Would you/did you move away?

[LadyKopperberg]

I am considering a move, 4 hours drive away from here where the kids dad is. At the moment he has them every other weekend and alternate Wednesdays. I want to move because:

1: I live in a town that is full of drugs and drinking. It's quite a racist town, doesn't like outsiders. It has very few opportunities and I want to live somewhere where I can give the kids better opportunities.

1. I am currently studying. When I finish, work in my chosen path is extremely limited in this town. I am hoping to have a good career to help support my 4dc as they grow older.

1. My DP would have better work options. He would also be 4 hours closer to his daughter so when he moves in with myself and dc, it will mean he can maintain regular contact with his dd easier than he could here.

But moving would mean the kid wouldn't see their dad Barr holidays and possibly when there are long weekends.

Wwyd?

There is just no life where I am now.

Calm down original the computer course has only just started bold isn't till yr 2 of the course

Which I expect is only taught in Edinburgh....

Hee hee

And for shits sake, if you are going to copy every single thing, learn to bloody do bold!

It's called responding you moron. And i'll do it as i wish.

Is that where you studied then original? I see you have a wide understand of bold concepts ;)

You, as I would have thought was tolerably clear

Well it's obvious you lack intelligence then doesn't it...

No it's called fuck witted copy and pasting because you think everyone else's attention span is as woeful as yours, you fool.

Wouldn't normally post in such a vein, but calling me a moron is bang out of order.

As I say, you both seem pretty vile, so good luck with it all.

I think it's pretty clear this thread has gone off in a certain direction, thanks to all the posters that replied either for or against with a semblance of maturity, I do appreciate it.

Is that where you studied then original? I see you have a wide understand of bold concepts ;)

And yet you have none regarding the law. But claim to. The most dangerous of posters....

So I take it you have no plans to reply to my queries then lady?

*No it's called fuck witted copy and pasting because you think everyone else's attention span is as woeful as yours, you fool.

Wouldn't normally post in such a vein, but calling me a moron is bang out of order.

As I say, you both seem pretty vile, so good luck with it all*

You complete idiot. Copy and paste is used so as to respond to the specific post, not to make a point.

Clearly it's not. You've done all the leg work to prove that yourself..

Never claimed to have qualifications in law..... And I don't have any.

To an earlier question I am not a man

I do have an understand of family law, children etc through research for many different reasons, I do have unfortunate first hand experience of children who have been screwed up by parents who disregard the importance of both parents in their lives.

I posted on here wi the hope that something would get through if not to OP them maybe a different parent who is reading

*I do have unfortunate first hand experience of children who have been screwed up by parents who disregard the importance of both parents in their lives.

I posted on here wi the hope that something would get through if not to OP them maybe a different parent who is reading*

So you're projecting. At least you're honest.

Late He has neverever wanted to attend parents evenings etc, it would've been nice for DS2, but he wasn't ever ever interested to that extreme and still isn't. Oh i still try to explain whats happening at school, especially with GCSEs coming up. When i'm fighting for extra help at school (DS is Dyspraxic), 'Oh that's a shame' is the best contribution i've ever got.

He's never paid maintenance in 14 years, and when i asked recently if he could help with school uniform, he 'couldn't', despite driving a huge car, having lots of holidays this year and spending £500 on a buggy for his granddaughter... I could go on..

That's the reality of it, and i bite my lip and say 'Oh OK' for DS2s sake. That's what you have to do to keep the peace for your DCs sake, year after year.

Theres no way he'd ever ever have given up his career, nights out with various girlfriends and plush lifestyle to bring up DS2... Its bloody hard work doing it alone you know, and he already had 2 older DDs, so in his words - he'd already done it all!

Oh yes I'm honest and my research is based on facts wether you want to accept them or not. Still think it's worth abandoning your kids for a women who doesn't think fathers are important

If you notice, most people on here manage a conversation without cack handed copying and posting.

Jelly but if he had given up that life and taken responsibility would you have happily accepted them living with him at that distance?

Hyperthetically speacking of course sparks because as you say the distance won't effect contact or your relationship with your children at all

Late Are you a Lone Parent?
Have you experienced any of this from our personal position in this situation?

Re. Your question - If that was the case, i would probably move too to be nearer to them tbh, because good parents put their kids first IMO.
I wouldn't want my kids growing up in a shitty place, being bullied in school etc, if they were i'd want them to get out of there!

I have both intensive professional experience and personal experience

But bullying can happen in any school, thats reality and you can't move every time something doesn't go to plan, sometimes part of being a parent is supporting your children to over come difficulties and to deal with problems.

Thank you for you honesty, jelly. It seams the father in your case didn't make the same commitment to the children you did, and that is not fair on your children.
I just know it is not always as simple as moving closer, for every parent, especially the job market some children would miss put by a considerable distance from one of their parents and sometimes there is little apthat parent can do tom reduce the distance

OP hasn't explored whether their dad would move yet, so all that is hypothetical.

But are you a lone parent?

By professional experience, i presume you deal with the negative part of all of this?.. Have you equally been able to research the cases where the impact of this has been positive? i.e are you negative because you haven't come into regular contact, and seen the other side because your work doesn't require it?

I see both sides professionally but the negative side (regardless of wether it is Mum or dad or both are impacting/responsible) has a far more determental effect than the positive cases.

Well the whole thread is hypothetical TBH as the move is a year of and anything could happen in that time. The bullying issues could be resolved satisfactory by the school, the perfect job could materialize closer, the relationship could break down, the father may attend all school functions, stop the weed, the children may request to stay with dad etc etc

Like am I a man question from earlier. Are you a lone parent? What is the relevance of being a lone parent?

Or to put it a different way....
Does being a man mean you are more or less able to discuss this topic in the op oppinion. It must have a relevance or why else ask?

And what about a lone parent? What exactly is a lone parent because all children start off with not just one but 2 parents. Are you a lone parent only while the children a with you, do you become a non parent if they spend time with the other parent. No you remain a parent regardless and children continue to have 2 therefore a parent will not parent alone. Although I appreciate some do more than the other either by choice or by haven the choice removed by the other.

So the relevance of lone parent.... Would a lone parent have more believable posts than a professional, or how about the professional lone parent maybe they know best, or how about the person who has had their children removed by the other parent maybe they know best, or the person who moved their children away from the other parent, or maybe the half sister of the child in the middle, or the aunt, or the uncle, or the step parent, or maybe the child who grew up in this situation. Which views the most import and most valued. Are they all not valued in their own way. Or is it only the views that closely reassembly our own personal ones the once we feel hold any relevance

That is such a bizarre response latemates. Do you seriously not understand the relevance of being asked if you are a lone parent, on a thread in the lone parent's section?

The relevance of whether you are a lone parent IMO is related to whether you have experience of being mainly or solely responsible for the well being and care of your children, while the other parent picks and chooses when/how/if to get involved in the hard graft of actually raising a child. Because when you are in that position, all the hypothetical situations about what you would or wouldn't do, based on your own views or opinions on the importance of a father's relationship to his children, does not get away from the fact that very often, a lone parent is expected to sacrifice personal fulfillment and opportunities on the basis that the children have a right to a relationship with both parents even when the other parent does little to make that happen. That's a pretty depressing position to be in, no matter how it looks to those not in that situation.

And before I get all and sundry jumping on me for appearing to support the OP, I'm not. I couldn't move my DD that far away from her dad, even though his input and effort into his relationship with our DD can only be described as patchy at best. My objection to threads like this is the presumption that the main or sole carer should always sacrifice their hopes and dreams in the name of 'putting the children first' which in reality, for many of the lone parents who post here, is actually about sacrificing hopes and dreams based on the whim of an entitled, privileged twat who thinks it's someone else's job to raise their child, while they pick and choose when to actually parent once a fortnight if the child is lucky.

OP, I think you have to accept that if you move 4 hours drive away, you will change the sort of relationship your children have with their dad. If it still means more to you that your life chances are improved by moving somewhere you think you and your kids will prosper then you need to own that choice and justify it when you are challenged by your kids later on about why you took them that far away from their dad. Don't dress this up as it being what is best for your kids. It's what is best for you, and your new partner. Your kids might get a different life, but it's still one far away from their dad, and only you know how they'll be affected by that. If you can live with that, that's your call.

But all parents are responsible for thei well being and care of their children.
Do you not believe a father has the title lone parent too I. Separated couples too?

There will always be those(both male and female) that shirk that responsibility and there will alwAys be those who prevent (maybe with reason and maybe without) the other patent from being fully involved. Ghat is reality with a thousand grey areas in between.

I do not believe Anyone should sacrifice their hopes and dreams either but there is always a compermise, the OPcould explore other options, there are bound to be some that will still allow dreams to be realised. And if the move is the only way and she goes ahead she will know every avenue was explored.