The sofa Vs The bookshelf

[NOmeansNO]

the thread for those in a relation. or not really wanting one as they enjoy the single life too much.

oh - and i want to know the donkey story please

Hi everybody, Ninah I've pm'd you on here re nmn fb.

Had a great day with Celtic yesterday, I'm going for a power nap

Hi, this is where you are hiding.

Will have a read when I get chance. My laptop is getting repaired and don't sit at PC much.

I'm actually going on a night out with a gf tonight. Will be late one as it will be late when she shows up. Been invited to a party tomorrow afternoon/eve. Going to drive, maybe take DD (will be people her age there) then decide about 8 whether to drive back or sleep in a tent (will have a bottle of wine hidden in the car just in case). Feel too old to be up all night at parties but need to keep my options open.

nina-I dont think Ive got you on fb either so when nmn adds you i will find you or monty can pm me who you are on hers

nmn-sounds like you are having fun with 2 men on the go lol

dt-hows ds's sleeping now, must be tough. Ive been lucky that neither mine have been bad sleepers although i do remember them going through phases. DD2 went through one a while back where she would constanly come down straight after being put to bed to tell me she couldnt sleep or had a bad dream, 2 mins after she went to bed! I'm quite strict i think tho and dont take them on (mean mummy lol)

adams-hope you have a lovely time tonight, and tommorow! Love the idea of taking the tent and a bottle of wine just in case

Exh said he might be home end of may yipee that means i might get some weekends off, so I might feel like going on some dates then still chatting to people, there is one person who I think mmmm, but he's very sporadic with messages and said its because he doesnt have internet at home, but cinical me thinks

NMN how did it go with Mr Depp?

Adams - sounds fun, have a good one.

Betty - Woohoo on exh getting back.

DTM - how many weeks are you now?

Flip - Hi!

betty - he may well not have internet at home. alot of people find their iphones so good these days and have a pc at work that they dont bother with pc at home. i have 4 friends i can think of who dont own pc anymore due to iphones.

i think now you actually have some free time in sight you will be more proactive in meeting people. simply as it will be good to use your free time to actually get out. we know your stuck in enough when ex is away, no point being stuck in when he has kids. see friends and the odd date!! i think you deserve that crown!

mr depp got us a takeaway. tonight i am making steak. and we plan to get ridiculously drunk. nothing happened last night. other than a wee hug on the sofa.

adams - so.... are you sleeping in a tent?

nmn-your so right there, I think i will feel more proactive about getting out and meeting people when I have some free time and dont have to rely on booking babysitters. I dont think the bloke in question has an iphone as he has said his phone is very slow, I have an iphone and the pof app is very quick an easy ive just emailed him my mobile number and said he can text me instead if he likes lol

enjoy the steak and whatever else follows lol

Argh, someone tell me I'm being paranoid. I've been feeling a bit down lately and getting myself into a state, generally thinking I was crap etc. On Tuesday I was speaking to DP on msn and I said something about how crap I was and he said "Look I'm really sorry but can you stop saying how crap you are? You've said it every day for the last week and I'm getting tired of telling you you're not because if you don't believe me by now you probably never will." Which kind of upset me but I could see he was trying to be nice. (??) Anyway when I signed off he said LOVE YOU XXX (doesn't usually use caps) but if I'm right, that was the last time he has said it to me recently, which is out of character. We don't tend to say "love you" every time we sign off but most times, we do. And it's really bothering me. On Thursday night I tried speaking to him about it on msn but I think I just made it worse and he said something about "I've seen a new side to your personality all of a sudden and I don't like it. Oh no that came out really wrong, I'm sorry." Whole thing kind of went around and around while I was all WTF? at what he was trying to say and not really understanding what it was he was objecting to, and him being really busy (he was at work) so half there, half not etc. Eventually I went to bed but then just couldn't get to sleep because I was so upset, crying everywhere, thinking what is going on? Is this a really bad sign? I texted him asking "Do you love me?" and he replied - after a few minutes, not straight away, but like I said he was busy - saying "Of course I do" so I said "Oh good I was panicking haha. I can sleep now. Love you. xx" and he replied with "Sleep well". Which upset me again. Didn't want to text back as I felt I was making everything worse/upsetting myself so I texted another friend to see if she was awake (it was 2am by this point) . She was so I rang her and she just basically calmed me down, took around an hour until I felt I could come off the phone and sleep, I just felt awful.

Then Friday I felt a lot calmer, decided to just leave DP alone for a bit, but stupidly decided to text him to say sorry for last night and that I was taking some time out so I didn't freak him out, and he said oh you didn't freak me out don't worry, but maybe you want to take some time to make you feel better? To which I replied hmm but it doesn't make me feel better, it just makes me overthink. And he didn't reply, but later said he was asleep and just woke up momentarily when I texted him first (which is also a usual thing to happen)

Anyway I've spoken to him a few times since then on msn or texting and despite me saying "love you" or putting kisses he's not doing either. He did say "lofe lofe lofe" the other day which is an in-joke thing but basically means love you. But ARGH. I'm being paranoid aren't I?? I don't know whether to mention it, should probably leave it until I see him in person really, but that could be ages. I'm just a bit paranoid about saying anything negative now since he said he didn't like hearing me say it and I can't work out whether he means God, you're so annoying talking yourself down all the time, or whether he means Hey, it upsets me when you put yourself down since I don't think you're crap/useless/whatever, and I don't know what to say so I'm going to be a bit of a dick about it. Second one seems more likely just because he is not a dick in other ways but I don't know. See I'm rambling and overanalysing again! I hate msn!

Bertie - first of calm down, :) second of I think you're probably over thinking, but likewise he's being the typical male, thirdly, I think he's genuine in he doesn't like hearing you bash yourself over the head in a serious way. forthly, he might want a little time to himself, fifthly, I think men deal with us bashing ourselves a lot differently to how we do - for example, DP doesn't think i'm high maintenance however when in a hormonal type of mood/neediness he's admitted he does find it a bit draining esp over thinking - but I think with this a key point is to recognize that's how your DP MAY be feeling - not to say he is, and leave him for a bit - I usually leave DP, then when I see him or after a day or so i'll do something extra nice, and apologise for being a nugget and basically say look I know I was being a tit, and thank you for letting me be one - he'll usually come back with something like you daft mare it doesn't matter. But these sort's of things are best said in person not MSN/text etc - this is partly why DP I very very rarely MSN - it's been maybe half a dozen times since the day we first had a coffee, so much can be taken in different ways. but for now though i'd leave him be and wait for him to come back to you when he's ready. not knowing your DP it's not easy to say if he'd appriciate this humour but when DP say's love you after a while (rare he doesn't say it often thou) - I say 'good cos a girl does like to hear these things' :o or he'll stop putting x's on texts and say it's due to me doing it by mistake so again I'll say 'what are we 5 doing you said I said' prob a bit upfront, but with DP he will laugh/realise he's being a tit. so if yours does then say that sort of think in a jokey way. but mostly I think don't worry, and DON'T PUSH HIM AWAY!!! think we all have a tenancy to do that sometimes when feeling insecure.

NMN - how was mr depp? that's 2 men for man handling now. plus he's a hotty.

betty - SIL's only just worked out how to use her phone internet properly, and they also have cancelled their net - was too expensive for them, so it maybe possible, take it at face value you'll soon know after if he's telling fibs or not. it is easier isn't it these inital dates to be done when the kids are safely away for a while. how long has X been away? DS is much the same - he's on a bribe now thou 5 nights on the trot of no fuss & he can sleep at his nanna's house. :o

monty - i'm 23+5 time is going far far too fast, but like wise i'm thinking 16 weeks till bubs arrives, but that means 14 weeks till DP is home (can't wait!, well can for bubs can't for DP) so is there anything to report with Celtic - I forget?

bertie - good luck with your assignments.

big wave to ninah/flip.

well I start my third year today - wish me luck not finished my 2nd year just yet - and have realised that I have an assignment due on my due date - so i'll have to try & get that finished up for a week before & have it sent over. Slightly worried that the exams are in October and i'll have a NB but hey ho done now, DP will have to have the afternoon/day off of work so I can cram/get over to the next town for them. am slightly scared thou EXAMS eeeek! also been spending lots of cash with mum on maternity wear (good times) however size 12 jeans fit, size 12 shorts won't go over my hips!!! - what's that all about, so ahve now depressed myself as 14's are needed. :( plus the silvery stretch marks are looking a little bigger/deeper crevises (think gorden ramsey lines.) :( still all part & parcel I guess.

Blimey it's been busy here since I was last on! Thank you fo rthe welcome to the thread.

I am the poster formerly known as Janos, if you know who that is.

I see NmN is back to her best

to everybody else - hope you are all enjoying the bank holiday weekend!

Ah flip I didnt realise it was you! :)

Bertie- I have to agree with all that dt says, I think you are over thinking it in some ways and the more you do that the more you will push dp away. obviously if you do think there are some issues you should talk to dp but better done face to face. I dont use msn anymore because I got into the habit with one man I was seeing a while of mainly talking via it and its not like a proper converstation, and in the end it drive me mad lol and texts can be just as bad as its easy to take things people say the wrong way.

dt-xh has been back at work since jan, he saw the girls a few times around xmas and was meant to be on leave until april but suprise suprise went back early again (this has happened every time since we spilt up) but he said he'd prefer to be off with them over the summer and recons he will be home until september so we'll see. He takes them camping over the summer so its easier for him as otherwise he doesnt have anywhere to take them to stay overnight other than a hotel which is obviosuly expensive. He has another new girlfriend now too and this one is in the forces too, so not sure how things will work out there. Just hope he's thought about previous actions regarding introducing women and takes his time!

Good luck with staring year 3 of your course, is it your last year? And yay to the growing bump, im sure you are looking fab!

nmn-how was the steak?

Thanks everyone. Turns out I was being paranoid (although I think there were some unconscious signs from him that he was aware on some level things weren't 100%) but then my paranoia sparked off a discussion of "this is just hard every time we get together at the moment, maybe that's just a bad sign" but then we seemed to work through it and then as DS was asleep we were just getting a bit reacquainted when my sister turned up! Oops! So he went home and I started doing my essays again and then I got a text when he got home saying he was quite relieved as he was worried I'd just given up but that he felt a lot better about us now. We have decided to take a two-week "break", not in the sense that we're going to see other people or anything, just to give me a bit of time to think about me, without worrying about him, which I wasn't sure about at first, but then by the end of it I feel secure in that he's not going anywhere in those two weeks! This is just weird for me since all my exes have been clingy and the ones that weren't tended to use the space thing as an excuse to tail things off without me noticing, so I'm a bit sensitive to it I suppose.

Sorry to not reply to others. I should really be working but felt I wanted to update quickly.

bertie - i think you really need to back off here a little. i'm gonna be blunt. msn is not good for you. and be open with that. i purposefully dont have people i am seeing on msn or facebook. simply becuase i find there is too many mediums to be looking at and i get worked up about it. i can get obsessive. i think everyone does it too. it creates insecurities. if you dont get to grips with this you might drive your dp away.

imagine in his shoes. you are at work and you are super busy, but your mind is distracted by soothing a partner and confirming if you love him. keep all these tpye of chats to face-to-face. and be strict about it. its unfair to have these convo's with a partner who is at work.

its far too easy to take these things the wrong way. and men often cant go to length via msn/text to explain how they really feel as they dont want to write an essay.

you are getting worked up about whether or not something is in caps lock and what that means. do you not see how thats a little crackers? its very trivial, yet because of msn its an issue to you. if you were talking in person. there would be no caps lock and you would not even have this issue.

is suggest you take the 2 week break an oppotunity to remove all connection and go back to good old mobile text/calls. do it as a way of saying you are taking a step back to give him space.

betty - what nickname are you giving your bloke you have given your number too who doesn't have internet. i also 2nd vote what was said about the expense of internet. i know a few people who simply cant afford it in this day an age. its not cheap if you are in an area which is in a bad exchange. for some people that £30-50 per month is difference between beans on toast or having meat

MRsT - i cant beleive how fast it is going.!! these months will fly in.

flip - ooooh its you! how are you, we still haven't managed to meet up. lol. we should try for sure. how things with you. you enjoying the bookshelf or did you meet anyone while you have been away?

mr depp.... was loverly! perfect gent. my steak went down well. we went to see a local band doing the accoustic thing. i'm gonna pop down and stay at his for couple of days next month before i fly out on holibags. i need to connect in london. so i'm gonna get a day or 2 earlier than my flight.

trying to arrange a hook up with good old beachbum, but schedules keep clashing. we've been trying to meet since i moved house . its no different from before. lol.

nmn-£30-£50 for internet really?? crikey had never realised it was more expensive in some areas, thats what I pay for internet, tv and phoneline. and yeah i do realise not all people have internet just found it odd that he kept saying sorry for mot messaging sooner and that he only had internet access at work, so I said are you working today, to which he replied no then said he had used his phone but connection was very slow. So Ive messaged him my molbile number, not had a text yet tho so we'll see.

Have been asked on a date with someone else, but am being picky and his messages were very hard work so havent replied yet! I cant afford to arrange babysitters if Im really not that keen at the mo, maybe when Ive got child free time when xh is home I will feel differently.

bertie-glad you sorted things out with dp, have to agree with nmn, stop using msn and just talk on the phone if you can cos even texts can get taken the wrong way. Its something Ive learnt the hard way, and another one who has obsessed over msn and contact, so for you own sanity tell him phone calls only from now on!

Ive been painting today, got quite a bit done and have arranged to go with a friend to the beach with the kids tomorrow so looking foward to that :)

Thanks NMN - just to clarify it was a one off and I don't usually do the overanalysing/seeking reassurance thing at all, which is why it was weird. We tend to talk on msn a lot just because we always did - when we were at school/teenagers and then later when we got back in contact. It's sort of the default mode of communication, we rarely ever speak on the phone - nobody I know does, TBH. We do sometimes speak on webcam though (although not cybersex - learnt to avoid that one ) But you are right that there are some issues with it and I'm going to watch out for them developing and step away from the non-personal communication if they are! I'm usually very very relaxed about this stuff which was why I was worried if that makes sense - because it has to be something significant to set my alarm bells going. In the end there were more signs than just the msn thing anyway, and we DID need to have a talk and I'm glad we did, because backing off without talking it through first would have been less than helpful. I just could have handled it a bit better with bringing it up in the first place etc. Yes the caps thing was silly! I didn't even notice it at the time, just when I looked back over the saved conversation.

Just had a really emotionally heavy week too. Lots of stress - essays, landlord stressing me out, sleep deprivation, I had to run two pill packs together because I missed one, so probably hormonal, ex being a drama queen, general feelings of inadequacy. I am feeling a lot calmer now which helps. Maybe I was expecting way too much from a 6 month old relationship to expose him to that, I don't know. I haven't had an "attack" that bad since I was a teenager though so I didn't really know how to deal with it. I'm seeing my doctor soon though to hopefully get some support since I am fed up of it coming up every so often.

DTM how do you deal with it if you have worries when your DP is away? Or has that not come up?

betty - i am in a "connect" area, my broadband is £27 per month on top of phone/calls. so its £30-£50 depending which phone/call package people have in this area. we have cable, but not in my house, and LL wont allow it to be installed.

bertie - you sound like you know you have to back off. i think you will be fine if you give him some space. i would perhaps tell him (next time you see him in person) that you have taken 2 packs of pill in a row. i'd say that is your main reason for pushed over the edge. hormones must be raging right now. least that way he would know it is not a regular thing.

betty - what did you paint?

nmn-been painting ceilings and skirting in bathroom and spare room (soon to be dd1's room), got a second coat to do in dd1's room and then going to wallpaper, hopefully before her new bed is delivered. they are far too cramped in one room now, soo dd1 is getting the spare room :)

bertie-yeah i bet hormones have contributed to how you are feeling!

oooh betty - i would like to learn to wallpaper one of these days. i want to see pics when you do it all

glad it's sorted bertie - tbh when DP is away I have moments as NMN will tell you - but mostly between her & my friend here in RL I have a good talking to (besides he's not going far cos I have his car still :o lol) honestly though, you just have to trust what they're saying is right, & tbh I do think NMN is right keep away from MSN and trust the man at his word, he does seem genuine enough. my problem is DP is currently in the middle of the med yet i'm not feeling the love as he's not bothered his butt to send anything for our first anniversary - however managed interflora when he was in some dark & dingy caves - ho hum thou - had better get a good treat upon his return!). besides (and NMN remind me of this when I have one of my moments) if someone's gonna walk/cheat/be a twat they will do no matter WHAT or HOW you behave, just by acting irrational it will be quicker. FWIW when he was away the first time I met him I tried to end things - as I keep being reminded (jokingly) as I was having a moment & thought it would be easier to pick up after the summer when he returned, but the stubborn git said no that wasn't going to happen gave me a bit of space I realised I was a tit and not looked back. you'll be fine, but it does sound like you have a lot of stresses going on other than this.

Also, fwiw, if DP & I don't talk for 2 days or so, and only have texts (as atm) then I do get a bit anti - sometimes a 10 minute conversation is better than non stop/constant texts. talking shows you care. :) lol. (honestly!)

betty - good luck with the man, ooh don't know about hard work emails though, surely at the email stage it should be about fun light hearted banter?

nmn - glad you had a good weekend.

guess i'd better get cracking on my new course, as have 8 on my multiple choice if in doubt press c for the old one then can wrap that up till June.

I will post pics on fb when done, although the wallpaper is just a plain one that you paint on cos it hides uneven walls. I have wallpapered other rooms tho before, Its quite easy once you know how. Dd1 has requested a red and white room as she doesnt like pink anymore aparently lol so have bought her some lovely red and white gingham bedding with hearts on, still girlie but not pink!

(oh plus a key phrase in this house is 'leave me a lone i'm having a hormonal moment') - queue being sat infront of will & grace, a bar of choc shoved in my hand and a cuppa tea with him sat in silence and or walking the dogs. warning them is good as well as they keep their head down till the storm's passed. :o

haha dtm nothing wrong with that picture!

Yes he knows about the pills since we had to use condoms for a week Sometimes though he's more in tune with my cycle than I am - he certainly was before I went on the pill, I tend to know where I am now. Not going to go back over reasons for why I overreacted to things since it feels sorted now. I'm not worried any more :) I think space is more for my benefit than his, TBH. But I'm going with it anyway, it's a new approach for me!

I probably will stick with msn as it's never been a problem before with him (although it has with exes and I totally understand what you mean). I don't usually read anything into stuff on it and always feel happy asking to clarify if I'm unsure, so it works okay for us. Plus phone is difficult as DS is at the age where if he sees me on the phone he's climbing all over me wanting his turn.

Betty - babysitters are so expensive! I'm lucky in that I have family who will babysit occasionally, but only once every couple of months and then I feel bad asking and I don't feel I can stay out too late and my mum has specifically said no more overnights until DS is sleeping through more reliably, which is a shame. I was thinking of finding one I could pay but don't really know where to start. But XP hasn't seen DS in about 5 weeks now so I'm finding the lack of childfree time hard. I hope you get more time out when XH is home :)

betty sounds nice. gingham is good for that middle ground age. getting away from girlie young stuff but not too grown up.

Oops x-posted. Thanks DTM. I don't have many friends in RL I can talk to about things because I lost a lot of friends when with XP due to him being controlling. I can call my mum but not after about 11ish, and though I'm meeting lots of new people I don't feel any of them are close enough to wail down the phone at yet. Friend I spoke to the other night was great but I was taking a leap phoning her (although she didn't mind) - and now I think I've pissed her off because she keeps sending me XP's facebook statuses over facebook message thing, and I asked her not to since I don't really want to know every single drama queen status he's putting up.

Betty that wallpaper sounds lovely :)