Would you/did you move away?

[LadyKopperberg]

I am considering a move, 4 hours drive away from here where the kids dad is. At the moment he has them every other weekend and alternate Wednesdays. I want to move because:

1: I live in a town that is full of drugs and drinking. It's quite a racist town, doesn't like outsiders. It has very few opportunities and I want to live somewhere where I can give the kids better opportunities.

1. I am currently studying. When I finish, work in my chosen path is extremely limited in this town. I am hoping to have a good career to help support my 4dc as they grow older.

1. My DP would have better work options. He would also be 4 hours closer to his daughter so when he moves in with myself and dc, it will mean he can maintain regular contact with his dd easier than he could here.

But moving would mean the kid wouldn't see their dad Barr holidays and possibly when there are long weekends.

Wwyd?

There is just no life where I am now.

Actually as I am on legal aid for our divorce I will discuss my legal standing and possible move with my solicitor. It will be good to know what I could be faced with, thank you.

If courts go in his favour, will you reconsider your plans or move and see your children holidays and possibly long weekends?

Actually a degree in computing that you have not yet completed, started or currently have the qualifications to begin could potentially be useful anywhere. With Internet access you could potentially gain qualifications and employment that could be done via Internet from anywhere in the world including the highlAnds of Scotland

I would see them weekends and holidays late. My ex and I have four kids together, we were both a part of that. One of us has to provide them with a better future and it's not going to be him.

Have you tried studying for a degree with no child care funding and four children late? I haven't but I imagine it would be seriously difficult.

What???isn't your whole plan to get a degree?? One of your reasons to move is to gain better employment after your degree in computers. I thought you were doing this course then an hnd, then your degree.

Yes I am. I presumed you meant distance learning as in from home? Not practical with four kids to care for and no hope in hell of any funding to have time for the no doubt hours of study I would need to put in.

Without being rude, I am off for the night. I have had a full on day starting at half six with breakfast clubs, nurseries, first day of college, picking them all up, feeding them, housework and getting them all into bed. Glass of wine in hand and the tv awaits.

Are you near Banff? If so, I totally understand why you need to move.

If its that bad where you are and you think it's a better life for your Dc then go for it.

if you feel it would give you and your family a better life why not.why should you stay somewhere you don't want to be.just because you'd be 4 hours away doesn't mean your dc's wouldn't still have contact with their father.its not the other end of the world you'd be moving to.would he not consider moving and making a new and better life for himself and be nearer his dc's.

Imogen can I just say thank you. I am not exaggerating about Inverness it is a miserable place to live. It really is. Hand on heart all the people in my life, they aren't happy. Half get by using drink as a prop and the others are worn down with just being here, so little to do, so heavily controlled by the church. We have a midnight curfew! For adults! Quite simply because the majority drink themselves to stupidity. All I want is more for my kids. And yes, more for me too. I will research Edinburgh very carefully, I promise you that.

This thread is so drip feedish there is no point commenting, I think. Give it two pages and Ops x (or STBX??) will be a murderer. So in answer to the OP, just no and no, I think it wrong.

No it's not a crime, it just makes it difficult to reply in good faith when the x/STBX in question becomes apparently scummier in direct proportion to the amount of posters saying they didn't and wouldnt do this.

4 hours isn't that far, as long as the father is in agreement (which I am really not sure he is?). My dad worked away for months at a time and it never once affected our relationship.

I'm actually more surprised about Inverness - I have only been there twice (and only for a few hours in both cases) but I thought it was a lovely place

I did Lands End to John O'Groats and I'd pick Inverness over Penzance any day of the week!! In fact, in Penzance, I saw a young couple opening drinking(and clearly drunk) at a bus stop (from a 2L bottle of cider) with a young baby in a buggy (I actually posted about that on here and I regret not reporting them)...

My point being, there are good and bad places in every city, but sometimes it's easier to make a change when you change physical location too.

There are good train links between Edinburgh to Inverness, so it could be possible that you and your Ex could share the train journey and they could see their dad in Inverness?

Four hours is a lot further away than I'd want my children to be removed to live with another family. It's half a days drive, so a weekend with them is going to be significantly curtailed.

Oh come off it original. It's amazing how quick people can be on here to moan about drip feeding when other folk join in to disagree with their opinion. Anything I have 'drip fed' I have been asked about, do you expect me to ignore questions?

Train journeys would certainly be doable. I would be looking to remain in college during the week so there is no reason I can't share the journeys with him and I would also pay for it with some of the maintenance he gives me for the kids.

Inverness is beautiful to look at, I will give you that. And I do think that the more older generation that retire here are happy. My closest and dearest friend moved back here from Aberdeen and can't stand it either. Another friend who is pregnant is determined to move for similar reasons to mine. Yes it's not all bad, but it stands to reason that moving from what is barely a city to a capital, opens up a lot more opportunity.

It's not another family, it's MY family original. DP's children, he would be visiting them, they aren't going to be living with us. Just like my kids would be visiting their father. Anyways off to college and I am not returning to this thread. I have heard from people who did it and had opinions from others who didn't and wouldn't. As said thanks to all for replying.

Not sure if you will see this, OP, but I just wanted to say that it IS doable.

My dad worked away (once for 13 months) and it's never affected by relationship.
My DH only saw his elder kids EOW (and actually, a 4 hour drive - Manchester to London) and it IS doable. (They are older now, and independant so come when THEY want to but safe to say my DH and I have good relationships with them.

The point (IMHO) is you are moving to provide a better life / outlook for you and your children. That is to be commended. ANd actually, looking back on it... there WERE a lot of pubs in Inverness. I didn't think about it before, but there were loads. I remember feeling spoilt for choice when we were looking for somewhere to eat!!

Hope it works out for you.

The children, your partner and you, may be your family but the children's family includes their dad. I am sure 4 hours isn't far to you when your kids are with you but it would seam a lot further if you were 4 hours from them.
I think you will end up dropping out of college if you have an 8 hour round trip each time you go too.

Just think about reality of the father trying to attend school events such as sports day, parents evening etc.

Go. The children are old enough to cope with seeing their father for longer periods less often. I'm not entirely familiar with Scottish school terms bit if half terms are still every 6 weeks, and maybe a long weekend in the middle of that it shouldn't disrupt school. And 4 hours doesn't seem as long when the visit is longer.

As a person who grew up living at a fair distance from my dad, go.

Oh and your partners family includes his kids so they could potentially live with you at any time. Imagine that his kids choose to live with their dad and you and your kids choose to live with their dad when their a bit older. How would you feel about that