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Ok, I am going to need your help with this one....... any advice or experience would be welcomed.

310 replies

NamedAfterCbeebies · 29/06/2006 18:12

I have had to change my name incase this does go the way that I think it might well do and I dont want anything that I say on here to be dragged up at a later date.

I am hoping that you will all know who I am but please do not use my other name (which I will keep for other threads) and do not refer to anything that could give me away to anyone that could be reading this and shouldnt be iykwim.

It has been 3 weeks since H moved out, and we have tried to keep it very nice and friendly. But I think I have been very guliable and to trusting. We agreed that H would have the children on his days off (he works 4 days on and 4 days off) I thought that this arrangement was more than fair and that it was also the least painful solution.

H has been telling me over and over that he wants to work things out and that he will continue to provide for us all etc, which is why, although I went to the CAB I havent put the whells in motion with regards to CSA and IS.

Anyhow, H booked some time off work. He has had the boys since Thursday, which is coming up to a week. Obviously more than his 4 days.... But, on questioning him about it he replied "Well you said when Im not working they will be with me..." which I did, but I didnt specify about holidays etc. I thought that it was fine, he could have them for longer, they are his children too.

Anyhow, My mil has decorated a bedroom for them, I havent seen them for more than half an hour every other day for a few days now. H has stopped bringing them round, Mil keeps putting the phone down on me..... H ame round today alone to talk and has admitted that they want to keep the boys with them. His mom is mainly pushing for it. H has said that he wants whats best for the children - ie, living with me as his work shifts mean it would be impossible to care for them full time... but that his mother would be able to help with childcare.

I dont think he is able to stand up to his mother on this, and deep down I dont think he wants too. He enjoys having his children with him.

As they are in his care atm, I cant just go round and demand them back, he has as many rights as me. I keep suggesting that he brings them over here but he finds ways around it - suggests trips out etc. He wants to keep them 'staying with him' as if they were in my house then I could just say that they wernt leaving again.

I have been so stupid trying to keep things nice. He has changed the last week, stopped trying to win me back, stopped calling etc, basically backed off. I think his mother and him have decided between them that they want residency of the children.

What can I do? They are with him atm and what if he decides to keep it that way? This is not something I ever considered he would think of doing, and I know its mainly down to mil.

Any advice greatfully recieved. Thank you.

OP posts:
rickman · 11/07/2006 09:18

Message withdrawn

glitterfairy · 11/07/2006 09:35

I think we should just wait and see. If it works out fine and if it doesnt then we are still here.

No one can judge from an internet discussion board how another person feels or what they are going through.

What I would do is different and based solely on my experience and so I see thing sdifferently. that makes it right for me but not necessarily for Cbeebies.

I hope it works out for you and as you know if it doesnt we are still here.

NamedAfterCbeebies · 11/07/2006 09:55

I was pretty sure that you would think I was mad, and thats ok, different opinions and all. But I have made decisions based on what I think is best for my family, and right or wrong I will have to live with them. I thought about it alot and this is the way I have chosen to do things, only time will tell if ive made the right decision but I am confident that I have. Thank you for your comments.

OP posts:
munz · 12/07/2006 11:26

well hon it is up to you after all, but incase this is the calm b4 the storm, i'd suggest as u've got the new lock u see a solicitor now and get things sorted there, even if it's only so u know your rights. STILL keep an on going record of everything just incase. if you guys are going to split up permantly then make sure you get everything to do with the LO's written down, make it all official then no one has to worry about where anyone stands as you'll already know. I bet MIL is/has done this already as well and she's being quite jsut to see how things pan out/until she's secured things how she wants them to be.

ninah · 14/07/2006 23:04

Custardo you are a poet. Seriously. What you wrote for NACB is important to me at the moment. Thanks. I think a slim volume should be imminent.

hunkermunker · 16/07/2006 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WideWebWitch · 16/07/2006 22:03

Sorry but I don't trust him or his vile mother. They will take your children unless you do something about it. I hope I'm wrong.

WigWamBam · 16/07/2006 22:12

I'd tell you to re-read Custy's post too but I know your mind is already made up, so there's no point.

What I will say is, do please see a solicitor. I understand that you feel you've done the right thing but you are being too nice about it. And while you're busy trying to be nice to everyone, he and his family will be doing everything they can to gain the control in this situation. At least if you take some legal advice now you'll at least be prepared for when the inevitable happens.

Chandra · 16/07/2006 22:16

Cbeebies, did you get your children on the 14th as he had promised?

I so much hope you did.

Fluffybubble · 27/07/2006 13:39

Hi cbeebies...

Just wondered if everything has now settled down a bit for you? Hope it has .

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