Would you/did you move away?

[LadyKopperberg]

I am considering a move, 4 hours drive away from here where the kids dad is. At the moment he has them every other weekend and alternate Wednesdays. I want to move because:

1: I live in a town that is full of drugs and drinking. It's quite a racist town, doesn't like outsiders. It has very few opportunities and I want to live somewhere where I can give the kids better opportunities.

1. I am currently studying. When I finish, work in my chosen path is extremely limited in this town. I am hoping to have a good career to help support my 4dc as they grow older.

1. My DP would have better work options. He would also be 4 hours closer to his daughter so when he moves in with myself and dc, it will mean he can maintain regular contact with his dd easier than he could here.

But moving would mean the kid wouldn't see their dad Barr holidays and possibly when there are long weekends.

Wwyd?

There is just no life where I am now.

*Firstly you may no longer be a couple but you are still a father so let me just say then you are a mug. If you are prepared to abdicateor parental responsibility and decisions to your ex. That you blindly think that one parent should make all decisions for the child while the other sits by.

She could move them the Canada - a wonderful place to bring up children and I am certain I could think up many legitamate and benificail reasons for the move benign neccessary*

I said no such thing though.

And Canada is not 200 miles is it so please stop dramatising the reality of our situation. That sort of scenario is what PSO are designed for.

Oh right so if it was a bit or a lot too far for you - suddenly your belief that as your no longer a couple you don't get involved in her business changes to you going to court for a PSO. Maybe the OP ex will be inclined to think 200 miles is 200 miles too far and be inspired to get a PSO in the case. I sure hope so.

Oh and do not belive that because some people have experienced no deter mental effects or any they ar prepared to admit to does not mean OP children will fare as luckily

*FYI -I didn't abdicate him of responsibilities. I have pursued it through the courts and CSA.

Not blind at all - it's a considered action for the benefit of my DC. The easy option would be to remove myself to another location and cut him out altogether. No harm (in fact ..gain) for me

There are plenty of 'poor' parents out there. I think social services would agree that leaving a child with a parent who doesn't measure up to a certain standard is far far better than removing them.

But that's not really going to matter to you is it? You will fit your story to meet your needs. Not those of the children involved here*

If you've pursued through court and the CSA you must have been doing it for many years, and your ex will have repeatedly evaded. Hardly a good example..

Fit my story? Prey tell how i've done that?

My partners ex wife did what you are planning. Upped sticks and moved DC 4 hours away.

The judge had her in court 5 days later and ordered that the DC live in the county they were removed from and attend the school she had taken them out of. She had to move in with her mother and the kids and vacate the house she'd just bought and moved into the previous week.

The ensuing court battles were harmful to everyone involved.

It's not just Canada 'type' moves that cause legal issues.

I guess there are 2 issues: legal and moral. Legally he may have no PR in which case you can do what you like. Morally you won't ever accept that preventing contact and a relationship is what you are doing and is wrong.

Oh and legal advice I have been privy to suggests that any thing less than 1 hour travel time is not worth trying to prevent through court but anything greater means there is a very good chance a PSo will be rewarded

*Oh right so if it was a bit or a lot too far for you - suddenly your belief that as your no longer a couple you don't get involved in her business changes to you going to court for a PSO. Maybe the OP ex will be inclined to think 200 miles is 200 miles too far and be inspired to get a PSO in the case. I sure hope so.

Oh and do not belive that because some people have experienced no deter mental effects or any they ar prepared to admit to does not mean OP children will fare as luckily*

Dear me, so there shouldn't be a distinction between moving 200 miles and moving across the atlantic? Seriously?

Maybe he would, but i'd like to see it being successful. Because it wouldn't be.

Oh dear Sparks

Are you a controlling type by any chance?

Have you got the whole evening free to type out repeatedly
I am right
I am right
I am right

Just because you say it does not mean you are!

Toothbrush really. Get a grip. It not removing a relationship or stopping contact if the alternate weekends can be sorted via train travel etc then it would be the two Wednesday's a month that doesn't happen which an easily be made up for in holidays from school, extra time with their father. The speculation and assumptions on this thread are unreal!

*My partners ex wife did what you are planning. Upped sticks and moved DC 4 hours away.

The judge had her in court 5 days later and ordered that the DC live in the county they were removed from and attend the school she had taken them out of. She had to move in with her mother and the kids and vacate the house she'd just bought and moved into the previous week.

The ensuing court battles were harmful to everyone involved.

It's not just Canada 'type' moves that cause legal issues.

I guess there are 2 issues: legal and moral. Legally he may have no PR in which case you can do what you like. Morally you won't ever accept that preventing contact and a relationship is what you are doing and is wrong*

In which case a contact order may well have been breached. And the case law suggests that as long as the reasons can be proven as legitimate any PSO will be refused.

I give up. There is no prevention of contact or a relationship.

Yes proven to be legitimate.....

1. A town full of drink and drugs... Can this be proven ? One poster who lives there has disagreed today

1. Currently studying and looking for a better job that is only possible 4 hrs away..... Will intensive job searches prove this to be true? Studying only just starting and a long way of completion till new job is viable. Job market could well change in this time. Op is Aldo going to be commuting 8 hrs a day to continue her newly started this week course. Crazy by any circumstances and who is caring for children during this commute.

1. Not really of a concern of court when deciding the best outcome for the children

*Oh dear Sparks

Are you a controlling type by any chance?

Have you got the whole evening free to type out repeatedly
I am right
I am right
I am right

Just because you say it does not mean you are!*

Um, no. But the inferred mark on my character is duly noted...

late, get with the program. This move is for a years time, when I am finished my course currently. Not during. As for a pso, my solicitor will advise me on that, not a wannabe one.

I quote your original post OP 'But moving would mean the kid wouldn't see their dad Barr holidays and possibly when there are long weekends.' which sounds a bit different to it would be losing 2 Wednesdays a month.

It's like a tag team with you two isn't it?

Nothing is going to make you admit anything but I'm pretty sure you know some good points have been made. I hope it makes you think enough to make huge efforts to rectify the damage once you have carried this through. Good night

Post on page 3 at 7.58 you state that you are planning to remain in college during the week so could share the journeys with him.

Yes my OP based on a move that I stated as 'consideing' as in an idea, not happening next week! I have taken some from this thread actually such as the train travel which would be doable with weekends free when I take up the second part of my course in edinburgh. What I have ignored is the pure speculation that my kids are going to be miserable and damaged by a move and the blatant dramatisation. Good night.

And when you solicitor gives you advise yup don't want you are free to sack him/ her till you find one who will agree with you for a fee and tell you what travesty it is if you lose

Yes late, when I finish my year long course here that I just started, then there will be the more and once settled, start the next course (HND) in Edinburgh. Not commute to Inverness

I only read what you wrote lady

Are you male Late?

Have seen a few threads over the years asking the same question as the OP, and they always end up in huge disagreements.

FWIW i moved DS2 away from his father (was 4 years old at the time) just under 4 hours drive away, this was against his fathers wishes, but with the 'blessing' of The Family Courts - We negotiated a new contact order to take the distance into consideration. I have to say 10 years later, and his relationship with his dad survived perfectly. Absolutely no damage was caused as Toothbrush suggests.

Contact is not ending, its simply changing, in our case ending up as during each school holiday (including half term), there are phones etc for regular chats, and at the end of the day they're not moving to Australia.

IMO there are many factors to take into consideration when doing the best for our DC - The mental and physical health of the resident parent, their surroundings, financial stability, and a happy school life are just some.. Yes weekly contact with the NRP is important, but so are the others, seems like the OP (and her DP) are considering every factor involved, and have the DCs welfare as top priority.

They're not cutting off contact or reducing it with dad, just suggesting it comes in regular further apart but bigger chunks.

LadyK and Sparks Good Luck!

Are you male lady?

Is my gender relevant?

Jelly, when was you court case by interest?

On order for contact to remain the same, the children would need to continue to spend every other weekend with father, half holidays and an additional 26 days. Could you facilitate this OP?

A male good friend who is a top dad (saw kids in his lunchtime, took them to school/nursery never missed an access visit) has seen his kids move 12000 miles away, as soon as they divorced his exwife remarried the OM and then went to court for removal. Her new husband has a career with flexibility as to his location in the world, my friend does not. In the end though it came down to the mental health of his exwife which would be negatively impacted if she had to stay in her current location (even though male friend had moved to the current location as that's where she wanted to live). He will now see the children 3 or 4 times a year.

I put this because his position as a dad was so much better than your exH's on paper and the impact of this outcome for the children (and him) so much worse. In court she indicated which schools they'd be going to, what positives it would bring to the dcs lives etc. And I can see exactly why you would want to remove them from the very strong influences of drugs and dead-end prospects.

I would never move them so far away there would be no contact Olympic. I feel sorry for your friend.

Talking mental health, it can be very easily proved that my mental health is and will remain affected by staying here, complete with doctors and counsellors letters to back that up. That however is extremely personal and I won't be sharing the hows and whys.