Would you/did you move away?

[LadyKopperberg]

I am considering a move, 4 hours drive away from here where the kids dad is. At the moment he has them every other weekend and alternate Wednesdays. I want to move because:

1: I live in a town that is full of drugs and drinking. It's quite a racist town, doesn't like outsiders. It has very few opportunities and I want to live somewhere where I can give the kids better opportunities.

1. I am currently studying. When I finish, work in my chosen path is extremely limited in this town. I am hoping to have a good career to help support my 4dc as they grow older.

1. My DP would have better work options. He would also be 4 hours closer to his daughter so when he moves in with myself and dc, it will mean he can maintain regular contact with his dd easier than he could here.

But moving would mean the kid wouldn't see their dad Barr holidays and possibly when there are long weekends.

Wwyd?

There is just no life where I am now.

I wonder what happens if one parents mental health is effected by not moving and the others would be by the move?

That would take evidence I would suspect Late. Not jus words. I can prove beyond doubt my mental health is affected with being in Inverness and have the history to go with that.

Late When we moved 10 years ago, from England to Wales, yep a long time ago i know.. but read Olympics' post above too.

I also know of someone who moved a couple of years ago and it went through the family court system without being stopped.

It probably depends on the judge and where you are, but not impossible from what i've seen in RL and read on previous threads.

Let's hope his mental health isn't destroyed by his children being taken away or most importantly let's hope it doesn't destroy any of the children's mental health. Difficult to prove it will before it happens but too late afterwards

His mental health was not considered as important as hers. The children's mental well-being was not given much or any weight afair. He flies to help them settle into their new school/see the school for himself, about November time and then doesn't see them until Easter. Although the exW said they would Skype every day he knows what the realities of that will be with young children and time zone differences.

Would your ExP consider moving as well or has he got deep roots where he is?

Late Surely the mental health of the RP and the DC are paramount, rather then the NRPs?

olympics post says it was detrimental to the father and children so hardly a court success story.

Can I just state that the mental health aspect was not listed as a reason for moving in the OP or mentioned until now as a thread was started regarding that sole reason alone under a name change and because that is purely about the benefit of a move to myself, this is about the children.

I won't know until I talk to him about this Olympic. Which I will be doing nearer the time once it's a definite possibility regarding housing schools possible contacts that can be offered and assistance with that etc. I say he definitely wouldn't but I suppose I can't say that for sure.

Of yes the NRP is not relevant. The children won't be effected if that parent deteriates, the children need 2 parents. And I said most importantly the children's mental health,

So the move to Edinburgh is planned for a year's time? How do your kids feel about you moving to Inverness, Sparks1? Or are you not moving for a year? How do they feel about you moving to Edinburgh in a year, for that matter?

OP, let's clarify. How much contact are you willing to facilitate/pay for when you move?

And does your b/f often feel the need to take over and speak for you in situations that become a little challenging?

Such a shame.

So many DCs miss out on having a Dad around - and it's clear from this thread that not all of them are the deadbeats who don't want to know, despite what many on the LP board have you believe.

I don't understand why some mums are quite happy to exclude their DCs dads from the everyday things like school plays, football matches, first day at school and so on, when it can be avoided - I can only assume that their own Dad didn't play a positive role in their lives - otherwise they wouldn't need to have proved to them how important having a dad is to a child

Bollocks do your medical records say all your problems are down to living in Inverness.

NDM, this is in the LP board! Don't make out many who frequent this board are making things up, really, don't.

I can tell you stories about DS1s dad to make your hair curl..

..and don't be so patronizing about some mums 'being happy to exclude their DCs dads..' Where, who??

In an ideal world every dad would give a shit about their kids in the first place and we'd all live happily ever after, sadly that isn't the case, you have no idea how much that hurts.. It certainly doesn't need to be proved to us how much a loving caring dad counts, but the vast majority us sadly don't have that choice for our DC, and thats not our decision.

I find your post highly offensive and naive, especially here.

The LP section is supposed to offer support and advice to struggling LPs who want the best for their kids, not to accuse us of lying and certainly not to patronize us, thank you very much.

I was brought up by my dad NDM.

The original, and how the fuck would you know that? Magic ball again? That thread was under an NC due to its extremely personal nature. And yes, the reasons behind the counselling etc are very closely linked to Inverness and who inhabits it.

NDM taking in my dp's assistance and using trains with CSA for maintenance, the same alternate weekends and whatever he wants of the holidays. And stbxh could have come along to the sports days in the summer or the kids nativity shows last Christmas past. But he didn't.

Jelly after the move do you not think it impacted at all the distance? How was the father able to attend sports days, plays, parents evenings? Did he need reduce his hours to enable school pick ups etc.

Would you have found it hard if the children had stayed with the dad and you had his contact with them? Do you think there would have been any imp t if you had been the parent living that distance?

Lady it's bad that he didn't come to the last lot but it's going to even less likely he will be involved in future if the distance increases.

Moving isn't going to magic all your problems away you know. People-inhabiting other towns and other towns can bring the same or different problems.

And does your b/f often feel the need to take over and speak for you in situations that become a little challenging?

I beg your actual pardon?

We have both posted on MN for a very long time as separate entities and will continue to do so.

What a condescending and quite frankly insulting comment.

I felt the the need to comment as i'd never seen before such judgemental and morally inconsistent crap.

Be interesting if the two of you have a kid and you decide you can only be happy in Norwich or something. Can't see the controlling new fellow being cool with that.

Medical records simply do not say 'this woman is depressed due to living in Inverness and would be fine elmsewhere'.

Yes original I thought the same. And how activities they once enjoyed together will then be her reasons why he is not fit to care for children

Bollocks do your medical records say all your problems are down to living in Inverness

Was that claimed? Whatever agenda you're pushing it isn't based on accuracy that's for sure...

Post 21.11

Read that sparks as that is where comments stem from

That was what it sounded like to me!

I dunno, why ask if you have no interest in the answer and are going to get new bloke to come and take over for you? You both sound fairly dire to be honest: best of british!

*Be interesting if the two of you have a kid and you decide you can only be happy in Norwich or something. Can't see the controlling new fellow being cool with that.

Medical records simply do not say 'this woman is depressed due to living in Inverness and would be fine elmsewhere*

What controlling new fellow exactly?!

And for shits sake, if you are going to copy every single thing, learn to bloody do bold!