The sofa Vs The bookshelf

[NOmeansNO]

the thread for those in a relation. or not really wanting one as they enjoy the single life too much.

Gah to relaxing....no chance!

Yes manhadling is part of the job description plus jeeves has to wear a little black bow tie, and not a lot else

my butler suddenly changed appearance in my head, i previously was thinking of the "sneaky sneaky" butler from mr Deeds!

i now imagine a chippendale style.
MrsT - you are putting me to shame. i might send a box. but he's only just coming to the end of his first month by time he gets one. he cant be missing things that much yet.

Betty get the wine out

dtm you put your feet up lady or i will get strict!{stern emoticon}
how are you doing?is all well with you & baby?
when are you taking your leave from?
how is dp doing?
nmn tapas sounds lovely...count me in[wishful thinking]
imo LOTS of bread,cured meats,fish ie squid,prawns,languostine etc etc

you'd be surprised nmn - althou to be fair if I didn't send boxes i'd feel guilty about DP sending money home for the 'baby' (sure the baby won't mind if I allow myself £30 of it to have a new hair do & some highlights. :o)

ooh just won £60 odd quid as well - YAY! deffo time for a new hair do!

and yes chippendales is more what I was thinking. or Jason streatham - would settle for him covered in baby oil wearing nout but a bow. oh I say.

sorry but ewww squid! ewww. lol. ah am ok thanks, sat with me feet up - prob is goin to sleep. baby's fine thou having a parrrrtay in my tummy from about half 8 thou until I go to bed.

leaves from the 8th august when he comes home (yay) have a week before off with DS & MIL (the joy 4 days with DP's mum without him)

how's you anyhow?

asbm - oh i like calamari! not so keen on the squid which has the legs still attached. langoustine.. yum with spicy chilli dip i think.

MrsT- dont envy the 4 days with MIL - what she like, have you met her for a decent length visit before?

how did you win £60

lovely battered with lots of dipping sauces!
sorry to make you feel bleurgh dtm
are you having particular bleurgh foods atm?
and yy cooked properly in a salad,tis one of my treats when i get the chance to visit cornwall,that and cornish crab
trust me i can't do raw oysters despite what you might may think of me!!

oh yum yum at crab.

been ages since i've had any crab.

awww no not that can't stand any shell fish - poor DP really misses it i'm sure, DS will have a bit of salmon or cod with him but can't stand anything that's not battered from the chip shop.

NMN - she fussed big time, like a real mother hen, I spent 4 days (was v poorly thou) with them at xmas and had the odd day out when she's come down, I do find her a little over whelming tbh althou as I keep saying to DP & he throws back - 'let her fuss it's only a few days' - backfired first time he said that! :o would be alright if he was here - I could escape to me mums/nans for a few hours to get some peace lol.

what is this some kind of foodie thread?
good idea nmn
I'm on the bookshelf, of course, though I prefer to call it the barstool
def no dfs for me ...I'd settle for something high end and uncomfortable though, Heals? not much left round here in my budget age bracket lol
was hoping to go away this week, childfree, but skint, so having a clear out. Had just got to the stage yesterday where things look a lot, lot worse and a lovely work colleague (think elegant, tidy) called round with more bags of Stuff ... me in old joggers with cobwebs in my hair.
off for lunch later though, and have some shopping scheduled. And I have just finished writing a novel so am going to send that off, it's my version of the lottery, or Plan B - we can but hope. Still on a waiting list for teacher training, so that has to be Plan A.
davidt you sound radiant! and v happy

I told you I was rubbish at chat threads!

When DS was about eleven months we went to a bar in the Isle of Wight which served tapas, and a friend and I decided to be brave and order the octopus in the end nobody touched it but DS went mad for it - it made some great photos :)

What happened with bf was that a few days before he was roughousing with DS and a bit later I commented that I would find it really sexy if he would do that with me in kind of a playfighting way. I could never do playfighting with XP because he wouldn't let me fight properly and just end up hurting me. Then I completely forgot that I'd said this, so when he came over that time he started to initiate a play-fight kind of thing, except I didn't see it like that at all, it just felt like he was asserting his strength over me. I got quite upset at this point because I know my boundaries have been a bit skewed, and my reference point has always been "What would mumsnet say if I posted this?" and I just thought whoa - holding me down and hitting me (even if not hard enough to hurt) is really really bad. I'm going to have to end this, aren't I? And then was completely gutted because I really think we have something special.

So then he was getting ready to go and I was agonising over whether I should say anything and I just started crying, and so then we sat down and had a long talk, he was mortified and really upset that he had upset me, some other things came up too that I'd been bothered about but not wanted to say and it just came up that I have still been a bit unsure about normal boundaries in a relationship. He did ask if I wanted him to stay away for a bit so that I could have some space to think but I said no, I just wanted to know if it was ok if my boundaries were different from his (which he said of course and I felt silly :)) and just agreed that we would talk things through asap if either of us had a problem.

And then we went out for a cigarette (even though I'd stopped ) and we talked about the actual playfighting thing and I said I didn't want him not to, just that if he did then he needed to give me an equal chance, and I also agreed not to be scared to fight back and we even made a 'safe word' But I felt so much better for talking it all through. And he texted the next day saying he'd worked out that the reason he took a more aggressive stance than I was expecting was because he was used to playfighting with his dogs and his nephews, where the idea is "assert your strength" and he just didn't really think or maybe just assumed that was what I wanted. But he apologised again and said he worried all night about how upset I was. And I told him not to worry and that I felt better about talking things through now. So things are good :)

awww bless you bottie, he does sound a loevly chap though taking things on board - maybe for now play fighting should be done in a way that you feel totally in control (ie you winning & him underneath being submissive? :o) I've never liked the sort of play fighting where I feel pushed or backed into a corner/held down. However i'm glad you've had a good clear out of the air.

ninah - food, S&B hell we don't care. lol. as long as involves the odd mention of a random naked blokey we can ogle then all is good - talking of which i'll go on the hunt for a jeeves picture I think. . ooh good luck on the noval, that sounds really good - has it taken you long to write it?

changed my name today via deed poll - does anyone know if they trigger all of the official agencies/credit refs etc or do I need to do this?

our tapas bar with stools option one or option 2 cover your eyes

Actually I saw a tapas bar recommended on here the other day which is near here. I might see if bf wants to go at some point :) You're right DTM, he is very thoughtful, he's not particularly good at picking up on subtle signs that I'm upset (had to work on my tendency to hide being upset as well) but once he has noticed and we have a talk about something then he really thinks it over. It's nice, really makes me feel listened to, which is something I've never had before in a relationship. Which sounds awful but I think maybe bf & I are more 'in tune' than anyone I've been out with before. When we talk about serious subjects it's like talking to my mum (in the sense of the support and listening), when we argue it's like fighting with my sister. And I'm really close to both of them so it's just easy and feels right. I'm being soppy now...

dt-Ist option definately omg to the 2nd pic!

bertie-he sounds like a keeper :)

I'm just taking a quick break from the de-cluttering. Trying to get it all done before wed as my mate has invited us to her dads caravan in sunny blackpool lol so will hopefully going until sat.

I am actually enjoying being back on the bookshelf, I find I'm far more motivated when Im single and only have myself and dd's to think about. The only thing I miss is having someone to go out with, and the ahem obvious lol but I dont even really miss that all that much!

:) awww bertie bless you, no indeed it's good isn't it when you meet someone like that you totally click with - prob why i'm missing DP so much tbh we have our own little bubble that no one else gets/is invited into esp when out - prob seems rude - but hey. good on ya thou. how long have you been together?

betty - ah remember there's always bob! we like BOB remember lol. it's not the action I miss it's just the fact there's no one about for me to manhandle (read that as things we'd consider being totally rude & out of order by a bloke peice of meat -- I do to DP & he doesn't mind. :))

Six months today :) he's coming over this evening so I'm hoping DS will sleep tonight. I have a lovely romantic dinner frozen chinese food from iceland. Should be illegal to shop when hungry. planned and a bottle of our favourite wine handily on offer in sainsbo's (Well I'm on a budget here!) and when I was having a moan yesterday saying I hope DS sleeps tonight he said hey, if he doesn't, we'll just get fish and chips and we can all share. And then we'll have a bath together when he does eventually sleep.

Betty that sounds exactly how I felt when I was single. Probably why I don't want to move in with mine any time soon... I think it's a really positive thing though. It's so nice to have that space, and if you do meet someone it makes you a lot more picky I think - they have to be something special for you to risk breaking that bubble you have with just you and your Dcs.

DTM is your DP in the forces?

:) a deffo keeper if he's good with F&C out of the paper & DS there as well. have a nice night

yep he is - army. (well navy wannabe i'm sure hehehe.)

bertie - hey, crossing into doing things like playfighting take a little while to get the balance right. but he is communicating well, so you should find something that gives you both enjoyment hopefully. I have a friend who is heavily into s+m, they are such a sweet couple. but some of the things they do makes me go .. and i am not easy to shock. but they have been together many years now. and it seems it is all down to communication.

MrsT - you sound more chipper

betty - me too. i am honest enough to admit i really enjoy the selfishness of being single and not having to run it by someone when you want to do something. I wonder if it is actually possible ot have a relationship these days with all the technology whereby you dont feel the need to text /call and update your whereabout... and you get to go home in the evening and just have a chat about how your day went.

i dont think it is. So i dont want one anymore. ahahah

ninah -

i still haven't decided whats happening for tapas yet. but i better hurry. need to start marinading on friday, so better pic recipes tomorrow.

Hmm, I think it's quite unusual to be texting/calling your partner constantly to update them on what you are doing. I know a friend of mine feels like she has to do this and it's literally "Hey we're just going shopping for a bit." "Hey we've decided to take the kids to the park." "Hey, I'm going to Bertie's house and then coming home. Love you xxx" - but then he is really controlling so probably not a normal situation.

I think if you live together and there are childcare responsibilities etc it's polite to let the other know when you'll be home though. And check if you want to stay out a bit longer, just in case things are going wrong at home.

maybe i have just been with demanding partners who want to be kept informed too much.

i am off to do my tapas thingy preperation tonight. gotta start marinating and making pastry, etc.

what you ladies up to tonight?

Well one thing I learned from mumsnet is that all people are different - for every laid back person like you or me who doesn't want to be in contact unless strictly necessary (with maybe a very occasional spontaneous I love you text ), there will be another who likes constant texting and is reassured by it. So it follows that men are like that too! :)

Hopefully DS is going to bed in a minute and I'm getting on with my essays. And putting the Dixie Chicks on far too loudly. Oh cowboy taaaaaaaaake me awaaaaaaaay.......

urgh.. i managed to lock myself out of the house tonight.

marinating all done. think i will begin on marinating my liver. I should really just think about going to bed.

well ref the tetign thing, I think DP & i are as bad as each other - initially he was constant - not in a bad way - just sort of a high wahtcha doing, or god i'm bored or what's for tea sort of a thing, never sort of a who are you with and what are you doing. we did quite a bit of texting prior to actually talking, but we've always been the sort who would talk for an hour or more a night after a day of texting each other & then more texts after. btu likewise if one's busy the other's not constantly bugging them. so might be the odd one when out of hoping your having fun, or is it busy in town or something but that's all.

NMN - did you get in in the end?

bertie - how did you get on wit the writing?

have managed to hear from DP pretty much every day this week on the text & he's rung 3 times as well. so has been a good week - mostly pops up with a text when i'm thinking about stamping my foot & shouting it's not fair but it's all good - besides if he's home too early it means we won't have saved enough money for me to have a new TV as well as a new sofa upon his return so the bugger has to stay out there :o good news though is hopefully (fingers crossed) he may well be back a week or so early - I know it's not a lot but when he went out 3 weeks early it is - plus i'd rather he went out earlier & be home earlier so deffo home for clydies arrival.

anyhow had better get to town I guess - the joys of opening a new bank account - apparently there's a rewards site that seems fit to take £40 from my account which i'm mightly pissed off about so old card cancelled, a charge back on it's way & a new account being set up for me.

DTM actually now you mention it we do quite often have text conversations even if we've just spent the whole day together - usually when he's at work in the middle of the night. And then I wonder why I'm tired... TBH though it has tailed off a bit. When we first got together we'd see or speak to each other every single day and if we went 4 days without being able to see each other we were both going crazy! Now I am lucky to see him once a week, just clashing with work/sleep/schedules etc, and we don't seem to talk as much on msn either. I'd like to see him a bit more though because it makes me feel a bit under pressure to make the time we spend together special or worth it rather than just relaxing. I ended up crying on him again on Monday because I'm just so exhausted at the moment and wanted to sleep but wanted to spend time with him as well and just all a bit overwhelmed with things to do constantly.

Didn't do much writing. Collected some links to use for referencing. I just need to jump into it, it's getting started which is the hard part. Once I get going it seems to flow - and on a subject I'm interested in (both of them are) so that helps a lot. I just keep being distracted with my research!