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Ok, I am going to need your help with this one....... any advice or experience would be welcomed.

310 replies

NamedAfterCbeebies · 29/06/2006 18:12

I have had to change my name incase this does go the way that I think it might well do and I dont want anything that I say on here to be dragged up at a later date.

I am hoping that you will all know who I am but please do not use my other name (which I will keep for other threads) and do not refer to anything that could give me away to anyone that could be reading this and shouldnt be iykwim.

It has been 3 weeks since H moved out, and we have tried to keep it very nice and friendly. But I think I have been very guliable and to trusting. We agreed that H would have the children on his days off (he works 4 days on and 4 days off) I thought that this arrangement was more than fair and that it was also the least painful solution.

H has been telling me over and over that he wants to work things out and that he will continue to provide for us all etc, which is why, although I went to the CAB I havent put the whells in motion with regards to CSA and IS.

Anyhow, H booked some time off work. He has had the boys since Thursday, which is coming up to a week. Obviously more than his 4 days.... But, on questioning him about it he replied "Well you said when Im not working they will be with me..." which I did, but I didnt specify about holidays etc. I thought that it was fine, he could have them for longer, they are his children too.

Anyhow, My mil has decorated a bedroom for them, I havent seen them for more than half an hour every other day for a few days now. H has stopped bringing them round, Mil keeps putting the phone down on me..... H ame round today alone to talk and has admitted that they want to keep the boys with them. His mom is mainly pushing for it. H has said that he wants whats best for the children - ie, living with me as his work shifts mean it would be impossible to care for them full time... but that his mother would be able to help with childcare.

I dont think he is able to stand up to his mother on this, and deep down I dont think he wants too. He enjoys having his children with him.

As they are in his care atm, I cant just go round and demand them back, he has as many rights as me. I keep suggesting that he brings them over here but he finds ways around it - suggests trips out etc. He wants to keep them 'staying with him' as if they were in my house then I could just say that they wernt leaving again.

I have been so stupid trying to keep things nice. He has changed the last week, stopped trying to win me back, stopped calling etc, basically backed off. I think his mother and him have decided between them that they want residency of the children.

What can I do? They are with him atm and what if he decides to keep it that way? This is not something I ever considered he would think of doing, and I know its mainly down to mil.

Any advice greatfully recieved. Thank you.

OP posts:
shoppingsecret · 01/07/2006 14:26

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NamedAfterCbeebies · 01/07/2006 14:27

oh god they are here

OP posts:
shoppingsecret · 01/07/2006 14:27

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shoppingsecret · 01/07/2006 14:28

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Munz · 01/07/2006 14:29

not had any experience in these matters myself, but here's what I can gather, (forgive me if i'm wrong/repeating previous stuff)

your son, I believe has been being/is being manipulated by your MIL - ie with the don't wanna come home/doesn't love u thing, thats her putting words in his mouth if u ask me.

not knowing the full back ground of your split your DH obviously has made u out to be the bad guy and hasn't told his mum much of the goings on??

thing's I recon u need to do at the minute, can u get to your mums? you say the boys haven't seen her for ages - go visit spend a couple of days if u can. get out of the area. don't let your DH take them again back to his mums' I recons she's after residency as well - as previously mentioned the longer they're left with them the more (I fear) it will look like u willingly handed them over/abandoned them. ( I know it's not the case) I would suggest form here that your DH can see them - obviously he is entitled to as their dad, however if u can bear it have him come to your house and only visit at your house - if he wants to go to the park, u go to, or have a 3rd person go whom u pick and trust. I suspect the MIL has planted the seeds of residency to your DH, probably saying you can all live here and u have a strong case etc as i'll look after them when u're working etc. but u hold strong honney, they're your boys not hers. first thing monday get to the sol's and sort out the legalities of it all. just be careful wiht the nursery etc, if things turn nasty I fear your MIL/DH will try to pick the elsedt up from there b4 u get there iycwim and take him that way - perhaps in that instance it's best to tell the nursery not to allow anyone but u to take the lad (althou I know some schools/nurserys will let either parent take the child without good reason)

either way hon, u def need to get the legalitys sorted out, play nicely by all means just keep a close hold on the boys. they are your sons not hers.

Munz · 01/07/2006 14:29

deffo call the cops now don't let them take the boys.

WideWebWitch · 01/07/2006 14:38

Def call the police. They CANNOT just TAKE your children but it sounds as though they will try.

Lemmingswife · 01/07/2006 14:53

Oh my goodness, this is just awful.
I agree that you need to call the police right now. They have no right to take your children from you.
You need to change the locks ASAP.
Hope you are ok.

hunkermunker · 01/07/2006 14:56

Call the police. They are your children and they have no right to take them from you.

Shit, didn't know things had got this bad - had missed this thread

fuzzywuzzy · 01/07/2006 15:01

They couldn't lawfully take the children by force though surely, they're with their mother who also happens to be the main carer???

I so hope everything's OK, drop the nice persona you need to get tough they think they can walk all over you.

jamsambam · 01/07/2006 15:10

well, ive just managed to get from the start of this thread to here..and if i knwe ceebeebies home address i would call the police my self...

ive been there and its the best kind of support she needs right now...a large powerful man between her and the h/mil..

jamsambam · 01/07/2006 15:18

still no news?

Munz · 01/07/2006 15:24

getting worried - hope she doesn't let them take the boys - even if it is with the excuse ml gives of we'll i'll take the boys for an hour so u and DH can talk.

fuzzywuzzy · 01/07/2006 15:27

Isn't her mil got a stall at the carnival or wherever they were going???

Munz · 01/07/2006 15:29

yeah but by saying they're here, to me would sugest H MIL and possibly FIL, (maybe even BIL&SIL as well)

fuzzywuzzy · 01/07/2006 15:34

I feel sick for her poor thing, and it sounds like she has no one around for moral support either..... I hope she does call the police on them.

Would the law really take it as given that she'd allowed the ex to have the kids if he takes them from her???

This can't be doing her babies any good either.....

mrsteacher · 01/07/2006 15:45

has anyone been in touch with her?

edam · 01/07/2006 15:46

Beebies I really hope you and the kids are OK. If the ILs tried to intimidate you, shouted, or even worse got physical, then you can call your local council's domestic abuse team. Domestic violence doesn't just mean a man thumping his partner. Honestly.

megglevache · 01/07/2006 15:55

Message withdrawn

UCM · 01/07/2006 16:12

Oh Gawd, just clicked in. Hope she is ok, they can be very intimidating.

Lemmingswife · 01/07/2006 16:12

What's happening?
Really worried for you.

ScoobyDooooo · 01/07/2006 16:53

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nursetigger6 · 01/07/2006 17:07

NAC where are you? I hope everything is ok. If I am nearby can I help??

tortoise · 01/07/2006 17:41

Hope your ok nac.Just caught up on this thread.Hope you have your dc with you still.
How scary for you all.xx

HappyMumof2 · 01/07/2006 17:56

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