · 01/07/2006 21:29

Just hoping all is ok - please get help....

mummyhill · 01/07/2006 21:36

My neck of the woods supposed to be meeting tomorrow with a bunch of other mners

Original poster
NamedAfterCbeebies · 01/07/2006 21:42

Quick Update, I only have a minute.

They have the kids. I tried, I really honesty did. Kids were begging to go with daddy, refused to come to me. They have only just left though. H is on his way back here alone to 'talk' I am exhausted though, Is it right to keep dragging them back when they obviously dont want to be here? There was nothing I could do. I didnt want to make it worse for the boys, didnt want to shout and scream, tried to keep things calm. H will bring the kids back if I let him move back home, this looks like my only option atm until Ive seen a soliciter on monday (on the quiet) and found out what I can do. His family dont want him to come back here (obviously cause they want the boys and him with me out of the way) I am trying so hard not to give up. They are my children and I will have them back. My head is spinning atm. I could have kept one with me tonight, but how the hell do you make that sort of choice? And they need to be together, it would be so hard and confusing for them to be split up atm, and when the child i didnt choose finds out... I couldnt do it. I know they are safe at mils. I definatly have ds1 tommorrow as we are going to a BBQ. I want my children but I dont want him, do I have any other choice though? They dont see that there is a problem, he swears he will bring them back when he goes back to work... but can I trust them?

I hope H is reasonable when he gets here. I am trying my best, I really am, but feel like im fighting a losing battle. Will see how the rest of tonight goes, its crap that its sunday tommorrow though and I have to wait til monday to contact a soliciter.

Sg, I just got your message, phone has been on silent and hidden out of the way just incase.

Very sorry I didnt update earlier, have only just been able to get a quick break and get to pc. its relentless.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 01/07/2006 21:45

Right, Listen, you have to get them back. If that means allowing him back very temporarily, do it. THEN you can see a solicitor, change the locks and CALL the police next time they try a stunt lime this. It's abduction but you have to stay calm, be clever and get them back. It's your number one priority. If you need money to get locks changed I'm sure we will help. Where are your family? Can they help. What fking bastards your h and his parents sound, how could they do this to you and the children? Fuckers.

tribpot · 01/07/2006 21:46

Oh my god, NAC. What game are they playing "you can keep one, but not both" - as if you could ever make that choice.

Honestly - in your shoes, I would wait until the next time I had both of them and then just run. You are never going to win with these people.

All sympathies, I do so hope you and H can have a proper conversation about this. Please don't take this man back into your life, the things he has done are unspeakable.

WideWebWitch · 01/07/2006 21:47

Get them back, then run. And make sure he can't see this thread, get it deleted. But get your children above all else and then you can sort out the rest.

HappyMumof2 · 01/07/2006 21:49

Message withdrawn

tribpot · 01/07/2006 21:49

Yes - I agree with you, WWW. If taking him back temporarily helps, do it, but your priority must be to go. Your boys do not want to be taken from their mother, they just don't understand what they have been told.

WideWebWitch · 01/07/2006 21:51

Absolutely, ignore any crap about your children not wanting you. Good luck.

SaintGeorge · 01/07/2006 21:52

S'ok, long as I know you are ok.

Keep strong.

xx

Nathanmum · 01/07/2006 21:53

He can't take them like that & expect it to be permanent surely? Hopefully you'll get to talk when he gets back, but if you think he can't stand up to his mum - is there a way that you can get her out of it? I mean, doesn't she go anywhere without them? Go round when she's not there... And please remember that your kids do not mean what they're saying when they say they don't want to come to you. They're obviously being fed crap from the other side. Get them back with you no matter how you do it - & have that locksmith on call...
Good luck, thinking of you

hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 21:55

Oh bloody hell

What has your MIl been saying to them? I'd be fucking livid and determined if I was you - you cannot let this evil woman take your children

tortoise · 01/07/2006 21:55

Oh god nac.How horrible for you.
You need them back with you.
Not sure its right to have him move back in.
Can you not get both of them for the mn meet you said your going to tomorrow?
Then run!

Lemmingswife · 01/07/2006 22:06

Oh you poor thing. This is all so hideous.
They have no right to take your children like this.
You have to get your children back & then make sure you get the locks changed ASAP.
Glad you are going to arrange to see a solicitor. I went to see one a few weeks back & was told that the courts will normally keep the children with the main care giver unless there are exceptional reasons why this shouldn't be the case.
They cannot take your children like this.

ScoobyDooooo · 01/07/2006 22:09

But she had both of them & then ran....

then along came the hitler family & stole them back again, i think you need to sit down with your H & see what his view is & his intentions without that wicked witch of the west (MIL) getting involved

Munz · 01/07/2006 22:10

AGREE WITH EVERYTHING POSTED, TAKE dh BACK - TRIAL IT seperate rooms etc anything to get the boys ack, see your sol, change the locs and get rid then, this is the MIL not your DH I feel. Cow anne.

DO NOT and I say again DO NOT trust him to bring YOUR children back once he's at work - then the excuise will be but they're settled, mum can look after them - DO NOT allow this to contiue any more, they're your children on your behalf, bloody MIL's.

Munz · 01/07/2006 22:11

in fact i'd get the police to march around there and get them I think - doubt they would be hell it can't be lawful surely?

SecurMummy · 01/07/2006 22:15

Hun, I have followed you, but mostly kept quiet, however, I have just read this end to end and my heart is breaking for you. I am in tears thinking about what you have been through in last few days. I just wanted you to know that I am so impressed by your strength.

I don't have any wonderful advice about how to make this better and I don't know what you will have to do to get your boys back, but I hope that whatever it is you stay strong and remember that everything you do you are doing for them - and they will know that (even if it doesn't sound like it at the time)

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best SMxx

Amanda1 · 01/07/2006 22:25

Message withdrawn

glitterfairy · 01/07/2006 22:39

He is a bastard to do this to his boys let alone you. Again, I would take him back and then sort it out with a solicitor and changing the locks.

hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 23:08

WTF is this woman thinking to take another woman's children from her? It's just so vile. How would she have felt had her MIL done the same to her?

Original poster
NamedAfterCbeebies · 01/07/2006 23:35

Hes just left.

He says he will be bringing them round in the morning, Id already arranged for ds2 to visit my mom so he will take him round there whilst I take ds1 to the BBQ. My mom doesnt want to get involved in anything although she thinks mil is foul, ive told her some of whats been going on but not everything as we are not really close and they are not a very supportive family.

He says I can have the kids over night tomorrow as long as he stays too. He says he will sleep in DS2s bed, which is fine. So I will definatly have them here tomorrow night, which is a start, its something at least i guess.

I am not very well atm either which isnt helping, have been sick a couple of times this evening, If i come down with a bug, its more of a reason for him to want to keep them so am hoping it wont happen.

I dont know what ive done to make his family act like this towards me, I always thought we got on well. But then saying that, Ive never gone against them before. It didnt have to be like this though, I was prepared to be nice and play fair and I think H was too until mil started interferring (Fil actually said "Me and mil have made an effort not to interfear..." errrrrr right...

Apparntly, I cant expect the family to forgive me - forgive me for what exactly??? Although, I dont know what H has told them, so that could mean anything, I know the reason he gave for me chucking him out was "She kicked me out cause I went on a stag do" What a knob.

Am incrediably lonely, overwhelmed and scared atm and need a hug but unfortunatly theres no hugs to be found in RL! Never mind Ann summers making vibrators, someone ought to invent a cuddle machine, it'd sell like mad!

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 23:36

NACB - if I was you, I'd ring the police. Call your local station tonight and have a chat - you don't have to say who you are, even. Jut talk about the legality of what they're doing.